Intro: 21 week stillbirth

MrsBroughton15

My son was born stillborn on November 14th at 21+3. I seriously don't know how to handle it. Some days I'm okay, and others I just feel completely broken and defeated. My family has all been amazing supporting my husband and I through this, but I'm not sure how to move on past it. It's all I think about and I'm just sad all the time. I came back to work and that helps sometimes. I've been working and out and trying to stay busy. We're going to go see a counselor this week as well. Any other advice on how to make it through this? Thanks everyone. 

Oh yea, I'm Brigette by the way. 

thisisallyson

Oh Brigette, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I think everything you are feeling is completely normal. It is good to hear that you are trying to do what you can to heal with counseling, working out, trying to go back to work, etc. I don't really have any advice for you, but my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Remember to feel the feels - don't stuff them down. It is okay to grieve.

Hang in there, friend.

queenklau

Hi Brigette, I am so sorry to hear about your little boy. I can only imagine what you are feeling and your emotions are right on.

One piece of advice to get through it, is to talk about it, whether it is on this forum or with loved ones. I feel like it releases some of the build-up of emotions. I also learned who I should NOT talk with, I avoid those people that use cliches and have no idea what I have been through (i.e my male boss with no kids).

There really isn't one single way of coping, just try out different things and keep doing those that make you feel better. However, you will always have those days where nothing can be done and you just have to feel gloomy.

I am one month out from my second mmc and 5 months out from my firs mmc. Actually my due date is coming up and I am not sure how I am going to feel. It's a roller coaster of emotions and that's ok, don't expect to feel all better all at once.

Please take care of yourself and take it one day at a time. Time heals you.

MrsBroughton15

Thanks ladies, I really appreciate it. I'm trying to deal with it as best I can. Talking about it hurts but I know I need to. My condolences to y'all as well.

klauerinaking said:

Actually my due date is coming up and I am not sure how I am going to feel.

^^^ I wonder the same thing. Will I be sad come March (his due date was the 23rd), or on Mother's Day, or every year around the day he passed? I just hope things get better for us all.  

MrsBinPA

@MrsBroughton15 I am so sorry for your loss. Our dear friends went through the same. What I know from their experience is that there will always be a hole in your heart from the loss of your child & it is OK to feel immeasurable sadness. With time things will get easier but it will always be a tremendous loss.

Talk about it as you can & the women here are a tremendous support. We are here if you need to vent etc. virtual hugs to you.

silentP

I am so, so sorry for your unspeakable loss. I think, unfortunately, there are many dates and "milestones" to come that will bring up old wounds. I am glad to hear you have a good support system and I hope counseling helps. That seems like a good idea. Deal with it how you need to. Take it one second/minute/hour/day at a time. We are here for you.

FiancB

I'm so sorry. Loss sucks no matter when it happens, but I can't imagine what it's like to lose your baby so far along. I think you're going about it all the right way especially seeking counseling, but unfortunately time is the most effective healer. Be kind to yourself. 

cjt121413

I'm so terribly sorry. It sounds like you're doing all the right things. Thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

susykat77

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. I agree that counseling is a great place to start as well as staying physically active. And as someone else said, time is the best healer. I often think of women before me who have experienced loss and draw from their ability to just put one foot in front of the other. Eventually, I imagine, it will become easier but it is a loss that will always be there. Sending you big hugs.

MrsBroughton15

I sincerely thank you all. :-* @MrsBinPA your signature cracks me up!!! 

ChefWalker

I am so sorry for your loss. I recently experienced an early miscarriage, but I know that stillborn at 20+ weeks is even more difficult. A few years ago I lost my sister to cancer, and I remember thinking at the time that I would never feel normal again. Sometimes I feel that way now after my miscarriage, but know from past experience that it's not true. It sounds like you're doing all the right things. You're getting support from your family, from these boards, and from a counselor. I think that staying busy helps, but not too busy. You also need downtime to recover and grieve. On the really bad days, just remember that as time passes all of these losses become easier to cope with. Wishing you all the best.

MrsBinPA

@mrsbroughton15 I am happy it made you smile.  It cracked me up too

fivetimesnoluck

Brigette - I am so very sorry for your loss. I am grateful that you have such strong support. There is not one right answer, except to do what you feel you can to keep moving forward.

Treat yourself to a massage or a pedicure or some other type of pampering. It may be temporary, but those kinds of splurges have always made me feel a little better.

I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.

roper2617

I am so sorry for your loss.

My tid bit of advice would be to make sure your counsellor is trauma informed. Needless to say, pregnancy loss is a traumatic event.
And do whatever it is that makes you happy, even if it's for a short period of time.

It does eventually get better, but that doesn't mean you won't have sad days too, and that's okay.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

MrsBroughton15

Thank you all so much. I sincerely appreciate your support. Prayers with you all as you grieve your losses as well.