Feeling overwhelmed by family, anyone else?

angbhylt

I'll start by saying I am not complaining in any way, I promise! We are beyond blessed and grateful for the excitement and support from our families. A little background, my husbands parents are separated and remarried and I come from a large family so we have several immediate and extended families that we balance between. Everyone is so excited and everyone (mostly parents and sisters on both sides) are saying I want to come and stay to help you after baby comes! I don't know how to balance them all, I have issues with anxiety and know I cannot emotionally handle them all at once. I have also been a nanny for 6+ years and have taken care of several newborns myself (including a sweet guy pretty exclusively that just turned a year this month), I know having your own is a different experience but I have a good handle on multi tasking and the motherhood basics/what to expect. So I'm not even sure how much help I will really want or need. Sorry for rambling but anyone else dealing/dealt with a similar situation that can offer some words of wisdom? I don't want to hurt any feelings because we are so appreciative of the support and willingness to help! 

Huskerfanz

It kind of depends on how helpful you think they will actually be.  Are they local or traveling in?  Are they expecting to stay with you? 

That's fine and understandable that you don't want everyone at once.  Maybe do a schedule on when people can come?

goldie987

I'm anticipating a similar situation. My honest response is to say thank you for the offer but the first week is critical for bonding with baby and we would appreciate having some alone time to get to know our little baby. You're welcome to come and see the baby between x and y hours but we would like some privacy during times outside that to figure out things for ourselves. After all, if everyone helps at first, we'll never learn to do it ourselves. If we find we need some extra help, we'll be sure to let you know!

Edited because willing=/=welcome

Emztron500

I feel you - my husband and I both have huge families. I have 6 siblings and most of them live in town, and my husband's mother is the oldest of 14 so he has a stupid amount of aunts/uncles/cousins around. At first I envisioned a never-ending parade of people in my home, but it didn't really work out that way. People would come by from time to time the first month I was home with baby, but mostly just leave a nice hot meal, give the baby a quick snuggle, and leave. I still felt like I was alone most of the time. If your family's a little more in-your-face, maybe try to enlist your husband to run interference. Tell prospective visitors to go through him, and ask him to keep it to one visitor a day or whatever you're comfortable with. And make a no overnight house-guests rule!

HBamama2B

PP said it well. I was a nanny for many years and feel pretty strongly that I'd like to have the birth and first bit of time with just my DH, baby and I, although wouldn't be opposed to a quick visit from the parents/sibs if they want a quick peek. I find it very hard to say no and my in laws really want to be heavily involved, so I'm enlisting my DH to help be clear about our plans and ways to include them a little bit later. You're not wrong to trust your knowledge or want time to yourselves. Some people are extroverts or really appreciate the help, but you sound like your on top of it, so I at trust yourself and have DH help organize a visiting timeline you're both comfortable with.

totsabounding

I really like the idea of giving yourselves that first week to get your bearings and see what (if any) help you really need. I think people will certainly understand that.

angbhylt

I am so glad that I'm not alone! Thanks for the support everyone, I really appreciate your comments. I like the idea of giving the task of coordinating visitors to my husband, great suggestion. I also like the idea of having that week to ourselves as well. It's such crucial bonding time for mom, dad and baby.

LizM61409

I dont have a huge family, but my in-laws are local and when dh's sister had a baby a year ago, her mother was there every single day, no exaggeration. I really hope she's not expecting the same access with ours!

Emztron500

angbhylt said:

I am so glad that I'm not alone! Thanks for the support everyone, I really appreciate your comments. I like the idea of giving the task of coordinating visitors to my husband, great suggestion. I also like the idea of having that week to ourselves as well. It's such crucial bonding time for mom, dad and baby.

Not to mention if you're breastfeeding it's wonderful to not worry about wearing tops that week

jessicaschafer8

I understand, I have 2 sisters who are older and between the two of them have given birth 8 times, including a set of twins, so they think they know everything. Both struggled with some sort of infertility. My one sister loves to tell me her horror stories and likes to scare me. I mentioned to her that I was feeling better and she told me that I was probably going to lose the baby. Then she told me birth horror stories... She's terrible. But in conclusion she's doing it cause she loves me and wants me to be prepared. Family can be over bearing and ridiculous at times but it's only because they love you (or that's what I try to tell myself about my bitch sister)