Struggling, no one cares

trinna321

I'm really struggling with feeling like no one cares about my new baby. Since my mom died two years ago my family is only interested in "their" side of the family. No calls, no concern, no baby shower, no gifts. I feel so alone and really want to completely disown them. They won't miss me anyway.

So, I'm feeling very minimalist with this baby, like I am too old (41) to have a baby, so I don't have a right to even enjoy this. I love my new LO but feel like I'm all alone in the world. Because I'm over weight, people keep telling me I don't look pregnant at 8 months... It feels like another diminishing disparaging put down.

I really don't know how to keep this dignity and graceful attitude. How can I cope with this betrayal?

Taylovesbrad

Not sure if I could say anything to make you feel better. I lost my dad 3 years ago and lately especially have been missing him so much. I know when you lose someone the space they left can't be.filled again. That said I too struggle with having dissapointment when my inlaws don't act according to my expectations.
That said it's very shirt that no.one is throwing you a shower. I'm sorry. One thing is that pregnancy has been.lonely at times because I don't feel up to doing anything cause I dont.feel good. But in reality I know I'm not alone. Maybe your just having a bad day and.it's not as bad as it.seems. I would try to focus on the people in your life that love you.
Feel better!

Bombmom3

Well, just based off your profile picture I can tell you that you, for sure, look pregnant.  I am plus sized as well and have struggled with my weight through three pregnancies now and I hate the "You don't look pregnant!" comments.  I confronted someone about it once because I was very obviously pregnant - sometimes people say that to make you feel like you are small and haven't gained weight (at least that was their defense).  Maybe the next time someone says that tell them that you really would appreciate it if they kept their bump comments to themselves as it really bothers most pregnant women to hear about it either way (no one wants to hear they don't look pregnant or are small, no one wants to hear that they are huge and look like they must be carrying twins or due to burst any day now).  

I am sorry that your family has been so callus to you.  Have you tried talking to anyone about it?  If not, are they not worth your time?  If they aren't worth your time, then cut ties and move on.  If they are, then confront them and ask why they have avoided you during a time in your life where you need support.  

You have every right to enjoy your pregnancy and your baby, no matter your age.  Hormones get the best of us - even when things are all peachy keen at home.  If you are feeling this depressed you should mention it to your OB to make sure you aren't suffering from depression on top of normal hormonal issues.  If you are, they can make sure to help you after the baby comes to ensure you aren't at risk for post partum depression.  Never, ever be afraid to ask for help if you feel like you're spiraling out of control.  

groovylocks

Agreed. You look very pregnant and are an adorable pregnant person too! Do you have friends and loved ones who may not be blood relatives but who will be there for you and supportive of you? Do you have a support network where you live?

celainev

I'm so sorry you're so alone in this!! I agree with PP who said pamper yourself and your baby!! You need it right now.
I can also add that I am not overweight, but I, too, have people tell me I don't look pregnant at 32 weeks. (And it's pretty obvious to myself and those close to me that I am.) It seems to be either or with some people! You're either "too huge" or "too small" for your gestational age. Ignore those stupid comments and realize you have a beautiful baby bump! And a beautiful baby coming!

stlmomof2

trinna321 said:

I'm really struggling with feeling like no one cares about my new baby. Since my mom died two years ago my family is only interested in "their" side of the family. No calls, no concern, no baby shower, no gifts. I feel so alone and really want to completely disown them. They won't miss me anyway.

So, I'm feeling very minimalist with this baby, like I am too old (41) to have a baby, so I don't have a right to even enjoy this. I love my new LO but feel like I'm all alone in the world. Because I'm over weight, people keep telling me I don't look pregnant at 8 months... It feels like another diminishing disparaging put down.

I really don't know how to keep this dignity and graceful attitude. How can I cope with this betrayal?

I can kind of relate. I moved to MO away from all my family which isn't as large as DH's family but I felt like my family was more excited about my pregnancy both times than DH's. I had a co-worker throw my first baby shower and now that I'm closer to DH's family I was hoping that I received a little feedback or excitement from them. No one has asked me about my pregnancy on his side besides his step mom and 1 of his sisters.

My family even though miles away has bought almost everything on my baby registry and has asked constantly about how I am feeling. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I made the right choice coming here. I do feel so alone. Right when I got here I found out I was pregnant so I don't have any friends besides the ones that DH grew up with....and luckily they all have families of their own.

Losing your mom probably made it tough on you. I recently reconnected with my mom. First pregnancy I thought to myself how much I wished to have a mother figure by my side. She found out I was pregnant late in my third trimester and came through to help the first week of DS's arrival. Now I am pregnant with DD and I think my dad and mom are the most excited. 5 grandsons vs soon to be 2 granddaughters.

RSB1982

I'm really sorry you feel like no one cares.  I can sort of relate.  We live over 7 hours away from our families and feel pretty out of touch with what is going on back home - we felt like this before baby, so nothing new really.  I am definitely not swamped with texts, phone calls and emails wanting updates on the pregnancy.  After the baby is here I plan on looking into some local mom's groups to meet some other new parents.  Maybe you could do the same?  Expanding your local friend circle may help with the loneliness.  Stay strong mama!  

TomekiaB

Ahh, the bump...it will never be the right size! My midwife told me I am "showing small" but "measuring big" so apparently I am failing both ends of expectations for size, if it makes you feel any better!

I lost my mom as a teenager and we were very close. I found Motherless Daughters by Hope Eldelman helpful then, she has since written a book called Motherless Mothers that I've started to read and it is really interesting. Anyway, it may help you some on your journey.

Families are weird. I have no suggestions. I can say some family members just don't make an effort, in my case it is typically the dramatic ones so I embrace the distance!

Don't let your age or your family steal your joy. This baby is a gift whether or not your mom's family recognize it!

trinna321

Thank you everyone for the support. I want to be the bigger person and just let them live their illusions. I will get through this, I'm more vulnerable lately. My baby is healthy and busy, and I just can hardly wait to see her. It's all I want right now. 6 more weeks!