Feeling like I wasted my maternity leave (rant)...

danixbanani24

I started my maternity leave last Friday because I had enough of commuting AND work lol. My due date was oct. 14th and doctor kept saying you'll go earlier...so I felt like ok I worked until 39w2d that's pretty good. Well, due date has come and gone and I'm feeling impatient and frustrated because nothing seems to be moving along. I get BH contractions and I'm 2cm dilated. Baby is head down in position, cervix is soft and where it needs to be...so where is my baby?? I feel like I've wasted the precious time off to be with my baby on doing nothing but sit at home. I'm in the U.S. And we only get 12 weeks. I hate this! I try to tell myself it's a good thing I took time before baby to relax, have time with my husband, do things around the house etc but I was so hoping baby would be here by now. I'm also so afraid he won't come next week either...so that's two weeks wasted on my leave with no baby and I'm feeling the pressure to induce. I've been reading obsessively about it...mom friends are trying to encourage me to wait but doctor wants to talk about it at next appointment. Things I've read have calmed my fears of induction but still...why should I feel pressured to do it because my country doesn't want to give working mothers enough time off with their babies?! Again, looking at the bright side of taking leave early...I dont have to ride the subway an hour each way to work, climbing a bunch of stairs and being uncomfortable. Also my hospital is in Brooklyn and I work all the way in midtown Manhattan and I can't imagine being in labor in a taxi in traffic or on the subway lol. Anyway, I just feel like I've wasted time...mamas, please tell me I'm just being crazy hormonal pregnant lady...

LiveNLove44

Those are all very valid feelings and you don't sound like a crazy hormonal pregnant lady. I worked until I went into labor with DD and I was SO tired. My body was shot and I hadn't managed a solid night's sleep in too long. This time around, I'm still working, but I'm also trying really hard to make sure that sleep and resting whenever possible can be my priority. Hopefully this rest you're getting now will help your body be ready to have a strong and positive labor and delivery experience! I'm sorry you're feeling so frustrated, and I hope your LO makes an appearance soon for you

cbolton19

Totally valid feelings. I have been super frustrated by the stupid mat leave in the US too. My MW took me out of work on Thursday (not due until the 30th) because of high BP and I was super bummed that I would have to waste time without the baby here. A little time is nice, but too long and I would have been sad. I ended meeting the criteria for pre-e and am being induced today. So I didn't lose too much PTO/mat leave time. I hope your baby comes soon!

shantyrae

I'm in the same boat. I took of off starting 10/5 since the doctor kept saying I would deliver earlier than my 10/11 due date. I'm still pregnant!! I only get 8 weeks off since my company is a small business that doesn't qualify for FLMA, so I'm now down to spending 6 weeks with baby.

Don't look at the induction as being pressured into it because of your limited time off, there are risks to letting baby go too long as well. My doctor won't let me go past 41 weeks because of risk of 1st poop in the womb and deteriorating of resources in there.

Perks: At least with going past your due date you know baby is ready in there! Babies that go this long are generally stronger and more alert! Also- you at least know your doctor will be available for delivery with a scheduled induction... and this takes the guesswork out of rushing to the hospital, timing contractions, etc. (These are the things I've told myself... I'm scheduled to be induced monday!)

Good luck!

ameares721

We had the same due date and I was planning to start my leave the same day as you, but my baby had other plans and came a month early! So while I have used every day of my leave to be with my baby, I often feel like I'd give up a couple days to have gone full term and been more mentally prepared - and prepared at work!

Kdmusgr

My maternity leave is already gone and I'm not even due yet. Doctor said that I couldn't left amymore 3 months ago, luckily my boss is giving me an extended 6 weeks after baby gets here. Although I wish I had more time.

NathanheartsKim

It ticks me off that Dr's are so quick to say things like "oh you'll go early!" Most first time moms go late and it is hard to go late when they don't say crap like that!!

shantyrae

NathanheartsKim said:

It ticks me off that Dr's are so quick to say things like "oh you'll go early!" Most first time moms go late and it is hard to go late when they don't say crap like that!!

Agree! All along I expected to go past my due date, and then starting at 38 weeks she started saying things like "you may not need your appointment next week!" And "see you next week, but probably at the hospital!" It definitely made the wait more frustrating.

koriemo

I feel the same way! I started my maternity leave last Wednesday (39+2) and I am due on Monday. I haven't gone overdue yet, but I'm starting to get anxious about it! I had a Doctor's appointment Thursday morning and I was still high and closed.

I chose to take my Maternity leave when I did because I am a high school teacher and our first quarter of school ended 10/15. I am due the first day of second quarter. I had to finish all of my plans and units and tests and get all the grades in the grade book by Friday, which I did! I could have kept working, but I felt like it would be easier on the sub and my students if they had a full quarter with the sub and I didn't leave them in the middle of a unit.

I go back to teaching in January 6 regardless of when baby comes, so I hope he comes asap!

babykitcat

As a PP mentioned the rest now will give you the energy you need for labor. Just try to relax and rest as much as you can. No one can predict if you will have a 3 hour labor or a 3 day labor so just rest. I just had my baby and looking back on it Im so glad I had some rest before I embarked on that crazy journey!!

poupoule

Mmmh I am confused now, from the research I had done, we were allowed up to 4 weeks before due date, than 6 weeks after (and an extra 6 if in california or with fmla) but if you did not take those 4 weeks before the due date they were just lost, you cant have them afterwards.
Am I just super wrong ?

danixbanani24

poupoule said:

Mmmh I am confused now, from the research I had done, we were allowed up to 4 weeks before due date, than 6 weeks after (and an extra 6 if in california or with fmla) but if you did not take those 4 weeks before the due date they were just lost, you cant have them afterwards. Am I just super wrong ?

I was told by my HR that we can take two weeks before the due date as bed rest but it counts toward the total amount of maternity leave (12 weeks). Totally sucks. It shouldn't count!

VioletandRose

I think nationally (in the US) you get 12 weeks total, and you can split them however you like in terms of before/after the baby is born.

My due date was also 10/14 and I fought hard with HR and my doc to classify the leave I'm taking before baby is born as medically necessary. I was absolutely miserable, my pelvis hurt so bad in the mornings that I struggled just getting dressed. Thank god HR accepted the doctor's note and I was able to leave on 10/5. If it wasn't classified as medically necessary I'd have to use vacation time, which was a no-go because I want to use that while the baby is here. Now I'm in the same boat, overdue by 4 days now. Going into my 3rd week of maternity leave. Don't know what to do with myself, but am beyond grateful that I was able to work it this way, otherwise I'd be screwed.

After this whole experience I am so enraged about our country's maternity leave policies; I almost wuant to make it my personal mission to fight for longer, paid maternity leave and baby bonding time. The financial and time sacrifices that women have to make just to start a family is completely unfair and counterproductive.

poupoule

So here is my source for california:
https://workfamilyca.org/resources/pdf/ca_family_leave_guide2013.pdf

It really looks like it is up to 4weeks pre birth, and 6 weeks after birth for SDI? and then 6 weeks protected still with PFL/PDL ( my company does not qualify for FMLA)

I also attached a screenshot of the most interesting page.

Anyway to conclude I am allowed to take 1 month before birth date and 12 weeks after - all protected.

If I take more than 12 weeks after, it is not protected. (so I can't move the 4 weeks before to go after) – that's why I said they were "lost" if I did not use them.

I know it only concerns california, maybe that's why ? 

danixbanani24

poupoule said:

So here is my source for california:
https://workfamilyca.org/resources/pdf/ca_family_leave_guide2013.pdf

It really looks like it is up to 4weeks pre birth, and 6 weeks after birth for SDI? and then 6 weeks protected still with PFL/PDL ( my company does not qualify for FMLA)

I also attached a screenshot of the most interesting page.

Anyway to conclude I am allowed to take 1 month before birth date and 12 weeks after - all protected.

If I take more than 12 weeks after, it is not protected. (so I can't move the 4 weeks before to go after) – that's why I said they were "lost" if I did not use them.

I know it only concerns california, maybe that's why ? 

Yes, California has different policies. Wish we had that here!

sweet+cheeks

poupoule said:

So here is my source for california:








https://workfamilyca.org/resources/pdf/ca_family_leave_guide2013.pdf

It really looks like it is up to 4weeks pre birth, and 6 weeks after birth for SDI? and then 6 weeks protected still with PFL/PDL ( my company does not qualify for FMLA)

I also attached a screenshot of the most interesting page.

Anyway to conclude I am allowed to take 1 month before birth date and 12 weeks after - all protected.

If I take more than 12 weeks after, it is not protected. (so I can't move the 4 weeks before to go after) – that's why I said they were "lost" if I did not use them.

I know it only concerns california, maybe that's why ? 

Yes California has California Family Rights Act or CFRA in addition to FMLA. CRFA job protection starts after the State Disabilty ends and offers 12 additional weeks of job protection (6 paid under Paid Family Leave and 6 unpaid) which can be used any time in babies first year. But that is just California...

whitemn04

I have to go through short term disability. Normal vaginal delivery they give 6 weeks. However, if doctor says I need time before or after extra I'm allowed 12 weeks total. I'm protected under FMLA for 12 weeks but if no doc note, I take unpaid leave. The part that pisses me off is there is a 1 week qualifying period so if I only have 6 weeks, I only get paid for 5 so I had to save a little vacation time to cover for that. I work 12 hour shifts and my company only pays for 10 hour days. I'm hoping I can talk my doc into extending my leave to 8 weeks then I will take 2 unpaid. Otherwise I go back right before Christmas when my hubby will be off and that makes me really sad.

dchiapella

You're feelings are COMPLETELY valid. Just try reminding yourself how miserable you were. Then try and imagine going from the daily grind straight to motherhood... that's kind of an intense leap! By having time to rest prior to baby might be a great gift TO your baby without you realizing it! When you do go in to labor you'll be nice and refreshed rather than stressed and rushed! 

rockinrobyn24

I've been off work since 33 weeks due to preterm labor. I'm 39 weeks now & still pregnant. My date to return back to work is December 10. I know I'm not going to be ready for that so I already plan on filing for family bonding time through the state. I've already spoken to my boss and he is perfectly ok with it. He just wants to make sure I get enough time with the baby being a FTM.