HELP. Need sleep so bad! — The Bump
Attachment Parenting

HELP. Need sleep so bad!

My little girl is 8 months old today and I've reached breaking point. She has never been a great sleeper and wakes regularly. At around 7 months she was finally sleeping for 3 hr sessions through the night which made such a difference to my quality of life. This lasted about 2 weeks and then we were back to 1-2hr wake ups all night. In the last week she has been waking and not going back to sleep for at least an hour every 1.5hrs and I just can't do it anymore!
We have tried strict bedtime routines for months and then tried not so strict. I've tried food before bed, no food before bed. Baths, camomile tea, massage, white noise, Co sleeping. Everything I can think of except for cry it out which I am not comfortable with.
Please does anyone have any suggestions? I just want to curl up in a ball.

Re: HELP. Need sleep so bad!

  • There are tons of options besides CIO but for some reason parents think sleep training is some cruel and awful thing when it's not! It's temporary and in the end you will all be happier and your LO will not even know what happened. Tears are inevitable so just be prepared for that.

    The most important thing when it comes to sleep training is being 100% consistent night after night, no matter what. Even if it's 3am, you have to stick to whatever plan you have chosen.

    Are you nursing? What do you do when your LO wakes up crying at night? Do you go in every time?

    You want to make sure she isn't sick or dealing with teething pain before you sleep train. It might help you to read a book or 2 on different methods so you have a game plan in your head before starting. For me personally, taking my kids out of their bed in the MOTN when they cried always made things worse. I'd give it like 10-15 minutes then go in the room, rub her back and then walk out again. Repeat a few times if necessary, giving a little more time before going in again.

    This has worked for both of my kids and my friends kids based off my advice. It's not easy because no one wants to hear their LO cry but it pays off in the end.

    mhwood
  • You've got to do a CIO style and NOW! There are less tears methods. Going in at certain intervals, etc. It only took us 2 days of real crying. A week & we were done!

    We used info from precious little sleep web site among others & books.
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  • I wasn't comfortable with CIO either, so when I reached my breaking point, I just slept on the couch for a few nights until I felt human again, and had my husband do nighttime baby duty,
    alison9259
  • When you say you've tried lots of different things, how long have you tried each thing for? Nothing will work the first night, so just wondering if you'e given each thing a decent length of time.
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    Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
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    crsanchez87Bigboobsmcgee
  • I am currently trying "The No Cry Sleep Solution". I've seen small improvements, and it's only been a few days. The title is misleading, there still will be some tears. Consistency is key. Good luck. 
  • Good luck! I don't believe in any type of sleep training.  Sleeping is developmental - 1. Babies wake frequently - this isn't new 2. Baby sleep patterns constantly change the first 18-24 months due to regressions, illness, teething, hunger, meeting milestones, etc. 3. I would never cut any middle of the night feedings for the first 12-13 months (or longer if breastfeeding). Breast milk and/or formula is baby's primary source of nutrition for the first year. By sleep training, baby is missing out on much needed nutrition 4. What happens when baby's sleep pattern changes? Are you going to keep sleep training over and over again? 5. The psychological effects just aren't worth it. It's always much easier and less stressful to follow babies lead/cues. I just don't agree with forcing them to do something they aren't developmentally ready for. 
    You just have to suck it up and tend to your babies needs. This is all part of the mommyhood journey you signed up for when you decided to have kids. 
  • BigboobsmcgeeBigboobsmcgee member
    edited December 2015
    Good luck! I don't believe in any type of sleep training.  Sleeping is developmental - 1. Babies wake frequently - this isn't new 2. Baby sleep patterns constantly change the first 18-24 months due to regressions, illness, teething, hunger, meeting milestones, etc. 3. I would never cut any middle of the night feedings for the first 12-13 months (or longer if breastfeeding). Breast milk and/or formula is baby's primary source of nutrition for the first year. By sleep training, baby is missing out on much needed nutrition 4. What happens when baby's sleep pattern changes? Are you going to keep sleep training over and over again? 5. The psychological effects just aren't worth it. It's always much easier and less stressful to follow babies lead/cues. I just don't agree with forcing them to do something they aren't developmentally ready for. 
    You just have to suck it up and tend to your babies needs. This is all part of the mommyhood journey you signed up for when you decided to have kids. 

    Well this is awfully judgmental! Sure sleep patterns change but developing healthy sleep habits are just one of about a million things we can and SHOULD teach our children and that doesn't have to mean leaving them to cry for hours on end.

    I do agree with not cutting out MOTN feedings. I let both of my kids wean themselves off of that when they were ready. My son was 7 months and my daughter was 9 months.

    With that being said, I feel bad for people who feel like sleep training is so awful and that it will mess their kids up psychologically. That idea is such an extreme scare tactic used by attachment parenting "experts" and it's almost laughable to me. You cannot possibly do studies on this and find any correlation later in life. Maybe Jeffery Dahmer was sleep trained and that's why he turned out to be a serial killer! LOL

    I truly find it hard to believe that 2-3 nights of sleep training my kids is going to mess them up emotionally the rest of their lives. See how silly that sounds?! I guess all the love and attention they get the other 12 hours of the day means absolutely nothing when it comes to healthy development.

     "The psychological effects just aren't worth it"??? I keep going over this line and wondering what the hell it's supposed to mean because I have 2 healthy, loving and well adjusted children who sleep like champs so I'm a tad dumbfounded. Sleep training was such a small blip in our lives, it's done with and now we all sleep great so I'm not sure what exactly I did to my kids that was so horrible.

    Do what you want but this person asked for help, not to be shamed.

    Lolo427neverblushedBubblegum5586
  • Good luck! I don't believe in any type of sleep training.  Sleeping is developmental - 1. Babies wake frequently - this isn't new 2. Baby sleep patterns constantly change the first 18-24 months due to regressions, illness, teething, hunger, meeting milestones, etc. 3. I would never cut any middle of the night feedings for the first 12-13 months (or longer if breastfeeding). Breast milk and/or formula is baby's primary source of nutrition for the first year. By sleep training, baby is missing out on much needed nutrition 4. What happens when baby's sleep pattern changes? Are you going to keep sleep training over and over again? 5. The psychological effects just aren't worth it. It's always much easier and less stressful to follow babies lead/cues. I just don't agree with forcing them to do something they aren't developmentally ready for. 
    You just have to suck it up and tend to your babies needs. This is all part of the mommyhood journey you signed up for when you decided to have kids. 

    Well this is awfully judgmental! Sure sleep patterns change but developing healthy sleep habits are just one of about a million things we can and SHOULD teach our children and that doesn't have to mean leaving them to cry for hours on end.

    I do agree with not cutting out MOTN feedings. I let both of my kids wean themselves off of that when they were ready. My son was 7 months and my daughter was 9 months.

    With that being said, I feel bad for people who feel like sleep training is so awful and that it will mess their kids up psychologically. That idea is such an extreme scare tactic used by attachment parenting "experts" and it's almost laughable to me. You cannot possibly do studies on this and find any correlation later in life. Maybe Jeffery Dahmer was sleep trained and that's why he turned out to be a serial killer! LOL

    I truly find it hard to believe that 2-3 nights of sleep training my kids is going to mess them up emotionally the rest of their lives. See how silly that sounds?! I guess all the love and attention they get the other 12 hours of the day means absolutely nothing when it comes to healthy development.

     "The psychological effects just aren't worth it"??? I keep going over this line and wondering what the hell it's supposed to mean because I have 2 healthy, loving and well adjusted children who sleep like champs so I'm a tad dumbfounded. Sleep training was such a small blip in our lives, it's done with and now we all sleep great so I'm not sure what exactly I did to my kids that was so horrible.

    Do what you want but this person asked for help, not to be shamed.

    There are plenty of studies where sleep training is not good. It's expected that babies will wake frequently. My pediatrician doesn't even recommend sleep training. I don't really care... I don't things at the convenience of myself. I my my babies needs ahead of my own. I don't care what form of sleep training you use, if you let your baby cry for 2 mins, 10 mins, etc. I will never let my child cry themselves to sleep. That's borderline cruel in my book. If you can't handle a baby waking frequently and meeting his/her needs then that leads me to wonder can you even handle being a parent? Everything I stated is a FACT. 
    Lolo427lovelypaulaalyssa82511
  • BigboobsmcgeeBigboobsmcgee member
    edited December 2015
    Good luck! I don't believe in any type of sleep training.  Sleeping is developmental - 1. Babies wake frequently - this isn't new 2. Baby sleep patterns constantly change the first 18-24 months due to regressions, illness, teething, hunger, meeting milestones, etc. 3. I would never cut any middle of the night feedings for the first 12-13 months (or longer if breastfeeding). Breast milk and/or formula is baby's primary source of nutrition for the first year. By sleep training, baby is missing out on much needed nutrition 4. What happens when baby's sleep pattern changes? Are you going to keep sleep training over and over again? 5. The psychological effects just aren't worth it. It's always much easier and less stressful to follow babies lead/cues. I just don't agree with forcing them to do something they aren't developmentally ready for. 
    You just have to suck it up and tend to your babies needs. This is all part of the mommyhood journey you signed up for when you decided to have kids. 

    Well this is awfully judgmental! Sure sleep patterns change but developing healthy sleep habits are just one of about a million things we can and SHOULD teach our children and that doesn't have to mean leaving them to cry for hours on end.

    I do agree with not cutting out MOTN feedings. I let both of my kids wean themselves off of that when they were ready. My son was 7 months and my daughter was 9 months.

    With that being said, I feel bad for people who feel like sleep training is so awful and that it will mess their kids up psychologically. That idea is such an extreme scare tactic used by attachment parenting "experts" and it's almost laughable to me. You cannot possibly do studies on this and find any correlation later in life. Maybe Jeffery Dahmer was sleep trained and that's why he turned out to be a serial killer! LOL

    I truly find it hard to believe that 2-3 nights of sleep training my kids is going to mess them up emotionally the rest of their lives. See how silly that sounds?! I guess all the love and attention they get the other 12 hours of the day means absolutely nothing when it comes to healthy development.

     "The psychological effects just aren't worth it"??? I keep going over this line and wondering what the hell it's supposed to mean because I have 2 healthy, loving and well adjusted children who sleep like champs so I'm a tad dumbfounded. Sleep training was such a small blip in our lives, it's done with and now we all sleep great so I'm not sure what exactly I did to my kids that was so horrible.

    Do what you want but this person asked for help, not to be shamed.

    There are plenty of studies where sleep training is not good. It's expected that babies will wake frequently. My pediatrician doesn't even recommend sleep training. I don't really care... I don't things at the convenience of myself. I my my babies needs ahead of my own. I don't care what form of sleep training you use, if you let your baby cry for 2 mins, 10 mins, etc. I will never let my child cry themselves to sleep. That's borderline cruel in my book. If you can't handle a baby waking frequently and meeting his/her needs then that leads me to wonder can you even handle being a parent? Everything I stated is a FACT. 

    image




    MyelhsaBubblegum5586crsanchez87vero2cool
  • It's judgmental replies like the one above that give AP-ers a bad rep.

    OP, guilt is the great enemy of good parenting!  Don't let that post plant seeds of doubt and guilt in your mind. 

    When it comes down to it, all babies/children have to make the same journey when it comes to sleep:  they all start out waking a lot and needing help to return to sleep and they all wind up being able to put themselves back to sleep by some method or other when they periodically wake during the night.  The process involves discomfort, frustration, and -- yes -- some amount of tears no matter what method you use.  The only difference between CIO, Ferberizing, shuffling, no-cry sleep solutions, or co-sleep until the child is in elementary school, is how drawn out the process is.  There are a ton of options in the middle between CIO and nursing your child back to sleep every 2 hours indefinitely in order to prevent the child from shedding a tear.

    Your baby's needs are not the only ones who matter here.  It's just like the flight attendant says: parents should attach their own oxygen masks before attending to their children.  Makes sense right?  You have to be able to function to care for your child.  Same logic applies here.  Also, your baby is not an emotionally fragile being who can be damaged easily. Babies are actually pretty resilient.

    I agree with a reply far above that said you should research a few methods, pick something that you think you can stick with, then use it consistently.  Know that all children will have sleep regressions.  But if you have a consistent strategy that you and your child use to return to sleep, it gets easier to deal with each time.

    Hang in there, Mama -- the middle of the first year is a tough time for sleep.  You'll get through this!

    Well said in every way. Good advice.
    millereliz13
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