Relationship on edge

babymama03252016

Has anyone after the miscarriage made you and your partner to argue and drift apart? Like there's a bump to get over but you are trying so hard to but anything and everything makes you irritated and you seem to be fighting a lot more? And each time you fight it gets closer to be separated for good? I'm scared our relationship is on the edge and that would devastate me cause it was our baby we lost together, and I wouldn't want to loose him too. Can anyone relate? Please help

mrsmommya

I think miscarriage can bring couples together or tear them down. We have good days and bad. I feel like my dh doesn't understand that this loss is never really going away...it is part of me. I don't think he realizes how much I want it to be better, I want to not think about it all the time....but the triggers are everywhere! Period, ovulation, testing, sex. He just lives his life...it does create animosity. I want to find that joy again. I just feel so much was taken away from us....I am resentful to life itself.

Jess052716

I am so sorry you guys My partner and I were given a 99% chance on Monday that we have lost our baby & are in the middle of a missed miscarriage. They couldn't find a heart beat at our last ultrasound & said I measured 6 weeks, 6 days & had an irregular gestational sack. This waiting week is so hard. Right now we are waiting for the next ultrasound that happens on Friday.

For awhile I was stuck in my own sadness and forgot about how my husband must be feeling too. He wanted this baby too & his heart is feeling pretty sad and broken as well. This isn't just my baby, it is his also - and even though it is happening in my body, which does make it harder for me, it is still hard for him too - just on a different level. That said, I think this whole process can be hard for guys to grasp. When it comes to trying for a baby, they just get the fun part -- where we are calculating days, crossing our fingers SO hard for no periods, feeling so many ups and downs. My husband even said with fully good intentions today that we can start trying again soon. Where, for me, right now all I am thinking about is how I want THIS baby. Not a different one. But I remind myself that he doesn't really know how to comfort me & that has to be hard for him too. And he is trying.

My best advice is to hug on him and love him as much as you can & try to find comfort in each other. The two of you together, is after all, the reason you had your little bundle, even if for just a short time.

Also, be patient with yourself. If your miscarriage was somewhat recent, your body is going through lots of hormonal changes. I feel completely unstable right now -- I specifically asked my husband to give me some grace because I don't feel in control of myself right now. Sometimes with guys you have to spell it out.

babymama03252016

@mrsmommya
I 100% agree with you on feeling like triggers are everywhere. My cousin 2 days after my misscarrage had her baby. It was so hard for me to be around without being upset even though she totally understood and was even emotional herself, it was still hard to be completely happy about her new baby. And I do to also just want that joy, I want all my pregnancy symptoms back I feel like they got taken away from me in one day. My whole life changed in all the wrong ways it seemed. I'm really glad that I'm not the only one going thru this. It brings me comfort knowing I have ladies that can relate. Much love to you and thank you for responding and sharing with me. And I'm sorry you have bad days too but I understand completely what your going thru so your not alone either

babymama03252016

@mrsmommya :x :x

babymama03252016

@Jess052716
I am so sorry what happened to you, it's not fair how things like this happen at all. I feel like sometimes I am the only one who is hurting and affected by the situation. Sometimes all I want to hear is that he wants it back to and misses it, even if it's out of the blue. He tells me he does and nothing takes away our pain. That our baby loves us and misses us too. I guess its hard to believe it when he says that and I'm not sure why ( I feel if I believed it when he said it, it would make me feel like I'm not alone. I feel like I'm so lost in the world and everything that happened effected me and took part of my away. Half of me died I feel. All I want is my baby back, I also feel very unstable right now. Thank you for your advice it helps me out a lot and definitely makes me feel like I'm not alone which is so comforting. My prayers go to you and your husband I am so so sorry.