Anyone else having relationship issues?

woahitszdtet

Ive been with my bf for 4.5 years and things have just been awful between us. First trimester he started going out and not answering his phone and being mean. Second trimester, he was still going out and not answering his phone but also started ignoring all forms of communication. Its given me severe anxiety and even depression. Is anyone else going through this?

katie0613

I am sorry you are going through this but I hate to say once the baby gets here things are not going to get an easier.  It takes a strong relationship to get through the first couple months of a new baby.  Maybe you should plan a dinner where you can sit down and talk about what issues are going on.

ChrissyD1203

I'm sorry you are going through this. Having a baby is obviously a huge life change and if it was unplanned perhaps he just needs some adjustment time --- however, that is not an excuse for him to treat you poorly. I have certainly had some relationship / adjustment issues with my husband since we found out and still get upset that I feel like he isn't as excited and connected as me. I think it would be good to take some time when you are not in the middle of a fight to sit down and express your concerns in the least accusatory way possible. And then ask him what his concerns are and what you each can do better to fight less.

scornwell717

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm dealing with something sort of similar, except I was never in an actual relationship with him.
Once I found out I was pregnant he completely lost his mind and was basically MIA in the first and second trimesters. He kept saying he "wants to be there" but ignored me many times I tried to contact him and didn't come to either ultrasound.
Third trimester rolls around and he finally came to one of my OB appointments, but he still doesn't talk to me much. I definitely feel you with the anxiety and depression. There's some days where I just cry for no reason and I know in the back of my mind it's because of him.
It's so much easier said than done when people say "oh screw him, he's an asshole, you don't need him." He is an asshole, and I don't need him, but his support would be extremely helpful.
Some men really suck

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scornwell717

@EstrogenFest I agree that it does become easier after a few weeks of not speaking! Then, I see or talk to him and the cycle starts all over again

@Scullahoo I feel like I've heard so many instances where the men have trouble feeling involved even when you give them every opportunity to do so. It's almost like the only reason they don't feel involved is because they're not carrying the baby themselves

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ambercakes92

I definitely sympathize. My ex and I broke up in the middle of my second trimester. Things are still pretty volatile, and I don't see us being together again as much as I would like us to be a family one day. It's so hard for me not to write him or want to talk, but I do find that when I manage to establish some distance I become more accepting of where our relationship has gone. It's really hard to deal with, but in the end you can't make someone want to be with you I hope you and your boyfriend can figure something out. But just realize that even if he never comes around, it's possible to do this on your own!

scornwell717

@ambercakes92 sometimes the worst part of it is not being able to make someone be with you if they don't want to just not having that control sucks

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scornwell717

@EstrogenFest YUP actions definitely speak louder than words.
I hope once we have our babies we'll be so head over heels in love that we won't even think about how crappy we're feeling now.

BabyRut2015

@woahitszdtet I hear you! I know everyone's situation is bound to be different, and unfortunately I'm not sure what to say to you other than that I hope it passes.
Personally, my DH didn't quite go that route, but pregnancy has definitely been rough on our relationship. It's new, it's unknown, it's got him stressed about all the changes and responsibilities. He's a good guy, but has been a jerk here and there, and I think it's due to stress. He's normally supportive and caring, and he was being kind of distant and neglectful for awhile. Things are generally better, but we have fought more during this pregnancy than we normally ever do.

I was freaked out about the relationship deteriorating....but we had a couple of good conversations where we aired all of our issues out, and we are doing better for sure.

When I was searching for answers myself, I read a lot of "men get weird during pregnancy" stories.

The only thing you can do is try to communicate your concerns and make it clear that you can't deal if he's going to continue this behavior. On a personal note, my opinion is that sometimes you need to lay down the law lol. Don't yell and scream, just have a very clear, very calm conversation (he will take you more seriously).

I hope this is just a rough patch for you and SO, good luck with everything!

jess147ga

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I left mine when I was at the 20week mark because he was so emotionally abusive. I had to get my baby & myself out of the unhealthy environment he was putting us in. Yes, some days are harder than others. But once you remind yourself of all of the bad & how you are getting your baby & yourself out of an unhealthy environment things began to look a lot different. Your mommy instincts kick in. I am now 27weeks. I am much happy & in a much safer environment. I'm proud of myself for making the decision I needed to make even though it was hard. Make the right decision for your baby & yourself. No matter what your family & your friends (support system) will be there. You don't need the baby's father to raise a happy baby.

jess147ga

*happier

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woahitszdtet

Thank you all. The anxieties getting better and everyday is a step at a time. It helps to know theres so many of you in similar situations (not that i would ever wish it on anyone!) Just the support helps a lot. I hope things get easier for everyone and im glad some of you have already found some happiness.

emzy86

I'm sorry for all of you having troubles.

I'm also not sure if I'm being too needy and emotional or my husband is actually being a d***! I love the man, but lately I've been contemplating leaving him after 11 years together. It breaks my heart. I know he'll be an awesome father, but I just feel he is not here for us this pregnancy. He tells me he loves me, but I just don't feel it anymore. He spends a lot of time with his friends and minimal time with me. There has been actual problems and even his mother has told him to pull his head in, because she knows how much stress he causes me.
He hardly shows me any affection or gratitude and demands that I always cook and clean etc, when I'm working full time, have a cold, just finished post grad studies and am generally run down. He can be very selfish in everyday tasks. I just want my husband back, but it's hard to talk to him. He doesn't even ask how the baby is, even though I told him I'm worried about recent pains, decreased movement and am having an urgent ultrasound.