Training Bra

happycamper22

Hi Ladies,

My DH's ex told me yesterday she was taking their 8 year old to shop for a training bra. She said they discussed developmental changes happening to my SD's body. When I brought it up to my Hubby he wasn't thrilled at all. He thinks she's too young and after sleeping on it, I agree with him. She's in third grade and has a small frame. I remember when my breasts began to grow, they hurt like hell and I began to grow more hair. It's going to be confusing if her mom encourages her to wear a bra and we don't. Any opinions/advice is appreciated.

FinallyHappy84

Hello!
Honestly i think it would be best for DH to have a discussion with BM about this and how they should proceed together with this and the rest of her puberty related things. It would be ideal that they were on the same page but it's not always possible, so keep in mind that typically custodial parent has more decision making with day to day things and BM may feel that as SDs mom she should handle everything when it comes to things like this with their daughter.
It may be weird for you and your DH not to buy a training bra but you and DH could discuss this with her as well and BM should keep in mind that SD may not want to even wear the bra. IMO, third grade is a little young, unless she's developing awfully early.
I would have DH write the few points that he specifically wants to address and remember to be collected then let DH take care of it. After that I would just sit back and be there for SD in case she wants to talk to you.
Good luck!

blush64

Why isn't he thrilled? What does he think will happen if an 8 year old is aware of the changes that will happen to her body and starts wearing a training bra. (which many times is more like a short tank top or camisole) Many girls will start going through changes early and it is better to prepare early rather than late. Maybe the mother wants her daughter comfortable with her body and what will happen and she figures by disussing it early it is less of a shock when it happens. Does your husband know when his ex started puberty? Maybe she started early and wants her daughter to be prepared. When does your husband think it would be a good time to discuss puberty and bras with his daughter? (and why?)

My nieces started wearing sports bra like things under their clothes between 8 and 9. They didn't need to although some of their friends did. My cousin's daughter started her period just before she turned 9. It can happen and it is better for a young girl to know what to expect. I guess with something like this I don't see a lot of issues with being prepared early except a parent who might not be ready. 

EDIT My main point is that there is nothing wrong with being prepared and before making an issue your husband should look at his reasons. You said she was learning about developmental changes, maybe she is experiencing some changes or maybe friends are. I wouldn't cause an issue or complain over something that isn't negative. 

kmcc14

I agree that 8 seems a bit young, especially if she isn't developing yet.  My SD is 9, and I have her wear a camisole under thin shirts, but she definitely doesn't need a training bra yet.  We're kind of in the opposite boat though.  BM likes to be the fun parent and push off as many parenting responsibilities as possible, so the puberty talks/training bra shopping will definitely fall on us when the time comes.  

I really doubt that an 8 year old is going to want to wear a training bra, so I would just let it play out.  If you find that she is wanting to wear them at your house, then maybe offer to take her shopping.  Hopefully it ends up being a non-issue.

saratee99

Yes it's young but just let it go. It doesnt hurt anyone, it's just underwear! If you make a big deal over it and fight about it it is only going to embarass her and make an already difficult time more awkward. My 8 yo SD is going through similar stuff right now. She has already asked to shave her legs and wear deoderant. I would rather deal with the training bra LOL.

kmcc14

rahrahtee said:

Yes it's young but just let it go. It doesnt hurt anyone, it's just underwear! If you make a big deal over it and fight about it it is only going to embarass her and make an already difficult time more awkward. My 8 yo SD is going through similar stuff right now. She has already asked to shave her legs and wear deoderant. I would rather deal with the training bra LOL.

Whoa, yeah +1 for preferring the training bra.  The idea of my SD using a razor is terrifying.  There will be blood.

Lulucooks

It's on the early side of normal, but completely within normal ranges. My 8 y/o is wearing a bra and using deodorant and has for almost a year now. Breast buds are the first sign and aren't always noticeable from the outside, she may already have started developing. If she is starting puberty or will be soon why not let her wear a bra? Chances are that other girls her age are doing the same. Plus it gets her in the habit of wearing one before it's absolutely needed. I developed really early as well and remember forgetting to wear a bra to school in 4th grade and while in gym we had to run laps, very very painful and embarrassing.

ETA I just realized how old this thread is.... oops!