Losing it

Ourbabygherkin

I have recently asked the doctor for help. I have ppd. I have days when all is great. Mostly those days are when its just me and baby. When my husband is home. I feel like I can't do anything right. He is questioning me with everything. Baby has her first cold and every time I give her drops she screams and he comes in cursing about what have I done to the baby because she was fine before. It's like this a lot. Some things are very direct and others are me probably reading into it and making it a bad comment to me. He can't speak to me about anything without me wanting to cry or defend myself. I just want to hide in my closet all day. He tells me how he wants to leave me for a divorce and then turns around wanting hugs. Then tells me it's all in my head. I feel if I were gone my baby girl would have a better life. I am the reason there are problems in my house. I can't get it right. My family visited for the first time. My sister kept picking apart how I mother and decisions I made from the bottles to baby wearing or clothes she wears. I know I need to just move past it but my mind won't let me. I started Zoloft today I don't want to be me or this way any more. It's not worth fighting anymore.

I live 1300 miles from family and friends. I'm too proud to talk to any of them about this. Afraid that it will be like my husband and blame placed on me and to just get over it and move on.

Knottie72170618

Please find your closest postpartum support international chapter for more support. You are not alone, and sounds like the husband can be a trigger. Do any of your friends know what your husband is doing? I've been there before

mcandice16

I can relate to you 100%. It seems we are married to the same type of man. The medicine does help a lot, I took it after my first child. I am feeling the same way after this little peanut too, so I will be going on meds again. For the comments my husband always gives me, I try to push past it as best as I can. If you need to walk away and go for a drive do it. It helps clear your head

Bognes

@Ourbabygherkin hang in there. The medicine will take some time. Are you able to find someone professional to speak with? Can you call your OB and ask them for a referral or if there's a mother's group around?