When Team Green Goes Wrong

and_peggy

I have had my heart set on being surprised at birth, for basically my life. I have always wanted to have that, "IT'S A _______" moment. My husband didn't have a preference either way but he was happily supportive of waiting. Had all my blood tests done for various birth defects and early detection of chromosomal abnormalities last week. It was a test that also revealed the sex of the baby. My doctor has known from the get go that we are adamant on not finding out. Was told several times the results of the sex would not be posted. Last night, I get on the online system, and I notice everything is up to date so I click in and at the very top, in huge letters, staring back at me, I see what we're having. I cried for nearly an hour because I wanted so badly to be surprised, and I felt like I ruined it for us. *Insert emotional pregnant women excuse here*. Here's the million dollar question: Would it be wrong to not tell people anything and just pretend like we still don't know? We are still going to register for gender neutral items. I know it's going to be hard not to slip up.....I'm terrible at keeping these kind of things a secret.

TXmamatobe

If you try to hide it, it will eventually come out somehow. Then people will wonder why you were acting like you didn't know and/or trying to conceal it. It's unfortunate since you didn't want to know but is the baby healthy?? That's what matters here.

kbrands7

I'm sorry that you found out the sex in a way you hadn't planned, but I'd probably just roll with it at this point. I assume the baby is healthy?Congratulations on that! If you would rather keep the sex of the baby low key, then consider only mentioning it if someone asks. I'm sure it will be really difficult to not slip up before May unless there is a particular reason why you wouldn't want others to know the sex of the baby until birth. You could still do something special with your husband now to celebrate finding out-- and he could still yell, "It's a____!" Even if you already know. (Mine did with DS. We already knew, so it was sort of funny, but it also signaled to me that he was here, for real!)

evalynn24

I don't think it's wrong to not tell people. It's your baby and your decision. I think it will only be hard to keep it a secret if you tell people you know because then they will be waiting for you to slip up.

Keep it between you and your husband and surprise the rest of the family. That's what I would do in your situation

businessmama

I know people who found out and acted like they didn't. If you don't want people to know, don't tell them. Your life.

Bluejay3030

What's your reason for wanting to keep it from other people? That seems like it would be a huge challenge, and I'm not sure it makes sense to go through the trouble...At the end of the day, it's your baby and your decision, it just seems really odd from the outside looking in.

I'm sorry you didn't find out in the way you wanted, but as with so many other aspects of parenthood, you just have to learn to roll with the punches or you will go crazy. As hard as you try, so many things don't go as planned, but if you don't let that get you down, you can still enjoy the journey just as much!

and_peggy

Appreciate all your input. To answer those wanting to know why we want to keep it from people: My husband and I just want to have that special time just between us. Also, the same reason we aren't sharing the names. Just what we want, and what we decided. We're very private people, and don't like everyone to insert their opinion, unsolicited. It's not like we're going to tell that we know the sex, and then keep the information to ourselves. We're just going to not say anything about it. Most people we're close with know we are waiting. I'm definitely fine now, but we still want to just have that special secret just between us. Plus, totally not interested in blue or pink everything.

and_peggy

Probably something along the lines of, "It's a surprise." Which it is.

Jenly17

I get your reasoning for not wanting to share it with others. If this happened to me, we would also keep it to ourselves if it was possible. We didn't find out he sex with DD and we won't with this babe either...BUT if we did, my MIL who is tacky, and has horrible taste would be picking out clothing, and decor for the nursery, and other unwanted items (that I wouldn't be able to return bc she refuses to give gift receipts!) for our unborn child. So do what works for you and your H. In about 6 months, everyone will know what you're having

BlueJuice

It's also totally legit to say, 'we're not sharing that info.' Hard to do, but it can be done. I had friends where the husband found out the gender and the mom (and the rest of the world) was team green, and they managed to keep it going the entire pregnancy, which shocked me a little.

Sorry you found out accidentally, though.

hellogoodbye2

So what are you having!?!?

hellogoodbye2

It's your baby and your decision to tell people or not. If someone is mad about that then that's on them. I would *think* that it would be easier to keep the secret since everyone else thinks you don't know the sex. Sorry you found out. I'd be a little upset to, but do what you want and try not to stress about it at this point.

and_peggy

Thanks guys! Just needed a little bit of reassurance! We are ecstatic that we have a healthy baby on the way! Was sad to have found out, but I got over it. The more I think about it, the more exciting it is that just my husband and I know what we're having. I've never been one to 'stay inside the lines'. I like to do things a little bit unconventional. But I really appreciate all the advice! Do any of you know what you're having yet?

Pascal86

Can you think of any other milestones or discoveries that will be a surprise or that you can celebrate? Like if it's a hairy baby or a bald baby? Or if it comes with a birthmark? I know those things aren't the same, but I love wondering about things and having surprises, so maybe you and your husband can pick something else to anticipate and celebrate for your own personal moment so you can have a little bit of that back.

Soontobejones33

I just tell people I don't know. No guilt about that. Most people don't know about the new test that tells you early so they think you have to wait until the 20 week scan anyway. But I'm not going to feel bad about not telling people my news. Don't think I know anyone that would be mad that I knew long before them. Silly thing to get mad about. I have been a adamant about not getting all blue or all pink stuff so they know I'm not likely to tell anyway. Our colors are green, yellow, and brown. So I tell people that. Sorry you found out that way. My Dr called me with the results and asked if I wanted to know. Glad it was that way.

laurenmdrn16

This goes right along with my UO yesterday! I have no idea why it is anyone's business "what" someone is having. I think it is wonderful to keep this beautiful secret with your husband. People get so nosy about everything, asking about how much weight you have gained, if you plan to BF, if you lost your mucus plug or what your lochia looks like (ok...maybe that is just my crazy family of nurses, but still...). You don't owe anyone anything as far as information goes. If you didn't tell your husband, that would be a different story, but not telling family and friends is totally your prerogative. I love what PP said about saying "Its a surprise!" if people ask. Maybe not a surprise for you, but a surprise for everyone else!

And I am so sorry the surprise was ruined for you. That totally sucks. I remember wanting so badly to be Team Green with my son and then having a tech slip at the last US before I delivered. It was so upsetting to get so close and then have MH be robbed of that "Its a ____" moment. But as PPs have mentioned, there are so many other surprises and exciting things to learn about your baby that whether they have a penis or vagina is just one piece of who they are. I was so happy when my son kept his golden blonde hair and to discover that he has his daddy's piercing ice blue eyes. I couldn't know until I saw him that he has my chin and my goofy smile. So the fact that he has certain genitalia really isn't the most defining feature for me. He may discover one day that he in fact should never have had a penis and if he realizes that he was born to be a she, my child will still have MH's piercing blue eyes and my goofy smile.

and_peggy

Y'all are awesome! I know there are plenty of surprises to come. Can't wait to see what baby looks like or their personality. I truly look forward to learning those things. Thanks for the perspective on all that. People do get nosy so I'm totally looking forward to having one less opinion or intrusive comment.

lsilvey22

My best friend and her husband had a very similar situation happen to them. After their a/s their doctor called them over to the computer screen to view all the measurements and results and as they scrolled through the ultrasound report, for sex of the baby, it read: Parents do not want to know, MALE. They obviously saw it and the doctor felt horrible. They went their entire pregnancy (we were pregnant at the same time and both team green) without even ONE slip up. We talked so many times about what we might be having and I still had NO IDEA that she knew. When their son was born, she wrote a really cool birth announcement about how they found out and how they knew the whole time but wanted to keep the biggest secret of their lives just between the two of them. Everyone thought it was really neat! Just a little reassurance that it can be done and it can still be exciting to reveal a big surprise even if it isn't what others are expecting.

CBS78

I wanted to know what I was having with my last pregnancy and found out at 18 weeks that it was a girl. Still, when she was born (via c-section) the anesthesiologist shouted, "It's a girl!" and it was the best words I ever heard in my life. For some reason it was like I never even knew and I was finding out right then. I think the comment someone else made about having your husband shout that or even the doctor is great - you may be surprised how it's still an amazing shock to hear those words. 

emma+karen

You can be honest and still keep it to yourselves with a simple, "We know, but we're not telling."  It will probably drive some people crazy (it would drive my mom, crazy, I know!) BUT you are the parents and it's your call!

gooberdoofus95

If your doctor knew that you guys didn't want to know then I don't understand why he would do the gender test with your screening unless you asked for it. Most insurances don't cover the gender test anyways but some do or you only have to pay a small amount unless you are over 35. Anyways for future reference if you plan on having more babies, let you doctor know that you don't want the gender test done with your screening. Anyways sorry you had to find out that way and that you won't get that big moment! If anyone asks you can just tell them "it's a surprise" like PP has stated.

gemini2005

gooberdoofus95 said:

If your doctor knew that you guys didn't want to know then I don't understand why he would do the gender test with your screening unless you asked for it. Most insurances don't cover the gender test anyways but some do or you only have to pay a small amount unless you are over 35. Anyways for future reference if you plan on having more babies, let you doctor know that you don't want the gender test done with your screening. Anyways sorry you had to find out that way and that you won't get that big moment! If anyone asks you can just tell them "it's a surprise" like PP has stated.

We told our OB that we didn't want to know the sex and they still ran the Harmony with XY checked. When I called and asked about the results I simply told them not to tell us. I don't think we will get a copy of the test results so hopefully we can stay team green. That is so disappointing that you guys found out by accident. I think you should keep the secret and surprise everyone in May.

amberraysofdawn

My husband and I are going to flip a coin over whether we find the sex out (I'm Team Green, he's not), but if we do find out, we are planning on keeping it a secret between us. Mostly because he's really excited at the idea of being the one to announce it to the waiting room when the baby's born! We both are pretty private people as is, so I think we can pull it off.

Vivian0809

We were Team Green for our first, found out with our second and told everyone... This time we're finding out but not telling anyone we know. If you accidentally slip with a "he" or "she" no one with think anything of it if they think you don't know ; )

yodasmistress

Some people intentionally find out the sex but don't share it.  I think that's weird.  In your case I also think it would be weird.  THAT SAID, it's your fetus so it's your choice: be weird if you want to be.

and_peggy

Just an update for everyone. My husband and I seriously considered what we wanted to do regarding telling or not telling people. We decided it might be fun to 'surprise' people by telling them the sex. It was actually super fun to share with family and friends our news, even though it wasn't in the way we planned. But, you always have to be ready to throw the plan out the window with kids. Everyone we shared with was super excited and genuinely surprised as they all knew we were waiting to find out. To still have a little bit of the surprise element, we are going to wait to announce the name at birth. By the way, IT'S A GIRL! (I did, however, ban the color pink, although I know it will still happen). Thanks for all the opinions and thoughts!

blaisdew

Congratulations! I'm sorry things didn't go as you planned, but it sounds like you've definitely made the best of it!!

AdorkablePixie

Congratulations on the girl! I am sorry you didn't find out the way you wanted to. DH and I are finding out the sex, but we aren't telling anyone the name until the baby is here. We feel that it isn't anyone else's business and we really don't care to hear opinions. The names we have picked out are not names you hear every day, we wanted to go with names you don't hear too often. I have a somewhat rare name and I hate it when I meet or hear someone else with my name. lol DHs name is very common and I told him early on in our marriage (before kids were even a conversation) that we would not be naming our child after his first or middle name. Wow, sorry I got so off topic.