Baby registry etiquette-- help!

sunflower404

Hey all, my boyfriend and I live in Tennessee and 97% of our family and friends live far and wide therefore there will be NO baby shower... I am sending out our initial baby announcement this upcoming week, but my question is... can I make a registry insert saying something along the lines of 'you can find Laura & Erik's registry at....' ?

Keep in mind that 98% of the recipients of the announcement/registry insert are family, NOT friends.

Please be decent in your responses, some people can be very harsh and judgmental on here but I am a first time mommy, just trying to do the right thing. Thanks a bunch!

kimey1

I'm a first timer so I don't know what the norm is. A helpful board I've been following is the Baby Shower board on TheBump.

But if you create something like an Evite to email your relatives, there's a section where you can type in where you are registered. That way your family can just click and see the registry.

jkffx7

I'm FTM too- but from our wedding I do remember including registry info being kind of a no-no... No judgement because babies are expensive little buggers and we can all use all the help we can get... But perhaps your relatives will reach out to you or your mom/dad or your significant other's mom/dad for registry info? You know your family, I don't . Again, probably not the end of the world but traditionally I think it's a bit taboo (that's probably old fashioned etiquette) my two cents- tricky situation- best of luck!!

CharminglySouthern

Lurking, but the only place your registry information should be listed is on a shower invitation (should your host decide to put it there).

I am a bit confused, you are mailing out a formal pregnancy announcement? That seems a little awkward. I've never heard of such a thing. A birth announcement yes, but a pregnancy announcement in the mail?

That said, registries are not rocket science, they are pretty easy to find. But mailing it out with some sort of "pregnancy announcement" screams that you are fishing for gifts. A big no-no.

CharminglySouthern

sunflower404 said:

Hey all, my boyfriend and I live in Tennessee and 97% of our family and friends live far and wide therefore there will be NO baby shower... I am sending out our initial baby announcement this upcoming week, but my question is... can I make a registry insert saying something along the lines of 'you can find Laura & Erik's registry at....' ?

Keep in mind that 98% of the recipients of the announcement/registry insert are family, NOT friends.

Please be decent in your responses, some people can be very harsh and judgmental on here but I am a first time mommy, just trying to do the right thing. Thanks a bunch!

Qfp.

NachosAndPeaches

Why don't you ask a family member to host a virtual baby shower and then your registry information can be included? Seems like a more "correct" way to do it.

Also I've been around a bit but what's qfp?

kalanieileen

@NachosAndPeaches I just found this out!! "Quote for posterity" or "quote for proof"

elasticheart13

I agree with the others, it may seem a little bit tacky to include it in a pregnancy announcement but not in a baby shower announcement. A virtual baby shower as @NachosAndPeaches suggested does sound like a good idea and won't seem like you're fishing for gifts

I am in a similar situation with the in laws living in Canada and Egypt, and my friends scattered all over Europe. I decided to make a registry for a baby shower should my friends decide to throw me one. The closest family and friends asked me for a registry already because they want to help out regardless of a baby shower, so perhaps your closest family will do the same

sprocketsngadgets

Poor taste in my opinion. Also, you may still end up with a baby shower. I'm in the same situation where we moved a few years ago and I only have 5 good female friends nearby. They threw me a little shower for my first. My mom did come for it and insisted on doing the invites so she could send it to all the family that had already inquired about where we were registered.

Jules08

No, it's tacky and rude to send out your registry information.  If someone asks you if you are registered, you can tell them; anything more than that is gift grabby.

Jules08

Also, you JUST posted this same question on the 18th, why are you asking again?

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12636327/baby-registry-etiquette-help#latest

cmjenkies

kalanieileen said:

@NachosAndPeaches I just found this out!! "Quote for posterity" or "quote for proof"

For quite some time I thought it meant 'QUIT F*CKING POSTING' and I thought.. well that's a bit harsh.

The more you know! Haha

fourtsixand2

I don't hate the idea of a friend or family member hosting a virtual baby shower.  It's definitely a different concept, but it may work. 

And other posters were correct in the formal etiquette.  You should never send your registry information in your own invitation/announcement, etc.  Do remember that shower gifts are a plus, not a requirement.  Birth announcements are appropriate - expectant announcements, not so much.  People who are familiar with social etiquette will receive an announcement and immediately think to send something as a congratulations, without being prompted by a registry card.

NachosAndPeaches

Jules08 said:

Also, you JUST posted this same question on the 18th, why are you asking again?

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12636327/baby-registry-etiquette-help#latest

I totally thought this was the same post!!!!! lol. Was wondering why people were giving her such a hard time

Sarcasm101

NachosAndPeaches said:

Why don't you ask a family member to host a virtual baby shower and then your registry information can be included? Seems like a more "correct" way to do it. Also I've been around a bit but what's qfp?

Please don't do a virtual baby shower. That is the same thing and sending a card saying "give me a gift." If you cant show up in person, then don't have a shower.

As for your original question, no it would be rude and very assuming to add registry info to a pregnancy announce, no matter who you send it to. And while we are on the subject, don't send a pregnancy announcement, send a birth announcement only.

sunflower404

@Jules08 did you think that, since the posting times were a minute apart that I accidentally posted twice and then didn't know how to delete? Or are you just in constant attack mode?
Yikes people! Get a life. Now I see why that one lady left the forum...

Anyway, Thank you everyone who was nice enough to reply in a kind and decent manner, I appreciate your input.

sunflower404

@CharminglySouthern, what are you trying I say? And also, like I said, we live far away from everyone so practically no one knows I'm pregnant. I don't feel like calling everyone just to tell them, and I think posting on fb is tacky, especially when people like my grandma, brothers, best friends etc don't even know yet, I feel it's better to tell them in a different way as opposed to telling them And the whole world simultaneously. Oh and I found TONS of cute pregnancy announcements on Etsy, so I guess it's a 'thing'?

Jules08

sunflower404 said:

@Jules08 did anyone think that, since the posting times were a minute apart that I accidentally posted twice and then didn't know how to delete? Yikes people! Get a life. Now I see why that one lady left the forum... Anyway, Thank you everyone who was nice enough to reply in a kind and decent manner, I appreciate your input.

Really?  Ha, okay then.  If my post/ question was too much for you, there are other websites that you may feel better suits want you are looking to get out of an internet forum.

sunflower404

@Jules08 I'm not going anywhere. Use your noggin, I'm sure you could have figured it out or posed the question differently. At least I give you the benefit of the doubt lol

WiggityG

sunflower404 said:

@Jules08 did you think that, since the posting times were a minute apart that I accidentally posted twice and then didn't know how to delete? Or are you just in constant attack mode? Yikes people! Get a life. Now I see why that one lady left the forum... Anyway, Thank you everyone who was nice enough to reply in a kind and decent manner, I appreciate your input.

Jules didn't attack you in the least, ha.  She stated a fact, sending out your registry is WIDELY considered rude and tacky and IS gift grabby.  I questioned why you posted twice as well.  If you accidentally post twice, deleting is considered bad form ... why not just edit your repeat post stating "whoops accidentally posted twice, ignore!" rather than getting your panties all in a twist that people simply ask you why you posted twice.

Maybe lurk and get to know how these board work.  It's the internet, stop taking things so personally.

AEG84

sunflower404 said:

@Jules08 did you think that, since the posting times were a minute apart that I accidentally posted twice and then didn't know how to delete? Or are you just in constant attack mode? Yikes people! Get a life. Now I see why that one lady left the forum... Anyway, Thank you everyone who was nice enough to reply in a kind and decent manner, I appreciate your input.

When this happens, best practice is to re-name one of the two posts and either note that it double posted or do something like turn it into a GIF party. That way, you don't get two sets of answers like you did here.

cmjenkies

sunflower404 said:

@CharminglySouthern, what are you trying I say? And also, like I said, we live far away from everyone so practically no one knows I'm pregnant. I don't feel like calling everyone just to tell them, and I think posting on fb is tacky, especially when people like my grandma, brothers, best friends etc don't even know yet, I feel it's better to tell them in a different way as opposed to telling them And the whole world simultaneously. Oh and I found TONS of cute pregnancy announcements on Etsy, so I guess it's a 'thing'?

My thought is this: why don't you personally call each of those people to let them know? Because if I just sent my grandma/siblings/best friends something in the mail instead of personally telling them.. they'd probably be upset. I know I would be if the tables were turned. It feels very impersonal to announce that way to people who are so close to you. I would do that regardless of whether or not I was posting a FB announcement (which I'm not, because that's definitely not my thing.)

CharminglySouthern

cmjenkies said:

sunflower404 said:

@CharminglySouthern, what are you trying I say? And also, like I said, we live far away from everyone so practically no one knows I'm pregnant. I don't feel like calling everyone just to tell them, and I think posting on fb is tacky, especially when people like my grandma, brothers, best friends etc don't even know yet, I feel it's better to tell them in a different way as opposed to telling them And the whole world simultaneously. Oh and I found TONS of cute pregnancy announcements on Etsy, so I guess it's a 'thing'?

My thought is this: why don't you personally call each of those people to let them know? Because if I just sent my grandma/siblings/best friends something in the mail instead of personally telling them.. they'd probably be upset. I know I would be if the tables were turned. It feels very impersonal to announce that way to people who are so close to you. I would do that regardless of whether or not I was posting a FB announcement (which I'm not, because that's definitely not my thing.)

This. An announcement in the mail seems really weird. And just because something is on Etsy or Pinterest, it's not necessarily a good idea. I would totally side rule anyone who sent me something like that in the mail.

On the subject of virtual showers, just no. If you can't be there in person, let it go. People who want to send you a gift will. They don't need an invitation to some awkward skype party.

Also @sunflower404 you don't get to dictate what kind of responses you get on the Internet. Best to put your big girl panties on and saddle up.

NachosAndPeaches

I did mailed announcements, it is a thing. If you want it to be.

If you don't want to mail announcements you could email all your relatives before announcing on fb. I've had several relatives do that.

And I re iterate, I've been invited to baby showers etc on fb and it's so much nicer when the registry info is right there. It's annoying when I feel like I have to bother the parent to be to ask them. Id rather the info be out there.

CharminglySouthern

NachosAndPeaches said:

I did mailed announcements, it is a thing. If you want it to be.

If you don't want to mail announcements you could email all your relatives before announcing on fb. I've had several relatives do that.

And I re iterate, I've been invited to baby showers etc on fb and it's so much nicer when the registry info is right there. It's annoying when I feel like I have to bother the parent to be to ask them. Id rather the info be out there.

@NachosAndPeaches Clearly you realize that there's a huge difference between putting registry information on an announcement that you are mailing yourself and your hostess putting registry information on a shower invitation.

Mailing an announcement with registry information is basically telling people you expect them to send you a gift. It's rude.

NachosAndPeaches

Yes I do agree to that. Our pregnancy announcements did not have registry info. But our shower invites did.


The bottom line sadly though is that people will buy you what they want to buy you, registry or not. They want to give you what they think is cute or important. You'll notice that recent moms will buy off your registry way more than any one else