Hello all! (Loss and little oe mentioned)

Screamertree

I'm new here, though a bumpie for a looooong time, I lived on the Bump while pregnant with our three year old daughter. My husband and I have been together for four years, and just celebrated our first wedding anniversary in November.
Anyway, we lost our son, Dylan, on October 28th at 13 weeks (the only reason I know the exact date is because I had a check up that day, and the doc said it looked as if he had JUST passed. No less traumatic), and had a dnc on the 30th, a week away from our wedding. Ugh. Well, it took a year, but I am finally ready to try for another one, and I am COMPLETELY terrified! My question is how are you ladies getting past this fear? I mean, it's almost too much for me to handle, and my fool-proof method of shoving it out of my head just doesn't cut it with this one, tou know?

lilyaster

Welcome, and I'm sorry for your loss.  My recent loss was at 11 weeks and 4 days, and our baby was measuring 11.6, so it must have happened just before my appointment as well.  It is such a shock when you think everything is going smoothly.

As far as the fear, I don't know the answer. Personally, I'm trying to stay positive and try not to worry about things out of my control. It's not like worrying is going to prevent anything bad happening. I've thought about asking for an earlier ultrasound with the next pregnancy, but we had a great u/s at 10 weeks and still a loss, so I don't know that that would bring me much comfort. 

NamelessAria

Welcome and I'm very sorry for your loss.

As far as what makes the whole TTCAL less terrifying: nothing has really worked too much for me. Information makes me feel a little better. Knowing that the probability of 2 MCs in a row is only about 5% makes me feel a little better. And like @lilyaster said worrying doesn't prevent anything bad from happening. It's all completely out of our control so all we can do is just try out best to be positive.

My DH finds comfort in the fact that, as he puts it, "at least you can get pregnant!" I personally find this to be less comforting. His mindset is that since I can get pregnant that "eventually one will work out." Again, I find this idea of "if we just keep trying someday, eventually, one of the pregnancies will make it to term and we'll have a take-home baby." somewhat less than ideally encouraging. But it works for him.

Hopefully you get your rainbow baby soon.

crob5685

Sorry for your loss. It is a terrifying and exciting thing to start TTCAL. I don't think any of us will be able to have the kind of carefree pregnancy we may have before all of this. So no good advice, just hugs and support to help each other get through it all!

ceclarlinetlo

I'm sorry for your loss

Fear of another loss is a huge problem for me. I've had two losses back to back ttc # 1 and like you said it's tough to battle the balance between wanting to be pregnant so bad but being afraid it will happen all over again. I just take it one day at a time and try to focus on the here and now and not what may or may not happen tomorrow because that is out of my control. Talking about the fear with DH helps me too.

Screamertree

Thank you all for the kind words. It's so good just to have a place to talk with women who have been through it, as the topic still makes so many people uncomfortable. I talk about him a lot ,though, I don't care if it makes people squirm. He existed, he was a part of my life, and will be forever, and I won't keep him under wraps! Feels good to have support and know we aren't alone in "the fear".