Am I over reacting?

Hector33

I have been close friends with this particular girl for around 14 years. She is so excited about my pregnancy and the baby(more excited than me). Anyway from about 20 weeks she requested weekly photos of my bump which I did not have an issue with. I stupidly assumed that the photos would not be shared with anyone else.

When I was about week 31 ish she sent me a text saying how her mum is loving the photos, if she is sharing them with her mum who else is she sharing them with? I was pretty annoyed but didn't say anything at fear of going completely nuts at her and loosing our friendship. From that point on I stopped doing the photos for her. She forgot about the photos for a couple of weeks but for the last few weeks has been asking again. I then told her last that I was not doing the photos any more because of my increasing stretch marks. She then kept pushing me saying that she needs documentation of my pregnancy. my first thought was ah no you don't need documentation of MY pregnancy or MY baby.

Am I over reacting?

Wicked4589

If anyone beyond my husband asked for a photo, my answer would be no. Maybe she is doing a photo book or something? I'd just tell her I wasn't doing them anymore and calling it a day.

HinataUzumaki913

No, that was weird of her. 

Hector33

Wicked4589 said:

If anyone beyond my husband asked for a photo, my answer would be no. Maybe she is doing a photo book or something? I'd just tell her I wasn't doing them anymore and calling it a day.

That was my thought as well about the photo book and thought was a sweet gesture therefore decided to do it. I do not appreciate in the slightest photos of my body being shared around. When I agreed to do this I thought the photos were going no further than her(stupid I know).

When we talk about my pregnancy nothing too personal I again thought these conversations were going further than us but again I was wrong( I think that is why I'm so angry). I trusted her and she broke that trust.

kynbar5

Just be honest and tell her everything you're saying here.

celainev

That would make me really uncomfortable. I wouldn't want a photo book of my growing belly, anyways. It just sounds a bit creepy.

Linsbins

No, and tell her why. That's weird. Do you know her mom? Sometimes I share pics with my mom of my friends that she knows well, but they know that I share.

cMichelle0423

If you've been close friends for that long, I'd think you'd be close enough with her to be open and honest. There's no reason for to even turn into a negative conversation as long as you don't approach it like she did something wrong. Just tell her you didn't mind sending her pictures, but it makes you uncomfortable that she's sharing them with other people. That's all there is to it. Chances are she's probably not sharing them with anyone else. If you've known her for over a decade, then her mom is probably just curious about your pregnancy too. Moms like to see how everyone's doing. I don't think you're overreacting, you're entitled to your feelings. But I don't think this is THAT big of a deal either.

Unknown

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colsen4

I would like to think that she is making a photo book of some sort and maybe getting help from here mom. I know my friend would do something like that and have her mom involved. If you think she is sharing beyond that then ask her. If it makes you uncomfortable not knowing why then ask her. That seems like a long friendship to not be comfortable asking her what her intentions are. I completely understand privacy but you need to be open and honest with her about your feelings.

jessjess80

she sounds kind of obsessed...you're right to stop sending her the photos. 

amberrmariee20

My friends liked seeing my belly pics. One of my friends got them all printed and made a collage of them, and it looks great (: !

nlwz123

No.  That's weird as hell.

Theliops

That's totally weird of her... If you can, just talk it out with her and tell her what you've told us.

Hector33

Even though we have been friends for 14 years it has been a very on and off friendship and have only become really close again well since becoming pregnant. So I'm a little worried to raise the issue with her.
Now thinking about it a little more she has become obsessed with this baby and pregnancy for the following reasons:

-She gets upset if I do any baby shopping without her for big purchases.
- literally the only topic we talk about is the pregnancy and baby and demands updates about every antenatal appointment and ultrasound.
- She got upset when we told her that we would not be going to her family friends beach house with the baby who would only be 4 ish weeks old because its 6 hours away and we do not know everyone who is going.
- She expects us to leave the baby with her overnight (although she is very capable- she is a NICU nurse- I would not feel comfortable leaving my LO with anyone for a long time)
- She is now upset with me because I told her my DH and I were unsure if we would be having visitors at the hospital (I did not realise she assumed she would be meeting us in recovery straight after the C/S.

Her behaviour is really starting to stress me. I feel like such a horrible person because she is so much more excited than me about my baby! Don't get me wrong im excited to meet this this babe but im just so worried that in the final weeks something will go wrong so im not letting myself get too excited!.

Bigboobsmcgee

Hector33 said:

Even though we have been friends for 14 years it has been a very on and off friendship and have only become really close again well since becoming pregnant. So I'm a little worried to raise the issue with her. Now thinking about it a little more she has become obsessed with this baby and pregnancy for the following reasons: -She gets upset if I do any baby shopping without her for big purchases. - literally the only topic we talk about is the pregnancy and baby and demands updates about every antenatal appointment and ultrasound. - She got upset when we told her that we would not be going to her family friends beach house with the baby who would only be 4 ish weeks old because its 6 hours away and we do not know everyone who is going. - She expects us to leave the baby with her overnight (although she is very capable- she is a NICU nurse- I would not feel comfortable leaving my LO with anyone for a long time) - She is now upset with me because I told her my DH and I were unsure if we would be having visitors at the hospital (I did not realise she assumed she would be meeting us in recovery straight after the C/S. Her behaviour is really starting to stress me. I feel like such a horrible person because she is so much more excited than me about my baby! Don't get me wrong im excited to meet this this babe but im just so worried that in the final weeks something will go wrong so im not letting myself get too excited!.

Dude. Just be honest with her. This is all really weird and could get weirder. I would have ZERO problems nicely telling my friend to back off.  

cmerribury

I don't know, to me it doesn't sound that weird on the surface. You said in your first post that you've been "close friends" for 14 years. Anyone that I know that I've been close with that long, I'm also close with their family AND would be comfortable saying something to them if what they were doing was bothering me. It sounds to me like you aren't that close to her at all (your updated description of the relationship sounds more like a casual friendship) but I'd just tell her no, and explain why her actions bothered you. 

suchaglencoco

I'm with @Bigboobsmcgee, she sounds like she is getting a little Hand That Rocks the Cradle and you need to be honest with her. I have family and close friends that have offered to babysit but no one is going crazy saying they want to do it right away and getting upset when I say no. And don't let her craziness dictate that you aren't excited enough for your baby. She is the one that is off with it all, not you.

SummerFall03

I have a friend who is very similar to this. I do not want her at the hospital, or visiting for the first few weeks. She has a tendency to make things about her, and get very dramatic! So I've told a few friends they will get a call when I'm at the hospital and they can come visit, but I have a very strict "no social media" policy until my husband and I are ready. If that means it doesn't get announced for a few days or weeks, then it is what it is.

If she is a really good/close friend, then she will give you your space. I get it can be hard talking to some friends about certain issues, but this is all about you and your family, not her. If you can't talk to her, and ask her to back off, then u need to reevaluate your relationship.

Sorry for the stress, I feel your pain! Hopefully you can settle it before it gets any crazier.

Cornstarch7

My mom did the same thing. She was sending them to pretty much everyone in our extended family and I didn't find out until the baby shower. She also sent around the video of my bump moving that I sent her which I was unhappy with because I was in my PJs in the video. I stopped doing photos for her too but she hasn't said anything and the baby is almost due. I would explain how you feel about your friend sharing the photos without your permission, or you could send her a bump photo but explicitly tell her not to share it.

I don't think it's an over-reaction to be upset about it, but I wouldn't end a friendship over it.

ETA -- I just read your more detailed update and she's definitely crossing the line. If it were me I'd definitely be stressing out. Totally justified to distance yourself from that kind of behavior!

groovylocks

Hector33 said:

Even though we have been friends for 14 years it has been a very on and off friendship and have only become really close again well since becoming pregnant. So I'm a little worried to raise the issue with her.
Now thinking about it a little more she has become obsessed with this baby and pregnancy for the following reasons:

-She gets upset if I do any baby shopping without her for big purchases.
- literally the only topic we talk about is the pregnancy and baby and demands updates about every antenatal appointment and ultrasound.
- She got upset when we told her that we would not be going to her family friends beach house with the baby who would only be 4 ish weeks old because its 6 hours away and we do not know everyone who is going.
- She expects us to leave the baby with her overnight (although she is very capable- she is a NICU nurse- I would not feel comfortable leaving my LO with anyone for a long time)
- She is now upset with me because I told her my DH and I were unsure if we would be having visitors at the hospital (I did not realise she assumed she would be meeting us in recovery straight after the C/S.

Her behaviour is really starting to stress me. I feel like such a horrible person because she is so much more excited than me about my baby! Don't get me wrong im excited to meet this this babe but im just so worried that in the final weeks something will go wrong so im not letting myself get too excited!.

Yeah NOW this is weirdong me out and I'm pretty tolerant to weirdness from preggo-fetishists on the whole. I think what's likeliest is that given her expertise, she is trying to help. But she sounds like a complete control freak. Expertise or not, I'd avoid that.. Do you feel comfortable sitting her down and talking to her or has it gotten to the point where you think it could get even weirder if you do that?

spottedginger

She sounds like she's skating the edge of reason here. Is she a friend or a "friend"? By that I mean, what positives does she bring into your life without any strings or drama attached? It sounds like she is passive aggressive, manipulative, and needy. I am curious what your husband thinks about her. It truly sound like she is too attached to you. It might be the right time to move on. Who has time for this kind of made up drama?

Hector33

Update!!
So I have now told said friend that I was not happy with her what she was doing. And her reaction was one that shocked me is making be back away from her quickly! It is now very clear to me that she is making this pregnancy and baby all about her. Just like she did at my wedding(Im now remembering- At the wedding DH and I made the decision that no "plus ones would be given unless they had been in a relationship more than 12 months. She broke up with her boyfriend 1.5 years prior to the wedding and asked me if she could bring a plus one because she couldn't possibly be alone, DH caved let her bring a plus one and paid for the guest.

So after I told her that I was upset with what she did, how her actions were stressing me and we were not going to have visitors at the hospital (since she assumed that she would be waiting in the hospital and meeting the baby straight after birth)I got a number of text messages saying that she is honestly completely lost with her life, Is hurt and upset by my actions of not having visitors and feels like I'm pushing her away from me and the baby's life. After these messages I was so angry because she putting all her feelings and thoughts on me when I'm already battling my own feelings and fears of motherhood.

No advice really needed. Just want to give an update an little vent

celainev

Hector33 said:

Update!!
So I have now told said friend that I was not happy with her what she was doing. And her reaction was one that shocked me is making be back away from her quickly! It is now very clear to me that she is making this pregnancy and baby all about her. Just like she did at my wedding(Im now remembering- At the wedding DH and I made the decision that no "plus ones would be given unless they had been in a relationship more than 12 months. She broke up with her boyfriend 1.5 years prior to the wedding and asked me if she could bring a plus one because she couldn't possibly be alone, DH caved let her bring a plus one and paid for the guest.

So after I told her that I was upset with what she did, how her actions were stressing me and we were not going to have visitors at the hospital (since she assumed that she would be waiting in the hospital and meeting the baby straight after birth)I got a number of text messages saying that she is honestly completely lost with her life, Is hurt and upset by my actions of not having visitors and feels like I'm pushing her away from me and the baby's life. After these messages I was so angry because she putting all her feelings and thoughts on me when I'm already battling my own feelings and fears of motherhood.

No advice really needed. Just want to give an update an little vent

On one hand, I feel bad she is going through a tough time. On the other, she really needs some perspective and I wouldn't bother dealing with it right now. Good for you!

Disneygeek77

Some people are just happiness / sadness magnets. They are only interested in you when you are going through happy or sad times in your life. It is hard to explain, but they seems to pop up at times like this. They are there to organize a meal train or a shower or a fundraiser, but during normal times of life, they are no where to be found. I suggest distancing yourself from her.

Jessie42613

Well in fairness, there was nothing wrong with her asking to bring a plus one to your wedding because frankly, your "no guests unless you've been together for at least a year" rule was incredibly rude and a super shitty thing to do to your loved ones. But I digress.

Otherwise, I do find her behavior toward your baby to be weird as hell, pushy, and inappropriate. Don't tell her when you go into labor (or when you go for your C section) and keep it off social media. That will solve the issue of her showing up while you're in recovery. And then yes, I agree with PPs. Distance yourself.

Hector33

In Australia the plus one rule is very common! We put that rule in place because we did not wish to share our special day with people we did not know. Said friend had no issues with this rule when her cousin did it at her wedding as she was in a relationship at the time.

jamiem522

@Jessie42613 Etiquette on inviting plus ones is they are given if the person you're inviting is living with the person, engaged or married. It's a pretty standard practice.

Jessie42613

jamiem522 said:

@Jessie42613 Etiquette on inviting plus ones is they are given if the person you're inviting is living with the person, engaged or married. It's a pretty standard practice.

You are correct in your post, but it is also extremely poor form to exclude significant others or break up a social unit for a wedding.  It's not the place of the hosts to determine which relationships are legitimate enough to warrant an invitation.  If this concept is foreign to you, I'm guessing you didn't spend much time over on The Knot while planning your wedding, because the wise women over there would be in fits over this lol.

I'm not going to tear OP's wedding to shreds; what's done is done and I wish her nothing but the best with her baby.

Achae

I haven't read all the comments but honestly she sounds like she's using your experiences to possibly be a catfish. Good luck with your friendship!

oceanchild

All this reminds of is the "Dr Phil" episodes where women fake pregnancies (and I was just talking to a mom in my kid's dance class whose lifelong friend who moved to another state faked a pregnancy until she was caught in the lie when "her baby" was supposedly 3y old, it went on that long - they sent her tons of stuff). Maybe it's my suspicious mind, but this sends off alarm bells to me. A photo book was not my first thought.

ambercakes92

oceanchild said:

All this reminds of is the "Dr Phil" episodes where women fake pregnancies (and I was just talking to a mom in my kid's dance class whose lifelong friend who moved to another state faked a pregnancy until she was caught in the lie when "her baby" was supposedly 3y old, it went on that long - they sent her tons of stuff). Maybe it's my suspicious mind, but this sends off alarm bells to me. A photo book was not my first thought.

What the hell!

Honestly my thoughts were far more sinister than a photo book, too.

kynbar5

All I could think of was the crazy Lifetime movies I've seen and Craigslist stories I've heard of.

mellywelly13

My friends have asked for belly pics and I just ignore the questions entirely. I think it's weird. Also, the catfish comment ^ makes sense. I don't think you have to give a reason for not sending this person anymore pics. It's your body and you have a right to say no.