WTF, sister? You expect me to have a baby and immediately drive 18 hours to your wedding, which is not planned, to a man who hasn't proposed yet? I've never had a child before, but I'm pretty sure this isn't going to end well.
Honest opinion though, ladies - she is the last of us to get married. I'm due April 12th and she is considering early May for the nuptials. Should I suck it up and attend her wedding 1,000 miles away with a 2ish week old, or should I not go and not lose sleep over it? Will I have even stopped bleeding by then if I'm able to deliver vaginally?!?
Driving 18 hours a few weeks postpartum? LOL Um, nope. You can't say for sure what shape you'll be in or if there are any complications with your recovery or your LO so if that was me, I'd tell her I might not make it because of those reasons.
AmadorRose said:
WTF, sister? You expect me to have a baby and immediately drive 18 hours to your wedding, which is not planned, to a man who hasn't proposed yet? I've never had a child before, but I'm pretty sure this isn't going to end well.
Honest opinion though, ladies - she is the last of us to get married. I'm due April 12th and she is considering early May for the nuptials. Should I suck it up and attend her wedding 1,000 miles away with a 2ish week old, or should I not go and not lose sleep over it? Will I have even stopped bleeding by then if I'm able to deliver vaginally?!?
So that's 14.5 hours in the car with a baby, not counting all the times you'll need to stop for a diaper change or a feeding (assuming you're breastfeeding, I would imagine it would be tough to feed baby and keep him or her safely secured in a car seat at the same time). So... turn that into a roughly 18 hour drive (factoring in a 1/2 hour stop every 2.5 hours)? You could probably do over two days, but that's 4 days devoted to just traveling. And since you'll probably have gotten very little sleep in the two weeks prior what with a newborn and all, driving might be a lot tougher and more dangerous. And yeah, god only knows how you personally will be feeling!
I mean, it's up to you, but I know I wouldn't do it, and I've got a really good relationship with my sister. If your sister were to change things up and start planning her wedding in June or July (once you have a better handle on the whole new baby thing and/or once you can fly), then I'd say you could probably suck it up and go. But two weeks in? Nah. I'd assume that if your relationship with your sis is a good one, she'll either understand or try to plan accordingly to have you there. If it's not... well, being at her wedding probably wouldn't change that. It's the same story for any other high maintenance relatives (if I recall, you've got a few of those).
@akb1125 - I thought as much, but I wasn't sure. Thanks! And I wouldn't even consider it if I have a C-section. @rebelone at least I have a good excuse! @AGK2015 I swear I can't be related to these people LOL. They're all so dramatic! And if I was physically able to make the trip I would, but I won't take a baby that young on a plane. Driving would technically be an option but, having never breastfed and knowing that I will be stressing out, being in the car, and bleeding like crazy, I really don't think anyone reasonable could be upset by my absence. Well, y'all just made my decision much easier. I'll send a nice housewarming gift.
WTF, sister? You expect me to have a baby and immediately drive 18 hours to your wedding, which is not planned, to a man who hasn't proposed yet? I've never had a child before, but I'm pretty sure this isn't going to end well.
Honest opinion though, ladies - she is the last of us to get married. I'm due April 12th and she is considering early May for the nuptials. Should I suck it up and attend her wedding 1,000 miles away with a 2ish week old, or should I not go and not lose sleep over it? Will I have even stopped bleeding by then if I'm able to deliver vaginally?!?
I agree with PP, if your relationship with your sister was good she would plan her wedding at a later time to make sure you could make it. I would never do this to any of my sisters and I would've been heartbroken if they couldn't have attended my wedding. If she insists on this date (and it's really weird that she's planning a wedding without being engaged) then it's her loss. I wouldn't travel like that postpartum and I wouldn't lose sleep over it if she wasn't being understanding.
@AmadorRose I've never had a baby before but from what I've read here and heard from my mom friends you will be in no shape for that kind of travel, even if you have a perfect delivery. Not to mention would you really want to load your two week old in the car for an 18 hour trip (which with feeding and changing stops would probably be more like 24 hours!)? Not to mention the sleep deprivation!! Ugh doesn't having a baby sound so fun?!
If the wedding isn't set in stone yet I would politely explain to your sister what your situation will be and that you'd of course love to be there but if she stays with that timeframe you will not be able to attend.
To give you a similar: My MOH was the closest thing to a sister I have and was due a week before my wedding. She swore up and down she would be there up until the day she delivered. I knew this was not practical and she probably just felt bad and was trying to make me feel better but it was actually pretty annoying. As you can imagine, the baby came right on time and she was NOT at the wedding! I do not blame her at all and I'm glad she made the right choice for her and her baby. The only thing I wish is that she had been more realistic about what her situation was going to be. I knew she wasn't going to make it but she kept saying she'd be there no matter what. I would have respected her more if she had just said "fuck, this sucks but I just don't think it's realistic for me to plan on attending". Especially bc it wasn't just her, it was her and her husband, her parents, and her grandparents who were all invited and we had to hold table seats for them until a week before our wedding when they all finally declined the invitation. It was kind of stupid on our part to do that but she was so determined part of me really thought maybe she would make it happen!
WTF Dog (why is it always the dogs). Diarrhea? Really? You eat the same food you always eat. DD gave you one tiny piece of roast chicken yesterday and this is what happens? I'm really hoping it was just a bunny being 5 feet from you plus you having pooped literally 20min earlier. Thank god DH comes home Friday afternoon. I can't take much more of this
WTF, sister? You expect me to have a baby and immediately drive 18 hours to your wedding, which is not planned, to a man who hasn't proposed yet? I've never had a child before, but I'm pretty sure this isn't going to end well.
Honest opinion though, ladies - she is the last of us to get married. I'm due April 12th and she is considering early May for the nuptials. Should I suck it up and attend her wedding 1,000 miles away with a 2ish week old, or should I not go and not lose sleep over it? Will I have even stopped bleeding by then if I'm able to deliver vaginally?!?
How about your sister actually waits for the guy to propose? #ijs. and see if May is even an option? As for you, I would just play it by ear but most likely not go.
@AmadorRose I would feel really bad for not going, but at 2 weeks pp I wasn't even cleared to drive yet (c-section) and I bled for like a month after so there's no way I could have done it. That was also the hardest week PP for me personally, it was just really stressful learning the whole being a mom thing that early on.
WTF goes to my MIL. She was talking at my stomach telling the baby, "kick her baby, kick her hard!!" I literally wanted to slap her. Doesn't make me not liking her any better
@AmadorRose After having DS, I couldn't sit without pain for 2 weeks! Then after the pain went away, the itching from my stitches was insane! My bleeding lasted 6-8 weeks.
I'm one of those people that likes to jump back into regular life immediately after having baby (honestly that's probably why my bleeding lasted so long). Taking a two week old out and about wouldn't be the part that bothers me, it would be sitting for that 18 hour drive on an episiotomy! Ouch!
Hopefully your sister rethinks her dates. That would be a bummer to miss her wedding by a few weeks!
Wtf, zoo chaperone? There was a group of about 15 teenage girls at the zoo today, with adult "chaperones". But there wasn't a whole lot of chaperone-ing happening. These girls were awful!! Chasing the free-roaming pea fowl and chickens, including the mother with new chicks; screaming at the animals; pounding on glass in various enclosures; intentionally irritating the male gorilla because it's apparently SO FUCKING FUNNY when he throws things at you. And the adults use watched!! The ape keeper told them they had five seconds to leave the building before she called security, and the chaperone rolled her eyes. I'm sorry, do you see my preschoolers behaving this way? Also, wtf random mom? Complaining loudly that your four year old is too muscular and not pretty enough, and that you don't want a muscular daughter, while said four year old is standing right next to you, makes you a bad mom. Good job fueling her lifelong eating disorder. I hate being in public with other people.
WTF goes to my MIL. She was talking at my stomach telling the baby, "kick her baby, kick her hard!!" I literally wanted to slap her. Doesn't make me not like her any better
This is ridiculous. I would've considered yelling at her stomach something like, "shrink FUPA, shrink faster!"
Thank you everyone for your responses. I figured this was a fat no but didn't want to decide based on what I *think* recovery might be like, not to mention that I'm not going to drive from the hospital to Wisconsin if I go over. She's the only one of my sisters who doesn't have children and frankly, if she gets upset with me it won't break my heart. If she's able to have children of her own I'm sure she will understand in retrospect.
Again, wtf DH. He just sent me a recipe for salted caramel *rum* hot chocolate with the accompanying message "we should make this when I get back". Seriously? Does this man have a death wish?
Wtf 2nd edition: My pregnancy brain is driving me freaking bananas! First I leave two payments at a school and a new student registration on the floor yesterday. You read that right, I left MONEY and a child's INFORMATION on the floor of a preschool! Luckily I realized I did it and roommate (works there) took care of that today. Smh
But today I didn't lock the front door, like I always do, instead I locked the metal screen door (wtf, where did that decision come from????) And we were all locked out until I called a locksmith. Now I'm out sixty bucks, and just want to curl up in bed crying... Luckily she isn't pissed with me, and thinks me losing my mind is kinda funny. I wilI take a moment to express how happy I am that we will finally be moving into our place by the 15th!!!!! We've technically been homeless since mid August, but that's a rant for another day...
I'm one of those people that likes to jump back into regular life immediately after having baby (honestly that's probably why my bleeding lasted so long). Taking a two week old out and about wouldn't be the part that bothers me, it would be sitting for that 18 hour drive on an episiotomy! Ouch!
I'm the same way @jordanbara, I couldn't stand being stuck in the house for any length of time after DS was born. I'm fairly certain I went back to driving and we were out and about during or after that first week, episiotomy, bleeding and all.
@AmadorRose I would give my sister a big FU if she tried to pull that over on me or guilt trip me about it after the fact. There are waaaaay too many variables in place anyway to even worry about it at this point. I'm already concerned because DHs grandpa passed away last year and he wanted us all to go on a family vacation together so my ILs spent a large chunk of what they inherited for an ocean front rental on the gulf side of Florida. They planned it around me (when I would likely be on maternity leave and be able to come) and its scheduled the second week of June (10-18th). Baby will likely be 7w old at that point and we will be driving, approx 18 hours. The more I think about it the more I'm like.. yikes, what am I getting myself into?
@cmjenkies I feel like physically it may be a bit easier at 7 weeks, but it's still REALLY early...especially if you don't get along super well with IL's and you'll be all crazy hormonal. BUT an ocean-front vacation sounds very relaxing and now I want seafood.
@cmjenkies I feel like physically it may be a bit easier at 7 weeks, but it's still REALLY early...especially if you don't get along super well with IL's and you'll be all crazy hormonal. BUT an ocean-front vacation sounds very relaxing and now I want seafood.
LUCKILY, all things considered, my ILs are really good people.. especially FIL, he's wonderful. He and DS are best buds, which I'm very thankful for considering the circumstances with my immediate family. DH is one of 5 so all of his siblings will be coming and we get along well. I lived with all of them after DS was born for almost 3 years while I finished college/grad school, and so I'm not so worried about the post-delivery hormones and being around them since I'm used to the chaos, haha. I'm actually feeling sad that it's basically just going to be me and DS at home instead of a full house after baby comes this time around. It's going to be lonely! I think it'll be a nice vacation, I'm just already over the travel. I'm NOT a good passenger, I'm ALWAYS the driver. That's the part that's gonna kill me I think.
And a fresh lobster roll sounds amazing right now.. had one in Boston 2.5 years ago and I'm still thinking about it! :x
@cmjenkies I feel like physically it may be a bit easier at 7 weeks, but it's still REALLY early...especially if you don't get along super well with IL's and you'll be all crazy hormonal. BUT an ocean-front vacation sounds very relaxing and now I want seafood.
LUCKILY, all things considered, my ILs are really good people.. especially FIL, he's wonderful. He and DS are best buds, which I'm very thankful for considering the circumstances with my immediate family. DH is one of 5 so all of his siblings will be coming and we get along well. I lived with all of them after DS was born for almost 3 years while I finished college/grad school, and so I'm not so worried about the post-delivery hormones and being around them since I'm used to the chaos, haha. I'm actually feeling sad that it's basically just going to be me and DS at home instead of a full house after baby comes this time around. It's going to be lonely! I think it'll be a nice vacation, I'm just already over the travel. I'm NOT a good passenger, I'm ALWAYS the driver. That's the part that's gonna kill me I think.
And a fresh lobster roll sounds amazing right now.. had one in Boston 2.5 years ago and I'm still thinking about it! :x
I'm exactly the opposite - DH drives everywhere and I'm a terrible vacationer. I get bored of I'm not at work, which makes me worry about how civil I'll be to visitors during maternity leave because I might be going stir crazy.
@cmjenkies I feel like physically it may be a bit easier at 7 weeks, but it's still REALLY early...especially if you don't get along super well with IL's and you'll be all crazy hormonal. BUT an ocean-front vacation sounds very relaxing and now I want seafood.
LUCKILY, all things considered, my ILs are really good people.. especially FIL, he's wonderful. He and DS are best buds, which I'm very thankful for considering the circumstances with my immediate family. DH is one of 5 so all of his siblings will be coming and we get along well. I lived with all of them after DS was born for almost 3 years while I finished college/grad school, and so I'm not so worried about the post-delivery hormones and being around them since I'm used to the chaos, haha. I'm actually feeling sad that it's basically just going to be me and DS at home instead of a full house after baby comes this time around. It's going to be lonely! I think it'll be a nice vacation, I'm just already over the travel. I'm NOT a good passenger, I'm ALWAYS the driver. That's the part that's gonna kill me I think.
And a fresh lobster roll sounds amazing right now.. had one in Boston 2.5 years ago and I'm still thinking about it! :x
I'm exactly the opposite - DH drives everywhere and I'm a terrible vacationer. I get bored of I'm not at work, which makes me worry about how civil I'll be to visitors during maternity leave because I might be going stir crazy.
@AmadorRose - I get stir crazy too, which is why I am convinced (one of many reasons) I could never ever be a SAHM. I think I'd lose my marbles. I left home a lot early on with DS, even if it was just to visit family so I could get out of the house - and he was a January baby so it was cold. Looking forward to a spring baby for better out and about weather. My job right now is ridiculously stressful though so I may actually really enjoy the break, who knows? Haha
@cmjenkies I feel like physically it may be a bit easier at 7 weeks, but it's still REALLY early...especially if you don't get along super well with IL's and you'll be all crazy hormonal. BUT an ocean-front vacation sounds very relaxing and now I want seafood.
LUCKILY, all things considered, my ILs are really good people.. especially FIL, he's wonderful. He and DS are best buds, which I'm very thankful for considering the circumstances with my immediate family. DH is one of 5 so all of his siblings will be coming and we get along well. I lived with all of them after DS was born for almost 3 years while I finished college/grad school, and so I'm not so worried about the post-delivery hormones and being around them since I'm used to the chaos, haha. I'm actually feeling sad that it's basically just going to be me and DS at home instead of a full house after baby comes this time around. It's going to be lonely! I think it'll be a nice vacation, I'm just already over the travel. I'm NOT a good passenger, I'm ALWAYS the driver. That's the part that's gonna kill me I think.
And a fresh lobster roll sounds amazing right now.. had one in Boston 2.5 years ago and I'm still thinking about it! :x
I'm exactly the opposite - DH drives everywhere and I'm a terrible vacationer. I get bored of I'm not at work, which makes me worry about how civil I'll be to visitors during maternity leave because I might be going stir crazy.
@AmadorRose - I get stir crazy too, which is why I am convinced (one of many reasons) I could never ever be a SAHM. I think I'd lose my marbles. I left home a lot early on with DS, even if it was just to visit family so I could get out of the house - and he was a January baby so it was cold. Looking forward to a spring baby for better out and about weather. My job right now is ridiculously stressful though so I may actually really enjoy the break, who knows? Haha
I live in fear of being home for 8 weeks, getting super lazy, and never going back (enter crazy baby mama drama). And I get miserable when DH works weekends, I don't know how I'll handle being alone with someone who can't hold conversation for that long!
Wtf coworker last night? I'm fine with a couple of belly rubs, but you legitimately sat there and rubbed my belly for a solid 3 minutes. It got awkward fast. Especially when someone came over and asked me to do something and I had to work around you rubbing my belly. I'm sure this won't be the last time either.
Wtf 2nd edition: My pregnancy brain is driving me freaking bananas! First I leave two payments at a school and a new student registration on the floor yesterday. You read that right, I left MONEY and a child's INFORMATION on the floor of a preschool! Luckily I realized I did it and roommate (works there) took care of that today. Smh
But today I didn't lock the front door, like I always do, instead I locked the metal screen door (wtf, where did that decision come from????) And we were all locked out until I called a locksmith. Now I'm out sixty bucks, and just want to curl up in bed crying... Luckily she isn't pissed with me, and thinks me losing my mind is kinda funny. I wilI take a moment to express how happy I am that we will finally be moving into our place by the 15th!!!!! We've technically been homeless since mid August, but that's a rant for another day...
Oh my god pregnancy brain. And it only gets worse. Yay for the move though!
WTF, sister? You expect me to have a baby and immediately drive 18 hours to your wedding, which is not planned, to a man who hasn't proposed yet? I've never had a child before, but I'm pretty sure this isn't going to end well.
Honest opinion though, ladies - she is the last of us to get married. I'm due April 12th and she is considering early May for the nuptials. Should I suck it up and attend her wedding 1,000 miles away with a 2ish week old, or should I not go and not lose sleep over it? Will I have even stopped bleeding by then if I'm able to deliver vaginally?!?
Oh, also, I backed out from being in a friends wedding that's scheduled 2 weeks from my due date (3 weeks if I have a rcs at 39 weeks). And her wedding is an hour from my house. I just knew it would be too hard to physically be in the wedding post partum plus I'm planning on nursing and at that point the baby's eating every 3 hours it seems. So I definitely vote no for traveling that far for it!
@AmadorRose if im being honest with myself, I'm still cranky with my S-SIL for planning a no children allowed wedding 12 hours away when DD was 5 months old (niece was 3.5 mo). It is nearly 100% the reason we quit BFing and holy cow was it not worth it. 24 hours of driving for 48 hours of poorly planned wedding craziness... Sigh.
Definitely a no to May, especially since she's not even engaged.
Re: WTF Wednesday
It's a boy! Grow baby, grow! EDD: 4/22/2016
@rebelone at least I have a good excuse!
@AGK2015 I swear I can't be related to these people LOL. They're all so dramatic! And if I was physically able to make the trip I would, but I won't take a baby that young on a plane. Driving would technically be an option but, having never breastfed and knowing that I will be stressing out, being in the car, and bleeding like crazy, I really don't think anyone reasonable could be upset by my absence.
Well, y'all just made my decision much easier. I'll send a nice housewarming gift.
If the wedding isn't set in stone yet I would politely explain to your sister what your situation will be and that you'd of course love to be there but if she stays with that timeframe you will not be able to attend.
To give you a similar: My MOH was the closest thing to a sister I have and was due a week before my wedding. She swore up and down she would be there up until the day she delivered. I knew this was not practical and she probably just felt bad and was trying to make me feel better but it was actually pretty annoying. As you can imagine, the baby came right on time and she was NOT at the wedding! I do not blame her at all and I'm glad she made the right choice for her and her baby. The only thing I wish is that she had been more realistic about what her situation was going to be. I knew she wasn't going to make it but she kept saying she'd be there no matter what. I would have respected her more if she had just said "fuck, this sucks but I just don't think it's realistic for me to plan on attending". Especially bc it wasn't just her, it was her and her husband, her parents, and her grandparents who were all invited and we had to hold table seats for them until a week before our wedding when they all finally declined the invitation. It was kind of stupid on our part to do that but she was so determined part of me really thought maybe she would make it happen!
I hope your sister changes her mind!!!
I'm one of those people that likes to jump back into regular life immediately after having baby (honestly that's probably why my bleeding lasted so long). Taking a two week old out and about wouldn't be the part that bothers me, it would be sitting for that 18 hour drive on an episiotomy! Ouch!
Hopefully your sister rethinks her dates. That would be a bummer to miss her wedding by a few weeks!
Also, wtf random mom? Complaining loudly that your four year old is too muscular and not pretty enough, and that you don't want a muscular daughter, while said four year old is standing right next to you, makes you a bad mom. Good job fueling her lifelong eating disorder.
I hate being in public with other people.
Thank you everyone for your responses. I figured this was a fat no but didn't want to decide based on what I *think* recovery might be like, not to mention that I'm not going to drive from the hospital to Wisconsin if I go over. She's the only one of my sisters who doesn't have children and frankly, if she gets upset with me it won't break my heart. If she's able to have children of her own I'm sure she will understand in retrospect.
But today I didn't lock the front door, like I always do, instead I locked the metal screen door (wtf, where did that decision come from????) And we were all locked out until I called a locksmith. Now I'm out sixty bucks, and just want to curl up in bed crying... Luckily she isn't pissed with me, and thinks me losing my mind is kinda funny. I wilI take a moment to express how happy I am that we will finally be moving into our place by the 15th!!!!! We've technically been homeless since mid August, but that's a rant for another day...
@AmadorRose I would give my sister a big FU if she tried to pull that over on me or guilt trip me about it after the fact. There are waaaaay too many variables in place anyway to even worry about it at this point. I'm already concerned because DHs grandpa passed away last year and he wanted us all to go on a family vacation together so my ILs spent a large chunk of what they inherited for an ocean front rental on the gulf side of Florida. They planned it around me (when I would likely be on maternity leave and be able to come) and its scheduled the second week of June (10-18th). Baby will likely be 7w old at that point and we will be driving, approx 18 hours. The more I think about it the more I'm like.. yikes, what am I getting myself into?
And a fresh lobster roll sounds amazing right now.. had one in Boston 2.5 years ago and I'm still thinking about it! :x
Definitely a no to May, especially since she's not even engaged.