Benchmarks/Dates Anxiety (previous loss mentioned)

nerdymama15

So my last pregnancy I ended up in the hospital at what would have been 9weeks 5 days only for the doctor to say that the baby had died on 8weeks 5days.   Today with this new pregnancy, I am at 8weeks and 5days and I'm nervous/anxious.  I keep telling myself that these two pregnancies are completely different (and they are), but I can't help but worry.  I have had nightmares past few nights about miscarrying.  Dreamed that it was happening again.  I'm a  bundle of nerves.  The chance of miscarriage chart that is pinned holds no comfort to me.  The thing they say about after you hear the heartbeat you're less likely to miscarry.  That holds no comfort as well.  To me those are both BS since neither panned out on the first one.   Even though I keep telling myself that today I am pregnant, I still have anxiety due to it being the time period that it is currently. 

For those of you that have experienced loss before, do you/did you have anxiety as you approached those dates with your subsequent pregnancy? 

katykatykaty

Do you think having a home doppler would help? I've been having weird pains today, and it was reassuring to be able to listen to the heartbeat at home, mostly "on demand" (assuming baby cooperates most of the time).

I'm so sorry you're having to think about that.

LizC216

Yes, I definitely do. After going through three miscarriages, I have all sorts of dates/milestones in my brain. As I pass each one, I put a mental check mark next to it.

I also get anxiety anytime I have an ultrasound. I have my first for this pregnancy on Tuesday. I have been having problems sleeping at night and concentrating during the day. I am having dreams where I start bleeding. It's awful. I just don't want to look at that screen and see another blighted ovum. This really takes the enjoyment out of being pregnant.

So for me, this ultrasound will be the first milestone. Then passing 10 weeks, then getting in to the second tri, then the 20 week anatomy scan, and then 24 weeks...maybe then I can breathe.

I have no ideas on how to cope, because I pretty much agree with everything you mentioned. I just wanted to let you know that I can totally relate.

babycakes8214

Yes, I definitely have the anxiety. I had a m/c at 9 weeks 3 days... baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks 4ish days (they couldnt pinpoint exactly, just that it was soon after my last ultrasound-where there was a strong hb).

I am 7 weeks 6 days today and I tol, have been having miscarriage dreams. Its making this wait for an ultrasound so much harder. I have 15 more days until I get to see if everything is ok. I try to do the same as you, tell myself today I am pregnant, today things are ok... it works sometimes.

I do have a doppler but that doesn't help at this point for me.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way but you are definitely not alone.

nerdymama15

Thanks ya'll for the responses.  I am sorry for your losses. 
I do not have a home doppler.  I read somewhere that they don't really work well until after the first trimester. 

babycakes8214

@nerdymama15

I'm overweight and I got the sonokine B to work at about 10 weeks with DS. He was before my m/c but I was still a little nervous. Nothing like now, of course.

I hope your next appointment comes quickly.

katykatykaty

It seems really cruel to make people with loss histories wait a long time for ultrasounds. I have a good friend who had several losses (but is now in her third successful pregnancy), and she sees a specialist and gets ultrasounds at every visit because of her history. I wish you could all do that for peace of mind, although I know each one would be nerve-wracking. And I know everyone is different with the dopplers, but I found it easily from 8 weeks on with my last 2 pregnancies, so it might be something to consider.

gardenandread

After 5 miscarriages I am right there with you with the anxiety. I had my first ultrasound at 6 weeks and I wouldn't even look at the screen until the doctor told me there was a heartbeat. Every milestone I pass brings me some comfort, but after 3 missed m/c's I think it will always be in the back of my mind that something could be wrong and I wouldn't even know it.

evalynn24

@nerdymama15 I'm sorry for your previous loss

After two miscarriages and a stillbirth, I have no idea when I'm going to stop feeling the same way you are. I am pretty overwhelmed every day of this pregnancy and hope the anxiety simmers down a little in the 2nd trimester when I'm not such an emotional mess and exhausted to top it off.

I am overweight and was able to find my baby's heartbeat at 8 weeks 2 days, so it is very possible before the 2nd trimester and it may just give you the peace of mind that you need.

YouGoGlenCoco31

I feel the exact same way.  It's wonderful but so hard being pregnant after a loss.  I keep waiting for the anxiety to subside, but even after two perfect ultrasounds and approaching the nine-week mark (tomorrow), I can't shake it.  I have a feeling this anxiety is normal.  I also have a feeling it won't go away until the baby is born (at which point an entirely new set of worries sets in).

As I understand it, worrying goes with the territory of being a mom.  It sounds like you'll be a damn good one.  Be kind to yourself.