Opinions of who to call dad.

Phit2Btied

Mother (OW) of my daughter is in same sex relationship and engaged in one month. and married the next month as soon as marriage was legal. Baby is from affair with the mother. I'm married, wife and I are doing our visitations with my daughter, paying child support. OW has a son from previous relationship 5 years old and they are encouraging him to call OW spouse, dad. Now they are referring her to my daughter as dad. They say they are doing it so my daughter won't be confused later on, when she hears her brother call her dad. I told them that is not right, I'm her biological father, daddy, dad. I'm in her life as much as visitations alow. I asked OW if wife and I had custody of my daughter, and we had her calling my wife mother, if she would like it.? She said no way, but they still won't stop referring her spouse as dad. I've tried to tell them if I wasn't in my daughter's life, they could have her call OW spouse whatever they want. I've tried to tell them same-sex couples do not have the thousands of years of precedent to follow, as straight couples do. The little boy is already having trouble in pre-school with other children because of calling her dad.
I was wanting to see what some of LGBT opinions are on this.

valeriegp

I think you are right. I don't know what others here will say, but you are her dad. They should come up with something different for OW's wife, such as Baba, Mama X (her initial) or some other pet name.

Blakelya

Stepfathers are called "dad" rather frequently. I can see the benefit to less confusion in their household and establishing roles within her primary residence.

beanie1977

I think it would be less confusing to call the new spouse mama or some version of that. If you're called Dad they need to respect that.

Phit2Btied

I thank you for the replies. They are doing what they want, it's like beating my head against a brick wall.

KLake42

I know this is an older thread, but it's not actually that uncommon for a kid to have more than one person they call "mom" or "dad" or whatever.  Some kids of same-sex parents (when no other parents are involved) will call both parents "mom" or "dad."

I expect that when my wife and I have kids, I will use "honey" and "sweetie" for both my wife and the kids.  It's a term of endearment, rather than a name.  Yes, it could cause confusion, but that's what I'll do.  (And "sugar" and "baby" and, when I'm really mad, "darling.")

It sounds like this kid is lucky to have a whole bunch of adults loving her and wanting to care for her.  I get that you're frustrated, and your feelings are valid.  But I commend the effort you're making to get along with everyone and create a supportive environment for this kid.

mhwood

As someone in a blended family, I call bullshit on the "it will be confusing for their son" thing.

My eldest daughter calls my husband by his first name, that doesn't confuse our 2 year old at all. She still calls him daddy with no issue.