Stay at home vs daycare

febmom4

I'm experiencing some mommy guilt although I only work 30 hours (3 ten hour days) and I'm curious to different stances on both situations. I would love to stay home but my husband thinks we couldn't do it financially( I disagree and feel like he is the one that spends more /likes his material things). For me all I want is to be a mom and I'm ok with cutting way down. It's so hard being away from my 10 month old and our day care is a disaster. I'm also new to discovering "attachment parenting" and what it all means.

Bigboobsmcgee

Sounds like a conversation you need to have with your husband.

I work 4 days and get 3 days home with my kids and I'm really happy with this. I enjoy the balance between working and being with my family. I like bringing in money but I'm glad to have one day off a week. I don't want to cut way back on things we enjoy or things we get from having 2 incomes. For me, the balance we have works great for our family.

I'm also lucky in the fact that I have great childcare for both of my kids. If I wasn't happy with that then I would be making some changes albeit working less or finding a new daycare/school.

This isn't a decision for anyone to make other than you and your husband and it's not an easy one. Do what makes you happy because you won't get this time with your child back. Good luck.

dufferoo

Totally agree with @Bigboobsmcgee. These were probably things you should have discussed prior to having kids, but I also understsnd that feelings can change. If you need help guiding the conversation with your hubby, maybe you can draw up what you think would be a reasonable budget, and make sure you demonstrate the sacrifices that you are willing to make, not just what you are expecting of him. I remember feeling exactly like you when my son was born; my husband was really nervous about living off one income but ultimately willing to give it a try since it was so important to me. I ended up staying home from work for 14 months, during which time we lived supercheap. I will say that one big challenge of doing this is that when you have 7 days a week to fill with your child, it's pretty painful to have no spending money! But I can't say I would do it any other way. I loved being able to breastfeed on demand without pumping, I loved always being available when my son was sick and needed me, I loved being able to submerge myself in the mommy experience without the pressure to look and act like a career woman. Eventually I went back to work 3 days a week, and it's not only nice to have the extra cash, but relieving to have a break from the nonstop mom-athon, and fulfilling to feel productive again. Plus, it seems that we've had lots of large unexpected expenses come up recently and there have definitely been several times we have said "Omg thank god this didn't come up while I was off work!"

SLGILL1978

Does your baby attend a center or an in home daycare? Maybe try an in home daycare. They get a little bit of more one on one interaction. I do agree with previous posters that you should have discussed this with your husband before having babies. I work for the school district so when my daughter was a baby, I had the best of both worlds. I had lots of time off during the school, Spring, Winter and Summer break. You can still do attachment parenting while working. 

holli0801

I'm dealing with this conversation as well... Not that we didn't talk about it before... But a lot of it was chalked up to "we will do whatever is best for our family at the time..." Soooo pretty subjective. It's not easy... I feel guilty too, even though I am also part time. I stress over "what if he gets sick the days I work..." "What if I miss the first ___" ... And I have trouble getting ahead of him producing milk bc I work 12 hr days (it's hard to get a full 12 hours ahead and not have to dip into frozen milk now and again)... I don't know how to find the perfect answer, I'm still searching.. but do your best to not dwell on what you can't do. Good luck!

Boonhilde

Have you two considered the costs of you working? Gas. Lunches away from home. Daycare. Work clothes. Work shoes. Etc. Often times working can be more expensive than staying at home. I recommend sitting down with DH and making a budget of your family income with/without you staying at home.

ForeverEverAfter

Before having to deal with childcare, we 100% thought we would both work full time. Of course we talked about it, but in retrospect, we had no idea what we were talking about. 

Having 1 child, it still made sense to work, but it sucked. We both do shifts (pilot, ER RN), so I was waking her up at 5am one day, another I was picking her up from a sitter at 1:30am only to wake her up again getting her into the house. Now with 2, I would be paying more than DH makes on child care. 

I decided to stay home because I love it. We homestead-I sew, bake, feed the chickens and pig, work on the garden-all things I can do with children. I started offering childcare from my home, and by summer I'll be bringing home more than I did working full time (I'll be doing childcare plus occasional shifts at work).

mybigfatgreekfetus

ForeverEverAfter said:

Before having to deal with childcare, we 100% thought we would both work full time. Of course we talked about it, but in retrospect, we had no idea what we were talking about. 

Having 1 child, it still made sense to work, but it sucked. We both do shifts (pilot, ER RN), so I was waking her up at 5am one day, another I was picking her up from a sitter at 1:30am only to wake her up again getting her into the house. Now with 2, I would be paying more than DH makes on child care. 

I decided to stay home because I love it. We homestead-I sew, bake, feed the chickens and pig, work on the garden-all things I can do with children. I started offering childcare from my home, and by summer I'll be bringing home more than I did working full time (I'll be doing childcare plus occasional shifts at work).

Hooray for another homesteader! We raise cattle and chickens on our farm and I'm so excited to teach our son how to grow things when he gets older. He's still itty bitty but loves listening to all the barnyard sounds and going for hikes together on the farm. I'm tempted to stay home with him instead of going back to work so I can run the ranch, but herding longhorns with a baby is tough!