Baby shower invitations re: gifts

Aeb04

My mom is organizing my baby shower and she is getting ready to send out the invitations. I originally did not plan on having one because I don't like being the center of attention and feel slightly uncomfortable asking folks to come to a party on my behalf, and I'm generally a fairly unceremonious person.

I don't want people to feel obligated to bring gifts, but don't necessarily want to ban them entirely. Does anyone have advise for what my mom could put on the invitations so that people could bring something small if they really want to but otherwise do not feel obligated? I feel like writing 'gifts are optional' still makes people feel obligated to bring them. I mostly just want this shower to be a way to share excitement about the baby, but certainly am not opposed to small gifts like a cute onesie or hat etc.

mamakculb

If you're having a shower people are going to bring gifts. If they don't want to get you a gift they probably won't come. I wouldn't post any registry info if you want to deter gifts. I know some people put "your presense is present enough" but thats not my style. You could always ask for a donation towards a charity or something in leu of gifts for yourself, then you could say "instead of gifts please bring an angel tree donation (or whatever you decide)". But remember, the whole point of a shower is to shower you with gifts. Let people love on you with blessing you and your new baby!

EmmyMommy123

Not sure what's common in your area, but in mine it's common to have registry information on the invitation suggesting where to buy gifts.

Maybe you could leave out gift information altogether on the invitation so that people can bring whatever they want, or have wording like "your presence is gift enough" or "gifts are not necessary". Doesn't say NOT to so people don't feel like they can't if they really want to, but doesn't suggest the event is specifically for gifting.

jrouge12

Sorry but as soon as you call it a shower it is essentially a gift giving party. You could try not posting registry information, but most people will either ask your mom or go ahead and buy what they want.

Malic

jrouge12 said:

Sorry but as soon as you call it a shower it is essentially a gift giving party. You could try not posting registry information, but most people will either ask your mom or go ahead and buy what they want.

I agree, shower implies gifts...at least in my mind. Maybe call it something other than a shower? (What you would call it, I don't know. My creative brain is slow today.) People will probably feel obligated to bring something no matter what you do, but the people who come are the people who WANT to shower you with gifts! Don't worry about it. :-)

tdart14

A baby shower is automatically a gift giving event. If you don't want gift then don't accept the shower and do a sip n see after the baby born.

But if you accept the shower then you got to accept that gifts come hand in hand with it.

blondiebrat0916

I feel similarly about being the center of attention and certainly don't like the idea of the fanfare of opening gifts in front of everyone, but I think this is a case where we need to get over ourselves.

The showy opening is our friends and family's way of being part of one of life's most joyous events, and who are we to take that away from them?  Thinking about the shower as much for them as it is for me and baby has helped me get over my uncomfortable feelings.

CharminglySouthern

Scullahoo said:

I put on our wedding reception invitations (we didn't want gifts) "Your presence is the only gift we require" or something like that. It is polite enough to say that you'd prefer no gifts and would not ostracise those who would still like to bring something but it's their choice to then.

Actually this is pretty poor etiquette. Gifts should not ever be mentioned on an invitation. Even if it's to say "no gifts." It's especially cringe-worthy on a wedding invitation.

Op, a shower is a gift giving event. It's basically the sole purpose. To "shower the MTB" with gifts to care for her baby. If that makes you uncomfortable, maybe skip the shower.

willashbaby

You could always ask to have a "sprinkle" instead of a shower. This generally implies "smaller" gifts and a registry is not needed. The invitations would actually say "sprinkle" and people usually know what it means. I've been to a few and it's much more likely to just get smaller items like outfits, small toys, and books.

knappetite

On the invitation to our shower (we're having a co-ed party), my friend wrote "come shower the expectant parents with love." At the bottom, it says "Gifts are not expected (they're well set up with most essentials already), but if you'd like to help, there are some ideas here:" then she put a links to our sokind registry and mealtrain. The sokind registry is nice because you can put things on there like services (come do our dishes!) or things that are secondhand/homemade - this way people can give something if they want to without feeling obligated to go buy something.

Aeb04

Thanks for all the input! I guess all who said gifts are implied by the shower are right, so if that made me uncomfortable I should avoid one altogether. I really like the "sprinkle" idea!

tangelic3

in my experience with showers (of any kind) people, get invited, come for free food and dont bring gifts. i wouldnt worry about it, most people dont follow social norms anyway.

CharminglySouthern

tangelic3 said:

in my experience with showers (of any kind) people, get invited, come for free food and dont bring gifts. i wouldnt worry about it, most people dont follow social norms anyway.

That's a pretty blanket statement. I mean, how do you know?

It's more likely that most people *you know* don't follow social norms. Not that most people don't. I'd be willing to bet that most people (where showers are common) know that they are gift giving events.

essentialpeace

Aeb04 said:

Thanks for all the input! I guess all who said gifts are implied by the shower are right, so if that made me uncomfortable I should avoid one altogether. I really like the "sprinkle" idea!

Sprinkle sounds great! Maybe a simple, "Come celebrate our new adventure! Gifts are not expected, your presence is a gift itself!" I've seen this before and 1/2 brought small items. Her venue was very laid back. We didn't play games. Everyone mainly swapped baby stories and gave advice.

Personally I love going to baby showers more than other events. Enjoy your day!!