IUI in the morning...any tips?

junicek

Going for my first IUI in the morning...any tips? Should I take Advil beforehand? They didn't give me any instructions, just told me when to bring the sample.

smdrodgers

Best advice I can give is to relax. I was very tense during my first and I think that made it even more uncomfortable. Taking Tylenol or Advil probably wouldn't hurt, but I didn't and wasn't in pain during or after. I've also heard to go in with a full bladder, it's easier to get the cath in. Good luck!

misspuppychow

I hope you're able to relax and get a good night of sleep! I'll say a prayer and keep my fingers crossed for you!

I have heard to bring or ask for a blanket as the room can be quite cold. You might experience a little cramping when they insert the catheter so Motrin or Advil would probably be a good idea!

vssbrm

I agree with the try to relax! Bring something with you, like your favorite relaxing play list and I agree with a blanket, so cold!! My husband is pretty good about distracting me durring them, it is his job... during our 2nd IUI he started playing the song, "lets get it on" as the doctor was getting everything ready, we all laughed and it helped me to relax!

BrightenMySky

Definitely relax if you can to make it more comfortable (I always wiggle my toes during gyn appointments to relax--a nurse told me that once a long time ago).  For my second IUI, the nurse told me full bladder makes it more comfortable, which I think was true for me.  Although I didn't want to have a totally full bladder, because you lie down afterwards for 10-15 min, and I didn't want to be lying there having to pee.  If your partner is not coming with you, you might bring music, a book, crochet, whatever to do while you're waiting, too.  GL this morning!  Rooting for you!

junicek

Thanks for the advice from all of you..but it didn't go as planned.  My DH did not have any luck in filling the cup.  It was too much pressure for him.  It happened the first month we tried to do IUI, Sept.  This was our second fail at trying.  I didn't even care as much about the result (though obviously hoping for BFP) but I just needed us to actually have a shot.  It didn't happen and my DH feels like such a failure and is upset.  I feel horrible, knowing I have two great follicles and ready to go with no sperm to be seen.  I couldn't have believed it would happen to us again.  How are the fates so cruel to some, and others have no issues.  I am seriously questioning a lot right now.

BrightenMySky

@junicek I am so sorry to hear that.  Hugs to you.  

And I am not sure about the specifics of your diagnosis, but is TI an option for you, so that you still have a shot this cycle?  

wifeinraleigh28

I'm so sorry this happened again @junicek  Would it be easier for your DH to do at home collection?  That's what we've done so far for SAs and our RE told us we can do it for our IUI as well as long as we get the specimen to the clinic within 30 minutes.  My DH is pretty germaphobic so I know it would be extremely difficult, if not impossible, for him to do the collection in the clinic.  I'm glad we have the option to do it at home!!

junicek

@wifeinraleigh28 we were at home but it didn't help.  Thanks for the thought.

wifeinraleigh28

I'm sorry @junicek.  I know this must happen for lots of men so you are not alone.  My DH feels pressure too if I am anywhere near him when he has to provide a sample.

junicek

@wifeinraleigh28 I usually try to help DH with his sample...maybe this was the issue.  We even ordered special condoms to collect during intercourse but we don't ever use any condom so I think that made it worse. :-(

wifeinraleigh28

@junicek - that would definitely not work for my DH either.  He does best if I leave him alone completely and let him figure it out on his own.  He feels so much pressure in the moment if I am there with him when it has to be done!  This stuff isn't easy.

KidShrink

So sorry it didn't work out as planned...I had the same fear when we did our IUI, but for some reason DH felt less pressure doing it in a cup than doing it with me. Do you think he's feeling too much pressure from having to do it NOW? Would freezing be an option? So that way whenever he's in the mood, you can collect a sample and bring it to the RE, and then when it's the right time in your cycle, you just have it thawed out?

junicek

@KidShrink I definitely think the pressure to do it NOW is the problem.  We do not have issues when its just plain intercourse.  Freezing isn't an option because it would have to be done out of town, so if we went that route we might as well do IVF.

KidShrink

Ugh...that complicates things for sure, depending on how far you'd have to go (and whether you have coverage for IVF, and if so, what their requirements are). Can't remember your dx...is there a reason to do IUI over TI? Maybe if he had no idea when you're being monitored, so that way you can randomly initiate without him knowing? DH was aware of when I would be going, and then felt I was too obvious in my attempts, which he felt was fake, and that didn't help with TI. Oh boys, they're more complicated than they like to admit

junicek

@KidShrink I have PCOS but I'm regular like clock-work and ovulated every month.  I have been on Letrozole since June just to ensure I had a follicle each month.  My DH had a vasectomy reversal and it was successful (April 2014) but I haven't gotten pregnant since then.  We don't have coverage for IUI but I live in Ontario, Canada and starting in December they are covering one cycle of IVF.  I always wondered if I wasn't getting pregnant due to the fact that up to 70% of men who have reversals develop sperm antibodies which make it difficult to fertilize an egg, so I was anxious and hopeful to try IUI because they would wash the sperm.

KidShrink

I live in Ontario too! I heard of that! I haven't heard of what the process would be though. One of the receptionists where I have my office actually is going through a similar situation as yours (we crossed each other in the waiting of our RE one morning!). Her DH had a vasectomy reversal, but in his case it didn't work, so they did a TESE I believe. Unfortunately, a fresh and frozen transfer haven't worked yet, so I think they're waiting for the coverage to kick in to continue. What area are you in?

junicek

@KidShrink I live in Northern Ontario. Thunder Bay. What is a TESE?

KidShrink

It's a procedure where they go get he sperms right in the testicules, either by extraction/biopsy (TESE) or aspiration (TESA). But you can also probably test for anti-sperm antibodies to be sure.

I can imagine how it might be more complicated to do fertility treatments out there. We're in the GTA, so there's plenty of clinics to choose from, many with multiple locations. My 'home' clinic was in the same town as where we live (5 min from our place) but I always had to travel about 30 min for any procedures (like IUI) which were only done at the main clinic.

junicek

@KidShrink I think that must be what they use for IVF-TESE or TESA?  I was traveling between our hospital (5 mins away) to our clinic (7 mins away) so i was fortunate in that respect but of course, we have less options here.  If we end up doing IVF we will certainly be coming down to Toronto.  I would assume my DH would only need to come once and they could do all of my monitoring here...but as I mentioned, right now DH isn't interested in any kind of baby making, so I think we will have to take a bit of a breather.

KidShrink

Yes, that's exactly it. I'd hope for you that they'd be willing to do your monitoring out there...TO is already a bitch to get to, let alone when you live hours away (we were lucky to have everything in the suburbs; however at some point we considered switching and my GP said the only other place he'd refer me to was Mount Sinai, right downtown. Thankfully we didn't have to make it to that. Definitely take a break, and maybe see a therapist that specializes in infertility? Maybe it'd do your husband good? Good luck!

junicek

@KidShrink we saw a psychologist who deals in Infertility already...twice.  My DH had this same issue in Sept when we were scheduled for IUI and he refused to do another cycle.  I was considering a donor at the time and it was mandatory for a counselling session, and my DH decided to come both times.  Obviously we got to the point where he was on board with going another round...but after two devastating failures on his part, IUI is not in our future and I'm not even sure about IVF or regular BD.  I decided against using a donor but I swear today my  womb was aching, knowing how close I got, knowing I had two follicles ready and waiting...and no sperm to greet them. :-(

KidShrink

Ugh, I hear you. It's hard not to get frustrated when they only have one (simple and enjoyable) task to do when we go through all kinds of poking, prodding and filling our bodies with hormones. I think I'd ask him if he'd want to go see the psychologist on his own. Maybe it's be easier for him to express how he's feeling? Ironically enough, when I was applying for my predoctoral internship for child psychology, one of the places I applied to forced you to do a rotation outside of the age group you typically work with (I work with kids). So one that they offered was infertility! Which is what I had picked! Turns out I didn't do my internship there, but I guess that would have been good experience considering what I got myself into soon after!

junicek

I think I will join the infertility support group the therapist offers...I don't see a point in encouraging DH to go see her on his own.  He knows how I feel...it does make me wonder (and you can weigh in here, @KidShrink) if his head says he wants to have a baby with me (he has two kids, 11 and 13) but his body, his subconscious, tells him differently.  I would take on ALL of the stress and poking and prodding if I could, but of course, there's one job only HE can do :-(

KidShrink

Ha! I'm probably one of the psychologists who believes the less in the unconscious/subconscious and all that psychodynamic crap. I'd say it's either he felt pressured in saying yes to having a baby but doesn't have the guts to tell you, or he feels too much pressure/stress when the deed has to be done at a precise time and doesn't want to disappoint you. I don't know enough about how you got to fertility treatments to begin with, but I'd say that if he was willing to get a reversal, he must have wanted a child (otherwise he's got some serious assertiveness issues, and he needs help for that!). My DH has a history of anxiety, and while that was never an issue in our sex life before (we 'practiced' for about 7 years as I was finishing school, and the whole year of trying before the fertility treatments wasn't bad either), when it came to TI, he really struggled. We always managed at least once in my fertile window, but he struggled with more than that. I thought getting a text that said 'you're getting lucky tonight' would turn him on, but all it turned on was performance anxiety. I got pissed off and frustrated, which I could try to blame on hormones, but that wasn't it. We had long, open and honest discussions about it, and he told me after my surgery, he'd prefer doing IUI. I'd ask your husband what's going on in his head when he has to do it. What is he thinking about/feeling? Be ready to be open and not judge or say anything...just hear what he has to say, or encourage him to say it to the therapist until he's ready to explain to you. Obviously not the same situation, but a lot of the kids I see are afraid to tell their parents about a whole bunch of things. I work with them until they're ready to share whatever it is (and sometimes I do the sharing with them present if they don't feel they can do it). The great majority of these parents mean well and don't want to hurt their kids in any way (hence seeing a private psychologist), but the communication of the issue is just not happening for whatever reason (which often turns out to be the child assuming things about their parents' reaction). Anyway, not sure if that analogy helps, but here's my therapy sesson in a post

junicek

@KidShrink thanks so much for weighing in.  I think at times he has felt both ways; sometimes he actually wants a baby with me, other times he is doing it for me.  I really kick myself because he has waffled on the baby issue for years.  I made it no secret that it was important to me, first dates in, but starting at about six months in he would say he didn't want a baby.  He knew that was a deal breaker so he would always "change" his mind.  Fast forward to May 2013, we got engaged, Feb 2014 got married and April 2014 reversal.  It "worked" but like I said, no pregnancy so it was my idea to move to IUI.  Honestly, before he had the reversal, he offered for us to go to TO for the procedure, in case it didn't work, so we would have sperm for IVF.  I was trying to be the bigger person, and I said, no, you have two kids who will need schooling, etc. so let's do the reversal here and if it works, great.  If It doesn't, it wasn't meant to be.  At the time, I didn't know about IUI or the fact that men who have reversals can have sperm antibodies.  So he has complained over the last six months approaching IUI that I changed the game.  Well, I didn't know all the rules of the game!  So the first time around, he was resistant to the procedure but today, he was fully on board.  At least, he says he was, but in the end, I am stronger willed and I know he caves to me sometimes.  But that is his issue to deal with, and we have discussed this before.  I do know he doesn't feel the same pull towards a child because he has two kids already.  We got into a huge blowout tonight and he has left for the night to go to his parents.  Not the ideal solution but maybe we need some time apart.  So no BD tonight.  I hate how infertility tears people apart.

KidShrink

Sorry the process has become so stressful for you guys. I can see how it wouldn't be as big of a deal for him to have kids if he already had some. I'd say, take some time, enjoy the holidays, and then regroup: see what your priorities are vs what his are, and then see whether those align or not. Is anyone willing to compromise? If so, on what? If you have different priorities, is it possible for you to be happy together, with or without kids of your own. When we realized this whole baby thing wasn't working as we expected, I forced DH in a conversation about what we were willing to do, and what the timeline for that would be. When I brought up adoption (which I've always considered doing, whether I was able to have kids of my own or not), he said we didn't need to discuss that yet. I put my foot down and told him I needed to know he was okay with it, as there was no way I wouldn't be a mom, and as much as I love him and couldn't imagine my life with someone else, I wanted a child (as a bit of background, my brother has MFI- like NO swimmers- which they found out like after 7-8 years of trying. They had spoken about going for donor and not telling anyone about it when they were waiting for more advanced test results, but then my SIL sort of told everyone, so the hush hush wasn't possible anymore. He's refused to do anything else, and while they briefly looked into adoption, that meant losing a lot of weight for him, which he also refused to do.)And if nothing had worked by then, we had agreed to start the process in January. With our family background, I just needed to know DH wasn't going to flake like my brother did. When we found out my little sister was pregnant last year (which was a shock for everyone for numerous reasons), my brother and SIL were visiting us for the weekend. My SIL got TANKED and cried the whole evening. So I'm sure that stirred up some stuff between the two of them, just like news of our pregnancy has. My brother just got further and further away as I was getting more and more involved with the treatments; he just couldn't get why I'd get myself through all that for a baby. But that was my and our priority. My brother didn't like it, because we put the tx ahead of him and our family for quite a while. Infertility just causes a lot of incomprehension...Hope you guys can work it out.

junicek

@KidShrink a few months ago I was feeling like I would definitely have a baby with or without him.  I looked into a donor.  I feel a little differently now, I've spent $2500 on IUI  procedures that never happened, and I know with donor sperm it will be another $2500, minimum. I also am unsure about the idea of having a stranger's baby.  It just isn't the way I pictured becoming a mother.  Not to mention, I'll be 38 in March so I do know my chances are limited.  He is now saying he's 100% off the baby roller coaster.  I tried saying, let's do one cycle of IVF and if it doesn't work, we can stop trying.  He is holding firm saying, no, I'm done.  He's even talking about getting a vasectomy in March.  I know it's a long ways away but I find that idea very upsetting.  I paid $7000 for his reversal and now without consulting me, he would undo that?  I just don't want to think about it.  Everyone keeps telling me it will all work out and I'll have a baby someday but I gotta say, at this point it's not looking too hopeful.  I have a cousin who is 50 and she married her second husband in her mid 30's like I did and she really wanted a baby but her DH refused to go through any fertility stuff.  She had a m/c at 42 and then just quit the whole idea.  I asked her to tell me it gets easier, that she was able to find purpose in her life beyond becoming a mother...and she said she couldn't.

I feel so badly for your SIL.  I'm not sure of their ages but I have a sneaking suspicion it will lead to their demise down the road.  

KidShrink

I'm sure a lot of what he's saying now is because he's really upset (with himself, the situation, maybe you?). I'd let it go for a few weeks and see if he brings up the topic. If he was really done, why wouldn't he go and get the vasectomy tomorrow morning? It's a bit odd to say that he'll do that in a few months IMO. Just let him cool down and see if he'll turn around...

Both my brother and SIL are 34. They both seem to have embraced a 'let's waste our money on stupid shit' lifestyle (which my brother always had, but she didn't, or at least not as much). They're overcompensating A LOT, with a lot of other stupid things. So in a funny way, it seems like they've grown closer and more similar in the past few months. But things were definitely rocky around the time all the fertility stuff was happening. I guess they both sort of went on with their life, accepting it bit by bit, but at times realizing on what they're missing out (apparently my brother was crying- of joy?not sure- when he went to the hospital and held my sister's daughter for the first time...)

junicek

@KidShrink I know he is definitely unhappy with himself (not able to perform, how he reacted last night during our fight) and he feels like this has been running our lives.  He says he is getting off the baby roller coaster.  He even suggested a separation!  He has the worst case of fight or flight I've come across.  He is saying he would have a vasectomy in March because he starts trade school in January.  I've spent much of the day trying to convince him that yesterday was an exceptionally difficult day and although I didn't like either of our reactions, it was kind of understandable.  In my head I'm like WTF girl, why are you trying to convince him to stay when he is always so willing to pull back the baby card?  It's manipulative in my mind.  But I feel like I have to pussy foot around him, trying to get things back to a good place...who pussy foots around me?!  Nobody!  I'm a little angry...

I guess everyone finds their own way to cope and that's what your bro and SIL are doing.  I truly don't understand why some people are blessed and others aren't...but I figure one day I'll give up on life being fair.

KidShrink

I'd even take a break on talking about it at all...wounds are too fresh for any discussion to bring something good. I have my fingers crossed for you it'll resolve itself...

I used to work with kids with cancer and all kinds of other illnesses. I've cried my eyes out when two of 'my' little ones passed away. Now I work with lots of kids with autism. Needless to say, I've been desillusioned on the fairness of life for a little while already. Infertility was the cherry on top.