Stay at home mom struggling with depression

Des321

I have been a SAHM for a year now and I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to raise my son myself. Only problem is it gets so lonely. Some days I feel totally fine and others all I can think about is how no one wants to be my friend or they're all too busy for me. I'm the only SAHM I know, so it's hard to find people who are available as often as I am. I signed up for Mary Kay almost a year ago hoping to make some friends and even make some cash on the side. But I can't even find the confidence in myself to do that. I beat myself up for it all the time because I know I can do it, it's something I love and it wouldn't even take away time from my son.
I guess I am just wondering what other SAHMs do to keep their sanity and make a little bit of money too.
HELP.
Thanks (:

blended10

Talk to your dr if you are feeling sad for days. If there is a chemical imbalance maybe meds can help?
But if it's not that - I can tell you as a sahm for about 5 years now I have watched other people's kids for a little extra cash but that's it. I'm not good at sales so I've never tried anything like that.
In terms of staying sane you need a village! Try going to library story hours, playgroups (meet-up always had stuff), check out your local y for free programs you can get out & do, go to parks, go for walks in the neighborhood- anything to meet other people with kids.
Being home is tough - on the one hand you're never alone, on the other you are lonely. I understand that. Reach out! I am not naturally good at making friends but when you see someone with a child close in age it's so easy to find things in common. Good luck!

mrsjones06

After 16 post-college years of working I became a SAHM three months ago. At the same time we moved to a very rural area about 1.5 hours from everything I'm familiar with. I can completely understand the depressed feeling while also still being thankful for the opportunity to stay home. My life was SO stressful and busy when I was working and had three kids so I LOVE not having that stress but I definitely struggle some days with feeling depressed. I miss adult time, lunches out & the ability to run errands from when I was working. My husband is gone for 24-48 hrs at a time for work so when he's not at work he just wants to chill at home...which is understandable but I'm always bummed we don't get out as a family more when he's here. Because he gets a long break of real life every few days he also can't understand what I'm feeling. My life is an endless stream of kids asking me for something, needing something, wanting something. I have ZERO time for myself and that's been hard.

I joined a local FB mom's group and have gotten together with a couple of moms at the park once which was fun & made me feel a little more normal. It's completely out of my comfort zone to meet new people but I've had to force myself to do things I wouldn't have done before because I'm desperate for that outlet friends provide! My oldest is in 1st grade so I've also met some people through PTO. I find my hardest days are when I haven't left the house much and when I haven't been getting any exercise. I know it doesn't feel that way but with only one kiddo you can do all sorts of things, wander around the mall, go to the park, a food establishment with indoor play area, the library if you have a good one, etc. Maybe you'll meet some other moms and maybe not but getting out of the house will make you feel a lot better. Just know you're not alone.

Don't have any advice for earning cash bc I haven't done that. I know a stay at home mom who works for a hotel chain taking incoming calls at home when her kids are napping and after they're in bed. If you can sew or are good with crafts you could maybe sell items on FB sale sites. Watching kids is a good idea if you don't mind that commitment. Maybe you could work part time at a daycare where your son would be able to go for free or at a discount.

hayleydeee

I don't have any advice for you about how to pursue a direct sales job. For me personally that business model makes me uncomfortable, but if you love it then go for it!

As for getting out of the house, you just kind of have to force yourself to do it. If you are feeling truly depressed, I know it can be hard to make yourself get out and do things, but you just have to kind of "fake it until you make it". 

Hunt around your local area for mom's groups and gatherings. If your ok with religion, MOPS is fantastic, so are bible study groups (many offer child care). Other places to check are libraries (for story time), facebook, and meetup.com. When DD was little I even did a "mommy and me" yoga class. I've also enjoyed chatting with other SAHM at the park, just while pushing our kids on the swings. A good ice breaker question is always "how old is she/he?"

SaltyMcNulty

Regarding the making SAHM friends: I went to mommy&me/new mom classes at both my library and a local preschool (my now 3yo attends 2 days of school at said same preschool). I joined a local SAHM "support" group. I found SAHM groups on Meetup.com. (FWIW, I have 2 good SAHM friends now, and another 4-5 moms I can do play dates with or grab a cup of coffee while the kids play). I also have a few WM friends, and still spend time with my non-mom friends and sister. Just because you become a SAHM doesn't mean your entire social circle should consist of SAHMs.

Regarding earning money: I freelance as a marketing research analyst from home, but I've been doing this gig for 12 years almost, waaaaaay before I ever became a SAHM.

Regarding depression: Being isolated and lonely can certainly add to/exacerbate existing depression. It took my 2.5 years to kick PPD with a combination of individual therapy, support groups, and making self-care my #1 priority (therefore, a lot of support required from MH so I could get healthy again). Also, being a mom doesn't mean you lose your previous mom identity. You should still engage in activities/hobbies you had prior to becoming a mom.

PlainJane8350

What area are you guys in? I know it's unlikely...but may be some of us are nearby?

Des321

Thank you ladies for the tips! It's nice to know I'm not alone. I'm trying harder to get myself out of this rut and started doing yoga classes and reaching out to more people. I've changed my perspective on things and work at staying positive every day. Thanks again!

Knottie1442268460

Another possible resource is classes at your hospital. Here they have baby massage, baby sign, & some of the moms in those groups have a walking group on the side.

Boonhilde

I'm sorry you're going through this! I meet other SAHMs through church. Without it I don't know where else I'd meet anyone! Maybe the park?

Also, consider your skills. Could you tutor? Give music lessons? Babysit? Sell Jamberry on Facebook? Make and sell stuff on Etsy or eBay? 

Also, I call my parents/or sister almost every single day, sometimes more. It really helps when I'm feeling lonely or just need to vent. 

kimmee1997

Well I work part time (24 hours a week).  I'm depressed and just started on meds about 2 months ago.  Feeling better but still feel overwhelmed at times.  I don't really have a lot of friends.  I am ok with that though.  I have family that I tend to talk to a lot.  Ways I could meet people if I felt like venturing out would be at preschool.  Kids have birthday parties and invite the kids in their class or they want to go on a play date.   I would also suggest church.  You can find a church where you can get involved in.