please help! will NOT sleep!!

JessaRex

LOL is 1.5 weeks old and will not sleep unless she is fed until she passes out in my arms. Problem is that I move when I sleep so I can't co-sleep and she wakes up and it's back to square one when I put her into her bassinet or crib. I've tried swaddling and (breaking my heart in the process) the cry it out method. I haven't slept in days and don't know what to do now. I've been stuck to the couch, fighting from frustration has been on both mine am my SO'S end, the crying is essentially destroying my relationship and driving me to crying in frustration nightly and I'm getting to the point of dizziness and everything is bright cause I'm so tired. Currently retry in the cry it out method, going on 45 minutes of her screaming and it's really upsetting me to hear her like that. I HATE this method but i dont know ehat else to do!! Help?!

Squirtgun

1.5 weeks is way too young for the cry it out method! It's not recommended until at least 4 months.

I know it's really stressful to be up with baby all night. Have you tried a white noise machine? That was the magic trick for my daughter, along with using Johnson and Johnson lavender baby lotion.
Other people swear by putting a heating pad in the crib to warm it up. (Take it out before you put baby in.)
Is it possible that baby has reflux? That can make them really uncomfortable when lying flat. I know a lot of people have success with letting baby sleep in a baby swing type thing. (Maybe a rock n play?)
If you search this forum you will see that this is a common problem: don't feel like there is something wrong with you or your baby. It will get better!

JessaRex

I've tried all of that. So far the only thing that has worked is feeding her till she passes out and don't put her down once she is out. Can transfer her from me to my SO but that's also a shot in the dark kind of chance. I've managed to get a couple of hours that way till she gets hungry again, then it's back to the beginning

meganraschke

At 1.5 weeks I was having to sleep with my DS on my chest for either of us to get any sleep. I'd just prop myself up in bed lay him on my chest after breastfeeding and use a boppy around him to make sure he didn't roll off. I didn't get the best sleep because I'd have to be semi conscious and stay still. But.....that was still more sleep than listening to him cry when I put him down.
We eventually figured out he wanted a warm and soft surface. The bassinet mattresses are thin and hard. Now he will sleep in the napped attached to his pack and play or he will sleep in his swing. Through his growth spurts though he still is extra fussy if I don't have him sleeping on me.
You could order a baby wrap to sleep with also.
Good luck to you, it gets better around the 3-4 week mark, but I agree with pp it is way too early to try the cry it out method. They need to know you will be there to meet their needs at this age. And I'm pretty sure they just plain miss you, they did sleep inside of us for 10 months, listening to us breathe and our heartbeat. I think that's why our chest is so comforting to them at this age

JessaRex

Trying the cry it out method was a last effort attempt. I ended up messaging my SO at work. I got her from the crib and currently have her on me, still doesn't allow me to sleep but me and SO have come to the conclusion that till we can get something to work, we are going to make a transition to formula and I'll stay awake while he sleeps and works then when he's home I can sleep. There goes our relationship and any chance of being able to sleep in the bed with him but nothing else seems to work.

bellie1223

I was having the same problem at first, she would only sleep on me or in her bouncy chair, but figured out the winning combo seemed to be feeding, a good swaddle, some cuddles on my chest then laid down with white noise blasting. She sleeps in a pack n play right next to our bed, since I started, she'll sleep anywhere from 1-4 hours and sometimes I actually have to wake her up to eat 3 hours in.

I think it's just an issue of finding the right combo for your baby, which can be daunting. Good luck! It sounds like you have a supportive SO, so that's a great start!

buckwheatpancakes

Have you tried seeing a lactation consultant? You mentioned switching to formula...are you sure her latch is good and that she's eating enough? Are you letting her feed until she decides she's done?

I called an LC and changed me and babe's life! His latch was destroying my nipples and she showed me some simple fixes. All better and eats like a chunkster! I also let him feed on demand, as a full belly for him = longer sleep. Good luck!

tracij12

The first few weeks are super hard. No matter how much you read or try to prepare, frustration is normal. As PPs have said, you just have to keep trying to find the right combination for your baby, and be prepared that what you works one day may or may not work the best. Cut yourself and baby some slack!!

Also, sleeping in shifts with a newborn is pretty common. I really hope that will not negatively impact your relationship with your SO. Remember it's a short term thing and find little moments to snuggle or kiss as you are passing baby and know that your bond is growing by working as a team to care for the little human you made together!!

Stay strong, I promise it gets better!!

shaley29

First 3 weeks were hell for me. LO was up every two hours (if I was lucky) and I was running off zero sleep. Just be persistent in putting LO in bassinet or swing to sleep. Eventually it will work I promise. I recommend getting a rock n play, sounds like your LO likes to be snuggled. Don't give up on breastfeeding!

valerie1132

I can't cosleep because my husband would squish her, he's such a heavy sleeper! But I also had the same issues with transitioning her after she fell asleep nursing (in bed-side lying position, this saved my sanity). So I took the napper from the pack n play and put it next to my bed. Once she was fast asleep (and not on top of me due to side lying), I would quickly move her to the napper. I also swaddled her in a swaddle me prior to this nursing session to avoid the Moro reflex. Sometimes it would take a long time for her to fall asleep (I played a lot of solitaire on my phone), but I used my phone to keep me awake, then scootched her to the napper, and it worked! She didn't do well in the crib, this was a much better result. Good luck!

whitfi24

Mine is 10 weeks now, but for the first 5-6 weeks he slept on my chest. Turns out he's actually got colic and nothing seemed to help. My SO and I were beside ourselves for weeks. I bought a book that someone recommended me called "The Happiest Baby on The Block." OMG, what a great book. I highly recommend it. While it won't really help with the feeding issues, it does help with the fussiness part. As a result, I'm a huge proponent of the swaddle and white noise.

Bigboobsmcgee

This is such a sad thread.

DUDE, you have a 1 week old baby. THIS IS WHAT THEY DO. My son slept on me for the first 4 weeks. You are supposed to feed them until they are satisfied. You are supposed to hold them when they cry. You will hardly get any sleep the first month or so.

You need to realize this is normal and stop getting so upset over it. Babies are really, really hard but don't ever leave your one week old baby to cry alone. THAT IS HORRIBLE.

I'm telling you all of this in a harsh way because you have extremely unrealistic expectations of this baby. It is up to you to make your baby happy, fed, safe and comfortable no matter what it takes.

Bigboobsmcgee

JessaRex said:

Trying the cry it out method was a last effort attempt. I ended up messaging my SO at work. I got her from the crib and currently have her on me, still doesn't allow me to sleep but me and SO have come to the conclusion that till we can get something to work, we are going to make a transition to formula and I'll stay awake while he sleeps and works then when he's home I can sleep. There goes our relationship and any chance of being able to sleep in the bed with him but nothing else seems to work.

You are completely overreacting. This is just TEMPORARY. Your relationship isn't over. You need to calm down and try to keep an open mind. Maybe read a baby book or 2 so you can realize this is normal newborn stuff. It isn't easy.

p_stone

our pediatrician told us something helpful. she said for about the first 3-4 weeks baby has trouble sleeping while not being held during the times that used to be her daytime--i.e. when she sleeps only lightly. That usually is our nights. So if your LO was awake a lot from 6 p.m. to midnight that is the time when she may not sleep unless held. It totally makes sense that baby would sleep best with background noise she is used to--your heartbeat, breathing, stomach noises, etc. You can nap with her laying across your stomach so you don't really need to hold her--just keep one arm on her and be sure her head is up high on your tummy and there are no blankets and pillows around. Have to be very careful because of SIDS but maybe a nap in the recliner or on sofa while baby is perched with head safely up high on your tummy will at least give you some rest. It totally makes sense that babies should be made this way evolutionarily, right? What animal would have an instinct that it's ok to be separated from mom while only a newborn? 

Anyway, back to dr.'s advice-- during time when baby was used to being asleep while in utero--for most of us that is during the day when we were walking around and baby was being rocked to sleep--she is more likely to sleep by herself in bassinet or crib. So you can swaddle her and put her down then and will have the most chance of success. This has really helped us figure out how to time our sleep. 

DH and I have been taking shifts at night to try to hold her/let her sleep on our chests for a few hours. so we each get at least a few hours sleep. That way she is better rested and during the 9 a.m.- 2 p.m. window she will sleep by herself in the bassinet so I can catch up on real sleep then. If you have a baby k'tan or some other sort of carrier maybe DH can put baby in that in early evening so you can go to sleep?

Also, as noted, pediatrician says this should phase out by about 1 month, so the end is in sight soon. 

good luck. 

dalzien

Bigboobsmcgee said:

This is such a sad thread.

DUDE, you have a 1 week old baby. THIS IS WHAT THEY DO. My son slept on me for the first 4 weeks. You are supposed to feed them until they are satisfied. You are supposed to hold them when they cry. You will hardly get any sleep the first month or so.

You need to realize this is normal and stop getting so upset over it. Babies are really, really hard but don't ever leave your one week old baby to cry alone. THAT IS HORRIBLE.

I'm telling you all of this in a harsh way because you have extremely unrealistic expectations of this baby. It is up to you to make your baby happy, fed, safe and comfortable no matter what it takes.

I agree with everything you've just said... and I don't believe coddling the OP is going to help... so flame away for not being totally supportive. Babies cry and letting her CIO is so irresponsible and damaging for your LO. Think of her before you think of yourself and your SO... that's your job as a parent. If she only falls asleep on you then thats where she falls asleep. Your SO should have stepped up the moment you told him/her that you were struggling so that you don't slip into PPD. I feel for you, I do. I went through it all with our first but I always put my daughter first. If I had to pump so I could sleep I told DH that he had to stay awake for her (we ended up going the co-sleep method because it was the only way we all got to sleep and there were nights he was out on the couch). I did what another PP did. I propped myself up so she was secure on my chest and had no way to roll off. If your SO has to sleep on the couch so that you can co-sleep in bed, then do it. If your relationship suffers so drastically after 2 weeks then it wasn't that great to begin with. If you still can't sleep SEEK HELP from a medical professional before it gets any worse. Don't let your LO suffer, the first few weeks cements their bond with you.

Bigboobsmcgee

dalzien said:

Bigboobsmcgee said:

This is such a sad thread.

DUDE, you have a 1 week old baby. THIS IS WHAT THEY DO. My son slept on me for the first 4 weeks. You are supposed to feed them until they are satisfied. You are supposed to hold them when they cry. You will hardly get any sleep the first month or so.

You need to realize this is normal and stop getting so upset over it. Babies are really, really hard but don't ever leave your one week old baby to cry alone. THAT IS HORRIBLE.

I'm telling you all of this in a harsh way because you have extremely unrealistic expectations of this baby. It is up to you to make your baby happy, fed, safe and comfortable no matter what it takes.

I agree with everything you've just said... and I don't believe coddling the OP is going to help... so flame away for not being totally supportive. Babies cry and letting her CIO is so irresponsible and damaging for your LO. Think of her before you think of yourself and your SO... that's your job as a parent. If she only falls asleep on you then thats where she falls asleep. Your SO should have stepped up the moment you told him/her that you were struggling so that you don't slip into PPD. I feel for you, I do. I went through it all with our first but I always put my daughter first. If I had to pump so I could sleep I told DH that he had to stay awake for her (we ended up going the co-sleep method because it was the only way we all got to sleep and there were nights he was out on the couch). I did what another PP did. I propped myself up so she was secure on my chest and had no way to roll off. If your SO has to sleep on the couch so that you can co-sleep in bed, then do it. If your relationship suffers so drastically after 2 weeks then it wasn't that great to begin with. If you still can't sleep SEEK HELP from a medical professional before it gets any worse. Don't let your LO suffer, the first few weeks cements their bond with you.

Well said.

kjacks6347

Girl...what did you think having a newborn was going to be like? If you're baby will only sleep on you then you should let them. My son would only sleep on my chest for the longest time. That's just something you suck up. I couldn't imagine leaving my newborn to cry for 45 min! That's just being neglectful and it isn't going to help you or your little one. I'm not saying this to be mean but you have to "mom up". Having a baby is hard but it's your job to make them feel loved and cared for. Even if that means walking them around your house in circles for hours just so they can be calm. Welcome to motherhood. Also seek the help of a doctor soon rather than later if these feelings continue.

Sarcasm101

kjacks6347 said:

Girl...what did you think having a newborn was going to be like? If you're baby will only sleep on you then you should let them. My son would only sleep on my chest for the longest time. That's just something you suck up. I couldn't imagine leaving my newborn to cry for 45 min! That's just being neglectful and it isn't going to help you or your little one. I'm not saying this to be mean but you have to "mom up". Having a baby is hard but it's your job to make them feel loved and cared for. Even if that means walking them around your house in circles for hours just so they can be calm. Welcome to motherhood. Also seek the help of a doctor soon rather than later if these feelings continue.

Yes. Absolutely.

OP, did you honestly think you would be able to drop a 10 day old baby in a crib and they would sleep for 4 hours? Start doing your research now, educate yourself, talk to your ped.

SmrBrd2012

Having a 1.5 week old baby is hard. It's supposed to be hard. They have no idea how to sleep on their own or really anything about their world yet. You should expect to get very little sleep during this time. It sucks, but it slowly gets better.

It's not destroying your relationship! You're not even a month into this yet. It's definitely a wake up call (literally) but it will pass. I also was saddened by not being able to snuggle and sleep with my hubby at night during the first few weeks. I spent a lot of time sleeping in another room with LO. It's just the way it goes but I promise it gets better. Once you change your expectations, you will feel better. Hang in there.