How were you feeling when you first started TTC post-loss?

1faceinacrowd

How did you guys feel during your first cycle of TTC after pregnancy loss? 

Last month I got pregnant on my very first month of TTC and we were soooo ecstatic, over-the-moon excited. So when we lost the baby on Halloween, I was devastated. Of course, I went to the doctor for a follow-up and got the green light to start trying whenever we felt ready. And I did feel ready, until I started having my normal ovulation symptoms (and got a positive OPK that night). Now, I'm super anxious/sad/stressed. I know I want a baby, but my excitement for being pregnant again is totally gone. I'm dreading taking a pregnancy test in a couple of weeks. Did anyone else experience this? Does this feeling go away eventually? I feel like at this point I might even be relieved if AF comes, which doesn't make sense because we REALLY want another baby. Ugh, I don't know. I was sure that I felt ready.

mrsmommya

When I had my first period I was so excited to get another chance. I also got pregnant with my loss the first month...so thought I had a chance of getting pregnant fast again. I am currently waiting for my period. We did try this month but I don't think we are getting our bfp. The two week wait has been extremely stressful.

kmmharrison

This is our first month TTCAL. I had a little bit of a freak out while WTO and ended up calling the doctor to schedule a consult. We basically had the same conversation we had when I went in the week after my MC except that he told me I can call as soon as I get a BFP and come in to have lab work done. I really do think something is wonky with my hormone levels. Charting has just made me worry about that more.
When I started my FW, we were excited. Now we are in our TWW and very hopeful. I think I'm more afraid of a BFN than another MC at this stage. Once we get a BFP, I'm sure I'll start worrying about another MC immediately.

Hang in there ladies! FX

FireInWonderland

I have felt exactly the same. I was excited, and then I realized there was a chance I'm pregnant again. I haven't felt right about it since I realized it was possible. I'm not sure how I'll feel if it turns out that I'm pregnant again. I'm not sure if I'm excited or just terrified of the chance of going through another loss so soon.

PeggyOlsonFTW

Terrified. I didn't know how badly I wanted a second baby til I lost ours. We conceived DS when we were barely trying and our second BFP was a big surprise - we had unprotected sex once, not super close to when I thought I would O and I ended up pregnant. Now we're actively trying and part of me thinks that since the last two were easy, this one will be too, but I know that I could've just been lucky those times. I'm terrified of seeing a BFN and our timing wasn't great this month, so I'm not optimistic, but at the same time I think I'm going to be crushed if AF comes.

1faceinacrowd

mrsmommya said:

When I had my first period I was so excited to get another chance. I also got pregnant with my loss the first month...so thought I had a chance of getting pregnant fast again. I am currently waiting for my period. We did try this month but I don't think we are getting our bfp. The two week wait has been extremely stressful.

The TWW is the worst. I'm pretty sure I just ovulated yesterday (based only on positive OPK and cramping on one side that I get during ovulation) so I have a while before I can test. I know that once I get a positive, I can go in and get my levels checked immediately which I think is helpful to know, but it's still awful having to wait! I'll have my fingers crossed for a bfp for you.

1faceinacrowd

kmmharrison said:

This is our first month TTCAL. I had a little bit of a freak out while WTO and ended up calling the doctor to schedule a consult. We basically had the same conversation we had when I went in the week after my MC except that he told me I can call as soon as I get a BFP and come in to have lab work done. I really do think something is wonky with my hormone levels. Charting has just made me worry about that more. When I started my FW, we were excited. Now we are in our TWW and very hopeful. I think I'm more afraid of a BFN than another MC at this stage. Once we get a BFP, I'm sure I'll start worrying about another MC immediately. Hang in there ladies! FX

I hope you get a BFP this month! My doc said I can come in to have my levels checked as soon as I get a bfp as well, which is helpful. Keeping my fingers crossed for you, and for everyone else!!

1faceinacrowd

FireInWonderland said:

I have felt exactly the same. I was excited, and then I realized there was a chance I'm pregnant again. I haven't felt right about it since I realized it was possible. I'm not sure how I'll feel if it turns out that I'm pregnant again. I'm not sure if I'm excited or just terrified of the chance of going through another loss so soon.

I noticed in your signature that you've had two losses. I'm so sorry. Dang it! I hope everything turns out okay with your next pregnancy and you bring a beautiful and healthy baby into the world soon! 

FireInWonderland

1faceinacrowd said:

I noticed in your signature that you've had two losses. I'm so sorry. Dang it! I hope everything turns out okay with your next pregnancy and you bring a beautiful and healthy baby into the world soon! 

Thank you. It took a long time to recover from the first one - I was crushed, and with this second one, I'm just now starting to let it all in. Still trying to figure out everything, but hopefully the doctor will have some answers when she calls back today or tomorrow. I want to go in and get another lab to see where my levels are now.

1faceinacrowd

FireInWonderland said:

Thank you. It took a long time to recover from the first one - I was crushed, and with this second one, I'm just now starting to let it all in. Still trying to figure out everything, but hopefully the doctor will have some answers when she calls back today or tomorrow. I want to go in and get another lab to see where my levels are now.

If it's any consolation, I've read a TON of studies and articles about conception after loss, and if you conceive within 6 months of a miscarriage, the chances of it happening again are extremely low. Your chance of recurrence does go up once you pass that 6 month mark, so if you are pregnant now, statistics are on your side. 

FireInWonderland

1faceinacrowd said:

If it's any consolation, I've read a TON of studies and articles about conception after loss, and if you conceive within 6 months of a miscarriage, the chances of it happening again are extremely low. Your chance of recurrence does go up once you pass that 6 month mark, so if you are pregnant now, statistics are on your side. 

Thank you

kmmharrison

@1faceinacrowd Thank you! Also, it looks like we are at similar points in our cycles. I'm just a few days ahead of you. We can wait it out together. DH has my pregnancy tests hidden until at least Black Friday.

DaniGrace89

I'm finding myself super anxious as well.

Terrified to ever see a positive pregnancy test ever again.

But more terrified to get my period. I'm so scared to be bleeding again. I feel like it will be a reminder of the loss. Ugh. Hoping for some positives for us followed by healthy pregnancies and babes

lilyaster

I'm not quite there yet, but I feel a sense of dread thinking about going through the first trimester again. I dread how crappy I will feel, I dread going to appointments and hearing everything looks great, because we did and it was, and then it wasn't. I dread the possibility of spotting because that's how one of my m/c's began. I dread telling friends and family and waiting for their cautious reactions. I dread having my kids worry if the next baby will die too. Their broken hearts hurt as much as mine.

However, I'm just not ready to give up yet on this next, last, child that we want and feel like is missing from our lives.

1faceinacrowd

lilyaster said:

I'm not quite there yet, but I feel a sense of dread thinking about going through the first trimester again. I dread how crappy I will feel, I dread going to appointments and hearing everything looks great, because we did and it was, and then it wasn't. I dread the possibility of spotting because that's how one of my m/c's began. I dread telling friends and family and waiting for their cautious reactions. I dread having my kids worry if the next baby will die too. Their broken hearts hurt as much as mine.

However, I'm just not ready to give up yet on this next, last, child that we want and feel like is missing from our lives.

I'm right here with you. We had just told our parents the night before we lost this last one and news travels like wildfire in our families so I was still getting congratulated for several days after the loss and that was terrible. We hadn't had our first appointment yet; I can't imagine the worry you must feel having been told that everything looked good before a m/c. I hope that everything turns out for you and that the next one sticks and becomes a beautiful and healthy baby!

mrsbenjamindaniel

Oh I empathize you and have been there dear, my best advice is to just give yourself the freedom to cry and feel sad when you need to about tha baby you lost previously and then the freedom to be happy about this coming baby. I just miscarried my second time a few weeks ago and we will be trying again either next month, December or January and we are nervous but happy. But someone gave that advice to me not long ago when TTC for the babies I've miscarried and any future babies---giving yourself lots of freedom and lots of grace love to you fellow mom!