Pregnant after a Loss

I HATE all this waiting!

I know that I am lucky that I am waiting, instead of like the last two times when my pregnancy ended and there was nothing to wait on until I could try again, but it's still so hard.

I go tomorrow for an ultrasound at 10w3d after having an ultrasound at 7w3d.  I had a mmc previously between an early ultrasound and my us for genetic testing at 12 weeks so they're being extra cautious this time.  I waited in terror for my hcg tests at five weeks, then I waited in a panic every day to see if I'd even make it to the first ultrasound.  Since then, I've been waiting anxiously for this us to see if I could make it past the point where I previously lost a baby due to genetic issues.  I know every appointment is another successful milestone and I am grateful my doc has been incredibly supportive and really made an effort to reassure me but I feel like I'm in this weird limbo where I am trying to consider myself "sort of" pregnant because I know this is far from being a sure thing and even if I make it past the first trimester I know I'll still have worries that are so different than with my first pregnancy.  Needless to say, today is the longest day at work ever and I'm trying to stay busy and keep my mind on other things until tomorrow afternoon but I keep coming back to my anxiety and worries.  I know there's nothing to do but wait, but I know people here understand how the time can crawl by when you want to be positive but you know things don't always go the way you hope. 

Re: I HATE all this waiting!

  • I understand how you feel. I am waiting for my next ultrasound. I have a countdown..5 days left. I hope everything goes well! Update tomorrow :)
  • I completely understand how you feel. My next appointment isn't for another 3 weeks. The wait is killing me.
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  • My mom called me this morning and I think she's more nervous and upset than I am at this point.  I'm anxious, but I'm also just ready to go and do this!  Obviously I don't want bad news, and I am desperately hoping things are good but I'm also just ready for ANY news, good or bad, in place of the uncertainty!  I'm the kind of person who would rather just deal with a situation, good or bad, than be in limbo. 

  • Things look great! HB was strong, measuring 11w0d!  I will do genetic testing in the next couple weeks.  Hoping that by the beginning to the new year, I'll be starting my second trimester and feeling like this could actually happen!
  • I think the entire PGAL experience is managing the waiting. You anxiously await the next appt, practically have a heart attack in the waiting room/on the table until they find the HB, then the euphoria for 24-72 hours of believing it can all be true, and then the slow worried decline until the next appt. It's a crappy cycle. Let's break it!!!!
    *****Losses Mentioned*****BFP MENTIONED*****ALL WELCOME******ALL ABOARD!!

    Me: 42, DH: 46, Married: 11/12
    Losses: MMC#1 11/12 BO, MC#2 11/13 at 8w BO?, MMC#3 8/14 chromo healthy M @12 weeks, stopped growing at 10.
    Negligible AMH, FSH finally went high. Pursued DE.

    DD born at 38w2d on 5-27-16. Finally!!

    Pregnant again with OE. EDD 11/9/17 Girl!

  • Trying to convince myself that I can wait until the 23rd for my next appointment and doppler. Jumping back and forth from wanting to call the doctor and just go in for a quick doppler and reassurance to feeling ok with putting it off.

    Part of me is so scared that this pregnancy will end in another MMC and that I will find out two days before Christmas. Finding out about miscarriage is awful at any time, but right before Christmas would be horrible, and I dont know that I would want to tell family right away about it, because I wouldnt want to ruin their holidays. We have had too much loss lately to put more on top of it.

    Ugh. Falling down the rabbit hole. Must stop. This pregnancy is fine, everything is going well, I need to stop worrying about it. If I cant shake the anxiety within the next couple of days, Ill just call and go in. Im sure Im not the first person to call and get in earlier? HATE BEING IN LIMBO!
  • The limbo IS awful.  I have to go for my genetic testing and I'm torn between do I schedule for ASAP or do I schedule so I get results after Christmas?  Either way, I am trying to remember that this is farther than I've gotten that last two times, I have had two good ultrasounds and I am trying to just be positive even though I am the queen of anxious pessimism most of the time.  
  • We are fairly close in dates. Im 11+5 today. We can be anxious together! I say we both try to wait. I will wait for my scan on the 23rd, and you schedule to get the results after Christmas. That way, we both continue with these pregnancies assuming everything is wonderful and perfect and we dont get thrown any information that might make us think less. Your genetic testing could come back wonky but it still wouldnt guarantee anything is wrong with baby. So I say we just enjoy these pregnancies for the healthy pregnancies that they are today.  

    (I told my doctor the same thing about my anxious pessimism. I also told him to stop giving me statistics. If you tell me "less than 1% will have something bad happen, I will fall in the 1%. And I will be pissed. Unless its the lottery. Because my luck doesnt work like that).

    I know I will continue to feel this way until the baby is born though. And then I will have a whole host of other reasons to worry once they are born/.
  • My nausea has gotten so bad that it's all I think about, which means I've pretty much stopped worrying about miscarriage.  Silver lining?  Maybe if I start hitting my finger with a hammer, I'll forget about the nausea...
    TTC#1 since Jan 2015
    BFP 2/19/15  •  MMC found at 9 wks  •  D&E at 11 wks (age 36)
    BFP 8/29/15
      •  CP (age 37)
    BFP 11/18/15  •  DD born at 41 weeks <3(age 37/38)

    TTC#2 since May 2017
    BFP 10/18/17  •  MMC found at 8 wks  •  Misoprostal at 10.5 wks (age 39)

    BFP 2/16/18
      •  CP (age 39)
    BFP 4/13/18
      •  CP (age 39)
    BFP 5/07/18  •  MMC found at 10.5 wks  •  D&E at 11.5 wks 
    •  Testing showed it was a girl with Trisomy 22. (age 39/40)
    9/5/18 Diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve (4-5 follicles, one ovary had none and was very atrophied)

    RE says the low egg count is likely causing my recurrent pregnancy loss. Less eggs results in more aneuploidy.

    BFP 9/24/18  • 
    CP (age 40)
    BFP 5/11/19  •  Fraternal twins  •  MMC found at 10w5d (Baby A 6w, Baby B 10w)  •  Misoprostal at 11 weeks (age 41)

  • Yeah, that whole "very unlikely" thing doesn't exactly comfort me.  My medical history might as well be labeled "very unlikely."  It was very unlikely I'd have a mmc after a great 8 week us.  It was "very unlikely" that I'd have two in a row with no known reason.  I'm pretty sure my body hears "very unlikely" and confuses a risk analysis with being issued a personal challenge. 


    As for the severe nausea, I was there with my very first pregnancy.  It was sort of like being profoundly hungover for four months.  (Who said my twenties wouldn't pay off?  I was totally prepared to work like that!) 

    I found a few things that worked for me but everyone is different.  The extra B vitamins and ginger did help, motion sickness meds helped, I know some people who swore by sea bands but I didn't get a ton of relief, eating something small every couple of hours (whatever it was, sometimes the only thing I could keep down that day was cheese puffs, so, I ate cheese puffs) and sucking on hard candy all the time.  I changed my vitamins to onces that had anti-nausea ingredients added and that helped. I held out on buying preggie pops for a long time because they just sounded so twee and ridiculous, but they actually did help, eating a couple saltines before I sat up in the morning (which sometimes I threw up) and finding a couple things that worked and just going with it.  For the first four months I was pregnant with my son I ate vanilla soft serve ice cream, saltines, yogurt, bland cereal and garden salad.  It made no sense, I'm not a particular fan of any of those foods under normal circumstances but I sure did eat them a lot for four months.  Dairy Queen saw my husband so much they took pity on him and started selling him 32 ounce drink cups of plain vanilla soft serve for me.  Normally ice cream actually makes me sick.  I have no regrets. 

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