I'm sick of hearing you will get pregnant again

jessiesquirrel

Hi ladies,
I had a Mc with my first baby October at 10 and half weeks. It's been hard, I'm trying to stay positive about getting pregnant again. It took us 11 months last time to get pregnant last time and I'm worried that i will have wait another year of getting my hopes up. I'm only 21 so people always tell me I'm young and at least I know I can get pregnant. Every time I hear that it just hurts because because it almost took a year then I lost it. I'm tired of people saying it's ok because I'm young. I just want to be pregnant again. I don't think I can do another year of this pain of wanting a baby and just hoping every month it will be a bfp but be let down.
Has anyone else had people stay things like this? It makes me feel so alone when people act like they just don't get it.

ssnova

I understand your pain we mc at 12w and got a lot of the "at least you can get pregnant" and while this is hurtful to hear, especially in the raw pain of a mc...I have to admit there is some truth to that, while my time with my baby was short she allowed me to experience the pure joy of seeing two lines on a pregnancy test and seeing her heart beating on a us screen. nothing will ever take those moments from us, so while I hate hear the "at least you can get pregnant" I must count myself lucky that that will be one less hurdle for us to overcome, especially after reading threads from women that haven't gotten to experience those joys yet....all in all I think people mean well but they just don't know what to say when something this tragic happens, there no words that will make this right. I'm very sorry for your loss and wish you the best. The women on this site are amazing if you haven't already you should look at the mc/loss board that's where I started and it was extremely helpful, I felt like I had people that truly understood the pain I was in.

FireInWonderland

It didn't take me that long at all, but every time someone says that to me I want to start screaming at me. I find it's usually the people who have told me it took them one-three months to get pregnant that say that, and almost always someone who hasn't experienced a loss. That's not to say all people who say that to me haven't had a rough time, but people who have had it rough usually are more aware of what they're saying.

Very sorry for your loss, and I hope you find support here like I did.

javagg

Honestly, most people will never understand, but it's just because they don't have the experience to know better not to ask that question. Other dumb things people say, "another angel in heaven", "your time will come", "it was just nature taking its course". (That last one actually came from my best friend, so terrible.)

Posting in this forum and seeking comfort from those who have been where you are is exactly the right thing to do.

I had an MMC at 7.5 weeks and d&c on 10/9/15. Right around your loss. I'm right there with you. All I can say is, I will cherish the time I had with my first child, even though it was short. No second future child can replace that. Embrace that grief, and smile and ignore those who say unintentionally hurtful things. If the people who say these things are close enough to you and you are in the right mood, you can respectfully tell them why the phrase, "at least you know you can get pregnant" is hurtful, and has nothing to do with the loss of your child.

Best of luck to you, think healing thoughts.

SugarLove06

It's always so hard for other people to know what to say, its easy to get angry, I know I still do, but I try to think what I'd say to someone had it not happened to me, I think perhaps I wouldn't know what would be comforting and what would be patronising and I'm not sure its always so simple.

My first MC was when I was 21 and the "Oh you're only young, you have plenty of time" one used to get me really mad. I'd have to count to 10 when people said that. People still say "you know you can get pregnant, thats good" and I just sit and think "do they think its a plus that I went through a loss rather than nothing at all?!" and try to calm myself.

Its good to rant on here because we all understand. But others who haven't experienced it dont know what you're going through. To me there is no right thing to say but a lot of wrong things, I can bet its hard for people to tell the difference. X

decoycandy

Like any death, people are awkward and don't know what to say. It took 2.5 years for me to get pregnant and I only found out on Thursday that I do not have a viable baby. I am not young and I don't have the time (35), but I understand the typical crap people say to comfort you. I know they are trying to help, and sometimes their words are so unhelpful it's nearly comical. All I want to hear is "wow, that's shitty, I'm here for you. " but again, ppl get awkward around death. Best of luck to you. May you get your baby soon. Hope 2016 fills your heart (and belly) with love.