Folks asking about family plans

ThursdayMorning

Why do people think it's ok to ask about future children? It's as if the second we got married friends and acquaintances felt totally justified asking. I find it very bizarre. It's such an extremely personal question and it's basically getting right at your sex life. So weird. Does anyone else feel this way?

valleric

Since my husband and unstated trying in March of 2014 I have found it extremely annoying, especially after my loss this March.

fairygirl86

I had that issue right after my husband and I got married. Then it didn't bother me I had my dd the following year. Seemed like the minute I got back from maternity leave it was when your gonna have baby #2. I made the mistake of telling people I was pregnant since I didn't have any issues with my daughter I felt safe telling, then I had the miscarriage and now I get people asking How's the baby making going or are you pregnant. Gets so annoying so even when I do become pregnant if it every happens again I'm planning on waiting till 12 weeks unless my legs and get swell up again then people will just know. I know they mean well but I try to keep my mind off of thinking about it then it makes me think about it.

AL_TwinCities

This is why I keep TTC and our loss quiet. If people ask I say "at some point" and don't elaborate.

carrieandr

I confided in a friend when we started trying.  Then I ran into her mom at the grocery store and she said, "I heard that you're trying to get pregnant!  How is it going?"  I wanted to tell her "It was difficult at first, but it's been smooth sailing ever since we figured out his penis goes in my vagina." 

ThursdayMorning

@CarrieandRoy Ha!! I love that. If only I had the courage to say that!

vampirina

I've realized that the people who want to ask me most about this are the people who want to have kids themselves like right away. They are also the people who are incredibly delusional about how easy/difficult it is get pregnant. You know, the ones who expect to get pregnant as soon as they stop BC and feel like it's 100% in their control. Most of my friends and family are totally chill about it and never ask, but one of my husband's friends brings it up EVERY TIME, mostly because she wants to talk about her own plans (which is fine), and feels the need to ask about everyone else's too (so not fine).

carrieandr

I have to confess that I was having lunch with a friend a few months ago and we talked about my miscarriage and then I asked if she was planning on having a second child.  As soon as it was out of my mouth, I backpedaled and said if that was private, she didn't need to answer.  It was just curiosity and small talk.  We were already on the topic of pregnancy, so it came to mind.  I really do think that people mean well when they ask.  (Some take it too far, though, like the ones who have told me that at my age, the clock's ticking.)

AL_TwinCities

I've totally done the same thing @CarrieandRoy or stopped myself just before asking. It is natural to want to know what is going on in people's lives, but now that we are having trouble TTC I am much less likely to ask family questions of others. People care and they mean well, but it can be painful when you are struggling!

crob5685

I am finding that sometimes it's how it is brought up. My SIL brought it up but for some reason I felt it was in a way that was more genuine vs taunting/harassing and found myself wanting to open up, so I did. Then my mom brought it up and it felt taunting and I found myself wanting to change the subject, so I did.