SO gets frustrated too easily

sjembry93

I've noticed that my fiance seems to get frustrated and irritable with LO very quickly. I try to tell him that all she knows is how to cry, and that getting frustrated just makes it worse because she can sense it.. When I talk to him about it he just uses the "I'm tired excuse. Well I'm tired too you don't see me taking it out on our one month old. I know he loves her and he is a great dad don't get me wrong, he just doesn't handle her meltdowns well. I'm trying to be patient because he is a ftd and while I'm a ftm I know the paternal instincts sometimes take a while to kick in. I'm hopeful it will get better once he starts 2nd shift maybe being on a more conventional sleep schedule will help him.

ETA: SO is currently working overnights 10pm-7am

jasmineluke

My husband is the same way. I noticed that with extra help around the house he was more calm. I know it cost money but we hired a part time night nanny to help with rough nights so we both can get some sleep. Sleep deprivation make this much worse !

Krysta6

I've noticed this too with my husband. I think their instinct is to fix the problem and when the baby is fussy or it requires 7 different things to figure out what is wrong he loses patience. My Lo is 6 weeks and I've definitely noticed he's become more patient even though Lo is now the most fussy he has ever been.

Casseylemon

My husband used to work nights, it really messes with your system! Be extra compassionate and forgiving

sjembry93

I try to be understanding. And usually I am on days he works, but when he chooses to stay up all day playing video games with his friend instead of sleeping before work I tend to be a lot less understanding. I can't wait for him to start seconds.

cbolton19

My husband is generally pretty patient with ours but not as patient as I am. I know he is frustrated because he can't soothe her like I can because we haven't introduced a bottle yet. Once he can help with feedings I think he'll find it easier to help.

danixbanani24

my DH is the same way.  He gets SUPER frustrated and when I offer to take over he just barks NO I GOT IT.  It's like he needs to figure it out on his own otherwise he doesn't feel like he accomplished anything?  He also wants me to let our 3 week old cry it out more often.  Sorry, I'm not letting my newborn cry it out just yet.  He's still so small and needs mama's comfort.  Men are just big babies themselves lol

cbolton19

danixbanani24 said:

my DH is the same way.  He gets SUPER frustrated and when I offer to take over he just barks NO I GOT IT.  It's like he needs to figure it out on his own otherwise he doesn't feel like he accomplished anything?  He also wants me to let our 3 week old cry it out more often.  Sorry, I'm not letting my newborn cry it out just yet.  He's still so small and needs mama's comfort.  Men are just big babies themselves lol

I told my husband we aren't letting her cry it out. After he thought about it for a minute he agreed. She's tiny still! If he's having a hard time soothing her then he brings her to me. Though each day he does get better and eventually they'll have their own thing going. It just takes them a little longer to find what works.

Eta: agreed, men are (well maybe can be) big babies!

tracij12

H is the same. I think it's because he like to feel like he can take care of everything and with LO there is so much that is so out of his control. One thing I started doing is sending H the weekly bump emails. Not sure he reads them all but I think it helps for him to see what's "normal".

dchiapella

My husband gets the same way. We've been talking through it, though, and primarily it's just frustration that I can get him to sleep and he can't. It makes him feel like less of a father. We've been working on getting our son more used to daddy as "sleep time" as WELL as daddy as "play time" and he's slowly getting adjusted. He's also been getting better about when he's really frustrated and getting upset just to wake me up (there's really only one eating time a day that he's flying solo). I keep reassuring him that sometimes our son just needs to be able to smell his mama to feel reassured since we did kind of spend 9 months connected to each other. But try getting to the root of the problem. It can be hard for the daddies to adjust since they don't get introduced to parenthood over time like we do, all of a sudden there's just this little human that they have to take care of, that can't verbalize what's wrong with them, and they're expected to understand. I think it's easier for us moms to intuitively know what our babies are upset about. 

KristynLee15

I think im the odd man out. DH is waaayyy more patient than i am. Maybe because he isnt with LO all day or he has that selective man hearing and can tune out the cries. Hes amazing with her. I het a little jealous when im with her all day and shes sxreaming and i cant calm her down..then no lie..the second she hears his voice shes calm..he picks her up..shes asleep...one tap..shes burped!