In law problems rant/seeking advice

kallierayanne

My MIL I believe has truly crossed a line. Not only does she tell everyone that I do not allow her to see the baby (which we tell her all the time she's allowed to come see her. Baby not allowed at her house due to her SO being on drugs and known for having them in house), but she literally calls my daughter her daughter. She has said multiple times that she is her daughter. She tries to do all of her first things with her when I'm not around. Even went and had a mothers ring made with all of her suns birthstones and my daughters. Throws a huge fit every time my SO and I want to do something is just us three. Says that she should be the one there for every little thing. Not me. I'm the mother I'm the one that should be there for special things. I just don't understand her saying that my baby is hers and trying to keep me from doing things for my baby. It's driving me insane. Does anyone else have this problem and if so how did you handle it?

I also want to add that my SO has been amazing at standing up to me, but she's stubborn and always plays the victim. She is always right even if there's proof right in her face saying other wise. It doesn't cause to much stress between my SO and I thankfully, but I want my daughter to have a relationship with her grandma and right now it seems nearly impossible.

mishmardhiono

Call her out on it, if DH won't. If you don't feel like your being respected then say something. In the end DH chose you not her, Make sure she knows that he won't tolerate it. Maybe explain to her the importance of a little bit of distance so your LO gets to keep a special bond with their grandmother and not feel as though grandma is like mum.


And remember one day we will all be some crazed MILs

MouseMama817

Oh my gosh! Okay when @lovethatcolosun said my MIL isn't that bad, she wasn't lying. Your MIL sounds like she may have a screw loose. Is she married? By that, I mean is her husband still in the picture? I just wonder why she'd be trying so hard to play the mother role in your little family. My FIL is kind of a crap husband/father and my MIL used to act in a way we later learned is identified as emotional incest wherein she tries to replace her husband with her son. Maybe your MIL should see someone. 

She clearly doesn't respect you so maybe DH should take this one. He needs to have a serious conversation with her and set some boundaries. Maybe move further away. Like out of state. Refugee style.

Wishing you luck either way

delujm0

You don't have a MIL problem. You have a husband probkem. He should not be letting his mother treat you this way. You need to work this out with him.

marinamarina

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ksimo6

Yeah, your SO needs to set her straight. I have told my MIL, that unless this baby magically came out if your vagina, he is not yours. He is mine. Be direct. And do it now before it gets more out of hand.

kallierayanne

@delujm0 He tries so hard. Ends up in a huge fight with his mom, grandma, and older brother. It drives us both insane! They all side with her because she just feeds them a bunch of lies and won't even listen to our side.

kallierayanne

@Messymolly08 yeah she has her husband still. He's a pos though(on drugs) and has a young son who she practically ignores! I don't get why she wants to mother my child but not her own! Also I'm working on moving away! Lol

ChardeeMacDennis

I'm sorry, but I do not understand drama like this. Just stop. Stop engaging with her. Stop telling her about your plans if she wants to interfere. Stop sticking around for her "huge fits." Stop explaining, defending, arguing. You don't just "end up in a huge fight" with people, you actually have to participate. If your MIL or other family start in on you about any of this, in person or on the phone, just say "Oh look at the time, we have to go." Every single time. You and your husband have to decide to be the kind of people who just don't have time for this nonsense.

And if you're friends on Facebook, for gods' sake unfollow her.

KaLikeAWind

@ChardeeMacDennis amen, sista. =D>

"No, she's not your daughter, she is my daughter. End of discussion, bye"

"We (your DH, your LO, and you) are doing this thing this weekend"
"But I should be the one to be there!"
"No, I should, because I'm her mother. And as long as you continue to act in this way, the answer will continue to be no. End of discussion, bye"

"No, I am not leaving my baby with you because you always try to feed her (or insert other 'first' here) against my wishes when I leave her with you. End of discussion, bye"

Once these have been said / established, it becomes "I'm not discussing this with you. If you are going to continue, this conversation is over. Oh, you're continuing? OK, bye"

Say no because you are the parent. And then just walk away. Disengage and leave that behind you. So she talks shit about it, who cares? Would you rather care more about what some people think than what's important to you regarding your daughter? I know i wouldn't. As for having a relationship with grandma, that can be established later, once the lady isn't acting so cray.

kallierayanne

Thanks everyone. I guess I should say the arguing is more of them yelling at us and us just staring at them like they're crazy lol. I don't have her on social media. Never have for obvious reasons. It's gotten to the point where we don't even go to family functions anymore because of her. I just feel bad because he used to be close with that side. Not his mom really but everyone else but the minute everyone found out I was pregnant everyone changed towards us.

MouseMama817

@mellymar and @chardeemacdennis hit the nail on the head. Just keep yourself out of situations where she can start drama; don't involve her or inform her of your family plans, distance yourself on social media... I love @mellymar's tactic. "End of discussion." You can't argue with someone who wont engage with you.