Am I wrong to be upset about this??

KatieKF

So this going to be long winded, but here goes... When I told my mom I was expecting she kindly offered to buy us a stroller/travel system. We went shopping together, but I couldn't make a decision so we decided to wait a little before making a purchase. Anyway since then my mom seems to have forgotten!! And I mean I have hinted pretty heavily, and nothing! Like, she actually changed her mind. I am trying to think what I have done to upset her or what?? At 34 weeks I gave up waiting and bought my own stroller. This was a big expense we hadn't budgeted for. I know this is coming across as spoiled and entitled. I am sorry for this. But my mom is now bragging to me about all the new furniture she just got for her house! She is not poor in any way. And finally she went on vacation 6 times this year. Am I wrong to feel like she is selfish and unkind?

BowWowBowie

Just come out and ask if she still wanted to get it for you, hints do nothing for some people.

dec15mum

Seems weird how she was up for it then not.
I'd just ask her, not in a rude way or ungrateful. Maybe there's a reason behind it.
You won't know unless you ask

taysun

I would have just asked about it. She's your mother so I think you could have come right out with exactly what you said, that you had budgeted with the expectation that she was purchasing the travel system like she had offered to do and it's put you in the position of having to be more frugal than you'd planned.
I think etiquette is less a worry with your own parent. Let her know, either she won't care and your feelings will still be hurt or she'll apologize and maybe help out with something else instead.

BostonBaby1

Yes

kepoole

Definitely just would have said, "hey! I decided on this one, are you still up for buying it?"

KatieKF

^^I totally agree. But I know that my mom will collapse in a heap of anger at any hint of 'confrontation'. I don't know how to discuss it with her without sounding rude and bratty

BostonBaby1

KatieKF said:

^^I totally agree. But I know that my mom will collapse in a heap of anger at any hint of 'confrontation'. I don't know how to discuss it with her without sounding rude and bratty

You should let it go IMO

KatieKF

My SO is also encouraging me to confront her about this. But I honestly don't know how to deal with her! After reading so many posts about MIL issues, I feel like the only one with problems with my own mother

KatieKF

I should let it go, but I'm feeling bitter and resentful

BowWowBowie

The only thing I'm getting is that it's been a while since you searched for one, now that you've finally decided. BUT you haven't told her, only hinted. Now you're butthurt she's not picking up on hints and signals and slamming her online for getting furniture for her house and taking vacations? You're right. You are coming off spoiled and entitled. 

taysun

If it's going to be a big deal then don't bother. I think if it'll be a confrontation then you should move on and not plan around her in the future to avoid this situation. She is not obligated to provide for your child.
If you're feeling bitter and resentful, I doubt the conversation will end well.

kristen2b

My bff wanted to throw me a friend sprinkle the first weekend of November. Last she mentioned it was a month ago (despite conversations about my family showers). Am I going to ask her about it? Hell no. Because reminding someone about a gift they said they would get you is rude. Maybe something came up. Maybe they got caught up in the moment and then later realized they couldn't do it.
Just let it go.

BowWowBowie

Agreed. 

ammnam14

I think if you already purchased the stroller you should let it go. The stroller should've been in your budget regardless. If it were me I'd be thrilled for my mother. Heck ya mom, you deserve new furniture and however many vacations you want! My mom deserves the world. YOU are responsible for whatever your baby needs.

Rratledge

KatieKF said:

My SO is also encouraging me to confront her about this. But I honestly don't know how to deal with her! After reading so many posts about MIL issues, I feel like the only one with problems with my own mother

You are not alone in having problems with your own mother. I have far more issues with my mom than my MIL.

ramfam2507

breezypip

Please don't say anything to your mother about it. It's her money and she can spend it how she chooses. Maybe she forgot, maybe she realized she really wanted some furniture and a trip, or maybe she has something else planned you don't know about. Any of those are valid reasons to not give you a gift. There's tons of things my parents have said they wanted to do that they didn't end up doing and I leave it be... Sometimes people have good intensions that they can't follow through on.

garrettnr

I have a couple of family members like this. Of course each one is different in their reasoning.

I just ask them if they are still planning on purchasing anything, and if not to let me know.

Since you already purchased it... I think you have already made your decision.

suchaglencoco

I'm team "let it go". We have a very generous family that offered very early to buy us bigger ticket items. We never took their offers into consideration with our budget for what we needed because we know our baby(ies) our responsibility. Whenever we got an overly gracious gifts, we were extremely thankful and took it off our list.

Your mother may have forgotten or thought you hadn't picked one out yet. She may offer to reimburse you when you show her the stroller but she may not. Better to let go of any issues or resentment now before the baby comes.

MercyC1130

Yep, let it go. Especially since you've already bought it and all. I would have said something before, more out of curiousity as to the change of heart. Next time be more straightforward.

groovylocks

Ask her in a kind of lighthearted way and say you're doing your budget, you remembered her offer and wanted to just ask so you could plan properly. 

groovylocks

Sorry op I missed that you'd already purchased it... Maybe in that case let it go...

Taylovesbrad

BowWowBowie said:

Agreed. 

Britney is never wrong.

iqueeley

KatieKF said:

My SO is also encouraging me to confront her about this. But I honestly don't know how to deal with her! After reading so many posts about MIL issues, I feel like the only one with problems with my own mother

Trust me you're not, mine stopped talking to me the day I told her I was expecting. Had been talking crazy about my bf and his family to anyone who'll listen, then randomly buys like the most extensive things on my registry (she saw someone else's invitation) and sent them here. She is crazy! You're not alone.

Ask her to buy your breast pump instead lol jk...kinda, but not really lol

spottedginger

I think you've gotten some exclent advice. Don't confront her.

Melissadmag

I would flat out ask her, maybe something along the lines of, so my maternity leave is coming up soon, and we are really trying to budget our money, were you still planning on getting the travel system for us because that would be a huge relief for us. Obviously I understand either way, but we need to know how to plan financially for the upcoming months.....  

BostonBaby1

KatieKF said:

I should let it go, but I'm feeling bitter and resentful

You will get over it. It's her money. You feel bitter and resentful that she spent it on herself.

KatieKF

^^Of course. That's the point of the original post.

Mother0fDragons

Unless you want to get into a childish fight with your mother over her spending her own money on herself and possibly ruin your relationship, I would also suggest that you move on.

HinataUzumaki913

Hmm, you're entitled to your feelings. Can't really change that. If you already brought the travel system, why bring it up? I could understanding asking before you bought it or even sending her a pic of it and saying something like " Hey, I've selected this travel system. Are you still interested in purchasing it as a gift or should I do so myself?", but that time has passed. 

BostonBaby1

HinataUzumaki913 said:

Hmm, you're entitled to your feelings. Can't really change that. If you already brought the travel system, why bring it up? I could understanding asking before you bought it or even sending her a pic of it and saying something like " Hey, I've selected this travel system. Are you still interested in purchasing it as a gift or should I do so myself?", but that time has passed. 

Maybe. I agree that the time has passed but should we really be encouraging someone to be entitled to the feelings of disappointment and bitterness since they were not gifted item that is a pretty standard requirement for a baby? Do we even know if this mother was the one that suggested that they have a baby and offered to pay for everything related to said baby? Because if not, I think the OP should probably work on trying to feel less bitter about having to pay for her own child.

KatieKF

^^Maybe you misinterpreted the OP. The issue is not that I don't want to, or can't provide for my own child. I never asked for or expected any gifts.
The issue is someone I love and trust offered to buy a much appreciated gift and then retracted that offer, with no explanation or obvious reason.
I admitted I was feeling bitter and disappointed, which are ugly and destructive emotions. I agree with 'team let it go', but sometimes you need to vent and release in an anonymous environment to help shake it off and move on.
Thanks everyone for your advice

Mother0fDragons

KatieKF said:

^^Maybe you misinterpreted the OP. The issue is not that I don't want to, or can't provide for my own child. I never asked for or expected any gifts.
The issue is someone I love and trust offered to buy a much appreciated gift and then retracted that offer, with no explanation or obvious reason.
I admitted I was feeling bitter and disappointed, which are ugly and destructive emotions. I agree with 'team let it go', but sometimes you need to vent and release in an anonymous environment to help shake it off and move on.
Thanks everyone for your advice

It's also called a diary.
*gif fail

HinataUzumaki913

@bostonbaby1 ehh feelings are feelings, they shall pass. But I cannot lie, I'd feel a way if someone offered something and I planned around it and then they changed their mind and didn't let me know. But that's just because I'd have liked to be informed so that I can adjust accordingly. Plus, I'm sensitive...it would hurt my feelings.  But I'd also get over it, and just buy what I wanted. So I get what you're saying, but I get where the OP was coming from too. But the world may never know, as we only know what the op said. I like playing devil's advocate with you 

KatieKF

Forget the diary. I'll write the world's most boring novel instead and call it 'First World Problems'! Thanks for the idea

BostonBaby1

My grandmother promised to gift me a car when I got my license. She did it for my older sibling and I never got my car… I lived. These things happen. OP, if mom would " collapse in a heap of anger," if you were to bring it up, there's no other option here. I hope you feel better soon.

soulfish

Im in a weird similar situation with my brother. He offered to buy the baby a crib a couple of months ago. I've sent him links to a few that we like and he hasn't responded at all. The bad thing is that I had the opportunity to buy a really nice used crib that I passed on when he offered. He mentioned the other day that my nephew was in his pack and play til he was 6 months old. I told him that I was hoping to leave mine set up downstairs. I don't want to push him to buy, don't want to offend by buying one myself and can't really squeeze in the extra expense this month. I'm 100% sure that it's not a financial issue. Not quite sure how to approach it.

stlmomof2

Honestly I dont take anyones word for it. Even my mother said she would send me a gift card in the next week but I'm not keep my hopes up.

I would of bought that crib that was used if you had the money. If your brother decided to buy you a crib and you knew where it came from, I would of exchanged it and gotten the money for it to spend on other baby items you may need. I mean I would do that if it was my brother buying me a crib. I would explain to him I bought a crib I really liked elsewhere but used his money on other baby things. My brother wouldn't take it personal, I hope yours wouldn't either.

Ken122014

It sounds like you have brought it up, and if he's not responding, I'd start looking at the used cribs again. Would he be offended if you straight up asked if he still wanted to buy the crib? If he really thinks you don't need it until 6 months, and doesn't want to buy it for you until baby is 6 months, then I think you have to either go with that or buy something yourself for the mean time.

Sorry, that was a little insomnia rambling, but I think it makes sense? Just some different thoughts

redfallon

soulfish Sounds like your brother doesn't think you need a crib until your baby is six months old and so is in no hurry to get it. I think you should go ahead and get one on your own timetable instead of waiting on when he thinks is a good time for it. He may have said he wants to get you one, but it's not helping you if he isn't working on your timetable. You could be waiting forever.