Going to a wedding with a newborn?

tgortney

I know it's a little early to ask this question for this BMB but this has been bugging me.

My due date is May 7, give or take. DH's best friend's wedding is June 18. DH will be a groomsmen so he has to be there. I think I can go (if healthy enough) but I'm not sure if I want to take the baby. DH wants to bring him so his friends can meet the baby but I'm not sure how much of a hassle that will be (feeding, changing, crying/stressed baby, being exposed to potentially sick people etc etc).

My thought is, 1.) leave him for a few hours with my parents and we go to the wedding and we leave early 2.) only DH goes and me and baby stay home. The latter option makes me sad because his best friend was part of our wedding and I want to see his wedding also. But I know you have to make sacrifices when baby comes.

Any suggestions? How hard would it be to manage a newborn at a wedding? Too much stress on baby? I wouldn't be part of it, just a guest. We will probably leave early too.

Thanks!!

mcb2016

I think it's way too early to be worrying about it. A lot of it will depend on what kind of newborn you have. Before the wedding I'd have your DH talk to the bride and groom about their thoughts on the baby coming to the wedding. 

tgortney

The bride and groom want to us to bring the baby, they've told us that since they got engaged last month so that's not a problem.

I suppose the biggest problem is whether the venue has a place for me to feed (besides a bathroom) and change him (bathroom is ok for that).

yogahh

Personally I would get a sitter and use it as a chance to have a date night. Dance, have a drink and enjoy the evening with hubs.

amscape

If possible I would look at having a sitter at the venue. My sister did that with her 3 mo old twins at my wedding last year & it was great bc they could bring them out when wanted & still have a good adult time too. You can also see if another family wants to combine with you for the sitter.

kbrands7

I didn't bring DS to really large gatherings until he was at least 2 months and had some immunity built up and the first round of vaccines. We had a wedding to go to when he was 2 months old and we had my parents watch him and I pumped milk for him and stashed a handpump and small cooler in my bag to bring with me. We were out for about 4 hours I think.

lionstigersbears

I did this, for a wedding I was in! My best friend got married when my son was very young. My husband took on the role of wearing him and we timed it so I could feed him regularly (but had some pumped milk ready too). It wasn't he easiest thing in the world, but would have been easier if the food source was the primary caregiver that day! Wearing the baby in a wrap or carrier keeps nosey, germy fingers away much more too.

saladflambe

They may want you to bring the baby, but I highly doubt they'll have any time to actually spend with the baby. Ultimately, they won't care if the baby is there. They just won't.

I would leave the baby with your parents and leave the wedding early. Or, drive separately so you can leave early but your husband can stay if need be.

Missingchampagne

saladflambe said:

They may want you to bring the baby, but I highly doubt they'll have any time to actually spend with the baby. Ultimately, they won't care if the baby is there. They just won't.

I would leave the baby with your parents and leave the wedding early. Or, drive separately so you can leave early but your husband can stay if need be.

Agreed. They will spend about two seconds going "aww" and then the baby will fall squarely on you to manage and you'll have added hassle to your lives for that two seconds. The couple will be completely swept up in their wedding, as they should be. I think the opportunity for a date will be really appreciated at that point, get prettied up and take a night off! Dance with your husband and don't worry about who has the baby!

mrstmoose

My BIL is getting married two weeks after my due date (I'm due 5/27 and he's getting married on 6/11). I'm not going to miss his wedding but there's no way I'm leaving the baby with anyone when s/he is that young. DH is the best man and will be busy most of the day. I will get there at the absolute latest time I have to be there and we will probably leave really early (like after dinner/toasts). At that point, I figure we will have bigger fish to fry and really won't want to stay that long.

Pascal86

Also this seems hard to plan out this early when you don't know if the baby's actually going to be born on the due date yet. If they're born a week late, you might view the situation a little differently, vs. if it's born two weeks early or something.

BuzzBee614

I agree with PP, but also it's going to be hard for you to make a decision ahead of time because you have no idea how you're going to feel. We were supposed to go to a wedding a month after DD was born but decided to skip it for many reasons such as I couldn't stand to be separated from her and I didn't feel like pumping in the middle of the wedding and didn't want the hassle of worrying about my boobs. Also, my due date was June 6, I didn't have DD until June 14th, and didn't get out of the hospital with her until the 21st, so that was another factor for me. 

I would not have cared if DH went, but he'd rather have stayed home with us. I know in your situation that's not an option, but I don't think you'll know how you feel until you're in it. It may be a great date night for you!

EErin86

I totally get how you feel! I'm due may 12 and my sister is getting married June 25 with me as the maid of honor and my husband as a groomsman. The wedding is also 6 hours away so we will be making it a long weekend away. I'm hoping a relative or friend will want to watch the baby during the ceremony and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for an easygoing baby!!! It will be quite the adventure, and I'm not counting on anything going as planned.

thismakes4

With DS1 I went to my SIL's wedding 2 hours away while overdue pregnant and had a blast. With DS2 I had to drive 3.5 hours one way to my cousins wedding while DS2 was only 9 days old. That situation was a little harder but we still had an amazing time. He slept through most of it. I wore a dress that had easy boob access. The post partum bleeding was the most annoying thing. But it was a family wedding so I had lots of help. With DS3 I had to drive 10+ hours one way to SoCal for my brothers funeral by myself (I wasn't going to miss it) and DS3 was only 9 days old when I left. That was a pretty difficult trip but mostly because I was an emotional wreck. Now that I'm pregnant with baby #4 one of my bffs is getting married a week before I'm due and I just can't make that 10+ hour drive by myself with 3 children while I'm that pregnant. She's kinda upset about it but understands.

I would say it depends on your own situation. How far away is the wedding? How do you feel? How easy/hard is the baby? And be flexible to leave early or perhaps not go... The bride and groom will understand. Maybe ask where the venue is so you can look in advance and see if it's accommodating. Also since your dh is in the wedding maybe you can bring someone with you to help out with the baby so you can use the restroom and eat and socialize. It's easier when you have someone to depend on.

camillaandcarson

Babies that young are super portable and sleepy. In that situation I would wear the baby and attend the wedding.

Jenly17

I agree with @lionstigersbears that if you're nursing, you're going to want to bring the babe. Pumping is pretty much the worst if you're in a formal dress! Also, at 1.5months old, the baby does nothing and requires nothing but eat and sleep, so it's not like you're going to be passing around a sleeping baby. Your LO will most like be in some type of carrier (stroller or car seat) so that will hopefully prevent the germy hands touching your LO.

I had a very difficult time leaving my daughter at that age, but maybe it will be different for you. I think you're just going to have to feel it out once your baby arrives.

tgortney

Thanks for the great replies ladies!! Lots of great tips and suggestions I was looking for. I definitely realize that it would depend on how my newborn is and if there are complications or anything and our overall health.

I did let my DH know that if baby or I are still in the hospital, he can't go, just in case something bad were to happen.

Wedding is about an hour from us at most. I don't know exactly where the venue is but the couple has changed it 3 times already. Hopefully this is the permanent location lol.

To the ladies that attended weddings 1-2 weeks after giving birth *applause*

To the ladies that are in the weddings! I'm so glad my situation isn't as sticky as yours. Good luck to you

countrygrl5533

camillaandcarson said:

Babies that young are super portable and sleepy. In that situation I would wear the baby and attend the wedding.

This. Newborns are super portable. We were going places other than the grocery store at 2 weeks. It will all depend on how you're feeling, how baby is, etc. It might even have to be a "game time" decision.

jdrdnr

We will be taking a 1 week old to a wedding in May. If it wasn't because they are family and pretty much required to be there I would not be taking a newborn to a wedding. As a new mom you will not be in a sleeping schedule and you will be in the phase of still figuring the babies different cries out.

proudparent2b

My concern would be the baby crying during the wedding, especially if the couple is having the wedding video taped. Although it might seem cute to have the LO there, if the baby interrupts an important part of the service, the couple may quickly change their minds.

doozer1345

Play it by ear if you feel like going for sure. I went to a wedding by myself with DD when she was 5 mos. I did end up getting up with her and walking with her bc she got fussy but it wasn't a big deal. I had scoped out the place before I sat down so I knew where the bathrooms and exits were.

dshannah

Also putting this out there: when the bride and groom say they want the baby there, chances are what they are saying is that they want *you* there, and they are trying to be supportive of your need to be with baby. For my wedding, I opened the bridal prep room to nursing moms and (since we had lots of kids coming) actually hired a set of sitters myself (and brought games and art supplies for the kiddos, which we set up in a room adjacent to the bridal prep room and the banquet hall).  We did all of this not to see the kids (though they were adorable), but because we wanted to see their parents and make sure their parents had a good time at our wedding.

Clearly, you're going to have to make some "game-day" decisions, but I think the bride and groom will not be upset if you leave baby at home, or if you come wearing baby and duck out a lot to nurse.

Bltbear82

We are going to a wedding 3 weeks after I'm due. It's our close friends but it is local and I'm planning to duck out as needed and they've offered a room for me to nurse etc. I'm more worried about how I'll be feeling. Last time I was out and about but running to the store and for coffee is different than getting dressed up and going to a wedding. I'm planning to wear baby because I don't want anyone touching him that young, especially anyone that's been drinking or that's traveled. Luckily it's not a family wedding otherwise I'm sure that last bit would be much harder to enforce.

Scottwswife

Wear all the babies! You can get a really pretty ring sling on etsy.

tgortney

Thank you so much ladies! Lots of good points here!

I'll bring these points up to DH and we'll discuss what we can do, worse case scenario, we'll just leave him with my parents (which I think will be hard because I'll be really attached to my new baby) and enjoy ourselves instead.

Lots and lots of consider

DanandVan

Bring baby with you. You never know when baby will want to nurse, and I would spend the entire time worrying that baby needed me if I left him or her with a sitter.
Nurse wherever you are at! No need to excuse yourself to a bathroom to nurse. I brought my 6 mo old to a wedding a few years ago, and nursed her (under a cover), and wore her in a ring sling and it was perfect. Wearing baby is also a great way to keep germs away and keep people from touching and passing baby around.
I would also suggest driving separately from your husband if you can. That way you and baby can leave when you want/need to.

lest12

I would totally be stressed worrying about this too, but unfortunately you might need to wait until it is closer to make a decision!

Personally, I would bring the baby.  It would be way too soon for me to leave him at home and have a good time without him, and if you're breastfeeding that adds a whole other dimension of stress.  I remember going to my sister's bachelorette party when DS was 8 weeks old and I just wasn't into it.  I missed my kid, and ended up crying while manually pumping in the bathroom at a fancy restaurants in downtown Boston. 

But that is just me.  Some people want the night out and there's nothing wrong with that either.  You won't know how you're feeling until you're there. 

And like PP said, it does depend on your newborn's temperament.  Some babies can handle that situation much better than others.  Sadly, another thing we cannot predict!

Good luck either way! 

 

Lusitano8

I would use the opportunity to get a sitter and enjoy the wedding. 

Some pediatricians recommend not bringing such a young baby around that many people especially where people will want to touch or hold the baby for risk of your LO getting sick. I wouldn't bring the baby for this reason on top of the extra hassle of changing feeding etc. 

missnc77

My friends with a new baby actually brought her mom with her for our wedding. They did some family things, and then the night of the wedding/reception, her mom relaxed with the baby. She even left the reception briefly to go nurse, which was totally fine with me. I don't know if that's doable for your situation, but it was kind of the best of both worlds for them.

Edit: To clarify, she didn't bring her mom to the wedding. Her mom just relaxed in her hotel room with the baby during our wedding.