Worried will resent hubby and baby after L&D

Knottie86418473

I am absolutely terrified at the prospect of giving birth and, I know this probably sounds horrible, but am so afraid that after all that pain that I'll resent the baby and/or my husband for having to go through it. And I'm only 5 weeks.  

I'm already planning on attending info sessions on different birthing techniques to hopefully get through some fear (though still plan on getting an epidural), but has anyone else had worries like this? I feel like an awful person for feeling this way. I told my husband and he said not to worry - that I'll be so happy afterwards I won't even be thinking about that. (Easy for him to say!) Is it normal to feel this way? Does it actually happen or do you really forget about all the pain soon after?

cMichelle0423

Knottie86418473 said:

I am absolutely terrified at the prospect of giving birth and, I know this probably sounds horrible, but am so afraid that after all that pain that I'll resent the baby and/or my husband for having to go through it. And I'm only 5 weeks.  

I'm already planning on attending info sessions on different birthing techniques to hopefully get through some fear (though still plan on getting an epidural), but has anyone else had worries like this? I feel like an awful person for feeling this way. I told my husband and he said not to worry - that I'll be so happy afterwards I won't even be thinking about that. (Easy for him to say!) Is it normal to feel this way? Does it actually happen or do you really forget about all the pain soon after?

The second both my kids were born, I forgot about the 7 hours I experienced for both of them. My husband was awesome during labor and if anything I felt so much closer to him each time. I think a majority of women can agree with me about these feelings. But then again, I can only speak for myself.

Bettysday

If your getting an epidural, don't worry about the pain. Honestly, after I had my daughter I only took 800 ibuprofen a few times and I was fine. The pain was not bad at all.

Bigboobsmcgee

cMichelle0423 said:

I am absolutely terrified at the prospect of giving birth and, I know this probably sounds horrible, but am so afraid that after all that pain that I'll resent the baby and/or my husband for having to go through it. And I'm only 5 weeks.  

I'm already planning on attending info sessions on different birthing techniques to hopefully get through some fear (though still plan on getting an epidural), but has anyone else had worries like this? I feel like an awful person for feeling this way. I told my husband and he said not to worry - that I'll be so happy afterwards I won't even be thinking about that. (Easy for him to say!) Is it normal to feel this way? Does it actually happen or do you really forget about all the pain soon after?

The second both my kids were born, I forgot about the 7 hours I experienced for both of them. My husband was awesome during labor and if anything I felt so much closer to him each time. I think a majority of women can agree with me about these feelings. But then again, I can only speak for myself.

This. Especially the part about being closer to her husband because I felt that way too. There is a reason people have more than one kid; you forget about the pain! Try not to stress this now OP. Besides, I would be more worried about the newborn crap. That sucks worse than the labor

cMichelle0423

Bettysday said:

If your getting an epidural, don't worry about the pain. Honestly, after I had my daughter I only took 800 ibuprofen a few times and I was fine. The pain was not bad at all.

Negative ghost rider. Epidurals don't always work. I've had two babies so far, got epidurals with both, and it didn't work for me either time.

SweetMamaJune

It's great that you and hubby talked about it. Keep talking about it. If you feel brave, watch some at home water births on YouTube. I was terrified before I started watching them and now I am so much less so. They're sweet and beautiful! So not scary! Eventually work your way up to your location of choice, and it'll be a lot less scary when the big day comes. Best of luck to you friend! FX for an easy baby day!

Alyllyra

It's normal to be a little scared of the unknown. If you are a lot scared I suggest you talk to your OB about it. They are used to dealing with this and can help. It may help to talk to a professional about it.

That said, I my L&D took 18 hours and ended with vaccum extraction and I have almost exclusively warm feelings about it and would gladly do it again. So yes, you forget a lot afterwards. Thank you hormones

tripledaggerWed95976

I'm a ftm, but I'm fairly certain even if u have the most horrific, painful, excruciating l&d, it will all be worth it the second u lay your eyes on that little baby :-)

SnarkasaurusRex

I had an long, awful, intense labor that ended in an emergency c-section. I contracted right when they cut me open, so my recovery from that was terrible. Honestly though, I hadn't thought about it again until right now. You really do forget about the pain. Talk to your OB and take some birthing classes to make you feel more comfortable with what you're body will be going through and how to manage the pain.

kynbar5

My 1st birth/labor experience was terrible. So much went wrong and the pain was excruciating. Well, I'll deliver my 6th in March so really, like everyone is saying, I think the healthy baby that you're given at the end of the process is always worth it. Oh the feels. :x

GinnyJ2012

There are chemicals released by a mothers body after delivery to make her forget the exact pain of labor and delivery. It's an evolutionary response so women will have more than one baby. You may remember that it was awful and hurt, but not exactly how it feels.

Also my epidural failed with both my deliveries. With my first I wasn't vocal enough about how I was feeling, the second time I demanded the anesthesiologist come back and do something different. He gave me a slightly stronger medicine that they can't put in a drip and it was magical. My second delivery was 20 minutes.

I do recommend taking a birthing class to help be prepared in the event that your epi fails. Also stay in good health and stay active. Prenatal yoga is also amazing as it helps you with breathing and keeping flexible. Talk to your OB, and good luck.

ETA: not everyone's labor or delivery will be awful or painful. I've heard stories that it was less painful then PMS cramps. My mother had 3 babies and her first she said was so easy she wasn't convinced she was in labor, and delivery was a breeze.

Knottie86418473

Thank you ladies! I appreciate the support so much! Especially as I'm not telling anyone (other than DH & bff) until after first trimester so can't go to my mom friends with my fears.

As for cMichelle0423's comment, yes, I've heard many times epi's don't work well - or at all - so definitely going to have a back-up plan (or few) in place. Will talk to doc too if I keep freaking out. I went off anxiety meds after we conceived so that + the hormones are not helping. But helps to know that it's all worth it in the end! 

:x

Btwilhelm

I had a very traumatic birthing experience with my first but I in no way take those feelings out on her. It's not her fault that things happened like they did. I'm just happy we're both okay.

It's normal to be scared but I don't think you'll resent anyone.

FinePlacentaPie

GinnyJ2012 said:

There are chemicals released by a mothers body after delivery to make her forget the exact pain of labor and delivery. It's an evolutionary response so women will have more than one baby. You may remember that it was awful and hurt, but not exactly how it feels. Also my epidural failed with both my deliveries. With my first I wasn't vocal enough about how I was feeling, the second time I demanded the anesthesiologist come back and do something different. He gave me a slightly stronger medicine that they can't put in a drip and it was magical. My second delivery was 20 minutes. I do recommend taking a birthing class to help be prepared in the event that your epi fails. Also stay in good health and stay active. Prenatal yoga is also amazing as it helps you with breathing and keeping flexible. Talk to your OB, and good luck. ETA: not everyone's labor or delivery will be awful or painful. I've heard stories that it was less painful then PMS cramps. My mother had 3 babies and her first she said was so easy she wasn't convinced she was in labor, and delivery was a breeze.

Someone tell my body it was doing something wrong, then, because I sure didn't forget that pain right after birth. :P My epidural wore off and wouldn't retake either. However, I didn't resent DS or MH because of it, OP. I don't think you will either.

DustyMelons

I think attending informational sessions like you mentioned is a good idea. There are lots of ways to deal with the pain of labor and educating yourself should hopefully ease some of your worry.

Labor was painful but I can't remember the exact pain I went through, as PP mentioned. For me personally, as I was experiencing contractions I found it helpful to tell myself that my body will not put me through anything I'm not capable of dealing with. A lot of birthing guides will tell you to have a focal point or to visualize something in your head. Maintaining a positive outlook is key but it can be difficult.

Good luck, I think it really is all worth it in the end.

cMichelle0423

Knottie86418473 said:

Thank you ladies! I appreciate the support so much! Especially as I'm not telling anyone (other than DH & bff) until after first trimester so can't go to my mom friends with my fears.

As for cMichelle0423's comment, yes, I've heard many times epi's don't work well - or at all - so definitely going to have a back-up plan (or few) in place. Will talk to doc too if I keep freaking out. I went off anxiety meds after we conceived so that + the hormones are not helping. But helps to know that it's all worth it in the end! 

:x

Definitely worth talking to your dr about other pain options just in case. For me, they never did anything else. I was stuck in pain with nothing to help. My legs were still numb so I couldn't walk around or get on my knees or get in a tub. It sucked feeling so stuck and helpless.

desertheart

I'm a FTM, so I obviously have no experience with this.  But I'm imaging the love you feel will out weigh what you went through.  My cousin swore when she had her baby she fell in love with her husband all over again.

I know this is not the same as childbirth, but I recently had gallbladder surgery.  It was painful and I had some trouble recovering, but oh my God I would do it again because I feel so much better now.  I just remind myself of that situation.  Except this is even better because instead of loosing an organ, I'll get to meet my baby.  

saladflambe

I recommend reading and watching some positive birth experience stuff like Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth and watching The Business of Being Born. It really changed my perspective on things to see the positive perspective. 

Knottie86418473

Thanks for the recommendations! I actually just ordered the Ina May Gaskin book. One more to add to the ever growing collection. (Good thing I like to read!)

MamaNicoleof3

I have to echo everyone's responses. Yes, L&D is the worst pain. Yes, it hurts. But YES, you forget about it. I know it was awful, but thankfully, I can't recall the actual feelings of contractions. I think you'll be surprised how much you can take and how much you'll forget once they lay that sweet baby on your chest, it all vanishes and you get a pretty amazing little gift!

kynbar5

While I certainly agree the pain is worth it, I do remember what an actual contraction feels like.

gigilex

I wasn't fearful of resenting my husband after L&D, although I did joke about it a ton! Labor is painful, but I found that I was so concentrated on getting through it, that I didn't have time to think about anyone else. After the baby is born, it's over! You'll probably still have some pain and soreness, but probably nothing strong enough to put a damper on the natural high that you're feeling after finally meeting your little one. There were moments that I did resent my husband though after having a baby, but that was mostly due to my lack of sleep- it may be petty, but watching him rest peacefully while I tried to soothe an inconsolable newborn made me feel like I hated him. I think that's pretty normal though. Anyhow, you're totally normal for having these fears, but in my experience, the pain is not something that you resent- it brought about your baby! It's pretty cool how quickly you forget about it

DustyMelons

Knottie86418473 said:

Thanks for the recommendations! I actually just ordered the Ina May Gaskin book. One more to add to the ever growing collection. (Good thing I like to read!)

I didn't agree with some things in that book (she has a bit too much of an anti-doctor/hospital bent for my taste) but I did find it helpful with trying to maintain a positive frame of mind. Reading the positive birth stories was great as well, I think that might be helpful for you in this situation.

Knottie86418473

I heard that about the book (the anti-hospital/Dr. part) but like you say - just kind of take what you like and ignore the rest. I almost ordered Childbirth Without Fear as well, but the cover scared me. :-S 

 

gigilex - thanks for your reassurance I'm not wacky. lol I already have insomnia so poor DH his already used to me being a sleep-deprived crankypants at times. Should be an interesting road once baby is here!

oceanchild

Even though my first birth was a traumatic experience for me, omg the baby the baby the baby squeeeeee and hubby and I were even closer. I remember all the miserable pregnancy woes, and every painful (and powerfully awesome) second of everything I felt with every birth, and here I am happily on baby number four! Hubby and I get even closer every time (idk how it's even possible but we do) and somehow our hearts swell and make room for even more love. It's simply amazing. Zero resentment, not one second, not with any of them. And my subsequent births were not traumatic at all. Amazing. So very amazing.