Irritated during pregnancy and towards certain people?

meowcat84

I'm almost 30wks and I've become more irritated at certain things like at work over people but mostly my FILs friend who keeps tagging along everywhere he goes. She is this lonely 90yr old lady he befriended and is always there, family parties and birthdays....my husband's customers homes(landscaping) For some reason she has latched on to our family and makes me really uncomfortable. This morning we went to a diner to eat and when we were leaving she just started rubbing my belly which I hate but was so tired and wanted to leave...I even covered my stomach in an attempt for her to not touch me. I'm having a coed baby shower at my moms and all I can think about is her showing up. Have to get my husband to tell my FIL to not bring her. Has anyone ever become so irritated and small things like this?

cMichelle0423

meowcat84 said:

I'm almost 30wks and I've become more irritated at certain things like at work over people but mostly my FILs friend who keeps tagging along everywhere he goes. She is this lonely 90yr old lady he befriended and is always there, family parties and birthdays....my husband's customers homes(landscaping) For some reason she has latched on to our family and makes me really uncomfortable. This morning we went to a diner to eat and when we were leaving she just started rubbing my belly which I hate but was so tired and wanted to leave...I even covered my stomach in an attempt for her to not touch me. I'm having a coed baby shower at my moms and all I can think about is her showing up. Have to get my husband to tell my FIL to not bring her. Has anyone ever become so irritated and small things like this?

QFP


Why does she make you so uncomfortable? Does she do anything (besides the belly rubbing) that makes you feel uneasy about her? In all honesty I think you're overreacting. Like you said, she's a lonely old lady, so she probably feels like your FIL and your family is all she has. I can understand getting irritated at things or other people from time to time, but i feel like you're trying to make her out to be some crazy lady who's out to make you miserable.

jenbstevens

I definitely understand being annoyed in general, and at certain people (ahem, my boss) but saying you don't want a sweet old lady at your baby shower is kind of harsh. There will be lots of other people there to distract her, I don't think she'll be bothering you the whole time.

ZoeyRaeJames

I'm not sure how to go about this one. :-S I can understand your annoyance with the older woman, especially if you don't know her all that well, and she keeps touching you. I hate it when people I know very well touches my tummy! Especially my own mother, and BOTH of my grandmothers! But, I can also see where the other posters are coming from, as well.

The best advice I can give you, in my opinion, is for you and your SO to explain to your FIL how uncomfortable this woman makes you feel. Just see what he says, and go from there. Sometimes, you have to be a little "mean", to keep yourself comfortable and not stressed out! Whether or not this lady is trying to make you feel that way. But this is the best I can give you.

celainev

I may be extremely biased since I don't mind people touching my belly, and as I work with seniors, most of my closest friends are over 85 years old, but this sounds like a bit of an overreaction in my opinion.

I don't firmly believe in always having to tell people how you feel. If this is the worst that this lady is doing to you, then maybe you have to look inside yourself and see what needs to change. Sometimes I overreact to small things and after a bit of contimplation I realize that my irritation is my own fault.

Of course, some 90 year olds bug the hell out of me! But still, I would never tell them. I would never tell their close friends. I would realize that I'm the only person that can calm myself down in that situation.

ChiccoBeanz

What exactly is bothering you about this woman? Before I give advice or my opinion on things, I'd like some more clarity about what's bothering you.

meowcat84

When I first met her I didn't have a problem, it was when I had just become pregnant. But as time went by she has become more involved and intense with being at every family function or to our house, or my husband's job. Maybe I also don't like her because she is giving me unsolicited advice or asking questions that don't concern her like she was telling me that I should have more children immediately after I have my son. That its "not fair" I almost told her unless she is giving me money to help take care of any future children she should keep it to herself... I'm not the only one in the family that finds it unsual/strange that she appears at all family functions. She comes off as if she is apart of the family. I know my FIL is lonely at his apt complex but bringing her along to socialize with only her when we all want to spend time with him as well. I do feel bad that I dislike her so much but I want to be around family and close friends at this time. It takes me awhile to open up to people but she has being pushing her way to be involved.

meowcat84

I think I will talk to my FIL myself and tell him I just want close family around me this time and being surprised with someone who isnt, isn't helping me. I'm beyond stressed and don't want to be around people I don't know very well.

ChiccoBeanz

meowcat84 said:

I think I will talk to my FIL myself and tell him I just want close family around me this time and being surprised with someone who isnt, isn't helping me. I'm beyond stressed and don't want to be around people I don't know very well.

Personally, now that I have more clarity on your feelings,  I don't think that there is anything wrong with your reaction or feelings. To me, it seems like this woman is overstepping a boundary for you. If that is the case, then yes, talk to FIL and your family and see if there can be a compromise. Maybe there are some events she can come to that aren't as personal for you and then there are others that she just can't attend. Everyone's feelings should be respected in this. It's all about communication. 

CharminglySouthern

Yeah, put that lonely 90 year old bag in her place.

Wow. Holy self absorption.

flas

Wow OP I hope you never become a 90 year old woman.

groovylocks

it's possible that you're instinctively trying to nudge strangers away from your baby and nest. I've been a bit like this lately. But I recognized it right away and have been trying my best to stop it. Most of our instincts are good. But some might be archaic or outdated or throwbacks to things we no longer need to worry about. Keep your boundaries intact but be aware that by her age, she has seen most of the people she loved die. At that age, connection becomes very important and I think this is what she's trying to have.

VegetaElPrincipe

You are entitled to your feelings. If the woman makes you feel uncomfortable, then you should discuss it with your husband and possibly FIL. Granted the woman is his friend and she is elderly, that isn't a reason for you to feel uncomfortable at family gatherings. Maybe sort out what specifically about her makes you so uncomfortable and just address that. If whatever that detail is gets fixed, things should be okay. But, I also believe that it is rude when someone constantly brings a person around without checking with the others involved. I too do not like to have someone, somewhat, forced upon me. It usually causes resentment and misplaced feelings. That seems to be what is happening here. Hopefully the convo will go well and there will be a compromise. But please don't feel bad. It's okay to not like everyone. You are human.

Candy_bandit

What exactly are you going to say to your father in law? I am genuinely curious to hear how you will word this without sounding like just an awful self- absorbed person...

meowcat84

I don't understand why I am being called self absorbed or getting such negative comments as to why I'm not welcoming every new person whom I find intrusive whether they are elderly or not. I am private about my life and I'm not going to open up to someone I don't know at the drop of the hat. I am nice to her and have tried to change subjects without any success. Since she use to be a nurse along time ago she was asking personal questions/comments that I don't think were appropriate(OBGYN). I know I have been overreacting and trying not to take things to heart. I didnt tell my FIL not to bring her around, it's just my shower, which I feel is my right since I will be having close family only on both sides and my family is also private. I don't care if it comes off as rude I just need space. And I did speak with him and he was totally fine.

meowcat84

I'm not trying to rude or trying to shut her out, I'm really bad at explaining myself and think I came off as insensitive on this forum when I really just worry a lot. I don't expect my FIL to not have her at family functions, he can invite who he wants. If I don't say anything He automatically brings her, formal or not, this is a baby shower not a BBQ event, functions like showers and weddings To me are intimate events. Some of these posts make it sound like I should let her come because she is elderly and alone. I only asked if she was coming because it was a close family function and said nothing mean about her. I just have a hard time telling people I'm not comfortable with questions multiple times as I have already but I know I'm overreacting, I'm being anxious, I will try to stop over analyzing situations.

Ceridwen77

If you're uncomfortable with the questions then stop answering them. A simple, "let's talk about something else" and then bring up the weather, sports, food, whatever else. Or simply remove yourself from the situation. A simple "please excuse me" and walk away to talk to someone else is completely acceptable.

VegetaElPrincipe

@Thegoudalife although I respectfully disagree, I see your point. I, personally, do not feel that it is okay to invite people to intimate family events, like showers and weddings and such, without checking with the host/guest of honor. I know that would bother me if it was done to me, so I treat people with that same respect. It also doesn't make sense to me why the guest of honor/hosts should be made uncomfortable because someone wanted their friend to tag along, but the person invited couldn't be bothered to just make a quick phone call. But then again, how I was raised, we ask first. Most people I know would ask first as well. 

As far as the shower thing, I totally agree with you there. If she wasn't invited, she shouldn't be there. He also shouldn't invite her without asking first. Again, that in my eyes, is a respect/boundary thing and something that just wouldn't really happen in my family or social circle. The situation and the lady always being around is kind of weird to me to begin with.

 

Lastly, in the context of this story, "forcing" may have been the wrong word choice. So please excuse that. But I don't do well with people being constantly brought around me, especially when they make me uncomfortable. I'd also just avoid her if she bothered me that much, or tell my husband so that he'd understand my cues to excuse myself and what not. Everyone's different though. 

meowcat84

^thank you I don't know why a lot of people responding don't find it weird either. Or think inviting who you want to a shower without asking to a important event. Because if I didn't say anything that is what would have happened.

VegetaElPrincipe

meowcat84 said:

^thank you I don't know why a lot of people responding don't find it weird either. Or think inviting who you want to a shower without asking to a important event. Because if I didn't say anything that is what would have happened.

People grow up differently. What's weird to us, may be normal to them and vice vera. Take it all with a grain of salt.

meowcat84

I know. My FIL gets lonely too and enjoys taking care of people I wouldn't tell him to not to bring her when we go out for breakfast or family Weekend BBQ.

abodenmiller

Oh Girl - I so know what you mean.  I've taken an unusual dislike to someone who is actually IN my family.  I've searched my brain high and low and can't really find a solid reason to dislike this person so much.  I've even prayed about it.  After all, it isn't their fault they exist, and to be honest, they aren't doing a thing wrong.  I simply don't like them with no rhyme or reason to it.  The only thing that has changed in my situation is that I'm pregnant and most likely very hormonal.  So, my temporary 'solution' is to pray for patience and kindness toward this person whenever we are together and to keep telling myself that it is ME and not them.  Or, if you aren't a pray-er, concentrate on showing patience and kindess...even if it's painful.  She's 90, after all, and if something were to happen to her and you reflected that you weren't very nice to her, you'd probably feel really bad.  Hang in there!!