Intro, new here (losses mentioned) and a little scared for D&C tomorrow

ceu

Hi all,
I just found out my little one's heart stopped yesterday, though we knew it wasn't looking good from week 7. This is our second pregnancy, the first we lost at 7w0d in early August of this year. We were so excited to have a second chance. I'm 36, we have no other children. I go in for a D&C tomorrow, and am frightened. The doctor suspects this is a partial molar pregnancy, though I have absolutely no symptoms. He believes my hcg is elevated (43k at 7w5d), and thinks he can see things in the ultrasound that look like molar growths. Anyone have advice for tomorrow and the coming weeks of waiting for results and to feel better? Through this all my mom was diagnosed with metastatic ovarian cancer Just two weeks ago. I am having a hard time being supportive of her and also being kind to myself. Thanks in advance and for having me.

ceclarlinetlo

**previous losses mentioned**

I'm so sorry for your two losses. I had two MMC this year - one in December and one in July and I had a D&C for both. I'm not a doctor but I can tell you that an hcg of 43k is not "too high" for 7 weeks. They checked my levels when they didn't see a heartbeat (I should have been 6w6d) and I was over 68k and they told me that was a totally normal level for that gestation. Also when they did my first D&C they sent the tissue for testing to make sure it wasn't molar because it looked like it could have been and it turned out to be fine.

Tomorrow will be an emotional day for sure - my advice is to just let yourself feel what ever you feel. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Also if you can - rest a lot the day or two afterwards.

GoldenKeys

Hello,

I am so sorry for your losses.  I agree with ceclarinetlo that 43k doesn't seem inordinately high to me.   Waiting for the results is positively awful and the only thing that I could do during that time was to get a lot of sleep, take good care of myself and I also took some St John's wort which seemed to help just a little bit.   Please try to refrain from Googling too much because it will make you feel worse.

There are some boards on here that are amazing resources for you at this time:  the Loss board, and when you are ready, TTCAL (Trying to conceive after a Loss).

You and your mother are in my thoughts and prayers today.

jbal918

I'm sorry I don't have any advice but I do want to say you and your mother are both in my thoughts. If you need to vent, we are all here for you.

*edited for spelling

ceu

Thanks everyone. Your responses made me feel a lot better. I had a breast biopsy about two weeks ago (found a lump the day after my mom was diagnosed with cancer), and while more routine and less invasive than a d&c, they took 3 cores and I physically didn't do that well due to a vascular issue I have always had. I also had another procedure 2 years ago where I metabolized the anesthesia too quickly and could feel everything after 5 minutes! I think the fear something like that will happen again has me totally wigging out over here!!
I'm going to try and stay off the googs, and make some time for a self done pedi/face mask/ etc. maybe even a mimosa on Sunday if there is no lingering nausea. I'll keep you posted. Thanks again for your kindness.

BrightenMySky

Those all sound like great ways to take care of yourself.  Sending good thoughts to you and your mom.

Plainjanie

 I am sorry that you went through that. I hope today is a better day and you were able to get all those self care things done and maybe had that drink Sunday!  I wanted to say Welcome and that your Mom is in my prayers. It is a tough thing to have a parent sick. I am struggling with that myself.  

ceu

Thank you, it's hard trying to be good to myself and stay in LA unread of flying home to Cleveland to be with my mom for Thanksgiving and her first round of chemo.
The procedure went relatively well I think. Minimal discomfort and bleeding. I'm anxiously awaiting results and am hoping we get the green light to start trying again soon. My husband wants to wait until we get some sort of answers, but I'm afraid we will be among the 50% or more who never get answers. I don't want to waste any time! I also don't want anymore heartache. Two losses in four months has been really hard.
I want to thank you all for your kind words and support. I hope I am in the appropriate group. It occurred to me maybe I should have posted in the miscarriage and loss page? Anyhow thanks for accepting me here.

lily55d

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I hope you have a speedy recovery and also your mom. Sending hugs! 

ceu

I went in for a follow up appointment with a different doctor, since my insurance changed.  They did an internal ultrasound since I was having some discomfort (bloating, and pain).  My new doctor found something in my uterus!?  She thinks it could just be a big clot, or a fibroid.  She's suggesting doing another D&C.  She prescribed me doxycycline in the case it was an infection.  

Anyone have any experience with having to go back for a second D&C?  I just want this to be over.  Can't I just go back to normal?  I wasn't even allowed to miscarry naturally.  I'm still having trouble fitting into my pants.  It just feels like I'm still pregnant, and am stuck in this crazy limbo.

ceclarlinetlo

I'm sorry you've had so many complications. I have definitely read stories on the miscarriage/loss boards of ladies having to have a second.

****previous loss mentioned****

Also, after my second loss it took a few weeks for my boobs to go back to normal and it was over two months before I got back into my normal pants - I know how much that sucks. After a loss you have the same crash in hormones as after birth - And that's definitely contributing to how you're feeling in addition to just normal grief. I know it's so hard right now - just remember that you are only 2 weeks out - it will get easier from here.

ceu

Thank you so much, ceclarlinetlo.  I am glad you talked about your experiences.  I'm so anxious to just be done with this pregnancy, so that I can grieve in some sort of meaningful way.  I hope that makes sense.  I can't even book my flight home to be with my mom during her recovery, because I don't know what my recovery looks like.  I feel like my heart is a little yo-yo, or I'm on some crazy roller coaster that has high climbs, and low falls.  My hormones are totally getting the better of me, but so is the anxiety something is really wrong with me.  I think I saw so much change in my body, and did the last time too.  When I miscarried naturally the first time, it seemed my body did all the work of reverting back to normal somewhat instantaneously, but with this D&C, my body is still clinging to something in my uterus and making it harder to recover.