Intimacy disaster (possible TMI)

whitemn04

So yesterday I got the all clear from my doc (7 weeks) for all activities. I met up with my parents and a couple friends at a bar for some burgers. DH took LO home after we ate and I had a couple beers with my friends and was talking a big game to DH about doing the deed. I get home, get the baby to sleep and DH and I start getting frisky. He ends up taking the condom off because it was too numbing promising to pull out. I then keep thinking I don't want to be pregnant right now, this doesn't feel the same, I don't feel sexy, I hope he's enjoying this. Then I start to faintly hear the baby fuss. DH stops and asks what's wrong and i end up sobbing!! I'm not comfortable with this new body, felt bad baby was crying, and just don't think i was ready. Thank god DH is understanding and he just hugged me and said its ok, your body went through a lot. I feel like such a bad wife and mom. I can't please my husband and when I try I think I'm failing my crying baby because I'm doing "other"'things. Please tell me I'm not the only one!!!

KristynLee15

Oh you're not the only one sweetheart!! The first few times so and i dtd it was a little rough the first time i barely got undressed and we kept having to stop because lo started fussing. I was also soo scared it was going to hurt. Then..to make it worse so DIDNT pull out. Weve havent used any form of bc in 10 years. So i think he forgot that we have to be careful now.
It took us a few times to get the hang of it as far as timing when lo was sleeping.
Weve always been very spontaneous so its been hard to us to schedule time to be intimate.
But i will say its gotten much better. Sex is actually better for me physically that before i was pregnant. Def not emotionally though. I still hate my body and so has yet to see me with my shirt off with my saggy belly and stretch marks
At least your dh is understanding! You are by no means a bad mom or bad wife. You jist have to find a new routine.
What i found helps a little since i still hate my body, i take a few mins and actually do my makeup. Then i at least feel a little put together even if i stay in pjs.

KLHauck12

You are not alone in this! DH and I fooled around a bit before the 6 week mark but I struggled to feel sexy. But that got better with some time. But LO kept interrupting and several moments were ruined. When we actually did the deed for the first time was 6 weeks post partum but 2 days before my appointment (I ended up with the all clear) but we had our first date night. Grandma babysat at her housenwhile we went for dinner and drinks. But in between we snuck back to our house for some fun! It helped to have no baby to worry about interrupting us so we could go slow...and I was dressed up for our date so it made me feel sexier! I had a c section so the pain wasn't too much just a little discomfort at first. Now I'm waiting to get an iud put in after 8 weeks postpartum so no sex until then because you can't have unprotected sex 2 weeks before. DH pulled out but before (hates condoms for same reason as above) son don't want to take anymore chances!

jasmineluke

You are not alone at all! I feel like a different person after having the baby both physically and emotionally sometimes. Husband has been so understanding of this and we have really taking our time. Our first time was nine weeks after the baby was born! Take your time and enjoy it and remember that eventually you will come to terms with yourself physically and emotionally. You popped a living being out of your body just a few months ago!

ash4914

It was extremely uncomfortable for me. It's been 9 weeks and we've only done the deed 3 timeS-- & None of them pleasurable for me. I am so worried things will never be the same because it is so uncomfortable . Anyone else feel that way? ?

whitemn04

Pretty much! I'm scared to even try again for fear of it ending in tears again and making DH feel bad. I've had Mirena in for over a week now so maybe that will ease my mind as last time it was only a couple days. But things still feel weird. Positions that we liked before were slightly uncomfortable. Ugh I hate this alien body and not being able to keep my mind focused on my husband during that time.

Jessicajnunez

You are NOT alone! This is my second child with my DH, and our first time after my second delivery (9 weeks PP) was a bit difficult for me too. Not only was I terrified of anything going on in that area for fear of pain, my lady bits felt like the dang Sahara desert (i blame that on breastfeeding). While in motion I couldn't help but wanting to stop because of the reasons I explained above, but I pressed on because I wanted to please my DH. Immediately after the deed, I started to cry. I think with not having adequate sleep, my fears, and all around just not being ready contributed to my emotional episode. It's been two weeks since and we haven't gone for round two. I'm hoping next time it's a bit easier.

AliveaG

Seriously do not feel badly! DH & I did the deed about 1 week postpartum (42 hour vaginal delivery, 4 hours of pushing, 2 episiotomies, & tearing) so yes I still had stitches. Not our brightest or proudest moment. Things were different. It's really hard to feel sexy when you smell like a baby, your boobs leak, the baby cries, & you just don't have your body, you know. Plus it was so incredibly painful. But since then I find that sex in the shower is a little nicer, at least I know I don't smell like milk lol. Or if you could get even a little bit of time away from the baby & take a minute to do some mascara or in my case brush my hair even lol, it really helps me. It's hard being a good wife & a good mother. Fortunately most men classify being a good mother as being a good wife. My DH tells me he has never felt so attracted than when he sees me being a good mom. Maybe that's just him trying to get lucky, but I do believe it. We all went through a lot! We sacrificed our own bodies for more than just 40 weeks. & I think most of our lovelies understand that. Don't beat yourself up. You're doing just fine.