Question for moms of 3 — The Bump
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Question for moms of 3

Hi! I first would like to admit that I am not a regular here, but I have a question that seems to be best answered by a large group of people that don't know me. ;-) I am the mom of an almost 5 yo and a 2 1/2 yo. I work full-time, and do not feel at all like one of those Super Moms that can do it all. While we are financially stable, money is a factor, and can be a stress. I have a 3 bedroom home and a medium-sized SUV. All of those are reasons I'm telling myself that I should stick with my two little girls, but I can't shake the question of if I should have a 3rd. My husband would love a boy, but we've already had the discussion that we would be trying for a third "child", and not for a certain sex. So, I guess I'm just asking - How much harder is it to jump from 2 to 3 children? I feel like this is the biggest decision of my life, and hate that I can't decide if our family is "complete". I'll also be 35 in a year and a half, and though I know I could get pregnant well after that, I'd like to try to decide all this before then, as well as to not have too large a gap between them. Sorry this is so long. Any input is greatly appreciated!

Re: Question for moms of 3

  • i have three & it made me a better mom ! Not sure what happened but my third is the best baby ever & now i even want one more.

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  • You could always foster adopt to get a boy.
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  • Our oldest son is 7. Our middle daughter is 3. And our youngest son is 6 months. Our little guy was not planned. I always wanted three but never actually thought we would have three.

    Your description sounds a lot like my life. We both worked full time. I drove a Durango. Comfortable financially but still on a budget.

    I don't know what defines a good baby but I can tell you that going from 2 to 3 has been hugely challenging. I don't work anymore. I quit to be a SAHM. I'm 38. I had him at 37. I never get a break. Ever. I have several friends who are moms are big families and say that going from 2 to 3 is the hardest adjustment.

    That said, for me it just meant that I have had to pick my battles and let some things go. If we all leave the house matching and clean, that's a win. Lol. I think it also depends on your family dynamic. Partly why I quit working is because DH works 70+ hours a week. He's not here to get them to activity or make school conferences or stay home with sick kids. So that's why we made the choice we made. And it's hard. I like staying home but it's Also hard to give up a job you liked abs were happy at.

    I just feel like he was meant to be. I've always required fertility drugs to get pregnant and he just came out of the blue. I just feel like he was meant to be ours. ❤️
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  • You sound exactly like me. For about three years after my second was born I went back and forth, sought advice from as many places as possible and really struggled with the idea of a third fitting into our lives. We have two boys and always thought we would maybe have three kids. Like you, we thought a girl would be great, but didn't base our decision on that AT ALL. In fact I went into it thinking it would be a boy and it is! I struggled with the decision for so long and then as I approached 34 I finally I spoke with another mom who kind of put it into perspective for me. She said that your brain and your heart will always fight over what is the right answer, but that struggle is the answer. If you didn't actually want another one you would have a sense of completion and not be tormented by analyzing how you could fit another into your life. For me, it was totally true. The second I found out I was pregnant with #3 it was like a calm, complete feeling. Of course I still have late night freak outs and panics about how we will manage it all, logistically and financially, but that is all in my head. My heart feels settled. To me, the struggle was the answer, it meant I wanted one more even though my rational brain wanted to argue. My husband was 100% in the same place as I was, so we both finally decided to just make the leap and go for it. If he has been against it I wouldn't have pushed him and probably would have been fine with 2.

    Now, that being said, I will have my 3rd in about 2 months, so I can't say how it has changed my life yet. I try to remember that many moms have been here before and survived. I'm choosing to embrace the chaos and know it will be nuts for a few years at least, but DH and I both think the long term benefits of having another family member will far outweigh the crazy times. If it means a few less vacations, driving older cars and bargain shopping for school clothes then so be it.

    Also, I've spoken to many moms of three and it seems like the ones that have an easier time are those that are less worried about perfection and can put aside the pressure to have everything perfectly documented, dressed to the nines for each holiday and involved in every activity. If those are things that you find to be a fun part of having kids, then more is probably not better, because you will not be able to enjoy it if you can't do all of that. If the fun part of having kids to you is having a big chaotic family that gets it right sometimes and other times lets life roll along without getting caught up in the details, then I think a big family makes sense. This is just based on my observations of many friends who have made the transition from 1-2 or 2-3,4 etc. 

    ebergen12
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