Announcing to friends TTC

Rawa1416

I know there a lot of moms on here who have had difficulty TTC so thought this might be a good place to ask this question. One of my closest friends and her hubs have been TTC their first LO for a little over a year now and I can't help but feel a little guilty that we were not even really trying when we got pregnant for the 2nd time. My question is, how do I tell her? Privately? In person? Her best friend recently told her she is pregnant via group text and she was devastated with how it was handled. I know she will be happy for us but I want to be as sensitive as possible and I have no personal experience with this. TIA.

JaymeeLH

I didn't have trouble TTC but I have a number of good friends from my last BMB who did, and their recommendation was always to tell them privately and to give them the time and space to absorb the information and react as they need to. Be understanding that they may not be able to be excited for you at first, but they will be okay. 

adiaz132003

Our friends also texted us. It was an anagram to announce and they knew we had been trying. It was even worse cause we had seen them two weeks before and we told them we were trying and asked them (because they mentioned wanting kids soon) if they had started trying yet and they said no. I understand wanting to wait till 12 weeks before telling but they could have at least said they were trying so it wasn't a shock. I would have rathered they told us in person so it wouldn't have been such a blow. I would tell her in person and privately.

BZab3

I've been on both ends of the coin. I had difficulty conceiving my oldest and became SO jealous when my sister announced her (9th!!!!) pregnancy. I felt jipped out of a lot. But honestly, no matter how she broke the news, I would have been upset because I was working through my own issues.

I'm now pregnant with my 3rd and have a few people very close to me who need to go through multiple treatments to conceive. I told them via text so that they could have their space to feel what they need and process in their own way. To me, even a phone call would be putting them on the spot.

jvrchef

Since you said she's one of your closest friends I would tell her in person, privately.  It will probably be hard for her at first but I'm sure she will be happy for you and she will appreciate you telling her in person.   

NicknShan

I was told by my friend with difficulties trying to conceive to tell her via text or email so she can get out all of her cries in private. I know she will be happy for us, but I know it is a reminder of her constant struggles.

There is never a perfect way. Just do what your heart tells you to do. Everyone is so different, and reactions can change based on the day.

Good luck.

CourtJack

I agree with privately and in person. As long as you do it in a way that shows you've considered her feelings I think that's all that matters. Hoping it goes well for you both. I'm sure she will be happy for you-might just be tough at first.

GinnyJ2012

To piggy back on this question how would you tell a close friend who suffered an early loss a few months ago? She knows we were trying, but I really don't know how to tell her. I feel a text would be so impersonal, but I want her to feel free to react however she feels. We're having a movie night this Saturday and I thought about telling her at the end before she leaves? That way if she needs time before seeing me again she can.

PamHalpert45

So I think everyone is different, but here is my take on it. It took me 12 months of TTC to get pregnant, so I experienced several pregnancy announcements while TTC. I think if a close friend had gotten pregnant, I would have wanted a simple text, but just to me (no ultrasound pic, no pee stick). I feared people telling me in person, because I would not have time to process and get past my personal grief. Almost all of the announcements I saw were on facebook. When I didn't know the person well, this was 100% fine. One close friend didn't tell us, and we saw it on facebook. That stung a bit. But, this is just me. Some people would rather be in person.

CopperLane

It took me a little over a year and a half and I have PCOS so I only ovulated 5 times in that time period. For me, text or email was the best because in person I found myself trying really hard to hide the heartbreak I was feeling for myself. I wouldn't have wanted anyone to get the wrong impression from me. I had a really good friend who also suffered from IF and she told me over text but I would have been happy if she told me in person because she would get what I feel and not be offended.

My SIL who said awful things to me about my IF issue (including telling me my weight would not support a healthy viable pregnancy) sent me a text and I just started sobbing. If she had told me in person I would have likely slapped her. But most women (more like ALL) aren't nearly as nasty as this, thank goodness.

You know your relationship better than we do, but it's good to see all sides of the coin to help you make a decision. I'm sure that whatever you choose will be fine and don't feel upset or let down if your friend's response isn't over the moon. It's all to easy to get baby envy at first, but she will be happy for you!

PressLove

The fact that you're taking the time to ask the question shows that you're going to do the right thing.  I agree whole heartedly to do it in private.  Whether it's over the phone or in person is up to you.  No texting.  Also, please understand that she may need time to process.

GinnyJ2012- I think telling your friend in person sounds be nice.  Please take into consideration how far she has to drive when leaving your house. Some would enjoy the alone time. A very emotional person may not need to be on the road.

itsbronte

It's so good you are thinking about how to tell her. With our first, we had only been married 3 months and I got pregnant on BC. Without really thinking, we Skyped my husband's whole family to tell them the news. What we hadn't realized was that my SIL and her husband had been trying for two years with no success, so that call was really awful for them.
That was two years ago, and we just found out we are pregnant with our second. My SIL is still struggling with fertility issues, so we announced differently this time. My husband texted her the news with a heartfelt message, and even though I could tell it was still hard for her, it went much much better. Good luck!

SnowQueen105

I think it's so nice of you to even think of it beforehand. So many people are just excited that they don't think about those they are announcing to. My friend got pregnant shortly after I had a miscarriage. They had us over for dinner, told us partway through and the conversation moved on, which was nice to give me time to think. I was so happy for them, but there was a big part of me biting back tears because I wanted it to be me. Once I pulled myself together, we talked all about it. I was so touched by her thoughtfulness that it just made me even more happy that she was my friend.

GinnyJ2012

PressLove said:

The fact that you're taking the time to ask the question shows that you're going to do the right thing.  I agree whole heartedly to do it in private.  Whether it's over the phone or in person is up to you.  No texting.  Also, please understand that she may need time to process.

GinnyJ2012- I think telling your friend in person sounds be nice.  Please take into consideration how far she has to drive when leaving your house. Some would enjoy the alone time. A very emotional person may not need to be on the road.

She lives across the street. So no driving involved. But that is a smart thing to consider. Thank you.

queenklau

I live far away from my bff that is having issues TTC. Glad @rachahall1 asked this q, because I am going through this issue too. I guess FaceTime will be a good compromise for us.

hgsurvivor

I have now experience in the matter but reading all this has made me think of what I would do if my best friend or close relative had been struggling. When it comes to tough emotional situations, complete honesty is my instinct. Could you maybe ask her if she prefers in person vs email or text? I guess maybe that question would have worked more when startin TTC. Like "hey if/when I do get pregnant, what would you prefer? What would be easier for you to process?".
And just u thinking about it, I think I would make the announcement but then focus on being supportive. Usually a pregnancy announcement turns the conversation all about the pregnancy, but maybe steer it back to her? Let her cry and be angry and whatever else she needs.

Just my thoughts on this.