Babies: 0 - 3 Months

Feeling overwhelmed

I'm a FTM and I am struggling with the lack of sleep here lately. I started off determined to EBF but after having a low milk supply and baby not having a good latch, my husband and I decided to switch to formula. I had been going on no sleep due to LO wanting to be nursed constantly and being extremely fussy because he wasn't getting enough and was hungry. I was relieved when we switched because I knew that NJ own my husband and I could rotate getting up at night. Everything still seems to fall back one me though and I find myself getting extremely agitated. Tonight my husband was working from 4:30 until midnight (he's a sports official so most of his time is spent in a car) and I was by myself withave LO. I had been up since 5am while husband set until 10. I thought for sure that my husband would help out with feedings throughout the night since I had done virtually everything ALL day but here it is 5am and he's snoring away while I am up trying to get LO back to sleep. I feel guilty for even being upset but all I want is for justhe one night of more than an hour of sleep at a time!

Re: Feeling overwhelmed

  • I think you need to have a talk with your husband and explain to him that you need more help... And be specific with what you need. Men tend to be a little dense in terms of picking up signals (Lol). I know for me I was also getting frustrated at first that I was always the one getting up with LO in the MOTN. Turns out though the DH simply is a heavy sleeper and wasn't waking up. So now, if LO starts crying (and I think she's not hungry) and I need his help I give him a shove to wake him up and ask him to either change or soothe LO back to sleep so I can sleep until her next feed. Once I start pumping we'll even be able to tag team her feedings!
  • I think you are perfectly justified in being frustrated. I echo what PP said about being specific with your husband about what needs to be done.
    Married DH 08.28.10
    Pregnancy #1: BFP 04.10.11 EDD 12.23.11 DD1 Born 12.4.11
     Pregnancy #2: BFP 5.12.14 MC 5.20.14 @ 5wk4d
    Pregnancy #3: BFP 11.1.14 EDD 7.5.15 MC 11.13.14 @ 6wk4d
    Pregnancy #4: BFP 1.31.15 EDD 10.5.15 DD2 Born 9.23.15
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  • I understand your frustration, because I was there too in the beginning. However, because I'm home during the day and have a chance to catch up on naps, and my hubs works 60+ hrs a week, rather than be resentful, I chose to view the situation from his perspective.

    He barely gets 6 hrs of sleep a night anyways since getting ready for bed seems to take 2 hrs with the little guy. And going to work sleep deprived sucks. Since we are depending on his paycheck for the time being, I decided that I wanted him to feel refreshed and ready to tackle the day. Now, when he comes home he spends his time with little man to give me a break, but then I go back to feeding when needed.

    This works out for us. Everyone is different. As the breastfeeding mother, I figured my role would be a little larger than hubs. I'm ok with that, because although he's not with little one as much, he is still doing a lot for our family.
  • You're in the same boat as most of us I think. I agree, when my babe wakes up at night I generally take care of her, but my hubby sleeps 6-7 at most. However, there have been times where I wake him up and hand her off to him and just say "I need a break!" You have to actually do this and say this, otherwise your hubs won't know you need the break. Sometimes just an hour or two is all you need to regain your composure!
  • Definitely let your husband know what you mean, and come up with a plan on who will do what night wakings, or early morning feeds. It might change day to day to accommodate work schedules, but if you'e agreed that he'll do a night feed then you can kick him out of bed when baby wakes.

    I'm like pp in that I'm at home and EBF, so feedings fall on me, and that's cool. But DH helps in other ways like looks after our two girls when they get up so that I can have some extra sleep, and takes the girls out of the house on the weekend so I can have some quiet time and rest.

    It doesn't matter how you work things, just that you come to an agreement that works for you guys. Best wishes.
    Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old

  • BigboobsmcgeeBigboobsmcgee member
    edited November 2015

    95% of the work falls on mom. That's just the way it goes. You can talk to him and ask for more help but if he's working, then IMO you need to be the one getting up in the night.

    FWIW, my H never once did a MOTN feed with either of our kids. He does a ton of other things to help but not MOTN stuff. Part of that is on me though because I do it quicker and I do it better so I might as well just get up and do it myself :) I'd lay awake wondering what H was doing anyways!

    But don't let resentment build. Talk to your husband and try to come up with a plan for the duties.

  • My SO is working now and I am not so any MOTN feedings fall on me. By 3:30 or 4:00 there have been times I've said I need a break! He's been up since midnight. My LO sleeps for a nice chunk when he first goes down but the in up for a few hours. It's exhausting.

    Anyway, my wife has given me time to sleep in the morning while she cares for the baby and I can sleep for 2-3 hours. And tonight she took him to visit friends and I slept for almost 5 glorious hours (minus pumping in the middle.)

    Anyway, even if he isn't helping in the MOTN maybe find another way he can help you sleep more.
  • Thanks everyone for your replies. DH and I talked and he has been helping out a lot more. Even though he is working, his job is not a traditional job as he is on a football field or basketball court and is only gone for about 4 to 6 hours. He has been great and I feel guilty for even complaining.
  • Thunda88 said:
    Thanks everyone for your replies. DH and I talked and he has been helping out a lot more. Even though he is working, his job is not a traditional job as he is on a football field or basketball court and is only gone for about 4 to 6 hours. He has been great and I feel guilty for even complaining.
    That's what we do sometimes :) Glad he's helping more.
  • What everyone else has said. You have to find a routine that works for you. I've been doing all the MOTN stuff because I wake up long before my husband does. If I need help I do nudge him and he'll get up. Some men just need to be asked to help or told what you need.

    It sounds like maybe you need to work out your schedule with your husbands work schedule. Adjust your sleeping schedule so that you can get in enough sleep to take care of baby while he's at work, and he can handle some of it while he's at home. It may mean you don't get to interact with your husband as much but at the beginning like this, it's about survival.
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