Parenting

Dealing with estranged ''Grandparents'' (Rant)

edited October 2015 in Parenting
So this may be slightly off topic so i hope this is the right place to post it. I would love to hear from other parents who were in similar situations.

I have become estranged from my parents. My mother went through a lot of things and I think she has essentially had some kind of emotional breakdown and took it all out on me.This started sort of back in May after i was finally forced to stand up for myself because of how cruel she was being to me. My dad chimed in and took her side 100%.Sure i could get into the whole thing, but i dont think its worth it. My mother just does not seem to be thinking right and my dad just doesn't seem to be thinking at all.But its gotten to the point now where my aunt (moms sister) and close neighbor have also both given up on my mom because her current disposition about life isnt one anyone wants to be involved with. She goes to them for advice but freaks out if they tell her anything but exactly what she wants to hear.

I knew i needed to announce my pregnancy and I knew calling or sending a text was a dangerous route to go. Because despite the many times i have tried to make ammends for the greater good, ever interaction that we have since had becomes volatile and she calls me every name in the book and puts endless words in my mouth that i never said and gets furious about said things i never said. We decided the cleanest way was to mail something. We wanted to still make it special the best we could given the circumstances and hoped the news may be what she needed to sort of snap out of her own world. So we got a super cute papryus card and decided to write a letter from ''the baby'' to its ''grandparents''. Talking about all the things that were going on and how ''mommy and daddy'' were doing. etc. I thought it was a cute idea. But as with every single thing i do these days (according to her) it was of course, wrong.

Of course instead of contacting either of us to say congratulations, she instead took the card (that explicitly said its early so please dont tell anyone...) and walked over to the neighbors house to tell her of his annoying and rude thing that we had done. Apparently we forgot to include the word ''Love'' when signing the card and she found it offensive the way that we wrote it from the baby instead of just from us.

So the bottom line is that my parents know that were pregnant and have for about 5 days and are choosing to not even congratulate us. I am their only child and this pregnancy was a result of dealing with fertility treatments, a huge rolllercoaster and eventually doing an IUI. It wasnt easy for us to get pregnant and we have had a tough few years, my husband had cancer, i got diagnosed with a chronic illness, i suffered a devastating loss in my life (non pregnancy related), and this pregnancy is a huge deal for us. So its very sad that my parents cannot even put their own selfish feelings aside and be happy for us. Is it wrong that as this progresses and goes on and ''gets worse'' that i want less and less to ever do with them again? Everyone says your priorities change drastically when you become a parent, but its strange that those priorites are leading me away from my own.

Re: Dealing with estranged ''Grandparents'' (Rant)

  • I absolutely 100% agree with @thegoudalife
    Big {{hugs}}.

    March 2016 siggy: babies - expectation vs reality

    Brian's Whovian wife (5/'09) 
    AP, BF, BW, CD, CLW, CS, ERF, Catholic mama 
    to Evan (7/'10), Clare (8/'11), Dean (3/'14), ^F(12/'15)^, Rose (3/'16)
    *no longer a Timelord ~ WibblyWobbly BabyWaby is here!*
    <3 but i still feel bigger on the inside <3
     Autism mama! 
  • You can always leave room in your heart for them to re-enter your lives later if they can *prove* themselves to you and not break your trust or go back on whatever deal YOU make to allow them back in, but even that is risky. "Fool me once" kind of thing, kwim? This is supposed to be a joyous time for you, not one tarnished by the added negative stress of a poisonous relationship. Better to cut ties early than expose your teeny baby to the turmoil of a narcissistic grandmother who is always talking badly to your child about you.

    March 2016 siggy: babies - expectation vs reality

    Brian's Whovian wife (5/'09) 
    AP, BF, BW, CD, CLW, CS, ERF, Catholic mama 
    to Evan (7/'10), Clare (8/'11), Dean (3/'14), ^F(12/'15)^, Rose (3/'16)
    *no longer a Timelord ~ WibblyWobbly BabyWaby is here!*
    <3 but i still feel bigger on the inside <3
     Autism mama! 
  •     
  • Its sad because this is a relatively new thing, but i basically have already cut ties. This started in May and we went back and forth a few times with speaking and not speaking and in about august i finally hit the cutting ties part. I felt that i HAD to tell them about the pregnancy so i did it the best way i could given the circumstances and not allowing them any kind of situation in which they could really say anything directly to me. 

    I have been told that my mother is writing me a nasty letter in response to let me know how i am and how wrong i was to send her a cute little letter. So i cant wait to get that and throw it immediately into the trash can.

    I think the biggest issues that are coming up for me are as follows, holidays and dealing with other family who doesn't truly understand, and also getting back some childhood toys of mind that were intended for my child that currently are living at my parents house. But its almost kid of a relief to not have to deal with them right now. 
  • I'm sorry you don't have the parents you need and deserve. Sounds like you've finally come to terms with who they are. Please know it is highly unlikely they will change once the baby arrives, so I would cut them off now. It also would hurt to talk to a professional who specializes in these kind of delicate family situations.
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  • I can't believe how similar our situations are except I just had my baby a month ago. My parents have been a total disaster. I (like you) would rather not get into the nitty gritty here but feel free to dm and I can get into how I've been approaching it. I understand the hurt tho. Especially as you approach the path of parenthood...hugs! I feel your pain
    Me: 34 DH:38
    DS: 18 months   <3
    Dx DOR AMH .2
    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Pregnancy"><img 
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