Am I reading into things too much?

hjl050308

Okay, this may be long and rambling (lack of sleep is making me delirious!).  So, since DH and I met, I have gotten along with my ILs (we go over to family stuff all the time, go on a week's vacation to the shore with all of them, etc.) except lately something has changed in the dynamics of our relationship, which is fine (I can't exactly pinpoint it).  Well, last week, my husband, out of the blue decides to tell me how he knows I hate his family, that I talk about them, and how I don't want the baby around them when they smoke really means I am trying to keep him away from them.  Well a fight ensues, me crying and trying to defend myself against this bullshiit (mind you this happened AFTER he got off the phone with his mother to tell her we weren't coming to New Year's left overs). 

Fast forward to yesterday, my mom calls and says she doesn't know how to handle it but the responses are past due for my shower, which is next Saturday at a local restaurant and that NOBODY in his family has responded (my MIL and 6 SILs, his aunt, and 2 Neices) and is it okay if they call my husband to see if he knows anything (my mohter has left 3 messages for my MIL and she never calls back). 

 Here's my thing that I'm wondering from you ladies since you now have a bit of the background, I feel like it's a little too coincidental that the fight with DH happens about his family and now none of them have said they are coming to my shower.  I brought it up to him about the "coincidences" last night and he denied having talked about any of these issues with his family but I find it to be odd.  I mean if they don't want to fvcking come becuase of whatever reason it may be just grow the fvck up and tell my mom (she'd probally be happy to save the money LOL).  So, am I being paranoid and reading into this or are they just ignorant and forgot to RSVP??? 

velvetflip

I don't think you're paranoid....I would also think something was up...too much of a coincidence. ?I would have your mom call them to see if they are coming or not. ?

Quazel

There is no chance this is a coincidence.  9 people forgetting, all from your H's side?  Nope, this is planned. 

I think you need to sit down with Dh and possibly his family to work this out though.  It sounds like an open, honest conversation would fix this and make life a lot easier on all of you and your child.

rease.

it isnt coincidence. your husband is a pvssy for not resolving this and even feeding into it. you need to have a talk with him and tell him that you would like his family to be there but if THEY choose not to be there you are going ahead with the shower without them.

Do not let them run your life. and your husband needs to grow a pair. Oh, and by the way, you have every right as a mother to keep smoke away from your child.

jll1881

I think they just sound like inconsiderate people in general and would not have the courtesy to RSVP whether or not DH had said anything to them. 

And I don't think there's anything wrong with you not wanting them around the baby when you smoke.  I won't allow my mom to be around the baby either, and I don't trust her not to smoke around the baby so I won't be leaving the baby alone with her.

ridesbuttons

You need to call your MIL directly and ask her if she is planning on coming to the shower.  Get a yes or no answer.  The shower is its own entity.  It sounds as if your mom has done all she can do by sending the invites and following up with three phone calls.  Let you MIL know you need the numbers for your mom to firm up at the resteraunt.

 

Once you've established her attendance at the shower, you need to gather some courage and ask her if there is something she wants or needs to talk to you about.  Let her know that you've gotten some weird vibes and want to clear the air before her grandchild arrives.

 

This is going to be an awkward conversation and one you should have in person. 

hjl050308

rease.:

it isnt coincidence. your husband is a pvssy for not resolving this and even feeding into it. you need to have a talk with him and tell him that you would like his family to be there but if THEY choose not to be there you are going ahead with the shower without them.

Do not let them run your life. and your husband needs to grow a pair. Oh, and by the way, you have every right as a mother to keep smoke away from your child.

Funny you should say that becuase I actually called him a pvssy when this all started.  I refuse to let them run my life and that's why I think they have issue with me (oh and I'm High Maintenence and a Princess, too). 

FutureNichols

No darlin, you are not paranoid.  I understand exactly how you feel. It is very possible that your DH may have mentioned some things to his mom.  Tell him to get it togehter and understand your feelings.  He doesn't have to agree, but he can at least repsect them and compromise.  If they don't want to come to the shower....oh well.  Make one last attempt to call some of the others.  Have your DH to call as well.