Attachment Parenting

AP failure

I feel like everything I've wanted as a parent has been a failure. Breastfeeding hasn't been successful despite many visits to IBCLC, tongue clipping, chiropractor work, I'm exclusively pumping to give her breast milk. We nurse for comfort about once per day and she falls asleep, which I love but hesitate to do more often because her latch is incredibly painful on my nipples. I hope we can eventually get her back to breast in the coming months. Because I'm constantly using my pump due to low supply (every 2 to 3 hours), I haven't been wearing baby and even have had to get help to care for her when I'm pumping. We don't cosleep yet, she's 7 weeks old and I'm just too scared of it yet. We will cosleep when she's older, for now she's in a bassinet right by my side of the bed. So right now we are not breastfeeding, wearing much, or cosleeping....yet I strongly desire to raise her in AP style. Any tips for me to increase our bond despite these obstacles?

Re: AP failure

  • I agree with the previous poster. And you ARE co sleeping... if you are meaning bed sharing, that is a form of co sleeping. There are different ways to co sleep. 
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  • We co sleep in an arms reach co sleeper. I can't bf or pump due to our relationship. In fact we met at less than a week old! We are very attached. Respond to the needs. If that means not pumping maybe that would be better. Spending more time together and getting to know her cries and caring for her might be better. I'm not in your shoes. I don't know the answer. Pumping some and formula for the rest might help.
  • My milk supply was so low the lactation consultants basically said I could put him to my breast for comfort but that was about it. This was after weeks of struggle, crying, pumping DROPS and getting not even a half ounce out of each side in a 24 hour period. He's formula fed now and I nurse for comfort in the morning and before bed and throughout the day if he's fussy but some days not at all.

    We have a snuggle nest that sits between us in bed. I feel safe with that. Look into it. I wear him in public and maybe once a day for a bit at home but I find myself even using the stroller more than expected due to back pain that occurred during my horrible pumping, nursing cycle that I did for weeks where I was doing one or the other every hour.

    Anyway, if you're bonding through snuggles songs touch etc you're doing good! There's no right or wrong way to parent if you're doing the best you can.
  • I agree with PPs on this.  My kids are big now -- see ticker below.  When I think back to what it was like when my DD was a newborn -- wow! It was SO hard at first!  A lot of the things I had thought I'd do totally didn't work.  I basically spent the first 10 weeks figuring out my own style.

    I agree with a lot of AP tenets, but I didn't co-sleep, didn't babywear as much as I thought I would, and other stuff.  My period came back when DD was about 4 months old, and it really messed up my supply.  I was devastated at first.  But then I realized if I just gave her formula about once a day, it was totally fine.  My supply leveled off to meet that demand, I wasn't stressed, I could still BF, she got enough to eat -- a good deal all around.

    The point is, sometimes you have to improvise.  True AP is all about that, not about a textbook notion of what you "must" do to be an attached parent.
    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
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