Thanksgiving gone wrong- ADVICE!

BecNJake

Looking for some advice!

My brother in law was holding my LO last night during thanksgiving dinner. He asked me a few minutes into dinner if it is ok if LO has sweet potatoes. I said "of course not, he is 12 weeks old. Infants only drink breast milk (My LO EBF's)." He said "Oh- well I already fed him turkey so I guess not". I immediately got up, grabbed my baby and walked out of the room. After discussing with DH, we promptly left the gathering. I was upset first of all because that was my experience to have and my decision to make for LO. I should be the one to decide when and where LO experiences which foods for the first time. This was his first food ever and I missed out. I was upset also because he could have choked! And his little tummy isn't ready for anything besides my milk- let alone meat. (I plan to EBF for 6 months). I was especially surprised he did that considering he has a 1 y.o. daughter. Nobody feeds someone's baby without asking first, am I wrong? Did I over react by leaving? I just wanted to feel like my baby was safe, and I feel like he crossed a line. I'm having a hard time letting this go! The rest of DH's family is mad at us for leaving, and giving us the cold shoulder today. My family says I did the right thing. I would appreciate your thoughts, plus any tips for how to proceed in dealing with DH's family! Thank you in advance and happy thanksgiving to all of you in the US!

irohspupil

I probably wouldn't have left but I definitely would have given everyone there an earful. I don't know; I think you reacted about the same way I would have.
When we visited family, both DH and I said at least three times each, very loudly, that no one was to give LO anything besides the bottle of formula I brought. We then watched his family and later my family like hawks to make sure our wishes were followed. Your BILdidn't do this with malicious intent; he just wasn't thinking and it's possible he did this sort of thing with his kid. You can't assume that just because someone also had a kid that they did/do things just like you. My mom's MIL fed my brother gravy when he was 6 weeks old because she thought he was too small. My mom of course flipped and it caused a giant fight between them that lasted until the following summer.

I don't know what your family is like, so I can't tell you how to go from here. I think if your BIL apologized, then there's not much else he can do to make it right.
Also, you need to call your pediatrician and tell them what happened.

tarheelgirl8

I probably wouldn't have left but I definitely would have been pissed. Turkey of all things?! Could have easily choked. Did you ask him for more details? Like how much. Maybe he just meant that he let LO taste it but not really eat it. Either way id still be mad, but he probably wasn't doing it to intentionally piss you off. As far as it being an experience for you to have, yes you're right, but it happened and you can't undo it. And the truth is your LO won't remember. Try to let it go.

MouseMama817

If the rest of the family made you feel like you were overreacting by being upset then yes, I would've left as well. Otherwise I just would've taken my baby back and given him a BIG piece of my mind. Like @tarheelgirl8 said, LO wont remember that incident as her first food so you should try to let that part of it go. I would be more concerned with the health reasons of your LO being given food before 6 months. 

Has your BIL apologized? If he has, I'd let it go and move on. He may have a daughter but that doesn't mean he's up on things the way you are. I'm a FTM so I can't say this with any certainty, but it's possible that a year ago it was thought to be acceptable to allow 4 month olds to try solids. Even if it wasn't, a lot of parents consider it a matter of preference instead of a matter of health safety. But I 100% agree that he should've asked before giving someone else's child food. 

Flurison

OMG I would have been livid, that's so dangerous.  I probably would have reacted the same way.  I think my gut instinct is to hold a grudge and burn bridges but I try to avoid it because I know it's not right or healthy - but I wouldn't blame you in the least if you are still upset about it.  For the sake of family I would try to get past it so that you can have get togethers in the future that aren't uncomfortable.  At the next gathering I would make it very clear to everyone that you and DH are in charge of LO's intake, no one else.

BecNJake

Great advice thank you, we did call the pediatrician and the on call nurse said since he had safely swallowed it he would either poop weird or throw it up. He ended up just pooping weird. Trying to let it go

jen83mn

I would be pissed!! I actually had a dream my grandma fed my 13-week-old baby cereal and I was SO angry and went off on her in my dream.

You have EVERY right to be upset and I would have done the same thing. No one should be making those decisions except you as parents!

That being said, you will have to forgive them for baby's sake, but I definitely would have a hard time trusting them in the future!

hcrish

I would be absolutely livid! I DEFINITELY would have left like you did (glad to hear your DH sided with you and left as well), however I wouldn't have left very quietly. Screw your DH's family if they think what your BIL did was perfectly ok. Stand your ground on this any anything else when it comes to the well being of YOUR child! YOU know what's best.

princesslockness

messymolly08 said:

If the rest of the family made you feel like you were overreacting by being upset then yes, I would've left as well. Otherwise I just would've taken my baby back and given him a BIG piece of my mind. Like @tarheelgirl8 said, LO wont remember that incident as her first food so you should try to let that part of it go. I would be more concerned with the health reasons of your LO being given food before 6 months. 

Has your BIL apologized? If he has, I'd let it go and move on. He may have a daughter but that doesn't mean he's up on things the way you are. I'm a FTM so I can't say this with any certainty, but it's possible that a year ago it was thought to be acceptable to allow 4 month olds to try solids. Even if it wasn't, a lot of parents consider it a matter of preference instead of a matter of health safety. But I 100% agree that he should've asked before giving someone else's child food. 

My Pedi has us starting baby food at 17w. I'm too feed at least 1 oz of puree each day. So it really depends on the doctor.

BecNJake

Thank you all for your advice and feedback. Ive cooled off a little now, still upset but I know I need to forgive and move on, I can't change it. Will be more careful in trusting too easily in the future. And yes he did apologize, he sincerely thought it wasn't a big deal.

MouseMama817

Kate08Young said:

messymolly08 said:

If the rest of the family made you feel like you were overreacting by being upset then yes, I would've left as well. Otherwise I just would've taken my baby back and given him a BIG piece of my mind. Like @tarheelgirl8 said, LO wont remember that incident as her first food so you should try to let that part of it go. I would be more concerned with the health reasons of your LO being given food before 6 months. 

Has your BIL apologized? If he has, I'd let it go and move on. He may have a daughter but that doesn't mean he's up on things the way you are. I'm a FTM so I can't say this with any certainty, but it's possible that a year ago it was thought to be acceptable to allow 4 month olds to try solids. Even if it wasn't, a lot of parents consider it a matter of preference instead of a matter of health safety. But I 100% agree that he should've asked before giving someone else's child food. 

My Pedi has us starting baby food at 17w. I'm too feed at least 1 oz of puree each day. So it really depends on the doctor.

Our pediatrician directed us to wait until 6 months, when studies show the baby's gut is more sealed to prevent possible food allergies. Different MD's may direct their patients differently, as you said. Ours follows AAP guidelines.

ETA: The only reason for deviation I know of is if a child is having slow weight gain or reflux issues, which fortunately isn't the case for our LO so I don't know the earliest age at which it's recommended.