Social Security Number and the in-law — The Bump
August 2015 Moms

Social Security Number and the in-law

My mother-in-law flat out asked me if I received my daughter's ssn yet. I said yes, she said, oh great whenever you get a chance will you give that to me to open an account. My first reaction (in my mind) was, Excuse me?! Well, I don't know about you but I don't want to be passing around my daughter's ssn. This may sound like a very generous act, but she didn't exactly discuss it or ask my husband and i. She is good with her finances and somewhat wealthy, but I feel uncomfortable just handing it over to her. She's such a sweet lady and I don't want her to take it the wrong way, but I felt very uncomfortable when she didn't explain why our what kind of account. I know it may be obvious, but I mean I feel I have the right to know if I'm going to hand over my daughter's ssn. My parents never gave anyone my ssn. They opened my savings account and any grandparents that made bonds spoke with my parents first and didn't open an "account" but more so just the bonds. Am I just being over protective?

Re: Social Security Number and the in-law

  • irohspupilirohspupil member
    edited October 2015
    I think you are.
    My in laws asked for my LO's ssn so they could open an account. I think they feel more comfortable doing it themselves so they don't have to feel weird about letting the parents know how much they're putting away for LO.
    Of course, as your LO's mother, you have every right to do as your parents did. There's nothing wrong with that. But it sounds like your MIL is being genuine.

    ETA: if you are concerned about it, look into getting LifeLock for your LO.


     
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  • I also think you are being a bit over protective, but I am terribly relaxed about most things.

    If it is a terrible worry for you, you could always open a joint account with your MIL. That way you can monitor everything but she would still have access to deposit anything she feels like. 
    I know that my credit union has a savings that is like a CD but you can always add to it, but only withdraw 1-2 times a year. If you are worried about the account getting overdrawn.


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  • If your MIL hasn't stolen her own childrens' numbers, I doubt she is going to steal your LO's.

    My ILs asked so they could open a 529 for our DD, which they hold so they get the tax benefit from contributing, which they would not get if they just handed over money to us to put in the one we have for her.
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    irohspupilsarahsairsairjesselayne8
  • Guess I thought it was strange she didn't tell me what kind of account or anything
    buckleyk
  • Why didn't you just ask her the details? I don't think that would have come off as rude at all. In fact, I'd say it's a natural response in that conversation. I personally wouldn't give my in-laws my daughters SSN but that's because they're horrible with money and have ruined 2 of their children's credit by convincing them to do various financial favors for them without ever paying them back. From what you've told us, it doesn't sound like you have those same worries. However, it's your child and if you don't feel comfortable that's the end of the conversation. Maybe you could go with her to open the account and only give the banker the information rather than giving it to your MIL. 
    asanchez88SashaDenn25
  • My parents did the same for our kids.  Its not like I'm handing it out to passersby on the street, unless MIL has a history of being shady or untrustworthy I wouldn't have an issue with it. 
  • I work at a bank and have helped out with various ID theft presentations, and one thing you can do is freeze your LO credit files if your worried about the possibility of their credit being ruined before they can use it. I'm working on doing it for my LO now, since there's history of ID theft in my in-law's by another family member. Minors especially can be targets of ID Theft, simply because no one will notice anything is wrong till the victim goes to open their first credit card or loan 17+ years from now.

    To be safe, you can talk with your MIL about when she'd open the account so that either you can be there in person to provide the SSN to the banker, or you can do a credit report to verify if she opened a credit card or loan and freeze immediately after.

    It's free to freeze for minors (at least in the state of WI, each state has their own fee schedule) for all three credit bureaus. It'll prevent anyone from using the SSN to open any new credit accounts.

    The difference between a credit freeze and a product like Lifelock is that Lifelock only lets you know that someone used the SSN to open new credit lines after the fact and they'd help with paperwork to help restore their credit. Credit freezing is preventative so you won't need to repair it later.

    Here is some links to get more info directly from the bureaus:
    https://www.experian.com/consumer/security_freeze.html
    https://www.equifax.com/help/credit-freeze/en_cp
    https://www.transunion.com/freeze

    Hope this helps!
    tamy28MouseMama817newATthizonaed
  • Hey thanks, I was thinking that. Hopefully she doesn't take it too personally that I don't want to give her SSN to anyone
  • I personally wouldn't feel comfortable giving my LO's SSN to anyone including extended family. Whether in good intentions or not. My parents set up a savings account for me and I plan to do the same for DS. I feel that's the parents responsibility not anyone else's. And if extended family wanted to contribute they can go through me.
    asanchez88SashaDenn25
  • I completely trust my in-laws and love them like my own parents, but I still wouldn't want them opening an account for LO. We opened her an account a few weeks ago so they can write her a check if they want to contribute. I think it is really nice that she wants to set aside money for your LO, but she can do that without actually opening a new account for her.
    SashaDenn25asanchez88
  • I think you shouldn't do anything you don't feel comfortable with .. even if she is being genuine.
  • Sonadora said:

    If your MIL hasn't stolen her own childrens' numbers, I doubt she is going to steal your LO's.

    My ILs asked so they could open a 529 for our DD, which they hold so they get the tax benefit from contributing, which they would not get if they just handed over money to us to put in the one we have for her.

    This. The difference between her opening an account and her donating to yours is the tax benefit she gets. Although, it may vary state to state, but my parents opened a 529 for DD and they did not need her SSN to do so.
  • o guess what happened, I just found out she already set up the account. My husband gave her our LO's social and he said he told me. I said no you didn't. Anyhow, she never told me and my husband has been putting money into that account instead of the one I made. It doesn't make sense they would do that and not include me. I also asked her, hey why didn't you talk to me first? she said she did and began to avoid me. I let her know if she wants to do anything with my daughter's info, I want to be informed first or at least both my husband and i. She did not like that very much. But I told her that's the kind of mother I am.
  • It's unfortunate she now has access to my daughter's SSN but hopefully doesn't do anything else without my permission first.
  • I'd be very concerned your H is putting money in there. It makes no sense since you won't get a tax benefit for that. What is his reasoning?
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    BFP #2 4/13/10. Bridget born 12/28/10

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    tarheelgirl8
  • my husband has been putting money into that account instead of the one I made. It doesn't make sense they would do that and not include me.

    Not trying to start a fight between you and DH, but that concerns me a hell of a lot more than your MIL having LOs SSN.
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