My plan going in is no epidural for as long as I can stand it only because epidurals do slow labor progression and I want to avoid pitocin or a csection due to labor not progressing. Other than that, I am okay with whatever they need to do to get the baby out safely, even if it means a cesarean.
Interesting! I had the opposite experience. 15hrs with no epidural resulted in only 1cm of progress. After the meds, I was able to get to 9.5cm.
Hmm! Maybe what I've heard is wrong, or maybe it's person dependent? Now I'm curious which is true
I think it totally dependent on the person. I had the same experience where the epidural actually sped up my labor progress.
As others have said, talk to your doctor's about what's really important to you and then go with the flow and trust in their medical training and many years of practice.
I went into preterm labor with my water braking suddenly at 34 weeks. I was put on pitocin because I was not dilating at all. I went for hours and hours with no dilation and contractions that weren't strong or close enough together. Then the contractions got stronger and stronger and actually started to hurt and then really hurt. And I still was only at 2cm and my OB was talking about a possible c-section if I didn't dilate fully by something like 20-24 hours of labor. I got an epidural something like 14 hours after my water first broke. I had always planned on one but thought I needed to be more dilated first. I wish I had gotten it sooner, because after the epidural I fell asleep and woke up at 10cm, with baby very low and ready to push. They had to call my OB to come back to the hospital because she went home for dinner expecting me to have that c-section when she got back. I pushed for only one contraction and had a small natural tear.
I'm in the open mind camp. Even with dd, I knew whatever they had to do for healthy mom and healthy baby was a ok with me. My birth was nothing like what I imagined, even with my open mind mentality. I was diagnosed with pre e at 36 weeks, put on bed rest until hopefully 38. However, one week later I was rushed to I&d due to extremely high blood pressure. They started me on something to ripen my cervix and pit. I was on that all day and night, and all the next day. I was also on magnesium, which is basically the worst drug that has ever existed. By the evening when my Dr came in and suggested it was time for a c section, I had dialiated to only a 1. I was so out of it that I don't have a whole lot of memories except that I threw up through the entire surgery. Luckily me and dd both came out of it perfectly healthy. Unfortunately, now I am high risk and have to have an incredible number of Dr appts and ultrasounds, and will be having a rcs at 39 weeks or sooner if needed. After my last experience I fully agree with my drs decision on this. I'm not looking forward to it, especially since I was so out of it last time, I'm assuming I will be a lot more present this time. Not going to lie, birth is scary! As are most things about kids
I love reading birth stories. Going into labor with my first, I wanted as natural of a labor as possible, but wasn't opposed to having an epidural.
At 40w6d, my OB stripped my membranes and at 41w, my water broke at 4am. DH and I went into the hospital an hour later, and by that point I was 3cm dilated. During early labor I walked around and rocked and bounced on a birthing ball. At about 9am and 5cm, I hopped in the jacuzzi tub because things were getting uncomfortable. At 10:15, contractions started to get more uncomfortable and I really had to concentrate on breathing through them. 10:30- DH and I decide I should get out of the tub and have my nurse check on my progress. Suddenly, the contractions are bad. I am absolutely doubled up during them and breaking out in a drenching sweat every time one hits. I tell DH if I'm not close to having the baby, I am absolutely getting an epidural. My nurse comes in to check me and thinks I'm pretty far along when I keep repeating one curse word over and over. She checks and I'm 10cm and ready to push. My nurse goes to get my OB and I tell DH I don't think I'll make it till they get back (I did). Two quick pushes later, DS was born at 11am.
I realize my labor and pushing was pretty quick for a first-timer, but know different coping methods and know what your hospital has available. I gave birth at a baby-friendly hospital, and they were excited when I said that I wanted to stay as natural as possible. Also, my biggest piece of advice- if you feel like you need to poop really, really bad when you're farther along in labor, it probably isn't poop. It's probably a baby head- my nurse talked about an urge to push, and it feels just like a huge, huge poo.
I want to give you the other side of the coin. I'm sure I'm in the minority, but for FWIW, a planned c-section was the best thing ever. I gave birth with my hair blown out and my makeup on, and was eating dinner that night. I felt great and it was really no big deal. I will most likely be having another planned c-section because honestly at this point the prospect of my lady bits being ripped to shreds sounds far scarier than what I already experienced. It may not be what you want, but just know that not every c-section is a bad experience!
That being said, that was not the plan during my first pregnancy and I spent a great deal of the first month feeling like a failure. The only thing I can tell you to plan on is to plan on your plans changing. Good luck and try to enjoy your pregnancy! Everyone has their baby one way or the other, and no one is any less of a mom no matter how it happens!
Hi! My first was a home birth with nothing but water for pain relief...it was 18 hours of intensity with 0 regrets. For me, it was the best choice. I think you'll start to feel what is best for you as you progress through pregnancy and read and experience more. Being informed of the risks and benefits of each choice is the best thing you can do.
By being "cut" do you mean C section or episiotomy? 50% chance of needing a C section is shockingly high, that would ring alarm bells to me coming from my doctor. Wide review on this topic suggests it's close to 15% and even that is generous. A c section (while life saving and needed for some) is a fairly major surgery and has many risks and drawbacks.
Thanks ladies. All of your input has been great !! As a pp stated, the reason I don't want the epidural is first and foremost, to be able to move freely and be in the position I want, among other reasons. The only reason I am considering it is bc the fear of tearing horribly or needing the episiotomy (and then getting stitched up! ). I couldn't imagine that happening without being numb down there! yikes! I am definitely trying to keep an open mind about everything though .
I went med free, had a second degree tear and didn't feel a thing. I was a little distracted by pushing a watermelon out of a keyhole. Ha. When I was being stitched up, they numbed me a bit and stitched things up. I could feel things being pulled through (weirdest thing ever), but I had my newborn on my chest at that point, so I was again distracted. Episiotomies and tearing were my biggest fears going in to labor, and mine ended up not being too big of a deal... just don't sweat it too much, your body knows what to do (for the most part).
noslen0519 brought up a good point that shouldn't be glossed over. Our ultimate goal is to have healthy babies! No matter the circumstance, the goal is the same. During the PP period on my last BMB, some ladies expressed serious feelings of disappointment, self-doubt, etc. about having a c-section. It's different from PPD. I just wanted reiterate, "Everyone has their baby one way or the other, and no one is any less of a mom no matter how it happens."
noslen0519 brought up a good point that shouldn't be glossed over. Our ultimate goal is to have healthy babies! No matter the circumstance, the goal is the same. During the PP period on my last BMB, some ladies expressed serious feelings of disappointment, self-doubt, etc. about having a c-section. It's different from PPD. I just wanted reiterate, "Everyone has their baby one way or the other, and no one is any less of a mom no matter how it happens."
{Stepping off my soap box}
I was scheduled to be induced and was absolutely terrified and disappointed (DS came before the induction though). My husband reminded me that by the end of the week, we'd have a baby one way or the other.
Watch The Business of Being Born, regardless of the type of birth experience you want. Inductions greatly increase your chance of a section. Interventions typically snowball and slow labor.
My first, I wanted a vaginal delivery with an epidural. Went to my 40w appt and my BP was 180/98 and only increased over the day. I had been 2-3cm and contractions 8-10 min apart for 3 days. Induction was offered and accpeted. I had Cervidil and Pitocin and was begging for drugs at 3cm. They stopped everything to let me sleep, then started Pit again in the morning and my water broke and trickled. Eventually got an epidural, didn't work. Nor did the second one. I had so many drugs pushed that I shook on the bed like I was having a seizure. My mom laid across me to keep my limbs and head from beating the sides of the bed. 25-26 hours after induction began, I was told baby was sunny side up, which explained the back pain. I had to lay on my side for an hour with my husband bending and rocking my leg to try to get baby to roll over. That failed and I was closing in on the broken water cut off. Doc put both hands inside me around baby's head as I pushed to help guide him as his heart rate fluctuated with my effort, and I had a tear from that. At 27.5 hours, they prepped me for a section, gave me something else to numb the area. It felt like being unzipped. As soon as I was open, they discovered my infection. Chorioamnionitis. Baby and I were both hospitalized, me for 5 days, him for 10. The section likely saved one or both of our lives but I also wonder if it could have been avoided. If I could have done anything to reduce my BP and wait a few more days. I had a VERY easy section recovery but was/am scarred by the whole experience. I am hoping for a VBAC with no induction or intervention but am not against RCS if necessitated by a medical condition.
Thanks ladies. All of your input has been great !! As a pp stated, the reason I don't want the epidural is first and foremost, to be able to move freely and be in the position I want, among other reasons. The only reason I am considering it is bc the fear of tearing horribly or needing the episiotomy (and then getting stitched up! ). I couldn't imagine that happening without being numb down there! yikes! I am definitely trying to keep an open mind about everything though .
I went med free, had a second degree tear and didn't feel a thing. I was a little distracted by pushing a watermelon out of a keyhole. Ha. When I was being stitched up, they numbed me a bit and stitched things up. I could feel things being pulled through (weirdest thing ever), but I had my newborn on my chest at that point, so I was again distracted. Episiotomies and tearing were my biggest fears going in to labor, and mine ended up not being too big of a deal... just don't sweat it too much, your body knows what to do (for the most part).
Same here, I could feel them stitching me up, but I barely noticed because I was on such a high from my son being born (and the pressure/contractions being gone).
I think I read somewhere that as the baby comes down it presses on the nerves so after a certain point you don't feel any tearing or cutting. I know I felt my episiotomy being cut, but there was no pain just felt like two snips. And then after they gave me a local anesthetic while they were stitching me up and it just felt like mild pinching.
I labored naturally until I progressed enough that I was confident an epidural would not stall my labor. I was about 6 cm. The pain relief was awesome, and it actually sped up my labor because I was relaxed! I was ready to push 2 hours after getting the epidural. I was able to really enjoy pushing, we were all laughing and smiling and talking. Wouldnt trade the experience for anything!
Oh also I had an episiotomy and was so thankful for the epidural cuz I didnt feel a thing! If I hadnt had it, I would have had to get the lidocaine shots before stitches and that sounds awful.
I ended up having a natural birth at the hospital with DS. From the beginning I had not wanted any interventions and I was lucky that everything went so smoothly for my first birth. I remember my water broke in the middle of the night (3 am) the day after he was due. I thought there would be plenty of time so I had a shower, slowly packed my hospital bag lol and got my husband to load the car. Contractions had started but we're not too intense at this point, by the time we had gotten to the hospital they were starting to ramp up though haha. I was admitted and the nurse checked me and I was already 4 cm dilated! Long story short I told the nurse I didn't want any meds and was able to wander and use the birthing ball as the contractions got more and more intense. (I wasn't able to use the tub since my water had already broken) an hour later I was checked again and I was 8cm, I thought thank god because it was starting to freaking hurt haha. The best way I can describe the pain is like how you feel at the end of a marathon where you're gassed and think you can't run anymore but do anyway. About 10 min later I had extreme urges to push and in the 20 min following that DS was born!! So I went into labour at 3am and he was born at 6:11 am. The nurses said they had never seen a first labor so fast lol. I have to say it was one of the most exciting and exhilarating experiences I've ever had, and the rush of adrenaline afterwards makes you feel amazing! I'm looking forward to this upcoming birth in June :-). It doesn't have to be scary, it can be wonderful as well!
Hi! My first was a home birth with nothing but water for pain relief...it was 18 hours of intensity with 0 regrets. For me, it was the best choice. I think you'll start to feel what is best for you as you progress through pregnancy and read and experience more. Being informed of the risks and benefits of each choice is the best thing you can do.
By being "cut" do you mean C section or episiotomy? 50% chance of needing a C section is shockingly high, that would ring alarm bells to me coming from my doctor. Wide review on this topic suggests it's close to 15% and even that is generous. A c section (while life saving and needed for some) is a fairly major surgery and has many risks and drawbacks.
Good luck!
Hi, I meant an episiotomy. or even a terrible tear. It scares the heck out of me!
Haha. Girl. You need to calm down just a little. It's gonna be ok!
1. By the time birth time comes, you will be so sick of being pregnant- you will be willing to face labor like a warrior and get it over with. Thinking about it now is scary because you aren't at your wits end with pregnancy yet.
2. I am a midwife (but in the hospital) kinda girl. I would recommend switching to a midwife who will help you birth without unnecessary interventions. That is not a blanket statement about doctors though- there are great doctors that can help wth that too. I just find midwife births are more naturally handled.
3. Every birth is different. You won't know how to handle it until you are THERE, laboring. Decide then if you should get the epidural or not. It's good to have goals but birth is everyone's first lesson in parenting- sometimes things need to go to plan b and it's out of your control.
4. I have had an epidural birth (very very long labor 1st time)... 1.5 hours pushing... And 2nd degree tears...to comfort you, I didn't FEEL the tearing even though they turned off my epidural so I could feel pushing with contractions. They numbed me again for stitches. The recovery, not going to lie, was tough.
5. I have also had a natural birth (with pitocin for induction purposes)... Much shorter, much more manageable labor, 9 minutes of pushing, no tears at all.
6. Books that helped SO MUCH. (I never was able to take a birthing class for random circumstances like moving out of state)... But I read: Ina may gaskins guide to child birth. SO GOOD. Even if you plan on a "non-natural" labor.
7. Whatever happens, happens. Be proud of getting that baby out safely no matter if you get the epidural/do it naturally/ have C-section, etc. Birth stories are all beautiful and all very different but they all have one thing in common--- they ended with falling in love--- and that's all that matters. You won't care how the baby got out once you are gazing upon that beautiful face.
8. Labor/delivery is painful- no doubt about it... And it's a challenge. BUT I (along with many other women) are willing to do it again (and again and again!) SO- it is clearly worth it and in some cases, not THAT bad.
My first labor I was sure I wanted an epidural. I took a birth class at the hospital but k ew I couldn't do a natural birth. I had a horrible medicated birth!! The epidural didn't take right. I had what they called a hot spot and felt all of my contraction in one spot. Hey gave me three more vials before deciding to try to move the epidural they proceeded to give me more. I was 125lbs soaking wet. Needless to say I was shaking a sick as a dog for days after my daughters birth. I couldn't even hold her. My next two births were amazing natural unmedicated births. I would never get another epidural again! Everyone is different so I say keep an open mind and be prepared for both cases.
I planned on getting an epidural but always thought, if I get to the hospital and I'm 6 or 7 cm I'll to finish naturally (knowing this most likely wouldn't be the case)
Well I was induced at 41w at .25cm. I had a 36 hour induction consisting of gels, pills, inserts and a folley ball which got me to 3 cm and then my doctor broke my water. I quickly started vomiting EVERYWHERE and was in so much pain. They told me they were going to start pitocin and I said not before you put my epi in!
The epi was great. I could move my legs (though it got more difficult as the hours passed). If you touched my leg I could feel your hand. It felt like I was soaking in a warm bathtub.
10 hours later I had my csection. I only hit 4 cm and it turns out DS was 9#14oz and his head was in the 95th percentile. No way he was going to fit! Even when they did the CS I could still wiggle me toes.
A lot of women in my previous BMB said their labor quickly progressed after the epi because they were finally able to relax. But like many women have said, every person and birth is different!
You can google and find Cochrane Reviews on episiotomy and continuous fetal monitoring, 2 interventions that are way too common and very detrimental to birthing women. Episiotomy is NOT 50/50 and the evidence shows that a tear is better than a cut. A cut can and will lead to a much worse tear, many times a 4th degree. A tear when healed is also much stronger than a cut. A visual I use often is a piece of paper, intact. Take a side in each hand and attempt to pull it apart. Most likely nothing will happen. Cut a tiny slit in the middle. Now try and pull it apart. It will rip like butter along that cut. That is your perineum. This is an excellent article on protecting the perineum https://thejoyofthis.com/2013/03/15/birth-sensations-and-protecting-the-perineum-through-it-all/
If my doctor told me there was a 50% chance of an episiotomy I would run far far away. It's why I won't be delivering where I work, 56% episiotomy rate. The hospital I delivered both of my children at had a 2% episiotomy rate.
And for those who say "a healthy baby is all that matters", stop. Just stop it right now. Put that phrase out of your vocabulary. It minimizes the feelings and experiences of your fellow women and mothers. It is NOT all that matters. https://improvingbirth.org/2013/02/a-healthy-baby-isnt-enough/
I don't care how a woman births: water, epidural, home, hospital, in a forest with deer and imps. I don't give a flying f. What I care about is informed consent and respect for all women. Something that is lacking in way too many exam & delivery rooms in this country.
So here's my birth story with my second.
Sunday night DH & I were watching GoT & I was feeling very tired & very pregnant. I had gotten some sickness the day before & been doped up on Benadryl & sudafed & just slept a lot. I asked him how much longer he thought I'd be pregnant. It had been a long pregnancy with lots of illness & he had broken his foot at 30w & was still in a cast. We also had listed & sold our house, signed the lease for our new place, & made the arrangements for the 3.5 hour move come August. He said I had at least another week he thought, which earned him a dirty look & a couple of threats muttered under my breath. We went to bed soon after.
Around 2:45 I got up to pee. This had been my usual time, like an internal alarm clock. I wobbled into the bathroom, dozing in & out while I tried to empty my bladder. As I got back to bed I felt a little bit of what I thought was pee. It smelled like pee at least. I was irritated as I grabbed a fresh pair of undies & waddled back into the bathroom. A little fluid dribbled down my legs but I'd been sweating a lot lately so I tried not to get my hopes up. I wiped it up & stood there waiting. Nothing else came so I tried to pee again. When I stood up more dribbled out. It's clear with no smell but since I'd been sick I decided to ask DH. So I poke him til he wakes & asks if the tissue smells like pee. He's very confused & probably thinking I'm crazy & annoying. I tell him I think my water broke but can't be sure. According to him I said this with a bit too much glee. I make yet another trip to the bathroom where more fluid comes out. I grab a washcloth to put between my legs as I have no pads upstairs & head downstairs to get the card with the midwives phone number on it. The washcloth is half soaked by the time I'm back upstairs. I page the midwives & wait for the return call. I sit on the bed trying to see if I'm having contractions. I text my doula & let her know I'm waiting on a call & why. The midwife calls & she said once my contractions are 4-5 minutes apart to head on in & just call so she can meet me at the front desk. So I time my contractions & find them already 5 minutes apart though I'm not really feeling them yet. I call my doula & tell her that once our sitter gets here for DD we'll be heading in so I can get my antibiotics for GBS. I was 4cm & 70% at my appt the previous week. I'm worried about not getting the antibiotics & enduring another long stay. With DD we had a traumatic 5 day stay so we wanted to do all in our power to not give them any reason to keep us. We decide to call my mom even though I can't really trust her with DD but she's closest. SIL was my first choice but she is an hour away & has an 8 month old.
I start puttering around getting stuff together. I want to be packed & ready so we can leave ASAP. Right before my mom gets there I get my first real contraction that stops me in my tracks & I just have to stand there & breathe & moan a little. My mom arrives & I have another that requires too much concentration. We head on out but dammit no gas.Contractions in the car are horrendous! I call the midwife 2x & no answer! I have her paged again with the news we're on our way in but pretty sure the guy on the phone can't understand me from the moaning and panting. Off we go, thankfully no traffic as 95 between our house & the hospital has had multiple construction projects turning a 20 minute drive into 40+. We pull into the parking deck & I jump out before it's in park as another contraction hits. I have 2 more fairly close together as I'm getting stuff out of the car. I scare housekeeping as I have contractions on my way to the elevators. As I'm checking in I feel like I'm handling them pretty well & moaning through them with DH rubbing my low back. Then one hits that I'm just not prepared for & a low guttural scream escapes me. I try & get back in my head space quickly & not lose control. I think I scared the security guard though. I believe it was around this time I realized the nurse that was being assigned to me was at my daughter's birth & I had on many different occasions asked that she not be at this birth. She doesn't remember us & is chatting away super nice. She actually stopped to weigh me & another contraction hits me hard. We finally get to my room, I was told this was at 4:55am. I'm asked for an urine sample & told I can change into a gown if I want to. I make off for the bathroom to get away from the nurse. I unthinkingly lock the door & inevitably a contraction hits as I'm trying to sit. The cart I grab ahold of moves forward but put me in reach to unlock the door. Thankfully my doula arrives at that very moment & sees me covered in sweat & rocking forward & back with the contraction. She told me not to worry, she'd get rid of the nurse. I manage to pee & gtfo of the bathroom before another contraction hits. I don't bother with pants as the midwife is walking through the door & I know she'll want to check me. She asks why I didn't call! I explained I had & she's looking at all her phones & pagers. Oh well, I try & get on the bed so she can do her check but another contraction hits. There's a lot of pressure with these contractions & they're coming pretty close together still. That one ends & I quickly hop up on the bed & she's ready with her sterile glove. Thankfully my cervix is quick to find & I'm 5cm 100% & baby is almost at 0 station! I quickly roll off the bed as another contraction hits. I'm thankful we got there while I was still 5cm, I figured we'd have enough time for at least one dose of antibiotics. The nurse who was just supposed to be assisting is now my main nurse & trying to place my IV between contractions that must be 3 minutes apart at this point. My MW asks if I have my heart set on the tub which I most certainly am. She gives me the talk about how when she says it's time to get out there will be no arguing. She's very serious & I just nod & say of course. I'm thinking she's a bit crazy since I'm only 5cm & still a ways to go before I'm pushing. A few more contractions & my IV is finally in. All of a sudden I feel my baby drop. That's the best way I can describe it. It's like I hit 10cm & he just fell into the birth canal. I yell "oh god he's coming!" & give an involuntary push at the peak of that contraction. The midwife rushes around & my doula is trying to get me to focus. I'm still standing on the side of the bed & I'm not moving at that point. No tub, no shower. We don't have the music going, hell the lights are still on nice & bright. Each contraction brings an extraordinary amount of pressure. I need to fight the urge to push as hard & as fast as I want. I have a lot of scar tissue from my prior 3rd degree tear & there was no time for the tub or even warm compresses. So all I can do is control my pushing. The MW is telling me listen to my doula. She's trying to get me to focus & breathe. I can feel him coming down & the midwife tells me to reach & feel his head. I didn't really want to but I did & it helped me focus on letting my perineum stretch. I look at my doula & nod & mutter "yes ring of fire. Hold him there". I try smaller pushes & breathing through the beginning & end. But it becomes too much. I push his head out in 2 pushes. I reach for him with both hands. I had wrote in the detailed birth plan the midwives ask for that I wanted to pull him out. I can feel the midwife's hands checking for a nuchal cord. I was told later I was smacking her hands away! His shoulders come out & I left him up to me. I just couldn't wrap my head around him being here! I take the 2 steps to the bed & lay down. The midwife jokes & tells me to scoot over, she can't have me give birth like I did then embarrassingly fall out of the bed. DH doesn't want to cut the cord so once it stops pulsing I cut the cord myself. I did end up with a 2nd degree tear but I'll take that over a 3rd degree! Baby boy is doing good & crying hard but isn't quite pink enough so DH goes with him to the warmer. My doula holds my hand as I'm poked, prodded, numbed, & sewn up. Gabriel is brought back over. His torso pinked up & turns out from his quick descent that his face is a little bruised. He latches on immediately & nurses for the next hour & a half! While it's not the birth I had imagined it was still absolutely amazing. I could not have asked for a more supportive husband, doula, & midwife. And even though we didn't get the antibiotics in we were still allowed to leave at 36 hours.
You can google and find Cochrane Reviews on episiotomy and continuous fetal monitoring, 2 interventions that are way too common and very detrimental to birthing women. Episiotomy is NOT 50/50 and the evidence shows that a tear is better than a cut. A cut can and will lead to a much worse tear, many times a 4th degree. A tear when healed is also much stronger than a cut. A visual I use often is a piece of paper, intact. Take a side in each hand and attempt to pull it apart. Most likely nothing will happen. Cut a tiny slit in the middle. Now try and pull it apart. It will rip like butter along that cut. That is your perineum. This is an excellent article on protecting the perineum https://thejoyofthis.com/2013/03/15/birth-sensations-and-protecting-the-perineum-through-it-all/
If my doctor told me there was a 50% chance of an episiotomy I would run far far away. It's why I won't be delivering where I work, 56% episiotomy rate. The hospital I delivered both of my children at had a 2% episiotomy rate.
And for those who say "a healthy baby is all that matters", stop. Just stop it right now. Put that phrase out of your vocabulary. It minimizes the feelings and experiences of your fellow women and mothers. It is NOT all that matters. https://improvingbirth.org/2013/02/a-healthy-baby-isnt-enough/
I don't care how a woman births: water, epidural, home, hospital, in a forest with deer and imps. I don't give a flying f. What I care about is informed consent and respect for all women. Something that is lacking in way too many exam & delivery rooms in this country.
So here's my birth story with my second.
Sunday night DH & I were watching GoT & I was feeling very tired & very pregnant. I had gotten some sickness the day before & been doped up on Benadryl & sudafed & just slept a lot. I asked him how much longer he thought I'd be pregnant. It had been a long pregnancy with lots of illness & he had broken his foot at 30w & was still in a cast. We also had listed & sold our house, signed the lease for our new place, & made the arrangements for the 3.5 hour move come August. He said I had at least another week he thought, which earned him a dirty look & a couple of threats muttered under my breath. We went to bed soon after.
Around 2:45 I got up to pee. This had been my usual time, like an internal alarm clock. I wobbled into the bathroom, dozing in & out while I tried to empty my bladder. As I got back to bed I felt a little bit of what I thought was pee. It smelled like pee at least. I was irritated as I grabbed a fresh pair of undies & waddled back into the bathroom. A little fluid dribbled down my legs but I'd been sweating a lot lately so I tried not to get my hopes up. I wiped it up & stood there waiting. Nothing else came so I tried to pee again. When I stood up more dribbled out. It's clear with no smell but since I'd been sick I decided to ask DH. So I poke him til he wakes & asks if the tissue smells like pee. He's very confused & probably thinking I'm crazy & annoying. I tell him I think my water broke but can't be sure. According to him I said this with a bit too much glee. I make yet another trip to the bathroom where more fluid comes out. I grab a washcloth to put between my legs as I have no pads upstairs & head downstairs to get the card with the midwives phone number on it. The washcloth is half soaked by the time I'm back upstairs. I page the midwives & wait for the return call. I sit on the bed trying to see if I'm having contractions. I text my doula & let her know I'm waiting on a call & why. The midwife calls & she said once my contractions are 4-5 minutes apart to head on in & just call so she can meet me at the front desk. So I time my contractions & find them already 5 minutes apart though I'm not really feeling them yet. I call my doula & tell her that once our sitter gets here for DD we'll be heading in so I can get my antibiotics for GBS. I was 4cm & 70% at my appt the previous week. I'm worried about not getting the antibiotics & enduring another long stay. With DD we had a traumatic 5 day stay so we wanted to do all in our power to not give them any reason to keep us. We decide to call my mom even though I can't really trust her with DD but she's closest. SIL was my first choice but she is an hour away & has an 8 month old.
I start puttering around getting stuff together. I want to be packed & ready so we can leave ASAP. Right before my mom gets there I get my first real contraction that stops me in my tracks & I just have to stand there & breathe & moan a little. My mom arrives & I have another that requires too much concentration. We head on out but dammit no gas.Contractions in the car are horrendous! I call the midwife 2x & no answer! I have her paged again with the news we're on our way in but pretty sure the guy on the phone can't understand me from the moaning and panting. Off we go, thankfully no traffic as 95 between our house & the hospital has had multiple construction projects turning a 20 minute drive into 40+. We pull into the parking deck & I jump out before it's in park as another contraction hits. I have 2 more fairly close together as I'm getting stuff out of the car. I scare housekeeping as I have contractions on my way to the elevators. As I'm checking in I feel like I'm handling them pretty well & moaning through them with DH rubbing my low back. Then one hits that I'm just not prepared for & a low guttural scream escapes me. I try & get back in my head space quickly & not lose control. I think I scared the security guard though. I believe it was around this time I realized the nurse that was being assigned to me was at my daughter's birth & I had on many different occasions asked that she not be at this birth. She doesn't remember us & is chatting away super nice. She actually stopped to weigh me & another contraction hits me hard. We finally get to my room, I was told this was at 4:55am. I'm asked for an urine sample & told I can change into a gown if I want to. I make off for the bathroom to get away from the nurse. I unthinkingly lock the door & inevitably a contraction hits as I'm trying to sit. The cart I grab ahold of moves forward but put me in reach to unlock the door. Thankfully my doula arrives at that very moment & sees me covered in sweat & rocking forward & back with the contraction. She told me not to worry, she'd get rid of the nurse. I manage to pee & gtfo of the bathroom before another contraction hits. I don't bother with pants as the midwife is walking through the door & I know she'll want to check me. She asks why I didn't call! I explained I had & she's looking at all her phones & pagers. Oh well, I try & get on the bed so she can do her check but another contraction hits. There's a lot of pressure with these contractions & they're coming pretty close together still. That one ends & I quickly hop up on the bed & she's ready with her sterile glove. Thankfully my cervix is quick to find & I'm 5cm 100% & baby is almost at 0 station! I quickly roll off the bed as another contraction hits. I'm thankful we got there while I was still 5cm, I figured we'd have enough time for at least one dose of antibiotics. The nurse who was just supposed to be assisting is now my main nurse & trying to place my IV between contractions that must be 3 minutes apart at this point. My MW asks if I have my heart set on the tub which I most certainly am. She gives me the talk about how when she says it's time to get out there will be no arguing. She's very serious & I just nod & say of course. I'm thinking she's a bit crazy since I'm only 5cm & still a ways to go before I'm pushing. A few more contractions & my IV is finally in. All of a sudden I feel my baby drop. That's the best way I can describe it. It's like I hit 10cm & he just fell into the birth canal. I yell "oh god he's coming!" & give an involuntary push at the peak of that contraction. The midwife rushes around & my doula is trying to get me to focus. I'm still standing on the side of the bed & I'm not moving at that point. No tub, no shower. We don't have the music going, hell the lights are still on nice & bright. Each contraction brings an extraordinary amount of pressure. I need to fight the urge to push as hard & as fast as I want. I have a lot of scar tissue from my prior 3rd degree tear & there was no time for the tub or even warm compresses. So all I can do is control my pushing. The MW is telling me listen to my doula. She's trying to get me to focus & breathe. I can feel him coming down & the midwife tells me to reach & feel his head. I didn't really want to but I did & it helped me focus on letting my perineum stretch. I look at my doula & nod & mutter "yes ring of fire. Hold him there". I try smaller pushes & breathing through the beginning & end. But it becomes too much. I push his head out in 2 pushes. I reach for him with both hands. I had wrote in the detailed birth plan the midwives ask for that I wanted to pull him out. I can feel the midwife's hands checking for a nuchal cord. I was told later I was smacking her hands away! His shoulders come out & I left him up to me. I just couldn't wrap my head around him being here! I take the 2 steps to the bed & lay down. The midwife jokes & tells me to scoot over, she can't have me give birth like I did then embarrassingly fall out of the bed. DH doesn't want to cut the cord so once it stops pulsing I cut the cord myself. I did end up with a 2nd degree tear but I'll take that over a 3rd degree! Baby boy is doing good & crying hard but isn't quite pink enough so DH goes with him to the warmer. My doula holds my hand as I'm poked, prodded, numbed, & sewn up. Gabriel is brought back over. His torso pinked up & turns out from his quick descent that his face is a little bruised. He latches on immediately & nurses for the next hour & a half! While it's not the birth I had imagined it was still absolutely amazing. I could not have asked for a more supportive husband, doula, & midwife. And even though we didn't get the antibiotics in we were still allowed to leave at 36 hours.
I started to read this but had to stop at the fact you want women to stop saying "a healthy baby is all that matters." You have every right to your personal opinion. But, I have to call you out in this likely being an UO (correct me if I am wrong ladies).
I am not putting my birth plan or anything else in front of the life of my child. Being a mother is selfless. It starts at the time you conceive. Above all things - I want a healthy baby. The birth story doesn't matter as long as I get that end result. And I will never stop saying that or giving other new mothers the same advice. Of course they should educate themselves on options during birth. Of course it is OK to challenge your doctors.
A healthy baby is the only outcome that matters to me.
@NicknShan Sorry, I think you missed the follow up where she explained. She went on to say that phrasing it that way de-prioritizes the needs of the mother and hides the need for discussion and education about the realities of our current medical practices, but didn't in any way suggest that birth plans shouldn't be flexible and prioritize outcome. The way I interpreted it, she was suggesting we remove shame not just from having to modify our plans, but also from wanting them in the first place and highlighted the importance of informing our patients. And I agree wth her, although you are probably right this is an UO.
Anyone read the recent article/ research on maternal death rates in the US? I'm ready to run away to Canada. Being flexible in your plan isn't contradicted being aware of the deficiencies in our obstetrical medical practices as well as the increased risks we incur by having children older (I'm so guilty here!). I think this whole thread has a theme of creating realistic expectations and I've found it super helpful to read everyone's stories and the constant reiteration of 'keep an open mind' thanks all!!
I think it would probably be more accurate to say, a healthy baby is the most important thing. But the complex emotions the mother is left with for hours, days, and years are incredibly important as well.
@HBamama2B exactly. That article specifically says A healthy baby isn't all that matters not that it doesn't matter at all. Read the article before saying I'm wrong. Realize that the US spends the most on maternity care & is one of the worse 1st world countries for maternal & newborn outcomes. The very fact that this doctor says episiotomy is a 50/50 scenario is a perfect example of what I'm saying. The evidence doesn't support that. Our 30% c/s rate is ridiculous & again not evidence based. The fact that there are still VBAC bans. When a mom is told "a healthy baby is *all* that matters" she is told her feelings are invalid. That she shouldn't feel hurt or sad or anything but grateful to have come out alive & with a healthy baby.
Tell that to the mom in this video ***TRIGGER: Assault, Medical procedures, vaginal birth
@HBamama2B exactly. That article specifically says A healthy baby isn't all that matters not that it doesn't matter at all. Read the article before saying I'm wrong. Realize that the US spends the most on maternity care & is one of the worse 1st world countries for maternal & newborn outcomes. The very fact that this doctor says episiotomy is a 50/50 scenario is a perfect example of what I'm saying. The evidence doesn't support that. Our 30% c/s rate is ridiculous & again not evidence based. The fact that there are still VBAC bans. When a mom is told "a healthy baby is *all* that matters" she is told her feelings are invalid. That she shouldn't feel hurt or sad or anything but grateful to have come out alive & with a healthy baby.
Tell that to the mom in this video ***TRIGGER: Assault, Medical procedures, vaginal birth
Tell it to the mothers suffering PTSD from their birth experiences.
I would pick postpartum depression because I had a c-section over postpartum psychosis because a decision I made resulted in the death of my child every day. Period. No ifs, and or buts about it.
I'm a second time mum. I first gave birth at a private hospital and it was lovely. I went in with an open mind, calmly as I had already gone through hospital admission admin weeks before and was familiar in my environment. I knew I was in great hands and (heaven forbid) if anything went wrong it could be addressed instantly. I went to hospital once my contractions were 4 min apart. I laboured heavily at hospital for six hours in a lovely bath, then a shower with the water jets, then on a fitball near a window, then on the fitball IN the shower haha! All in my birth suite. Then I decided I would like to have an epidural. It was available instantly. I gave birth six hours later, with no tearing, no other intervention, we were all so happy and it was a beautiful experience. Shortly after giving birth I got up and had a shower - the epidurals these days are excellent, you can feel when to push but not feel pain, and then you can get up and walk. They say the birth often effects your baby's temperament - my daughter is such a calm, chilled out and happy kid even now at 15 months.
Conversely, my friend who planned a home birth, ended up needing an ambulance, emergency hospital admission and had a massive tear. She wished she could have got an epidural for it in the end but there was no time. She had a very stressful birth, long recovery and suffered PND. Her baby has always been unsettled too, which may or may not be related to his traumatic birth.
I think if you feel you want to 'feel' the experience of the pain of labour (as I did), just try going without an epidural for as long as you can. If you do end up wanting one, it's not a big deal - it's just like taking a panadol for a headache but on a much larger scale. If you get caught up trying to control your birth or have a perfect birth, you're likely to end up with PND.
Birth is unpredictable. No birth story is the same. Know your options, and do what you need to do to feel reassured, confident and as comfortable as possible. For me, that was a reputable private hospital and obstetrician.
These are just two experiences out of many. I hope they help.
To the ladies asking about Metamucil: Most private hospitals will offer you an enema anyway if you're not too far along. Pooping is the last thing on your mind either way!
@HBamama2B exactly. That article specifically says A healthy baby isn't all that matters not that it doesn't matter at all. Read the article before saying I'm wrong. Realize that the US spends the most on maternity care & is one of the worse 1st world countries for maternal & newborn outcomes. The very fact that this doctor says episiotomy is a 50/50 scenario is a perfect example of what I'm saying. The evidence doesn't support that. Our 30% c/s rate is ridiculous & again not evidence based. The fact that there are still VBAC bans. When a mom is told "a healthy baby is *all* that matters" she is told her feelings are invalid. That she shouldn't feel hurt or sad or anything but grateful to have come out alive & with a healthy baby. Tell that to the mom in this video ***TRIGGER: Assault, Medical procedures, vaginal birth
Tell it to the mothers suffering PTSD from their birth experiences.
I would pick postpartum depression because I had a c-section over postpartum psychosis because a decision I made resulted in the death of my child every day. Period. No ifs, and or buts about it.
You're still not getting it. Yes healthy baby is the goal but why can't healthy mom be given the same weight? No one is saying sacrificing the health & wellbeing of the baby. But as someone who had severe PPD don't even go there until you've been there. This isn't an either/or. If mom needs an episiotomy, a c/s, an induction, whatever, why can't she be treated with respect & kindness & part of the decision process. Watch that video. Read the article. Stop & think for one second what that mom went through being cut not once or twice but TWELVE times just for questioning her doctor & exercising her basic rights.
@HBamama2B exactly. That article specifically says A healthy baby isn't all that matters not that it doesn't matter at all. Read the article before saying I'm wrong. Realize that the US spends the most on maternity care & is one of the worse 1st world countries for maternal & newborn outcomes. The very fact that this doctor says episiotomy is a 50/50 scenario is a perfect example of what I'm saying. The evidence doesn't support that. Our 30% c/s rate is ridiculous & again not evidence based. The fact that there are still VBAC bans. When a mom is told "a healthy baby is *all* that matters" she is told her feelings are invalid. That she shouldn't feel hurt or sad or anything but grateful to have come out alive & with a healthy baby. Tell that to the mom in this video ***TRIGGER: Assault, Medical procedures, vaginal birth
Tell it to the mothers suffering PTSD from their birth experiences.
Holy crap video! I seriously could have done without watching that. During the birth of my son, my OB was stretching everything as I was pushing so he could come out. That Doctor should lose his license!
sthomas1222 said:
sthomas1222 said:
@HBamama2B exactly. That article specifically says A healthy baby isn't all that matters not that it doesn't matter at all. Read the article before saying I'm wrong. Realize that the US spends the most on maternity care & is one of the worse 1st world countries for maternal & newborn outcomes. The very fact that this doctor says episiotomy is a 50/50 scenario is a perfect example of what I'm saying. The evidence doesn't support that. Our 30% c/s rate is ridiculous & again not evidence based. The fact that there are still VBAC bans. When a mom is told "a healthy baby is *all* that matters" she is told her feelings are invalid. That she shouldn't feel hurt or sad or anything but grateful to have come out alive & with a healthy baby.
Tell that to the mom in this video ***TRIGGER: Assault, Medical procedures, vaginal birth https://youtu.be/lCfXxtoAN-I Tell it to the mothers suffering PTSD from their birth experiences.
I would pick postpartum depression because I had a c-section over postpartum psychosis because a decision I made resulted in the death of my child every day. Period. No ifs, and or buts about it.
You're still not getting it. Yes healthy baby is the goal but why can't healthy mom be given the same weight? No one is saying sacrificing the health & wellbeing of the baby. But as someone who had severe PPD don't even go there until you've been there. This isn't an either/or. If mom needs an episiotomy, a c/s, an induction, whatever, why can't she be treated with respect & kindness & part of the decision process. Watch that video. Read the article. Stop & think for one second what that mom went through being cut not once or twice but TWELVE times just for questioning her doctor & exercising her basic rights.
All I said was there's no way my depression level would be the same or better if my child died. I never said a mother should not be treated with respect. But, I also believe it is her responsibility to advocate for herself and if she cannot, she should make sure she has someone that is able to. Be it her husband, partner, mother, sister, friend, doula, etc. Not every labor, doctor or midwife is perfect and even ones that seemingly are, aren't perfect all the time. Everyone has the responsibility to do research on their doctor and hospital and if they are not comfortable with something. Find a different one. As for a second opinion.
The reason so many women suggested going into labor with an open mind is because they knew they would feel like less of a failure if things did not go as planned. Not because their life is less valuable.
When I gave birth to my first, it was a full term normal delivery. I got an epidural and LOVED it.
About six months ago I gave stillbirth to my second son at 20 weeks. I had an epidural then too, and hated it. I forgot that it gave me severe chills so that I couldn't rest. Then we had to stay at the hospital far too long because I couldn't walk yet. This wasn't a problem when I had my first son, but it was this time. Also, I got the epidural after getting an "experience" that would have felt like childbirth, and while that hurt more than anything has ever hurt ever, when it was over, it was over. I now believe it's completely worth it to skip the epidural.
We'll see how I fare this time. Might be singing a different tune in June.
OP - I see you meant 50% episiotomy rate. Yikes. I would run far away from that doctor and seek other care options. Episiotomy isn't even standard practice in Canada anymore.
I whole heartedly agree with the advocates who are reclaiming a woman's birth as a vital and pivotal experience in her life. Of COURSE baby's welfare is a top priority. But this doesn't need to be mutually exclusive from an empowering birth that requires her informed consent. Women have been treated horrifically in birth throughout history, and sadly this is not something of the past. Birth MATTERS. Saying a healthy baby is all that matters is just not true. In almost every case, you can have both a healthy baby and a respectful birthing process.
If you don't trust your healthcare provider, change providers.
If you have multiple hospitals/birth centers in your area, tour them all and ask around for friends' experiences. Get an Angie's List membership. Look for a hospital with Baby-Friendly certification. Talk to your provider and get answers that satisfy you or look for another provider. For every terrible hospital story out there, there's a tale of a homebirth gone awry, and some people just like to share the ones that make their preferred method of birth look better.
In other words, educate yourself and take an active role in your own birth. And respect other women's right to the birth experiences that make them feel most safe and comfortable.
I'm a first time mom and due in June as well! Also an NP and my only advice (even though this is all new to me too:) is to make a list of how you would like your birthing plan to go, then write out a plan B and then a plan c...that way you are prepared for if things don't go exactly the way you anticipated (such is life right? Haha) I prefer to call it a medicated birth or non medicated birth because let's face it all Births are natural... It's the boss (aka baby) who decides how and when they come out. So just be ready for all Situations and no matter what in the end it's about your health and baby's health and. It any ideal situations. Congrats and enjoy the pregnancy! Start making registry that will distract you from birthing anxieties and it's super fun!! :-) Yay for June babies!
Re: Natural birth vs. epidural - stories, regrets, etc
I went into preterm labor with my water braking suddenly at 34 weeks. I was put on pitocin because I was not dilating at all. I went for hours and hours with no dilation and contractions that weren't strong or close enough together. Then the contractions got stronger and stronger and actually started to hurt and then really hurt. And I still was only at 2cm and my OB was talking about a possible c-section if I didn't dilate fully by something like 20-24 hours of labor. I got an epidural something like 14 hours after my water first broke. I had always planned on one but thought I needed to be more dilated first. I wish I had gotten it sooner, because after the epidural I fell asleep and woke up at 10cm, with baby very low and ready to push. They had to call my OB to come back to the hospital because she went home for dinner expecting me to have that c-section when she got back. I pushed for only one contraction and had a small natural tear.
BFP #4: 8/20/15 EDD: 4/26/18
Met 9/2001
Met 9/2001
By being "cut" do you mean C section or episiotomy? 50% chance of needing a C section is shockingly high, that would ring alarm bells to me coming from my doctor. Wide review on this topic suggests it's close to 15% and even that is generous. A c section (while life saving and needed for some) is a fairly major surgery and has many risks and drawbacks.
Good luck!
BFP #4: 8/20/15 EDD: 4/26/18
BFP #4: 8/20/15 EDD: 4/26/18
My first, I wanted a vaginal delivery with an epidural. Went to my 40w appt and my BP was 180/98 and only increased over the day. I had been 2-3cm and contractions 8-10 min apart for 3 days. Induction was offered and accpeted. I had Cervidil and Pitocin and was begging for drugs at 3cm. They stopped everything to let me sleep, then started Pit again in the morning and my water broke and trickled. Eventually got an epidural, didn't work. Nor did the second one. I had so many drugs pushed that I shook on the bed like I was having a seizure. My mom laid across me to keep my limbs and head from beating the sides of the bed. 25-26 hours after induction began, I was told baby was sunny side up, which explained the back pain. I had to lay on my side for an hour with my husband bending and rocking my leg to try to get baby to roll over. That failed and I was closing in on the broken water cut off. Doc put both hands inside me around baby's head as I pushed to help guide him as his heart rate fluctuated with my effort, and I had a tear from that. At 27.5 hours, they prepped me for a section, gave me something else to numb the area. It felt like being unzipped. As soon as I was open, they discovered my infection. Chorioamnionitis. Baby and I were both hospitalized, me for 5 days, him for 10. The section likely saved one or both of our lives but I also wonder if it could have been avoided. If I could have done anything to reduce my BP and wait a few more days. I had a VERY easy section recovery but was/am scarred by the whole experience. I am hoping for a VBAC with no induction or intervention but am not against RCS if necessitated by a medical condition.
Same here, I could feel them stitching me up, but I barely noticed because I was on such a high from my son being born (and the pressure/contractions being gone).
I think I read somewhere that as the baby comes down it presses on the nerves so after a certain point you don't feel any tearing or cutting. I know I felt my episiotomy being cut, but there was no pain just felt like two snips. And then after they gave me a local anesthetic while they were stitching me up and it just felt like mild pinching.
From the beginning I had not wanted any interventions and I was lucky that everything went so smoothly for my first birth.
I remember my water broke in the middle of the night (3 am) the day after he was due. I thought there would be plenty of time so I had a shower, slowly packed my hospital bag lol and got my husband to load the car. Contractions had started but we're not too intense at this point, by the time we had gotten to the hospital they were starting to ramp up though haha. I was admitted and the nurse checked me and I was already 4 cm dilated! Long story short I told the nurse I didn't want any meds and was able to wander and use the birthing ball as the contractions got more and more intense. (I wasn't able to use the tub since my water had already broken) an hour later I was checked again and I was 8cm, I thought thank god because it was starting to freaking hurt haha. The best way I can describe the pain is like how you feel at the end of a marathon where you're gassed and think you can't run anymore but do anyway. About 10 min later I had extreme urges to push and in the 20 min following that DS was born!! So I went into labour at 3am and he was born at 6:11 am. The nurses said they had never seen a first labor so fast lol.
I have to say it was one of the most exciting and exhilarating experiences I've ever had, and the rush of adrenaline afterwards makes you feel amazing! I'm looking forward to this upcoming birth in June :-). It doesn't have to be scary, it can be wonderful as well!
1. By the time birth time comes, you will be so sick of being pregnant- you will be willing to face labor like a warrior and get it over with. Thinking about it now is scary because you aren't at your wits end with pregnancy yet.
2. I am a midwife (but in the hospital) kinda girl. I would recommend switching to a midwife who will help you birth without unnecessary interventions. That is not a blanket statement about doctors though- there are great doctors that can help wth that too. I just find midwife births are more naturally handled.
3. Every birth is different. You won't know how to handle it until you are THERE, laboring. Decide then if you should get the epidural or not. It's good to have goals but birth is everyone's first lesson in parenting- sometimes things need to go to plan b and it's out of your control.
4. I have had an epidural birth (very very long labor 1st time)... 1.5 hours pushing... And 2nd degree tears...to comfort you, I didn't FEEL the tearing even though they turned off my epidural so I could feel pushing with contractions. They numbed me again for stitches. The recovery, not going to lie, was tough.
5. I have also had a natural birth (with pitocin for induction purposes)... Much shorter, much more manageable labor, 9 minutes of pushing, no tears at all.
6. Books that helped SO MUCH. (I never was able to take a birthing class for random circumstances like moving out of state)... But I read: Ina may gaskins guide to child birth. SO GOOD. Even if you plan on a "non-natural" labor.
7. Whatever happens, happens. Be proud of getting that baby out safely no matter if you get the epidural/do it naturally/ have C-section, etc. Birth stories are all beautiful and all very different but they all have one thing in common--- they ended with falling in love--- and that's all that matters. You won't care how the baby got out once you are gazing upon that beautiful face.
8. Labor/delivery is painful- no doubt about it... And it's a challenge. BUT I (along with many other women) are willing to do it again (and again and again!) SO- it is clearly worth it and in some cases, not THAT bad.
Well I was induced at 41w at .25cm. I had a 36 hour induction consisting of gels, pills, inserts and a folley ball which got me to 3 cm and then my doctor broke my water. I quickly started vomiting EVERYWHERE and was in so much pain. They told me they were going to start pitocin and I said not before you put my epi in!
The epi was great. I could move my legs (though it got more difficult as the hours passed). If you touched my leg I could feel your hand. It felt like I was soaking in a warm bathtub.
10 hours later I had my csection. I only hit 4 cm and it turns out DS was 9#14oz and his head was in the 95th percentile. No way he was going to fit! Even when they did the CS I could still wiggle me toes.
A lot of women in my previous BMB said their labor quickly progressed after the epi because they were finally able to relax. But like many women have said, every person and birth is different!
Sunday night DH & I were watching GoT & I was feeling very tired & very pregnant. I had gotten some sickness the day before & been doped up on Benadryl & sudafed & just slept a lot. I asked him how much longer he thought I'd be pregnant. It had been a long pregnancy with lots of illness & he had broken his foot at 30w & was still in a cast. We also had listed & sold our house, signed the lease for our new place, & made the arrangements for the 3.5 hour move come August. He said I had at least another week he thought, which earned him a dirty look & a couple of threats muttered under my breath. We went to bed soon after.
Around 2:45 I got up to pee. This had been my usual time, like an internal alarm clock. I wobbled into the bathroom, dozing in & out while I tried to empty my bladder. As I got back to bed I felt a little bit of what I thought was pee. It smelled like pee at least. I was irritated as I grabbed a fresh pair of undies & waddled back into the bathroom. A little fluid dribbled down my legs but I'd been sweating a lot lately so I tried not to get my hopes up. I wiped it up & stood there waiting. Nothing else came so I tried to pee again. When I stood up more dribbled out. It's clear with no smell but since I'd been sick I decided to ask DH. So I poke him til he wakes & asks if the tissue smells like pee. He's very confused & probably thinking I'm crazy & annoying. I tell him I think my water broke but can't be sure. According to him I said this with a bit too much glee. I make yet another trip to the bathroom where more fluid comes out. I grab a washcloth to put between my legs as I have no pads upstairs & head downstairs to get the card with the midwives phone number on it. The washcloth is half soaked by the time I'm back upstairs. I page the midwives & wait for the return call. I sit on the bed trying to see if I'm having contractions. I text my doula & let her know I'm waiting on a call & why. The midwife calls & she said once my contractions are 4-5 minutes apart to head on in & just call so she can meet me at the front desk. So I time my contractions & find them already 5 minutes apart though I'm not really feeling them yet. I call my doula & tell her that once our sitter gets here for DD we'll be heading in so I can get my antibiotics for GBS. I was 4cm & 70% at my appt the previous week. I'm worried about not getting the antibiotics & enduring another long stay. With DD we had a traumatic 5 day stay so we wanted to do all in our power to not give them any reason to keep us. We decide to call my mom even though I can't really trust her with DD but she's closest. SIL was my first choice but she is an hour away & has an 8 month old.
I start puttering around getting stuff together. I want to be packed & ready so we can leave ASAP. Right before my mom gets there I get my first real contraction that stops me in my tracks & I just have to stand there & breathe & moan a little. My mom arrives & I have another that requires too much concentration. We head on out but dammit no gas.Contractions in the car are horrendous! I call the midwife 2x & no answer! I have her paged again with the news we're on our way in but pretty sure the guy on the phone can't understand me from the moaning and panting. Off we go, thankfully no traffic as 95 between our house & the hospital has had multiple construction projects turning a 20 minute drive into 40+. We pull into the parking deck & I jump out before it's in park as another contraction hits. I have 2 more fairly close together as I'm getting stuff out of the car. I scare housekeeping as I have contractions on my way to the elevators. As I'm checking in I feel like I'm handling them pretty well & moaning through them with DH rubbing my low back. Then one hits that I'm just not prepared for & a low guttural scream escapes me. I try & get back in my head space quickly & not lose control. I think I scared the security guard though. I believe it was around this time I realized the nurse that was being assigned to me was at my daughter's birth & I had on many different occasions asked that she not be at this birth. She doesn't remember us & is chatting away super nice. She actually stopped to weigh me & another contraction hits me hard. We finally get to my room, I was told this was at 4:55am. I'm asked for an urine sample & told I can change into a gown if I want to. I make off for the bathroom to get away from the nurse. I unthinkingly lock the door & inevitably a contraction hits as I'm trying to sit. The cart I grab ahold of moves forward but put me in reach to unlock the door. Thankfully my doula arrives at that very moment & sees me covered in sweat & rocking forward & back with the contraction. She told me not to worry, she'd get rid of the nurse. I manage to pee & gtfo of the bathroom before another contraction hits. I don't bother with pants as the midwife is walking through the door & I know she'll want to check me. She asks why I didn't call! I explained I had & she's looking at all her phones & pagers. Oh well, I try & get on the bed so she can do her check but another contraction hits. There's a lot of pressure with these contractions & they're coming pretty close together still. That one ends & I quickly hop up on the bed & she's ready with her sterile glove. Thankfully my cervix is quick to find & I'm 5cm 100% & baby is almost at 0 station! I quickly roll off the bed as another contraction hits. I'm thankful we got there while I was still 5cm, I figured we'd have enough time for at least one dose of antibiotics. The nurse who was just supposed to be assisting is now my main nurse & trying to place my IV between contractions that must be 3 minutes apart at this point. My MW asks if I have my heart set on the tub which I most certainly am. She gives me the talk about how when she says it's time to get out there will be no arguing. She's very serious & I just nod & say of course. I'm thinking she's a bit crazy since I'm only 5cm & still a ways to go before I'm pushing. A few more contractions & my IV is finally in. All of a sudden I feel my baby drop. That's the best way I can describe it. It's like I hit 10cm & he just fell into the birth canal. I yell "oh god he's coming!" & give an involuntary push at the peak of that contraction. The midwife rushes around & my doula is trying to get me to focus. I'm still standing on the side of the bed & I'm not moving at that point. No tub, no shower. We don't have the music going, hell the lights are still on nice & bright. Each contraction brings an extraordinary amount of pressure. I need to fight the urge to push as hard & as fast as I want. I have a lot of scar tissue from my prior 3rd degree tear & there was no time for the tub or even warm compresses. So all I can do is control my pushing. The MW is telling me listen to my doula. She's trying to get me to focus & breathe. I can feel him coming down & the midwife tells me to reach & feel his head. I didn't really want to but I did & it helped me focus on letting my perineum stretch. I look at my doula & nod & mutter "yes ring of fire. Hold him there". I try smaller pushes & breathing through the beginning & end. But it becomes too much. I push his head out in 2 pushes. I reach for him with both hands. I had wrote in the detailed birth plan the midwives ask for that I wanted to pull him out. I can feel the midwife's hands checking for a nuchal cord. I was told later I was smacking her hands away! His shoulders come out & I left him up to me. I just couldn't wrap my head around him being here! I take the 2 steps to the bed & lay down. The midwife jokes & tells me to scoot over, she can't have me give birth like I did then embarrassingly fall out of the bed. DH doesn't want to cut the cord so once it stops pulsing I cut the cord myself. I did end up with a 2nd degree tear but I'll take that over a 3rd degree! Baby boy is doing good & crying hard but isn't quite pink enough so DH goes with him to the warmer. My doula holds my hand as I'm poked, prodded, numbed, & sewn up. Gabriel is brought back over. His torso pinked up & turns out from his quick descent that his face is a little bruised. He latches on immediately & nurses for the next hour & a half! While it's not the birth I had imagined it was still absolutely amazing. I could not have asked for a more supportive husband, doula, & midwife. And even though we didn't get the antibiotics in we were still allowed to leave at 36 hours.
I am not putting my birth plan or anything else in front of the life of my child. Being a mother is selfless. It starts at the time you conceive. Above all things - I want a healthy baby. The birth story doesn't matter as long as I get that end result. And I will never stop saying that or giving other new mothers the same advice. Of course they should educate themselves on options during birth. Of course it is OK to challenge your doctors.
A healthy baby is the only outcome that matters to me.
DST T4L
Anyone read the recent article/ research on maternal death rates in the US? I'm ready to run away to Canada. Being flexible in your plan isn't contradicted being aware of the deficiencies in our obstetrical medical practices as well as the increased risks we incur by having children older (I'm so guilty here!). I think this whole thread has a theme of creating realistic expectations and I've found it super helpful to read everyone's stories and the constant reiteration of 'keep an open mind' thanks all!!
I'm a second time mum. I first gave birth at a private hospital and it was lovely. I went in with an open mind, calmly as I had already gone through hospital admission admin weeks before and was familiar in my environment. I knew I was in great hands and (heaven forbid) if anything went wrong it could be addressed instantly. I went to hospital once my contractions were 4 min apart. I laboured heavily at hospital for six hours in a lovely bath, then a shower with the water jets, then on a fitball near a window, then on the fitball IN the shower haha! All in my birth suite. Then I decided I would like to have an epidural. It was available instantly. I gave birth six hours later, with no tearing, no other intervention, we were all so happy and it was a beautiful experience. Shortly after giving birth I got up and had a shower - the epidurals these days are excellent, you can feel when to push but not feel pain, and then you can get up and walk. They say the birth often effects your baby's temperament - my daughter is such a calm, chilled out and happy kid even now at 15 months.
Conversely, my friend who planned a home birth, ended up needing an ambulance, emergency hospital admission and had a massive tear. She wished she could have got an epidural for it in the end but there was no time. She had a very stressful birth, long recovery and suffered PND. Her baby has always been unsettled too, which may or may not be related to his traumatic birth.
I think if you feel you want to 'feel' the experience of the pain of labour (as I did), just try going without an epidural for as long as you can. If you do end up wanting one, it's not a big deal - it's just like taking a panadol for a headache but on a much larger scale. If you get caught up trying to control your birth or have a perfect birth, you're likely to end up with PND.
Birth is unpredictable. No birth story is the same. Know your options, and do what you need to do to feel reassured, confident and as comfortable as possible. For me, that was a reputable private hospital and obstetrician.
These are just two experiences out of many. I hope they help.
You're still not getting it. Yes healthy baby is the goal but why can't healthy mom be given the same weight? No one is saying sacrificing the health & wellbeing of the baby. But as someone who had severe PPD don't even go there until you've been there. This isn't an either/or. If mom needs an episiotomy, a c/s, an induction, whatever, why can't she be treated with respect & kindness & part of the decision process. Watch that video. Read the article. Stop & think for one second what that mom went through being cut not once or twice but TWELVE times just for questioning her doctor & exercising her basic rights.
“I was worried people would think I was being dramatic, because it’s not socially acceptable to complain about your birth if you have a healthy baby,”
https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/woman-sues-hospital-for-traumatic-birth-that-201605478.html
These are extreme cases yes. But they should NEVER have happened.
You're still not getting it. Yes healthy baby is the goal but why can't healthy mom be given the same weight? No one is saying sacrificing the health & wellbeing of the baby. But as someone who had severe PPD don't even go there until you've been there. This isn't an either/or. If mom needs an episiotomy, a c/s, an induction, whatever, why can't she be treated with respect & kindness & part of the decision process. Watch that video. Read the article. Stop & think for one second what that mom went through being cut not once or twice but TWELVE times just for questioning her doctor & exercising her basic rights. All I said was there's no way my depression level would be the same or better if my child died. I never said a mother should not be treated with respect. But, I also believe it is her responsibility to advocate for herself and if she cannot, she should make sure she has someone that is able to. Be it her husband, partner, mother, sister, friend, doula, etc. Not every labor, doctor or midwife is perfect and even ones that seemingly are, aren't perfect all the time. Everyone has the responsibility to do research on their doctor and hospital and if they are not comfortable with something. Find a different one. As for a second opinion.
When I gave birth to my first, it was a full term normal delivery. I got an epidural and LOVED it.
About six months ago I gave stillbirth to my second son at 20 weeks. I had an epidural then too, and hated it. I forgot that it gave me severe chills so that I couldn't rest. Then we had to stay at the hospital far too long because I couldn't walk yet. This wasn't a problem when I had my first son, but it was this time. Also, I got the epidural after getting an "experience" that would have felt like childbirth, and while that hurt more than anything has ever hurt ever, when it was over, it was over. I now believe it's completely worth it to skip the epidural.
We'll see how I fare this time. Might be singing a different tune in June.
@sthomas1222 Appreciate the passion everyone is expressing, but there is no way in a million years I am watching that video. Uh uh. Nope! O.0
I whole heartedly agree with the advocates who are reclaiming a woman's birth as a vital and pivotal experience in her life. Of COURSE baby's welfare is a top priority. But this doesn't need to be mutually exclusive from an empowering birth that requires her informed consent. Women have been treated horrifically in birth throughout history, and sadly this is not something of the past. Birth MATTERS. Saying a healthy baby is all that matters is just not true. In almost every case, you can have both a healthy baby and a respectful birthing process.
Me: 29 / Hubster: 31
Married July 2010
DC #1 Oct 2013
DC #2 EDD June 2016
Congrats and enjoy the pregnancy! Start making registry that will distract you from birthing anxieties and it's super fun!! :-)
Yay for June babies!