Raising an interfaith baby?

tgortney

Hey ladies

So, I'm Buddhist and DH is southern Baptist, our views are very different. It's surprising that we even ended up together haha. He's not very religious (neither is his family) but he does identify himself as a Christian. Our family doesn't go to church on Sundays or anything like that. But he does want to baptize our child. I want my child to learn Buddhist philosophies and teachings also. Religion doesn't really play a big role in our marriage but I'm not exactly sure how I will introduce it to my child. Anyone have experience with this or figured out what they would do?

camillaandcarson

Some Christian religions do baptize infants. Southern Baptist churches do not baptize infants. Was he thinking of doing it independently?

lest12

I'm from a big Catholic family and DH is atheist (as is his family).

Before meeting DH, it was really important to me to raise my children Catholic... it was a shocking moment when we were engaged and realized this would be a major disagreement.

We compromised, though. We did not get married in a church, as DH felt like it would be dishonest for him. I respected that. We baptized DS and will 2.0, and they will be raised Catholic for most purposes through Confirmation (the last sacrament before adulthood, really). However, we will always teach them that there are people who have different beliefs, such as DH, and help them explore those beliefs. If, after confirmation, they choose a different belief, then who are we to stop them?

It works for us. It does not, however, work for my in-laws. My SIL literally boycotted the baptism and MIL showed up but it wasa huge source of contention. It has been a major problem for our relationship with them. I am just adding it as a warning that depending on your individual families and what their expectations might be, you guys might want to discuss how to talk to them about it so you can have a united front. Hopefully it is a non-issue for you all though!

tgortney

@camillaandcarson hmmm I know he was baptized at 12 when he was involved in a southern baptist church. I believe he was also baptized as an infant. I believe we'd have to join a church right? I didn't even know you could do it independently

@lest12 I'm sorry about your in-laws! Mine are thankfully pretty chill about our lives. They don't get too involved unless we ask them to be. My mom is what I'm most concerned about, she's pretty religious but doesn't enforce it on me. Not sure how she will be with my kid though, it'll be a whole nother ballgame :-@

BlueJuice

DH and I are both lapsed Catholics (he is mostly an atheist now and I am more agnostic/pantheistic). We're raising our daughter non-religiously but exposing her to as much religious thought as we can manage. As PPs mentioned, however, our extended families also have Opinions about our children's religious upbringing, so that has been interesting. There's some pressure there.

dshannah

I'm Jewish and DH is Catholic, and we are doing all of everything. Because both of our families are religious and both of us love our traditions, we're just going to do it all.

Bris, baptism, bar mitzvah, confirmation, Christmas, Hanukkah, Passover, Easter, High Holy Days, Sukkot, Friday night sabbath and Sunday mass. Sunday roast and matzoh ball soup. And we're planning on doing it all together.

Kids might be a little confused (especially when their Hebrew school and Sunday school stories conflict), but the hope is that they will be as comfortable around my parents and their traditions as they will be around DH's.

wamam027

One of my good friends and her husband have differing opinions on faith and how they will raise their now two children in regards to faith. She is a Catholic and his views lean more towards atheism. She prays with each child every night before bed, and her husband researched (while she was pregnant with their first) a quote, story, poem that represented his views on life, morals, values, that type of thing and recites it every night before mom's prayer. Their oldest has been baptized and they intend to baptize their newest addition as well. I've always respected their compromise tremendously and think it's great that each parent gets to display their beliefs in their bedtime routines.

lalala2004

In most evangelical faiths, such as Baptist, baptism is a personal choice made by the individual. If you wanted to baptize your infant, it wouldn't be at a baptist church, unless some are doing things really differently

TheThornBird

Interesting question! My SO differ quite a bit on faith- I'm sort of a mish-mash of different things, and SO says he is Christian (although I've never seen him go to church or open a Bible, ha). I'd actually love to take our children to a good church- I think churches offer a lot to learn on the serving and treatment of others. When I was a kid, we did many church functions involving feeding the homeless, taking toys to children in poverty at Christmas, etc and I think it would be wondeful to raise our kids that way. But I also want to expose them to other ideas, which SO is against. I'm very into yoga, the yoga sutras, and accompanying philosophies on religion, which tends to freak out SO (as well as our families). So we will see out it all shakes out. But I absolutely want to teach my kids how to have a relationship with God, and how we should live our lives and treat other people in service to that. And I want to let them choose what they want to believe, which SO is also against. I really don't care what they believe, as long as they aren't using it to be jackasses to other people or having stupid arguments over BS.

As far as things like baptism- I'm not very big on rules and rituals, so I personally don't see the point. As long as it wasn't causing any sort of distress to the baby, I'd be open to it if my SO wanted it. For holidays, the only thing I really care about is having our kids do something for others. Like I mentioned, on Christmas we used to deliver presents to other kids, and I think that would be so cool to do with my kids, and in the true spirit of Christmas. Plus SO and I already fight over whose family we're spending it with, so that will give us an excuse to just stay home

lest12

dshannah said:

I'm Jewish and DH is Catholic, and we are doing all of everything. Because both of our families are religious and both of us love our traditions, we're just going to do it all.

Bris, baptism, bar mitzvah, confirmation, Christmas, Hanukkah, Passover, Easter, High Holy Days, Sukkot, Friday night sabbath and Sunday mass. Sunday roast and matzoh ball soup. And we're planning on doing it all together.

Kids might be a little confused (especially when their Hebrew school and Sunday school stories conflict), but the hope is that they will be as comfortable around my parents and their traditions as they will be around DH's.

@dshannah I love this. How great.

AliK7151

I grew up in an interfaith household (my mom is Jewish and dad is Catholic) and we celebrated all holidays - Christmas and Hanukah, went to church on high holidays, etc. but we definitely were raised Jewish. Personally I think it would have been hard for me to be raised as "both"...there definitely is a hard line between the two religions - though the basic teachings are similar. My husband is Catholic and not religious at all but his family is. We had a Jewish wedding ceremony but also saw a priest for premarital counseling. This is something his parents asked for and we were happy to do it. Now that we are bringing a baby into the mix, there will definitely be traditions that pop up that may make me feel uncomfortable (baptism), but if it's something that make his family more comfortable, I'm open to it. We plan on raising our children similarly to how I was raised but I think the key is knowing what your goal is in terms of religion and either sticking to it or being flexible with how you deal with situations. It's your choice how black and white you want the situation to be!

countrygrl5533

lalala2004 said:

In most evangelical faiths, such as Baptist, baptism is a personal choice made by the individual. If you wanted to baptize your infant, it wouldn't be at a baptist church, unless some are doing things really differently

Can't really speak to the interfaith thing as both DH and I are Baptist. But as for the baptism thing, this is correct. Catholics and some protestant churches do infant baptism. But many protestant churches, especially Baptist, baptism is done when the person themselves has made the decision to follow Christ. That age obviously varies by person. Baptism is suppose to be an outward sign of that decision. Yes, to be a voting member of most Baptist churches, you must be baptized. But that doesn't stop one from attending the church and being involved.

poppy823

I'm literally in the same situation. I was raised Buddhist and my hubs is Southern baptist as well. He used to be very involved with his church but before I met him he became less so due to corrupt churches/pastors. We've decided that until he has committed himself to church and his religion again we wouldn't expect our children to. The thing I can appreciate about baptists is that baptism is a choice when the person is ready and not forced. Our child will be able to explore both religions or any religions and make the decision themselves.

tgortney

poppy823 said:

I'm literally in the same situation. I was raised Buddhist and my hubs is Southern baptist as well. He used to be very involved with his church but before I met him he became less so due to corrupt churches/pastors. We've decided that until he has committed himself to church and his religion again we wouldn't expect our children to. The thing I can appreciate about baptists is that baptism is a choice when the person is ready and not forced. Our child will be able to explore both religions or any religions and make the decision themselves.

WOW!! Are we twins? because you just described exactly why my husband left his church before we met! How funny basically that's also my ultimate goal.

zekesmommy611

I was raised Lutheran and DH was raised with Christian beliefs, so we have very similar beliefs. DHs church does not baptize until age 12 or until the child can declare their own faith. My entire family was baptized as infants at my church so we choose to baptize DS there. At my church, you do need to be a member to have your child baptized. DS was baptized at 4 weeks and this LO will be the same. At my church, parents must declare their faith in Jesus Christ and commit to raising their child with Christian beliefs, in front of the congregation. It's a commitment to both God and the church.

poppy823

I think we might be twins! Haha. When we started dating the expectation was set that we would be open to each other's beliefs but wouldn't force it upon each other or our future kids. We often have conversations about things that I believe are hypocritical within Christianity and that don't make sense to me. And I give him insight into Buddhism. I'm lucky enough that we can agree to meet in the middle. Although I do wonder how it really will be once the baby gets older. Best of luck to you and your family! I think just as long there is open dialogue and mutual respect, you guys will be able to come to a decision that you both are happy with!

helleebellee

I am LDS and the dh doesn't really identify with any religion.  He has his beliefs, but doesn't elaborate on anything.  We agreed that the kids would be blessed as babies, and then then the rest was up to them.  If they want to be baptized at 8, then that's their choice. If they get to an age where they don't want to go to church, then I won't force them, like wise, the dh can't tell them they can't go to church.  It works for us.