Visitors and Smoking: advice needed

semulcahy

So, I have this friend (if you can call her that) who is absolutely INSISTENT that she get to come visit the baby when we come home from the hospital. I don't mind visitors, especially once we'll be home, but I have a huge problem with her in particular. She and her boyfriend are constantly smoking weed (which is illegal in New Mexico) and they always reek. Am I out of line to ask her to shower/wash her hair or at least change clothes before she comes over? And even if she does that but isn't sober when she comes, can I ask her to leave? I hate to have issues with people, especially when they're choices aren't really any of my business, but I'm only considering the wellbeing of my child, right?

mcdoug211

I have no advice but hope someone will I'm having the same issue with my dad coming to stay with us he's insisting as this is the first grandchild but he is an alcoholic..I don't want him to drink around the baby, on the other hand don't want him detoxing around her either. I wish I could ban him and feel no guilt

MargaretC5

You absolutely have the right to ask her to take precautions before seeing your baby.
I would mention your concerns to her and what you would like her to do when setting up a time to come over. If she is not ok with it then she cannot meet the baby.
I don't like confrontation so I would probably say something like, "I am being extra careful with LO since she is still so young, I know it seems like a lot but it makes me more comfortable as a mom."
If she is a true friend she should be ok with your request.

eamarat

I'm not very nice of a person so feel free to not take my advice but I'm of the mindset that you housed this kid for 9 months, you have the right to protect them. If that is not something you want them exposed to at this age then by all means, lay down the law. Depending on how you handle it and the type of person they are you run the risk of losing that friend but if it's something you feel strongly about then, yeah, have at it.

@mcdoug211 being as it's the grandfather, I dunno. I feel like that may have been something to speak to him about earlier on, a "we want you to be around for your grandchild and set a good example" sort of thing. It's what I did with my brother and his smoking.

taykerslake

Honestly, just be straight up with her. Ask her to come over sober, and not to smoke until after she has seen baby that day. If she is truly your friend then she will do these things for you no problem. If she doesn't then she has no actual care for you or your baby and might be better off not seeing you guys.

KeHill08

You have every right to make those requests! You aren't asking these things of her to be bitchy, but rather for the health and safety of your newborn. To be perfectly honest, I would be asking the same things of her! Just a thought... is your SO more comfortable with confrontation? Maybe he would be willing to be that way if need be? Like PPs have said though, if she is really your friend, she should respect your wishes and not get huffy puffy about it. If she does, she clearly doesn't need to be seeing you and baby.

mcdoug211

I live across the country from him and have a month and a half before I have to worry thankfully @eamarat

semulcahy

mcdoug211 said:

I live across the country from him and have a month and a half before I have to worry thankfully @eamarat

I'd definitely start the conversation prior to his meeting the baby. My dad is a recovering alcoholic, but if he were to relapse I would not be comfortable having him around the baby. I know it's hard to talk about, especially with someone you love, but sometimes you're exactly who they need to hear it from!

wimamaof2

Be honest with her. Your little one comes before anyone. I would suggest asking her to abstain from smoking and to come sober.
She should understand.

itstheblackwidowbaby

I'm also taking an issue with someone *insisting* that they come see you and baby when you first come home. I'm glad everyone's excited, but some space to breath and get my life together a bit before everyone charges the front door please.

I'd just let her know that due to how easy it is for newborns to get sick that if she or her boyfriend smell like smoke in any way, shape, or form then they'll be turned away. It's a safety risk to your baby - even moreso if they're under the influence at the time. Your home, your rules.

MercyC1130

I have many loved ones that smoke cigarettes and have no issue to telling them to wash their hands and rinse their mouths. I have soap, antibacterial soap and mouthwash available for anyone. I was an avid smoker, both weed and cigarettes, and personally would have not in the least bit been offended if someone asked these things (or more! Shower/ wash hair) from me!
My partner still smokes and that will be helpful in a way because he can set the example for others. He's been awesome about not smoking near me AT ALL, or in the car. He knows the drill about not only not smoking around baby (obviously) but not smelling like smoke. Changing clothes, washing up, brushing teeth/ mouthwash.

Be straight forward! Most people are very receptive to these types of things! Good luck

JLW0504

your baby = your rules

your house = your rules

if they can't respect that, they're not great friends. my sister reeks of ciggys all the time, and I make her wash her hands and change her shirt before she holds either of my DDs.

Froggie1986

I definatly think u have every right of course there is a nice way to put it like saying u don't want to take chances on little one getting sick so u are requesting everyone wash etc and also ask that she is sober incase anyone else stops by because u don't want anyone to think something is go8ng on that isnt. If she can't respect that or wants to be mad that's her personal problem.