Benched/TTA Weekly Check-In (11/29)

MissAmeliaPond

This is a place for those of us who have already started TTC, but have hit a roadblock and are delaying for whatever reason. You can express your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations on not TTC and connect with others who are in the same boat. TTC can be a long journey, and having to wait makes it feel even longer- even if it is for a good reason. Feel free to resurrect this thread at any point in the week if you have something to say, and treat this like an ongoing conversation.

Generally:
Benched = involuntarily not NTNP/TTC and are "out of the game," usually due to medical reasons
TTA = avoiding pregnancy by using protection or FAM, usually for non-health-related reasons
*Note: NTNP= you are having sex without protection whenever you feel like it. This is generally not the same as Benched or TTA*

_________________________________________________________________________________

Are you benched or TTA? 

What brings you here?

How long do you think you'll be here? 

How has being benched/TTA been going? 

Anything else you'd like to share? 

QOTW:  What are you looking forward to most in December? Why? 

brambles1

Are you benched or TTA? Benched for family reasons.  DH and I are not temping/charting but we are NTNP

What brings you here?  My dad has cancer so TTC is on hold so that I can help my mom and sister take care of him.

How long do you think you'll be here? Hopefully not long.  My dad is going to start chemo soon and assuming things go well DH and I may actively start trying again.

How has being benched/TTA been going? My dad's cancer diagnosis was a huge shock to my family.  It has only been a month and a half since but we are settling into a "new normal"; we've accepted that my dad has cancer and even though there is a chance this could kill him we can't live our lives like he's already gone.  Things may change once my dad starts chemo, especially if he has any bad side-effects but at the moment we are taking each day at a time and enjoying every moment we have as a family. 

Anything else you'd like to share? Not at the moment.

QOTW:  What are you looking forward to most in December? Why?  Christmas!  It is hands down my favorite holiday.  I love everything associated with Christmas: gingerbread cookies, pine trees, hot mulled cider, Mariah Carey's version of "All I Want for Christmas Is You" on perpetual loop at the mall...ahhhh!  I looooove it.

mommygrams0730

**I was on ttgp over last spring/summer, but haven't done a formal re-intro.

Are you benched or TTA? TTA

What brings you here? 2nd late MC at 16 weeks back at the end of September after my MC at 14 weeks at the end of April I just need a break from being pregnant.

How long do you think you'll be here? BIL gets married in May and then we'll actively try again.

How has being benched/TTA been going?
Aside from the teacher across the hall from me who's due in April I'm doing pretty well. I've been focusing on getting my body back and losing the rest of the pregnancy weight before the holidays.

Anything else you'd like to share? Pretty sure my first period post D&C is on its way and I think it's going to be a bad one!

QOTW: What are you looking forward to most in December? Why?
Well it's my birthday on Saturday so that's a plus! My mom (also a teacher) and I both took a personal day this coming Friday to go Christmas shopping, I can't wait! Also winter break, almost 2 weeks off!

penelope4612

I'm sorry to hear about your dad @brambles1, and I'm sorry to hear about your loss @mommygrams0730

Are you benched or TTA? Benched

What brings you here? Told to wait 3 months after an ectopic pregnancy.  

How long do you think you'll be here? Can start trying again at the end of Dec.

How has being benched/TTA been going? Sometimes it's fine.  Sometimes it sucks.  I'm generally ok, but sometimes I feel sad when I hear about other people's pregnancies/babies.

Anything else you'd like to share? 

QOTW:  What are you looking forward to most in December? Why? We're doing to Florida for a week, and then I get a few extra days off around the holidays, and I'm looking forward to/hoping that work will be a bit slower this month due to the holidays.  I also have a Dr's appt mid-Dec to check in before we start TTC again and I'm hoping that goes well and we get the all-clear.

mommygrams0730

Thanks @penelope4612, sorry for yours as well. Exciting that in about a month or so you'll be ttc again!

MRSCORKER

@brambles1 I'm so sorry for what you and your family are going through, and I'm sorry to hear about your loss @mommygrams0730 and @penelope4612. {{hugs}}

**TW: Loss Mentioned**

Are you benched or TTA? Benched

What brings you here? My GYN advised that I wait 2 cycles after my early MC. I'm starting a new job this week and with the holidays and then our move in January, it just makes sense to wait anyway.

How long do you think you'll be here? We'll start actively TTC again in February.

How has being benched/TTA been going? I'm still temping and charting. I mostly just want to monitor my cycles and see how/if things get back on track. I want to be as informed as possible when we start TTC again so that I can consult my doctor if there are any worries.

Anything else you'd like to share? I'm having a hard time on the bench. After our loss this month, I really can't think about anything but trying again. I hate that I have to wait but I know it's for the best both physically/emotionally as well as logistically with our insurance changing, moving, etc. I'm a bit of a control freak and I feel like everything is out of my control right now. 

QOTW:  What are you looking forward to most in December? Why? I guess just the Holidays. DH and I have some fun Holiday rituals that I look forward to every year. 

gardeniagirlknits

@brambles1 was just lurking to see about how your family is holding up, wanted to let you know that I'm still sending positive thoughts your way!

kiwi2628

Are you benched or TTA? TTA

What brings you here? Realities of life

How long do you think you'll be here? 5 ish months, hopefully not more

How has being benched/TTA been going? It is what it is. Its not terrible, but I am not a patient person.

Anything else you'd like to share? 

QOTW:  What are you looking forward to most in December? Why? CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!! I am a fanatic. I friggin love the hallmark inspired tree and decor and cookies and singing and snuggling and all of it. I am in zero way religious; I identify as an agnostic, but I don't care, I love Christmas.

Thought to
@brambles1 @mommygrams0730  @penelope4612 @MRSCORKER

m6agua

@brambles1 sorry about your dad
@mommygrams0730 @penelope4612 @MRSCORKER sorry for your losses.

Are you benched or TTA? Benched

What brings you here? MC at the beginning of the month

How long do you think you'll be here? Until December/January. Not sure if I want to try after my first AF. The OB said it was fine but my doctor said I should wait a couple. I've been sick for almost two weeks now so I guess I will just see how I feel after my first AF

How has being benched/TTA been going? It's been ok. My cousin just announced over deer camp. She is about a month behind what I should've been. It was hard to hear all the baby talk for a week.

Anything else you'd like to share? Nope

QOTW: What are you looking forward to most in December? Why? We are going to pick out a new bed set tomorrow. It's out Christmas present to ourselves. We are going from a full size to a king.

penelope4612

@m6agua - I'm sorry for your loss.  I have a friend who is 1-2 months ahead of where I should have been.  I actually don't mind/think much about the loss anymore, but when I see her I'm reminded of where I would have been in terms of this pregnancy and it makes it much harder.  Sorry to hear you're in the same spot.  

MrsR130

***lurker, first benched check-in post***

Are you benched or TTA? TTA

What brings you here? Weight loss before TTC & letting my body regulate coming off of BCP.  I want to be down to the healthy BMI range before we seriously start TTC #1 next year, so about ~30 lbs to go.  I am off of BCP (Cycle 3, CD2) and charting in the meantime. 

How long do you think you'll be here? Until the weight is off, 6 months or so?

How has being benched/TTA been going? Eh.  Everyone around me seems to be KTFU and/or announcing and I am not a patient person so it is wearing on me.

Anything else you'd like to share? Today is my birthday!

QOTW:  What are you looking forward to most in December? Why? Christmas!  The lights, music, weather, food, cookies, decor - everything.  @kiwi2628 I am the same, too funny!

@brambles1 I am also sorry to hear about your dad
@mommygrams0730 @penelope4612 @MRSCORKER @m6agua@mommygrams0730  Sorry for your losses, as well. Internet hugs!

edit - formatting

MRSCORKER

Happy birthday @MrsR130! I feel you on the weightloss journey. It's been a lifelong struggle for me for which I've just recently gotten a good grip on this past few years. I'm a bit of a yo-yoer and it's maddening. About 20 to go for me! My original goal was to get there by Christmas. Yeah, that didn't happen. Good luck to you! I hope you have a great birthday and give yourself a little wiggle room for wine  

Edited: words are hard

m6agua

@penelope4612 Yeah it's a rough spot to be in. Luckily I don't see my cousin too often. But I will see her at Christmas time which would be around the time I would find out the sex. Then I will see her at the end of July and she will have a newborn and I should have too. I'm hoping I will have a viable pregnancy so seeing her newborn this next summer wont be too hard.

@MrsR130 Happy Birthday. Not sure what you do for weight loss but a little over a year ago my doctor recommended Whole30 to me. I have done about 2.5 of them throughout the year and I have dropped about 30lbs. The biggest thing is I have been able to maintain a lot easier and I have learned so much about food and how it effect you. If you're interested just google Whole30. They have a website and they have all the guidelines along with printable PDFs to get you started and its completely free. Unless you decide to buy their books.

[Deleted User]

Are you benched or TTA? TTA using FAM

What brings you here? Soooo many good tips/facts for when I do begin to try.  Was here before, but when DH and I pushed back our TTC date by a year I just got depressed and had to remove myself.  

How long do you think you'll be here? Well sheet, I'm not sure?  We will start trying this summer, so there's that.  

How has being benched/TTA been going? I really, really struggled with it at first.  My friends are dropping like flies to the pregnancy gods and my DH and I decided to wait for financial/professional reasons.  However, now that we are again getting closer to our new TTC date I'm feeling better again and trying to really appreciate all the things I can do/eat/drink.

Anything else you'd like to share? I really missed you guys  

QOTW:  What are you looking forward to most in December? Why?  Seeing my family!!  My sister will be moving to New Zealand in a few months so I'm really going to try to soak up as much time with her as possible.

MrsR130

@m6agua Thank you! And yes, I've actually done 2 Whole30s about a year ago, they are great! Thinking about kicking another one off January 1 - the holidays are just too crazy/hard with all the traveling we do.

tinypikachu

@MrsR130 happy birthday!!

*** Loss mentioned ***

Are you benched or TTA? Benched, still waiting for first AF post MC.

What brings you here? MC on 11/5. Waiting a couple of months before trying again.

How long do you think you'll be here? Until February at the latest. DH and I will be NTNP after AF and on January and will go back to actively TTC in February. If it happens before then, yay! But we're just not emotionally ready to throw ourselves into TTC yet.

How has being benched/TTA been going? It's been ok, it was hard at first but it was mostly because of the MC and the feeling of having lost a baby and not being able to try again, kind of felt stalled. But it was the best decision we could've made, we are just not ready to think about trying. DH and I are mourning our sweet baby but also scared of trying, getting a BFP and have it happen again, even though we know there's a slim, slim chance of it happening again. It's just a hard process,

Anything else you'd like to share? I'm actually a little excited to get AF. It's due on Saturday and I feel like getting it will make me feel like we can try again, even if we won't right away.

QOTW: What are you looking forward to most in December? Why? I LOVE everything about Christmas. One of my favorite things is decorating and seeing other decorated homes. I am most looking forward to spending time with my family and having a good time going to different holiday events :-)

brambles1

Thank you all for your support. 

@mommygrams0730 @penelope4612 @m6agua @MRSCORKER I'm so sorry for your losses.  I can't imagine what you all must be going through.  I am hoping your participation with this check-in and your stays on TTGP will be short.

MissAmeliaPond

@brambles1 I'm sorry to hear your family is dealing with cancer. Cancer sucks.

@mommygrams0730 @penelope4612 @MRSCORKER @m6agua @alwaysauntnevermom I am so sorry for all of your losses. 

I hope the coming holidays will help bring some cheer to everyone here! 

Are you benched or TTA? TTA, technically

What brings you here? I'm losing my job early next year, so I've been feeling "benched" by life. The last day is still TBD, which sucks, because I can't plan my life around "TBD".

How long do you think you'll be here? DH and I decided that there's never going to be a "perfect" time to try, and we don't know how long this is all going to take anyway, so we might as well keep trying. He makes a decent amount of money (but not enough to support us by himself forever), and I'm being offered a fairly-not-so-horrible severance package if I stay with the company until the bitter end, so we'll have a bit of cushion if I can't find something new right away. We're going to resume trying as soon as this cycle is over. Expecting AF any time now... *taps foot, looks at watch*

How has being benched/TTA been going? It's been no fun at all. I've still been charting this month, and I think it's been less stressful than the first month I charted. I think I understand my body better than when I first started charting, but there are still things that confuse me. 

Anything else you'd like to share? Not really. I just hope that AF shows up soon so I can move on, and I hope that the wait for everyone here goes by quickly! I think this is going to be my last week in this thread, so if anyone else wants to start it on Sunday, please do! 

QOTW:  What are you looking forward to most in December? Why?  The new Star Wars movie! *Nerd Alert* I'm definitely looking more forward to to this movie than to Christmas or New Year's. I just hope JJ Abrams doesn't screw it up. 

Skyjewell23

Are you benched or TTA? TTA

What brings you here? We just aren't quite ready financially to take the leap into baby #2. I also want to complete another semester of grad school.

How long do you think you'll be here? We start TTC July 1st

How has being benched/TTA been going? It's good. My best friend just found out she is pregnant. She has been trying for 2+ years so I am incredibly happy for her. I thought I would be more jealous, but I am not. I have a twing of jealousy as to be expected though!

Anything else you'd like to share? -

QOTW:  What are you looking forward to most in December? Why? All the things that come with Christmas. Hot chocolate, looking at lights, Christmas movies, etc. I just hate cold weather.

izza2

Are you benched or TTA? TTA

What brings you here? School

How long do you think you'll be here? 8 months

How has being benched/TTA been going? Decent. I got a prescription for BC for once AF comes this cycle. Of course hubby is now talking about how this would be the cycle where I'd end up KU, which is highly unlikely. Our sex life has been sub-par the past month, thanks to stress from finals.

Anything else you'd like to share? I have the same whine that I have every week, haha. I really really wish I had of kept charting. I have the "estimated" day for when I might have ovulated, and the estimated day for when I might get AF, but it's completely up in the air so I'm just sitting here like.. should I expect AF in 3 days? should I test if she's not here by then? when did I ovulate? what's going on with my body?! Bad mistake to not temp. Super bad mistake.

QOTW:  What are you looking forward to most in December? Why?

Christmas trees! Not even Christmas, because I hate spending money on presents that DS will play with for ten minutes and then break out his old toys; just Christmas trees and hot cocoa and holiday spirit. Christmas is always a time of hope, and I need that right now.
A small part of me is excited for the first snow fall, because it's always magical to me, and it'll be the dog's first snow fall and I can't wait to see how he reacts (he already avoids going out in the rain; he literally peed on covered front porch this morning because it was raining! I have to buy him rain booties or something, haha).

m6agua

Well I'm no longer benched. My first AF post MC started today. I think we are going to be more relaxed this cycle maybe NTNP. Then start really trying again next year.

MRSCORKER

@m6agua Glad you're off the bench! FX for you!

I'm having a hard time keeping myself on the bench. I started a new job this week but I just went back to my old company so I've already settled in and feel like I never really left. I met with a benefits person in HR and confirmed that if I got KU now I would still be able to take short-term and everything would be covered on my health insurance that will be effective starting 1/1. I wouldn't be able to take FMLA but I'm not sure we could afford for me to go without a paycheck for 6 weeks anyway. 

One of the main reasons we're benched is because I figured I wouldn't be able to request short-term and that a pregnancy wouldn't be covered if I got KU before the effective date. 

My NP did advise that we wait to try again after the CP but I'm seeing so many varied opinions on this. My co-worker's doctor told her it was the best time to try again because her hormone levels were probably higher? I know, I know, I should listen to my NP it's just so hard! I'm approaching my FW and I can see all of the signs pointing to O happening soon and it's maddening. 

We do have a vacation scheduled for February so I keep trying to tell myself I wouldn't want to be away from home so early in first tri and not have access to my doc/family if something went wrong. On the other hand, the chances of us getting KU immediately are slim and if it's going to take months, I would rather start sooner than later. AHHH. I'm driving myself crazy.

Thanks for letting me rant.

Also, I woke up and thought it was Friday so that's disappointing.

m6agua

@MRSCORKER I'm a firm believer in you have to do what's best for you. Your NP is just giving advice. The decision is ultimately up to you. My PCP told me to wait a couple cycles, the OB that confirmed my mc said we could right away.

MRSCORKER

m6agua said:

@MRSCORKER I'm a firm believer in you have to do what's best for you. Your NP is just giving advice. The decision is ultimately up to you. My PCP told me to wait a couple cycles, the OB that confirmed my mc said we could right away.

Yeah, I really feel like it would be ok to start trying again now. At this point, my only concern is being on a cruise ship for 12 days in February. DH thinks I won't have fun if I can't drink but I don't drink much anyway. I'm mostly worried about being away from home if there was a problem. The panic/anxiety I had when I started bleeding at 4w 3d is still pretty raw, I can't imagine going through that while away. I guess I have to decide if traveling at either 13 weeks or 9 weeks is a risk I want to take.

Whovian10

@MRSCORKER I'm sure I'm going to have to strap myself to this bench, it's going to be a hard one but I don't want to push DH if he isn't ready.

Are you benched or TTA? Benched

What brings you here? MC on 11/29, we are currently following my HCG back down to not pregnant status

How long do you think you'll be here? Honestly I'm not sure, I broached the subject of TTC with DH and what our plan moving forward would be, we just need time to heal.

How has being benched/TTA been going? It sucks, I think it will get better once the MC is not so fresh and my body regulates itself again.

Anything else you'd like to share? I think I "knew" that this was going to be the result of the pregnancy. I couldn't keep myself from peeing on sticks, I didn't feel sick, ect. The realization that my fears were right has been pretty awful.

QOTW: What are you looking forward to most in December? Why? It's Christmas! And DD birthday. Loads of fun stuff to keep us busy and not sitting around waiting for results/things to happen. We go to NYC every year around this time, so I'm excited for the break we will be getting of uninterrupted family time.

MRSCORKER

@Whovian10 I just "knew" as well. It was my first pregnancy so I was dealing with some pretty unfamiliar emotions but my gut was telling me something wasn't right and I just didn't want to listen. 

Whovian10

@MRSCORKER I honestly think I may have gotten pregnant too fast off my IUD. My ob said it was fine to try, we didn't temp or anything because I was waiting a few months for my body to "right" itself before throwing all my effort into the ring.

Stupid gut instincts that turn out to be right.


I just got my betas back from yesterday. Saturday night 64, Monday 67, yesterday 64. They are just stuck.

MRSCORKER

@Whovian10 My experience was nearly identical. Went off of BCP when I finished my last pack in September. In October we "tried" but I wasn't temping/charting, I just went off of OPKs and EWCM. I too figured it would take my body a few cycles to regulate. My NP told me that an early MC/CP "isn't uncommon" for the first pregnancy off of BC. 

I'm sorry about your betas. I didn't have my first blood test until 48 hours after my BFP. My NP thinks I was already in the process of MC because they were 20. Went back a few days later and they were down to 7. I had my last draw on Monday but haven't heard back. I'm assuming I'm back down to 0. FX you, I know you are probably anxious for them to go back down. I didn't even want to go back for my last draw, I just wanted it to all be behind me so I could focus on the future. 

MrsBinPA

Are you benched or TTA? Benched. Had misoprosol induced MC (no D&E needed) on 11/23.  No development from the previous week's scan.

What brings you here?  Entertainment, any wisdom I can draw, support.

How long do you think you'll be here? Hopefully 3 months or less.

How has being benched/TTA been going?  It is going OK.  I am anxious for my next follow-up and HCG check a week from today.   With my previous loss it took 31 days to get a period.  Hoping this one is equally as fast.  They were about the same time.  I am hoping that I can start the plan for clomid and luteal phase support I last discussed with the RE when I get that first period but will be OK if I have to wait for the cycle after that.

Anything else you'd like to share? Is it Friday yet?!

QOTW:  What are you looking forward to most in December? Why? Vacation!  I'm not feeling overly festive so far this year, but I am looking forward to having almost 2 weeks off.  Hoping I can get some painting projects done on the house during that time.  Better to do it when I'm not KU!

FiancB

TW/TMI loss

Are you benched or TTA? Benched

What brings you here? Found a MMC on Monday, started bleeding a little on Tuesday. I have a followup U/S on Tuesday and we'll go from there. I'm leaning toward doing a D&E and getting it over with. 

How long do you think you'll be here? I want to start trying again asap so hopefully not long. I started temping although I wonder if reporting bleeding is going to screw up my predictions for future cycles. My cycles have always been very regular and I hope that continues to be the case when this is all over. 

How has being benched/TTA been going? Sucks yo. But I feel much better today. I just want it to be over and to be able to move on. I've pretty much totally detached from this embryo already and am somewhat thinking of it as being like a kidney stone or something that just needs to come out. Waiting sucks. The movies make it seem like a mc goes so fast, and I thought that might be the case for me since I passed clots out of nowhere but then the bleeding all but stopped shortly after.  

Anything else you'd like to share? I haven't worn a pad since high school and I feel like I'm wearing a damn diaper. I'm not even bleeding enough to warrant it but I'm paranoid. 

QOTW:  What are you looking forward to most in December? Why? Break from school, obviously. I'm not a big Christmas person and probably will be even less so after all this. 

Whovian10

@FiancB pads are the WORST! I really haven't bled that bad but I'm anxious to not be wearing one. Hopefully all your testing goes well next week.

MrsBinPA

@FiancB  the pad was the WORST part of both my losses.  I did a happy dance the other day when I didn't need one anymore from this one.

Sorry for your loss & that you're back here with me (and others) from July bumpies.   I hope your follow-up goes well.  I used misoprostol for my MC instead of waiting it out.  If it hadn't worked they were going to do D&E.  Honestly it wasn't that bad for me especially with pain pills.  I didn't really even need them.   I think I had 2 less days of light bleeding/spotting with this method vs the totally natural one I had the last time.  I've never had a D&C/E and would have liked to have less bleeding days, but was ultimately OK with not having an invasive procedure.

PeggyOlsonFTW

Are you benched or TTA? Benched

What brings you here? Another mc. Second one in three months.

How long do you think you'll be here? I dunno. Til January at least. 

How has being benched/TTA been going? since Tuesday.

Anything else you'd like to share? I'm having the worst fucking day. DS fell and hurt his knee. He kept limping and asking me to kiss it. It keeps giving out on him and he can't run like he wants to. I have to bring him in to the doctor after his nap today to make sure he didn't sprain or break anything. Unless of course, he wakes up and he's fine. My OB's office called and told me my HCG was 17 and I was having an early mc. Duh. I wasn't calling to ask you what was happening. I was calling to tell you so that it's in my medical records. And when I was putting DS down for a nap, the dog got into the trash and started eating bloody pads. KILL ME.

QOTW:  What are you looking forward to most in December? Why? It being over. The day after Christmas I have to see my preggo, no-filter, says whatever she thinks SIL who is probably going to ask about why I'm not pregnant again yet. And my follow up with my OB is at the end of the month and I just want to talk with her and know what our next steps are.

Sorry for being such a Debbie Downer today.

Whovian10

@kbhb13 I respect your Debbie Downerness. We all need a good vent right now. Could someone talk to SIL? I'm just waiting for questions when we go visit our family. I really don't mind to be open about it but one of my cousins is autistic so I'm trying to prep myself for no-filter questions from him. 

PeggyOlsonFTW

@Whovian10 No one in my immediate family knows about my second loss. Just my H and three best friends .My family isn't the open, sharing, let's talk about our feelings type. My mom never gave me the period or sex talk, so talking about reproductive issues with her feels weird. 

SIL will probably end up bringing it up in her jokey kind of way (really, she's harmless and one of the sweetest, most thoughtful people I know, she just has no filter between her brain and her mouth) and I'll probably end up blurting out what happened this month. I just don't think I'll be ready to bring it up before then because no one knew about my pregnancy anyway. 

FiancB

I can definitely relate to the knowing. My symptoms seemed to kick in pretty dramatically around 5 weeks but then faded to near nothing at 6. I thought they'd come back but they didn't. I kept telling myself that missed miscarriages are relatively rare and everything would be fine but I felt terrible before my ultrasound. 

@KDHB13 I know what you mean by not having touchy-feely family. IMO it's a really rude question even in a joking manner so I wouldn't feel bad about blurting it out at that point. But I'm a vindictive bitch like that. 

MRSCORKER

@FiancB For me, it was just a gut feeling and not really related to symptoms. I was only 4w 3d and was torn because I felt like I had symptoms but I kept telling myself it was too early for them. Most of what I was feeling were symptoms that I always get before AF except for the intense lower back pain. I've had lower back cramps but this was radiating down into my hips and knees. FX we all get our rainbow soon. I'm sorry we're all benched this way