How to tell a friend with infertility

B2FlyGirl

I am beyond excited to be pregnant for the first time after 2.5 years of "unexplained infertility" and what the fertility doc calls our "spontaneous pregnancy" since we conceived naturally. I am bursting at the seams to tell my family and friends, but it is weighing heavy on my heart to tell my oldest friend who battled infertility for 7 years and lost after multiple IUI and IVF failures. I know she will genuinely be happy for me, because that is the wonderful friend that she is, but I can't help but feel guilty that I'm pregnant when I wish more than anything that she was. If any of you have dealt with infertility, how would you want to be told your friend was pregnant?

mkemommy

This is always hard. I would tell her before you tell your other friends and do so via email. It will give her the opportunity to process the news and not force a reaction that she might have to in person or over the phone.

GoMommy

Yep. Dont tell her face to face. That way she doesn't have to fake a smile to you. She might have to back away from you for awhile give get that space. I bet she will be happy for you but also she willl have alot of emotions. Text or email. Its going to effect your friendship

Linsbins

Also make sure not to bombard her with updates or pics, let her unfollow for awhile if she needs to. Right when it was taking us longer than I thought it would, my friend kept send me baby or belly pics every day of her surprise baby. I wanted to punch her. I can't unfollow on Instagram because it would cause drama so I just don't check anymore. You're a great friend for worrying about her feelings. I bet she's really happy for you since it sounds like you struggled too.

on3in2015

First I just want to say congrats! I agree with telling her via a message vs face to face. One of the hardest things for me has been someone telling me they are pregnant in person. I need time to cry my eyes out and recover. After that Im able to talk with them person and force a positive reaction. Its never that Im unhappy for the person. Im just feeling hurt over my own multiple losses etc and need some time to pull myself together. 

fishwife799

I agree with PP. Tell her in a way where she isn't forced to react immediately. Give her space and really follow her lead. I have a SIL who has been trying for a long time to have kids and has been unsuccessful. So when we got pregnant it was heavy on my mind (all 3 times) We had H's brother tell her and allowed her space process each time. I know it hurts her at first but I think giving her space really helps.

jackiea2m

I agree with PP. I had "unexplained infertility " before a successful IUI and am now spontaneously prego with#2. When I was trying and it seemed like EVERYONE ELSE was able to get pregnant, even those who also had trouble, it was such awful heartache to be faced with my own inadequacies and also not Fully be able to celebrate their wonderful news. So yeah, send an email, let her know you're doing it that way bc you want to give her privacy and space and that you respect her feelings. Then be patient. Good luck to you!!!! And Congrats!!!!

june2016baby

I'm in the same boat as you. I accidentally got pregnant with number 4, while my SIL has been going through depression over years of unsuccessful fertility treatments. This probably sounds insane, but I would transport this baby to her womb in an instant, if I could. I would love if it would have been her who got pregnant. I feel horrible for her. I decided to tell her in an e-mail. I would love to announce to everyone at Thanksgiving, as I'll be 12 weeks. But instead, I'll keep it a secret on Thanksgiving, and then e-mail her a few days later. That way she has a month to mentally prepare before seeing me at Christmas.

B2FlyGirl

Thanks for all the advise ladies, that really helps me determine how and when I will tell my friend.