Parties and Not Drinking? — The Bump
Babies on the Brain

Parties and Not Drinking?

Hi Everyone!

So we are all TTC and most go by the drink till it's pink motto. I was just thinking the other day, what would you do to "hide" the fact your not drinking at parties if/when you are pregnant or if you are choosing not to drink while TTC but don't want to everyone to know you are? I know it sounds silly but the holidays are coming up and with that lots of parties. While I am in the drink till it's pink camp I also wonder what you would do if you weren't drinking while TTC or if you may have just found out you are pregnant and do not want to tell anyone but obviously shouldn't drink? Am I crazy or has anyone else given this any though? DH and I are TTC and it frequently passes through my mind, not because we are "party" people, but we do have a drink or two usually at parties.

I know I may be crazy, but figured I would throw this question out there!
Married: June 2011
TTC #1: September 2015-January 2016
BFP #1: 1/25/16 - MMC Diagnosed 3/22/16
TTCAL: June 2016
BFP #2: 8/26/16 - EDD 5/9/17
Jackson born 5/6/17 at 8:36 PM - 9lbs 5oz & 21in
  Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

Re: Parties and Not Drinking?

  • I say, just hold it and don't drink from it... if someone cheers.. pretend to sip it.. no one will notice...
    Bigboobsmcgee
  • @katm89 you know I never thought of that, surprisingly! Probably because I usually do mixed drinks or wine so it is something you can usually see if I am drinking it. I guess I will just switch to something with a dark bottle then!
    Married: June 2011
    TTC #1: September 2015-January 2016
    BFP #1: 1/25/16 - MMC Diagnosed 3/22/16
    TTCAL: June 2016
    BFP #2: 8/26/16 - EDD 5/9/17
    Jackson born 5/6/17 at 8:36 PM - 9lbs 5oz & 21in
      Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • Honestly, even if you did a glass of wine... u could do it... just take it with you to the bathroom and dump it out slowly... or if your husband drinks... hold his beer and ppl won't notice( he can drink yours for you). My DH doesn't drink.. so I can't do that

  • Alternatively, find some made-up reason to start curbing your drinking now. Like "I'm on antibiotics" Or have a legit reason and let people know.

    Before TTC I went on a diet with the goal of weight loss and told people I planned to follow it to a T, and unfortunately, that meant cutting back on my vino. I actually told all my friends in advance of the parties, so it wasn't strange at all when I said "no thanks" to the booze - they all knew that it was for the diet, and most even said they admired my willpower. It came in handy once we conceived since everyone was already kinda used to me saying no to the booze or at least drinking less. So if you know you'll be cutting back on alcohol in the future, my advice is to (slowly) change your habits now. They won't suspect it/notice it as much if your habits change subtly vs. a dramatic "i never say no to wine" to "i always say no to wine."

    You can also drink non-alcoholic drinks that look like alcohol - just make sure they are super basic and no one will want a taste. If you drink mixed drinks, just have some soda water with lime, or if rum and coke is your go to just drink coke. Just make sure you make it or your hubby does. If you're ordering at a bar just go up and order by yourself away from friends. Most people aren't paying that much attention to whats in your cup anyway.
    Katm89gampster
  • Club soda with lime and a splash of cranberry.  Water on the rocks with a twist of lemon rind (not a lemon slice).  Sparkling cider in a champagne glass.  Or what @poodledoodleooo said - say you're on a diet.  Basically add a lime wedge to anything and it looks like a cocktail.  Also, say (and be!) you're the designated driver.  No one will try to force booze on a DD unless they are a complete asshole.
    Katm89PoodleDoodleOooLadyDi711HookEmNelson

  • Very good suggestions, thank you! I am a super planner so this has been something on my mind since TTC!

    @katm89 I though about the bathroom thing too! Seems a reasonable solution!

    We haven't told anyone we are TTC even so we like to keep it super private and you know how some people notice every single change! Even before we were TTC I turned down a glass of wine and everyone was like why aren't you drinking are you pregnant?! I was so angry, first because I think that is an inappropriate question to ask anyone regardless if they are having a drink or not, and second because people jump to conclusions so quickly!
    Married: June 2011
    TTC #1: September 2015-January 2016
    BFP #1: 1/25/16 - MMC Diagnosed 3/22/16
    TTCAL: June 2016
    BFP #2: 8/26/16 - EDD 5/9/17
    Jackson born 5/6/17 at 8:36 PM - 9lbs 5oz & 21in
      Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Katm89PoodleDoodleOooonefootinthebayou
  • I don't drink normally but if you can you can always do juices. At weddings my drink of choice is half cranberry/half pineapple (virgin bay breeze) and people think I have alcohol in there all the time.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    lilylover27
  • @lilylover27 people always ask me if I'm pregnant. Because of my workouts I get very hungry sometimes... uncontrollably so.. and people are like OOh are you pregnant... um no... I'm just a fatty.
    lilylover27CamieM3

  • Very good suggestions, thank you! I am a super planner so this has been something on my mind since TTC!

    @katm89 I though about the bathroom thing too! Seems a reasonable solution!

    We haven't told anyone we are TTC even so we like to keep it super private and you know how some people notice every single change! Even before we were TTC I turned down a glass of wine and everyone was like why aren't you drinking are you pregnant?! I was so angry, first because I think that is an inappropriate question to ask anyone regardless if they are having a drink or not, and second because people jump to conclusions so quickly!

    ****** Box goes here ******

    In that case I'd say something! "Why does saying no to wine mean I'm pregnant! that always gets on my nerves! No one monitor's a man's drinking habits!" I did that a few times too and now I rarely get asked about it. No one messes with a feminist on a rant.

    lilylover27
  • My DH gets pissed when ppl ask me if I'm pregnant. He's like umm none of their damn business... and I suck at lying so hes nervous they;ll ask when I am pregnant lol
    lilylover27
  • lilylover27lilylover27 member
    edited October 2015
    @katm89 same here! I don't work out like a lot but am I a total foodie so I am always eating!

    @poodledoodleooo that is a good comeback! I was just so flabbergasted and annoyed I just said no I'm not. It is my biggest pet peeve, that question! I mean people don't know you and your personal issues, just so super rude to ask! We get it all the time unfortunately since we have been married over 4 years and just got our first home. Apparently house = babies, not sure how that happened. I am so using what you said next time!

    @chanfa yes I love bay breezes! I also enjoy just cranberry and pineapple juice on it's own as well! Thanks for the suggestion!
    Married: June 2011
    TTC #1: September 2015-January 2016
    BFP #1: 1/25/16 - MMC Diagnosed 3/22/16
    TTCAL: June 2016
    BFP #2: 8/26/16 - EDD 5/9/17
    Jackson born 5/6/17 at 8:36 PM - 9lbs 5oz & 21in
      Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    chanfa
  • Katm89 said:
    My DH gets pissed when ppl ask me if I'm pregnant. He's like umm none of their damn business... and I suck at lying so hes nervous they;ll ask when I am pregnant lol
    So does my DH! He gets very offense about it, and yea I am a terrible liar too! When I lie my whole face and neck turns red so no hiding it!
    Married: June 2011
    TTC #1: September 2015-January 2016
    BFP #1: 1/25/16 - MMC Diagnosed 3/22/16
    TTCAL: June 2016
    BFP #2: 8/26/16 - EDD 5/9/17
    Jackson born 5/6/17 at 8:36 PM - 9lbs 5oz & 21in
      Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Katm89
  • @lilylover27 I giggle and smile while I lie... so then they guess I'm lying and then I giggle myself to death...
    lilylover27
  • There are some great suggestions above.  My plan is to do a combo of the following: 

    - increase my love for cranberry "vodkas" (cranberry juice and seltzer), or vodka sodas. 
    - empty a beer bottle in the bathroom (or take DH's empty bottle) and rinse it out really really well.  Fill with water and drink it like it's beer!
    - grape juice can look a lot like wine.  Perhaps white grape juice and seltzer as sparkling white wine?

    Another trick is to use the designated driver excuse.  My friends know I won't even have one drink if I'm driving, so I might "lose a bet" and be "forced" to be the designated driver for a month or so.  

    ** December BMB Siggy Challenge - Animals in Pools **


    Me: 31+ H: 32
    TTC Since 11/2015
    #1 - MMC 6.5 weeks (2/16); #2 - MC due to cystic hygroma at 20 weeks (10/16); #3 CP (2/17); #4 - Due 12.16.17
    Katm89lilylover27picklesplease
  • I don't really drink often right now because I'm actively trying to lose weight. I just don't have the calories and will tell people that right out. It's a convenient excuse.

    Other options:
    "I had a migraine this morning and don't want to trigger it"
    Designated driver

    Don't start making excuses right off the bat. Many times people really won't notice as long as you are having fun (and drink from a solo cup). If someone brings it up, nonchalantly using an excuse is great. But bringing attention to it out of the blue will just attract curious minds.

    Team Green turned Pink!
    Samantha - 4/5/2017

    Katm89lilylover27
  • @RunBooRun I do Weight Watchers, so I don't drink much... people tease me about it since I'm not very heavy
  • I drink even though we're TTC, but most of my friends, family and coworkers already know.
  • For the holiday parties only one of us drinks, so DH will be drinking and I'll be the DD.  We have done it this way every year.  One of us doesn't drink, that person drives. 

    TTC #1 since August 2015
    BFP#1 January 28, 2016
    EDD October 3, 2016
    Felicity Joy, born September 2, 2016
    My Chart



    picklesplease
  • All great ideas! Just try not to make a big deal of it. Try to go to the "bar" area of parties when it's quiet. If you don't like club soda.. sprite works great too, or coke and a lime for a "rum and coke" There are some non-alcoholic wines if that is more your regular drink and people don't tend to read the fine print on labels.
  • just take small sip, people would understand. 
  • I was at a holiday party with friends a few years ago and had shirley temples the whole time. My friend saw me order it, watched me drink it, and in fact even took a sip, and commented on how good it was.
    I went to leave the party and she asked if I was okay to drive home, because I had three of those. I looked at her confused, and let her know it was a shirley temple = no booze. She'd had no idea the whole night. 




  • Most people really just want to see that you have something to drink. I will just walk around parties with a red solo cup with pop in it. Everyone sees that I have a drink and don't ask me if I need anything. 

    When I go to bars, I just ask for pop. 

    Most of my friends don't ask and it's not a problem. If they offer to get me a drink, I just let them know I'm good to know. Am I weird that my friends don't pressure me?

    DH's friends tend to be bigger drinkers. There have been a bunch of the women who stop drinking and then a few months later, they have a new baby. We just tell them that I'm the DD, and they let it go. They know I'm not much of a drinker, so it's not a big deal. Most of the people in both of our groups just want to make sure you are taken care of and are having a good time. 

    Started TTGP September 2015

    PCOS dx: April 2016
    HSG: May 2016 (clear) 
    First Medicated Cycle: June 2016 - BFN
    Second Medicated Cycle + IUI: July 2016- BFP! 
    Welcome DD, E! April 2017 

    WILL START TFAS APRIL 2019

  • I've always been a light-weight and I usually drive a long way to work parties or to see friends so I just tell them I have a long drive so I'll skip it.
    Another one I've used a lot is that I have a cold and don't want to drink with the meds I'm taking.
    I also was on the Paleo diet to try to help my fertility before I got prego so you can't have any sugar. Alcohol slows down your metabolism and dehydrates you so it's usually cut out if you are dieting. The trick with this plan is when you actually get prego and don't want to diet anymore it's harder to pull off. I lucked out that we had already planned a vacation to take place just after I found out I was prego. I blamed my weight gain on cheating on my diet while on vacation.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • After spending Thanksgiving with family, I realized that the most important thing is just to accept a drink when asked. Saying no to a drink might raise some eyebrows but no one really cares what you do with your drink after you take it from them. 
    lilylover27
  • Allisun - learn something new every day, as I didn't know that, either!

    I'm a light weight as well, so I generally leave the drinking to my own home. I may have a glass of wine when out, but that's it.
    Married: 10-2-2010
    Punk's birthday: 3-28-17
  • As long as you have something in your hand, other people aren't going to be keeping track of what you're drinking or not.  The only time I've ever been called out for not drinking is when I refused something at my grandmother's house.  Cat came out of the bag really fast.


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