PPD/A

krystleshel

LO is now almost 5 months old. I did not have any PPD/A issues in the beginning, but since going back to work & being so busy & getting very little sleep, I find myself fighting insomnia, teeth grinding, & being so upset. All these feelings are effecting my marriage since I'm so tired & upset by 7pm.

Wanted to know how people decided to talk/did talk to their doctor & BFing safe medications.

*only mention meds bc in college I took a mild anti-anxiety, but it's not BFing safe.

krystleshel

Also, open to a support post for us all.

KaLikeAWind

I'm sorry you're not feeling like yourself. Its rough.
I spoke with my Dr at my 6 week PP appt. I just told her I was very tired all the time, and I was most definitely not feeling like myself, finding it hard to enjoy things and also not wanting to go home because it meant I was going back to my routine which I found dreary and I just couldn't muster any enthusiasm for it.

She started me on Zoloft (which I'm not taking anymore) and some counseling sessions. I benefitted more from the counseling than the meds, I think. I needed someone to gently steer my mind away from the way I was thinking.

Are you able at all to maybe cut back on your hours by maybe a half day a week and leave LO in daycare until when you would normally get them? Use the afternoon to nap, or get your toes done, or decompress in some fashion? I know that's not possible for some people, but if it were, that would be something I would look into

Hugs gal. You can always come and talk to us

krystleshel

Thank you. Since I'm a middle school teacher, I can't take off & this time of year is the worst. Students are just crazy. Which I think my job makes it all worse since as soon as I get home I have 1 hour & then it's time to start bedtime routine.
I haven't had any thoughts about hurting me or baby or leaving, but just want to cry every afternoon. Mom mentioned asked my doc when I go this month for my annual since he prescribed my meds last time. I'm pretty comfortable with him, so it shouldn't be too bad.
Also very angry at little things, but I hold the anger & tears in to stay calm, so that probably doesn't help either.

aj1327

Hang in there. I've also dealt with anxiety and I was a teacher before this year (staying home with LO). Teachers work so hard. I know other professions work hard, but I don't think people realize how much teaching entails unless you know or are a teacher. I've often thought that if I had to teach right now that my anxiety would definitely be back because kids be crazy and babies be crazy!

Definitely bring it up to your doctor so that she can point you in the right direction. I'm sure there are safe things you can take as well as steps you can take so that you can enjoy your job and your little one much more!

KaLikeAWind

Teachers have always had my utmost respect. A big thanks to all our teachers

ciennah99

Thanks @krystleshel. I thought about doing this but didn't ever do it. I didn't have any ppd till starting back at work too. For me the combination of lack of sleep (I've had insomnia problems a lot of my life), extreme work stress & managing chronic illnesses along with missing my baby really brought it on. I was already on fluoxetine for anxiety & panic disorder. Tried to increase it but I am super sensitive to meds so that gave me nightmares. I went to see my therapist (hadn't seen her since early pregnancy) & am seeing my doctor more often & looking for a new job (with less hours too even though financially that will be a stress). Hopefully things will start to get better for us soon. It's hard with all the hormonal changes too. I've found taking walks or doing something active helps too even if I am exhausted after work I try to go a few times a week. I am EBF too & there are a lot of meds that are compatible with that. i have a long history of depression & anxiety so I was prepared for this but it's still tough. My biggest stress was work. Now that I'm taking some control over that situation I'm feeling better. I've also taken the philosophy regarding work that I don't give a s*** (except for my patients & their families). So when problems with my boss or coworkers arise (my main source of stress) I just decided not to care anymore (as much as I can at least). As far as your DH, does he understand what you are going through & how ppd works? I try to be very open with my DH & it helps a lot (of course we've been practicing our communication for the last 13 years). Good luck to you. I would love to keep this active for ongoing support if anyone else is interested! The more support the better!

lovethatcolosun

I also didn't have any PPD symptoms in the beginning, but I feel them creeping in now. The good news is that I'm aware of them, they aren't severe at this point, and I'm taking steps to get things back on track. I'm making time for me almost every day, exercising, and talking about my feelings with my spouse. Though things have not magically changed in the DH department (that one will be a work in progress), I feel like I'm on the other side, at least for today. My sense of overwhelm was not as great today, I didn't cry, I didn't yell at DS, and I had some alone time away from both kids. Today was a good day.

I don't know the level of anxiety/PPD you are feeling, but it's always good to talk to someone about it. I've never been on meds for this so I have no clue on that front. I wish you well and for happy days ahead.

AlwaysSunny1012

I have been dealing with PPD/anxiety for a few months now. I decided to see a psychiatrist since the symptoms were so severe. She perscribed Paxil which is safe for BFing. Definitely talk to your doctor!

ksimo6

I developed ppa after I had my first child. I experienced a lot of insomnia and irritability. I also had an overwhelming felling that something would happen to my daughter if I wasn't with her. It was awful. My ob put me on a low dose of Zoloft. I breastfed on that medication. I also remained on that medication throughout my pregnancy with my son. Perfectly safe and helped me get back on track. Good luck mama.

krystleshel

Thank you ladies! IRRITABLE. That's the word I was looking for. That's me almost 80% of awake time.
I brought it up to DH tonight & he was open to the idea. We were together in college when I needed some help and was very supportive. Sweet Mr. Fix-it just said, "I don't know what to do..." I just let him know how I'm feeling & that the libido and irritability wasn't directed/caused by him, that it was almost like I was too far in my own head & wanting to cry bc I feel so overwhelmed sometimes. He is so amazing & helpful, so it upsets me even more that I'm not "me" lately for him. He understand though.
I like the idea of a support group here. Lord knows I need it on rough days! & I'll check in after my appt.

HoosOnFirst

Good luck @krystleshel!

I was irritable for a long time too. It took DH one day saying to me "You need to stop being so mean to me". I didn't even notice I was doing it.

YouAreMySunshine15

Pretty sure I have PPA/OCD. I'm terrified LO is going to get sick or hurt, or something bad is going to happen. In the first weeks, I would literally shake when someone wanted to hold her. I still have anxiety about play groups or letting other young children touch her. I wash my hands after touching anything throughout the day. By night they are dry and raw. I am afraid she'll be allergic to something that I've touched, like peanut butter or some kind of food even though we don't have a family history of food allergies. I can't even stand the thought of letting someone other than my DH or mother watch her. I worry about her getting sunburned while outside for more than 5 minutes. I finally brought her to my old work at 4 months. I waited so long because I was so afraid of anyone wanting to touch her or hold her and get her sick. I was still shaking while I was there, worried someone would ask to hold her. I'm also irritable all the time and snap at my husband virtually every time we are together. I'm just so tired.

Writing all this down is actually really helpful. I may just call my OB tomorrow.

Kbchavez23

Idk if it's ppd or what but I can not stand my DH about 60% of the time. I don't even want to have sex with him almost ever. I just started work 2 weeks ago and it sucks so bad (I got demoted when I returned) it's making everything so much more worse. The only thing that makes me happy is my kiddos. Especially my baby. When I'm not with her I feel so empty. & yes everything irritates me as well!

queequeg09256

I have ppd and anxiety is so important to talk to the doc!! I'm on anxiety stuff now but like a terrible parent I have no idea what it is. I know it's totally safe since my doc is also Los pediatrician. I had to up my dose too. If I had time for counseling that'd be awesome but I don't the meds really help me that the edge off. I also have a super huge fear that something will happen to me dh or lo. I also work in insurance and hear about people dying in car accidents so that makes it worse for me when I know I have to go somewhere. So I feel you you are not alone and I think all us ladies are more than willing to help talk it out too.

ciennah99

@Kbchavez23 my work situation is getting to me too as it seems like I've been demoted as well. I try not to let it get to me but it certainly does. Feeling a lack of respect from my boss & my suggestions shot down has got me feeling low today. I'm so tired & in pain that doesn't help either. I know I'll snap out of it just a rough night. Fingers crossed I have an interview Friday.

Sammy K

@Sjeff0816 I was going to 'love' your post, but I don't love what you're going through, I love that you're going to call your doc. It's hard to admit that we don't have it all together.

I'm glad I'm not the only irritable one. It's gotten a lot better, but it seemed like I was either angry or numb. I didn't realize constant irritability was part of ppd.

While I'm being honest, I had a pretty long stretch where I wished we never had kids. I knew it was the sleep deprivation and ppd, but I felt guilty for thinking it. Things were so hard for so long, I thought I made a huge mistake and wasn't cut out to be a mom. Moms on here would gush about how in love with LO they were and I just wanted to cry.

I realized the other day it had been a long time since I felt like that. Now when LO smiles at me, I absolutely melt. We still have tough days, but it's not every day. Anyone else going through this, please vent here if you have no one to talk to. This is a very supportive board and you won't get flamed. Being a mom is hard, especially when we're taking care of others and forget to take care of ourselves.

virginiaunicorn11

Irritability and anger are very typical of depression. It's an unfortunate name, because it implies a sadness that doesn't characterize a lot of people's feelings, who are going through depression. My mother has it, and says, "It feels like I could just chew nails." My uncle just gets really withdrawn and feels like he just can't engage. (Apologies that I'm probably preaching to the choir on this.)

I love how many of you are taking action after you recognize your symptoms. There was a period of my childhood when I distinctly remember things feeling bad, and something just being off. When I got older, I learned/realized this was a period of my mother's untreated depression. With medication and counseling, she's a really wonderful mother and person. I have always loved and admired her even more for helping herself out of that dark period. We talk about it with some regularity, since depression runs in our family and she wants to keep an eye on me.

This is actually why I can't take any hormonal birth control. It always triggers depression for me. Something to consider, if you haven't already.

krystleshel

So glad I got up the courage to type this board out! Hearing I'm not alone in this crazy journey makes me feel less "crazy". So many social media moms have it all together & im with @Sammy K on the checking pages here. I had to take a break & even deleted the app bc, while I LOVE and cherish my time with my LO, I was/& still am letting the awesome gushy posts get to me.
Today at school, I felt okay, but I've been VERY withdrawn from my coworkers who are like family. One has started to notice & is helpful. When I got home LO was tired & is starting to teeth. I got her down for a nap & just wanted to cry bc I needed to cook & clean bottles for tomorrow & lay out my work clothes & LOs things for tomorrow. Ugh. & this is all before DH got home. Also noticed I was grinding/clenching my teeth while rocking LO.
Calling my OB tomorrow. I forgot today while at work. Typing it out helped me realize what exactly I was feeling & how it was hurting my DH, family, students & LO.

krystleshel

@virginiaunicorn11 I actually wrote down to ask about my BC (generic YAZ) at my appointment! Great point!

janat1717

I think change is hard for me and there are so many changes happening right now. Sleeping patterns, eating, social interaction with LO. It's exhausting. So glad we all have J15 and not some other random board

Sammy K

@virginiaunicorn11 I felt pretty dumb about the irritability; I thought that was a sign I didn't have ppd. I had been so angry and on a hairpin trigger. The worst is with DS. It took (sometimes still takes) every ounce of my patience not to snap at him sometimes and he's just a normal 3 year old.

My mom's family has a pretty serious history of mental health issues and you'd think growing up watching it firsthand would have made it easier to see in myself. Nope. Still oblivious. Looking back, I most certainly had ppd with DS and never talked to anyone about it.

HoosOnFirst

I look back and I feel like I definitely had PPD for the first 2 months with LO. As I mentioned I feel like my doc and LOs doc dropped the ball on this one. I made it through but I think now about some of the thoughts I had then, and I realize how crazy they were.

virginiaunicorn11

It's hard to know what's normal and what's PPD. I cried a lot in the first few weeks, and told DH that I felt like I was in the movie Groundhog Day and worried we made the worst mistake of our lives. (I am not ashamed to admit that, and I tell all new moms that. I wish they would let women feel anything but blessed out to be a new mom. That pressure to be overjoyed is a contributing factor to feeling bad, I personally believe.)

I actually don't think I had PPD, I think I just felt like hell, they wouldn't let me take pain meds, and having a newborn for the first time (any time) is just hard!!

But this is why I wish we had more support for new moms. In Germany, for example, midwives visit you in the home every day, for the first 10 days. (I didn't have that, though.) I think if I hadn't had my mom show up on day 5, I could have slid from normal angst to PPD very easily. She was a savior.

ksimo6

@Sammy K
Both of my kids have the stomach flu... I have been puked and shit on multiple times today. I am currently wondering why I had these things! You're not alone!

lovethatcolosun

ksimo6 said:

@Sammy K
Both of my kids have the stomach flu... I have been puked and shit on multiple times today. I am currently wondering why I had these things! You're not alone!

Oh my god. That's the worst. Sending healing thoughts your way.

Sammy K

@ksimo6 2 sick kids is awful. Two weeks ago, LO had an ear infection and DS had explosive diarrhea. Ugh. I hope they're feeling better.

YouAreMySunshine15

I was just prescribed Zoloft. Does anyone else take Zoloft while breastfeeding? I'm a little nervous to take it, even though it's considered low risk. I'm wondering if it's worth switching to formula to avoid all risk. But is that too extreme? This is a pretty good example of my PPA. :-SS

KaLikeAWind

@Sjeff0816 I was prescribed Zoloft and I bf (in addition to formula, but that wasnt because of the zoloft, just low supply). I also know of another bumpie who was prescribed Zoloft and breastfeeds. Maybe more than one, as a couple of names are coming to mind, but definitely one I know for sure. I once read this long ass study about Zoloft and breastfeeding and was immensely reassured by it, but I don't remember now where I read it, sorry.

Anyway, of course I'm not a Dr and can't give medical advice, but I didn't have any concerns, and I'm sure you're good to go

ciennah99

@Sjeff0816 I take a different antidepressant & BF. From what I've read Zoloft is a better choice than what I'm on as far as BF goes but mine was approved by the LC at LO's pediatrician's office. You could always ask your doctor & LO's pediatrician just to set your mind at ease.

I also wondered the same thing but I guess I assumed the benefits of BF even with the med outweighs not BF. I also figured surely one of my or LO's doctors would have told me otherwise if it was better to stop BF while on the med. Here's a website that might help.

https://www.postpartumprogress.com/what-psychiatric-medications-are-safe-during-breastfeeding

ETA Sertraline is the same as Zoloft in the articles discussed in case you didn't know that. I'm on Fluoxetine which says is more likely to accumulate in breast milk but my doctor doesn't want to switch me & my LO seems fine. Hoping I'm not doing the wrong thing here but I try to make the best decisions I can for the both of us.

teather5

I know I haven't been posting as much anymore (I am usually mobile and something was wrong with my dang app) but I'm back.  I'm struggling here lately... I think either I've had PPD all along and ignored it (denial is one of my bad habits) or it's just coming on... or maybe it's all the hormones from my first post partum period that started a few days ago... but I can't stop crying! The anxiety is REAL still about LO's size (I try to not stress about it but I do!) and I am unhappy with myself. I lost 70lbs before getting pregnant for my health and to put myself in a more ideal place to have a healthy pregnancy and baby...well I gained nearly all of it back and I haven't lost a pound since leaving the hospital.  I know it's OK... it was all worth it and I AM NOT looking to start a weight thread issue or any of that drama, I just really don't feel like myself and I'm struggling with how I look/feel. I'm definitely going to be calling my OB to discuss. I guess I just make an appointment? Is she the person who could refer me to a counselor? 

ciennah99

@teather5 sorry you are struggling. I would think your ob or Primary care doctor could refer you to a counselor or you can self refer. 211 United Way is a free service you can call to ask for therapists in your area that specialize in ppd. I am struggling as well & I know what you mean with the weight issue. I'm still 30 lbs up from my pre-pregnancy weight & i don't feel too great by how I look. I'm actually kind of embarrassed. I've been this heavy before & I didn't feel good about myself then. I am an emotional eater so having ppd is contributing to my lack of weight loss & then being heavier than what I am comfortable contributes to the ppd so it's a vicious circle. What I have found to really help me is getting some physical activity most days even if just 5 min & writing 5 things I'm grateful for or proud of myself for each day even if it's just "hey I got out of bed today." This helps my mind focus on the positive. Basically doing a lot of self talk, giving myself pep talks & being kind to myself. Seeing the depression as separate from yourself helps too & accepting what you feel without judging. With depression it is so easy to feel like it's our fault we have it but it's not. And the hormones just don't help matters at all! I hope you find some help. I think therapy can really help (I've had a lot of it over the years & not ashamed to admit it.) I manage so much better than I used to when depression & anxiety hit me. I've kind of accepted this is just something I have to deal with (mine is more of a chronic battle) but I have hope it will get better.

mishmardhiono

This thread is so great. I thought PPD could only come on after the birth. Our LO is 5 months and in the last month my mood has taken such a hit.

I am so fatigued and uninspired. I'm so "checked out" and am going through the motions of life without really enjoying any of it. So many things people have said on here that I didn't think connected to this way I'm feeling so tjanks everyone. The regret of having this baby and wondering if we made a mistake.. It's nice knowing I'm not the only one. I love her so much, she melts my heart when we play together and sing but when she explodes/vomits 2 seconds after I put an outfit on her/whinges at nothing/ washing & making bottles then I start feeling really frustrated and teeth clenched like someone else said. The house is a tip that I just can't seem to get ontop of.

I often think about just leaving LO with DH and going away to sleep for a week and not do anything. Just let me sleep world,it's not even that Lo is a bad sleeper it's me. I don't sleep until 230/300 every night but she's up at 730.

Hopefully it's just upwards from here

KaLikeAWind

mishmardhiono said:

I often think about just leaving LO with DH and going away to sleep for a week and not do anything. Just let me sleep world,it's not even that Lo is a bad sleeper it's me.

Ahhh, the escape fantasy. I consider myself past the main part of PPD (tho I still have bad days), but I still have the escape fantasy sometimes. I think that's pretty normal

krystleshel

My appt is Friday! Since I've been conscious/discussed it, I've noticed I'm able to calm down a little. Still very irritable & "wound up".

janat1717

Now that my feeding issues are behind me my brain keeps thinking about that first week and how my baby was hungry and wondering if he was sad, etc. Logically I know these things happen and it wasn't up to me to look for ties, etc. but I just can't make it stop. I do see someone once a month just wanted to share as I know a lot of you experienced this as well.

klkonwi

I take Zoloft and did my research : so did my doctor and it's very safe.

KaLikeAWind

janit368 said:

Now that my feeding issues are behind me my brain keeps thinking about that first week and how my baby was hungry and wondering if he was sad, etc. Logically I know these things happen and it wasn't up to me to look for ties, etc. but I just can't make it stop. I do see someone once a month just wanted to share as I know a lot of you experienced this as well.

OMG YESSSSSS. Especially since I really wanted to bf and thought it was working, and then found out he had lost dramatically. His photos from that time you can see this like, shelf (for lack of a better word) where his skull plate was because he kept losing weight. So now I'm just like 'I was starving my kid the first 7-10 days of his life' and while I know there was no way I could know, it still makes me feel REALLY bad. Thankfully we kept going for weight checks and the decision was made to supplement with formula to help him begin to gain, but then THAT made me feel bad, too! Like a total failure. At least I've let the bf guilt pass. It was nothing I had control over.

mishmardhiono

how long after taking the meds did everyone start feeling better? do you feel high/synthetic happiness? happy? normal? or just functional? Ie never had any long term medications or mind altering medications before. Im getting this wierd anxiety that if i start taking the anti depressants Im going to be stuck on them forever and never stop and Ill forget how to naturally be happy. Will i ever be happy again? this is awful.

I never knew THIS is how horrible depression is. If only we knew when we were in a position to support those who were suffering around us.

krystleshel

I cried rocking the baby to sleep tonight. No determined reason, just all of it combined. I also realized while crying I was gritting my teeth. I'm trying to imagine my afternoons with LO when I'm not so distant and attempting not to cry. I'm not sure what that'll be like.
But I'd like to know.
Anyone had a hormone panel done? Wondering if that has anything to do with it.

teather5

I've been crying a lot lately. So many emotions. I need to call today! Hormone panel? I need to look into that!