Please help! Newborn and 18 month old! Need Advice! — The Bump
Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

Please help! Newborn and 18 month old! Need Advice!

Hi Ladies,
I am due to deliver our second in 6 weeks and our first child will be 18 months old.  As the due date approaches,  I feel my anxiety building on how to handle the two of them smoothly! 

Sadly I have some ultra critical family members who are quick to point the finger at the mother and offer their unsolicited "help".  My first child was SEVERELY colic. Multiple pediatricians concluded it was due to a milk allergy that was aggravated by cows milk proteins passing through my breast milk.   But MIL and sister- in-laws convinced my husband the problem was caused by me!  This went on for 8 weeks until I and the baby had finally gotten all traces of cow's milk protein out of our systems…at which point she turned into an angel baby.  For the following year, my inlaws continued to roll their eyes at the mention of our daughter's allergy.   Well now that she's 16 months and gets a massive rash all over her behind within minutes of having a trace of milk or soy;  The evidence of the allergy is irrefutable….and my father-in-law has finally admitted that he had a dairy allergy until he was 14 yrs old!  So this bad experience is why I'm getting very nervous as my due date approaches.  I know its going to be hard…I know I won't be perfect…but the better I can handle it, the less opportunity my in-laws will have to criticize. 

 If any of you have any advice at all on how to handle a newborn and young toddler PLEASE, PLEASE share it!  

Is there anything I should start doing now with my toddler now to prepare her for the newborn?  Once the newborn is here, how much one-on-one time should I still try to spend with my toddler?    


Re: Please help! Newborn and 18 month old! Need Advice!

  • Sounds like your biggest problem is your awful in-laws and the fact that they have zero respect for you. That is something you need to get a handle on right now. Have you sat them down and talked to them about how they treat you? If not, I would do that immediately.

    Raising children is trial and error. How the hell would you have known that your daughter had a dairy allergy?! My goodness. They need to cut you some slack.

    Secondly, having a newborn and a young toddler is going to be very, very challenging in every way imaginable. My son was 2.5 years old when my daughter was born and it was tough. DH had to step up and take over most of the duties with our son that I used to do like bath, bedtime, some meals, etc so I could tend to the baby. One of the biggest surprises for me after DD was born was how depressed I became over the fact that I couldn't devote all my time to DS. It took a few months to get over that. I've heard from lots of moms that they feel the same after the 2nd child is born so apparently it's normal!

    One thing I can recommend is even though you will be tired, spend time with your toddler when the baby is asleep or otherwise occupied. Let your toddler help with the baby as much as possible; holding a bottle, getting a blanket, just being together, etc.

    Things won't run smoothly for a while so adjust your expectations now. It will take weeks to get a routine down and something that works for your larger family. You will need help but you need to make it clear that you won't allow anyone to give you shit. Life will be hard enough after the baby is born so you don't need your family making things harder.



  • I have a 15 month old and a 1 month old. All of my friends with 2 under 2 said if they go to a daycare have the older one keep going at least in the first month so you have some bonding time with the baby and get used to having a newborn in the house. Luckily my mom has been great and watches the older one for us. I had major guilt but it really was too much to handle right away in the beginning.
  • I also have 2 under 2 and it was challenging at first but I got a routine down already. In the mornings I always have to give my toddler his whole milk ( which he drinks all by himself) and then I prepare my 5 month old formula and feed her ( this routine is only when I am alone and hubby is working) my 5 month old baby girl is pretty calm after she is fed! so I can put her in her swing or jumper and I take my toddler a bath and make his breakfast and mine. Then he goes on to take his morning nap and then I have my time with my 5 month old until she falls asleep right after my toddler and THEN I have my " alone time" to watch some tv, get things done in the house if they are messy, etc! so don't worry you'll find your way to get a routine set up and something that works great for the babies not only you!. I also put them to sleep like around 7:30 pm since they do go to daycare :( so they can be rested, that's when my hubby and I have some alone time :)  relax!!! the less you worry about it or complain the less the struggle. PLUS, don't listen to your in laws! it's your kids not theirs! if you have tell them to hop off your ass do it! I have zero tolerance for ignorance SPECIALLY when they tell what to do with my own children! so RELAX :)

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