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What's the opposite of zen?

carrieandrcarrieandr member
in TTC after 35
I was feeling all "hey man, whatever" about this whole TTC thing for a little while and I just got a sudden burst of maddening impatience.  I went from zen to "when the eff is this going to happen?!?!?" in like 0.1 seconds.

I feel like I need to paint my face Braveheart-style and give some sort of rabble-rousing speech.  Then we'll all storm off to whoever's in charge and demand to be knocked up immediately.

I'm losing it.
TTC#1 since Jan 2015
BFP 2/19/15  •  MMC found at 9 wks  •  D&E at 11 wks (age 36)
BFP 8/29/15  •  CP (age 37)
BFP 11/18/15  •  DD born at 41 weeks <3(age 37/38)

TTC#2 since May 2017
BFP 10/18/17  •  MMC found at 8 wks  •  Misoprostal at 10.5 wks (age 39)
BFP 2/16/18  •  CP (age 39)
BFP 4/13/18  •  CP (age 39)
BFP 5/07/18  •  MMC found at 10.5 wks  •  D&E at 11.5 wks  •  Testing showed it was a girl with Trisomy 22. (age 39/40)
9/5/18 Diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve (4-5 follicles, one ovary had none and was very atrophied)
RE says the low egg count is likely causing my recurrent pregnancy loss. Less eggs results in more aneuploidy.
BFP 9/24/18  •  CP (age 40)
BFP 5/11/19  •  Fraternal twins  •  MMC found at 10w5d (Baby A 6w, Baby B 10w)  •  Misoprostal at 11 weeks (age 41)













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Re: What's the opposite of zen?

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  • Infantino22Infantino22 member
    Sending a big creepy internet hug! 
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  • KLake42KLake42 member
    edited November 2015
    It would be so much easier if I could take up a sword and shield, and attack this problem like Xena! 

    I don't think you can force a zen approach to this.  If you're not feeling zen, then you're just not, and it's okay to be pissed off.  I'm not feeling so patient these days, either. 
    Me- 39 (turning 40 in April), TTC for the first time ever (since Jan 2015), low ovarian reserve
    Married 3/14/14 to my wonderful wife, but her sperm count is rather low
    TTC with frozen donor sperm and science

    7 IUIs, 7 BFNs.
    2 IVF attempts, both cancelled and converted to IUI, both BFNs.
    Decided that my tired old ovaries are ready to retire.
    Next step- reciprocal IVF, using my wife's eggs, my uterus!  
    fresh 5 day transfer (2 embryos) 4/17/17- BFP! 
    Identical twins "due" 1/2/17 (but anticipated arrival sometime December)

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  • lickasticklickastick member
    I think each day brings it's own unique challenges and rewards. Some days I'm just in it, in my stuff that is, and I can't get out of my neurosis. Other days... I'm calm as a cucumber! I started a daily meditation practice about 2 years ago and that has made such a difference for me. The hard days dont seem as hard and when i'm "in it" at least i know that is what is going on. I say feel the annoyance, the impatience and all the things that feel bad. Then work on the surrender, the softening, and the shift in perspective. There's no easy way out, it's a moment to moment practice, but isnt that what it means to be human right?
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  • happyktmomhappyktmom member
    You totally nailed it.  This god awful roller coaster of TTC is ridiculous.  I feel ya!
    **child mentioned**
    Me(38)PCOS/Hypothyroid   DH(43)Low T/ED
    MMC at 10 weeks 03/2011 DD born 01/2012   TTC #2 since 04/2014
    BFP 8/26/2016


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  • lablover78lablover78 member
    @CarrieandRoy sounds about right! Never expected this emotional roller coaster but buckle up :)
    TTC since May 2013
    Mild PCOS, Compound Heterozygous MTHFR
    No Folic acid/pharmaceuticals/supplements (too many to list- private message me if interested), IVIL infusion
    Report Reply
  • thistle8677thistle8677 member
    @MntnGirl I adore you. That is all.
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    Report Reply
  • carrieandrcarrieandr member
    omg @MntnGirl, that is the best meditation ever. I may have to use that every day.
    TTC#1 since Jan 2015
    BFP 2/19/15  •  MMC found at 9 wks  •  D&E at 11 wks (age 36)
    BFP 8/29/15      •  CP (age 37)
    BFP 11/18/15  •  DD born at 41 weeks <3(age 37/38)

    TTC#2 since May 2017
    BFP 10/18/17  •  MMC found at 8 wks  •  Misoprostal at 10.5 wks (age 39)
    BFP 2/16/18      •  CP (age 39)
    BFP 4/13/18      •  CP (age 39)
    BFP 5/07/18  •  MMC found at 10.5 wks  •  D&E at 11.5 wks      •  Testing showed it was a girl with Trisomy 22. (age 39/40)
    9/5/18 Diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve (4-5 follicles, one ovary had none and was very atrophied)
    RE says the low egg count is likely causing my recurrent pregnancy loss. Less eggs results in more aneuploidy.
    BFP 9/24/18  •      CP (age 40)
    BFP 5/11/19  •  Fraternal twins  •  MMC found at 10w5d (Baby A 6w, Baby B 10w)  •  Misoprostal at 11 weeks (age 41)













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  • dolphin012dolphin012 member
    Love it! Now that might be a meditation I could do.
    Me (42) w/ partner for 16+ years
    TTC #1: 11/2012 - 9/2013; 6/2014 - present
    Follistim + TI (3x): All BFNs
    Follistim + IUI (1x): BFN 
    IVF #1: 17 retrieved,15 fertilized, Day 3: 15, Day 5/6: 3 biopsied
    Result; 1 frozen blast (inconclusive PGS results)
    IVF #2; ER: 6/22 16 retrieved, 6/25: 5 transferred (CP), 2 frozen
    FET 9/17: BFN
    Current FET -- Transferred 2 day-3 embryos - BFN

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  • Whiggrrl65Whiggrrl65 member
    @MntnGirl that is AMAZING!!
      • TTC #1 since August 2014
      • currently on 5th medicated IUI cycle
    Report Reply
  • Sporty1216Sporty1216 member
    Hahahahaha. That. Is. Funny.
    Report Reply
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